um.........I think I'm finally finished with Court and all the troubles with my license and what not! (yay!)

I did have a few short term goals for this month:
Get a car, save money, lose another couple of pounds.
I only accomplished saving a bit of money I think. lol. Didn't get a car cause I haven't found one for the price range I'm looking at that I liked enough, and I didn't try very hard to LOSE more weight, only to keep it where I am.
Oh well, there's always next month :)

These two have the biggest impact on me. Though I can't decide if it's a good impact or a bad one <3

I'm horrible at remembering to post this everyday x.x


favorite super hero...............

um....*pulls out hair*

I'm a freak who doesn't look up to any super hero's. Certainly I've read comics and watched shows/movies, but I never felt any kinship towards a super hero.


(yet another fail)

This was taken during the American Music Abroad tour in 2007, at the Normandy American Cemetery. I one day hope to get back to the Normandy Region in France and to Germany to have time to truly witness Omaha Beach and other WW2 sites. It was very upsetting that we didn't get much time here, or even at the concentration camp we visited, and I wish I hadn't lost nearly all the photo's I took during the trip. But I guess I should be grateful that I'm able to say that I've stepped foot on Omaha and Utah Beach and I've walked through a concentration camp.

 Day 03- A picture of you and your friends.

Failed, I don't have one.


Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.

picking at my scabs is probably the worst of my "habits"

Day 02- The meaning behind your LiveJournal name.

It's pretty straight forward. I'm an undetected being, an undetected soul. This was a lame day....lol

idk....I haven't really been posting posting in a long while so maybe the meme will help?



( Day 1 - A recent pic of you and 5 interesting factsCollapse )

Auto Insurance finally looked at Nicholas today. He is a total loss :(
But! His value is just about the amount the dealership offered him for (before taxes, registration, etc), so I'm getting money back after my loan is paid off! not that this money will be enough for a new nicholas mind you...but hey, if I keep saving and putting money in the bank, especially without auto loan $ being taken every month and insurance w/o a car should go down just a bit, so maybe someday. ^_^
I just hope nothing happens to knock this little high down, I deserve it damnit.

Nicholas :(

There is no space between the door and the seat

better look at the airbag that probs saved my life.

Dan's car. a '93 Subaru Loyole, no airbags

The mark from my seat belt, taken when I got back from the ER about 3 hours after the accident. It was a lot redder than it looks.

the red line on my left arm. The best guess on how I got this is the side curtain air bags deploying.

the day after. still was more red than the bruise-y look this shows.

the red line.

got to the Police Station just after 7 this morning, first thing the cop said to me was "did you know your license was suspended?"...so not only am I charged with not Yielding the Right of Way, but I was driving with a suspended license. So I have no car, I can't drive and I have to appear in court on the 16th. Got someone to open up the lot where my car was so I could get my keys and got my ipod, cell phone (which is thankfully perfectly fine), the groceries and a few other things, we'll have to go back tomorrow/tuesday to get the rest of it. But omg, Nicholas's whole left side is smashed in and to cut the battery they bent up my hood.

I'm very sore and very tired and admittedly still in shock, so work was a hassle, especially a 9.5 hour shift. And tomorrow isn't any shorter but I'll hopefully have more than 2.5 hrs sleep under me. But I managed and I didn't complain, certain moved slowly and spent the majority of the time up in the office, but there was no complaining and hey man I didn't even consider not going to work and not even 12hrs after the accident I was in there for 9.5 hrs. So :P lol.
Got a hold of Dan and he's alright too, just has an ace bandage on his knee.


Mom thinks he's most likely going to be totaled, and Nick, the kid who opened up the gate for us (who I graduated with lol), said the same thing. It also wasn't nice hearing the insurance guy I reported my claim to agree that yeah when an air bag deploys that pretty much is a very good indicator of it. I'm beyond devastated. Nicholas is the love of my life and my perfect car, sure I can get another car because I thankfully have gap insurance....but....my auto insurance is already right at the limit of where I can handle paying it...I'm really not going to be seeing any of my paychecks now. But I can't survive without a car, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!?

I got into a major car accident tonight coming back from dropping off a friend at 1030pm. The car T-boned right into my driver's side door, I pulled out of a side street to go left and he was in a blind spot and I completely did not see him. My side airbags probably saved my life/me from any srs injury, because it was pretty loud and everyone was saying that the fact that I felt pretty alright was a miracle. My driver's side door is crushed flush with my seat and the window was completely blown out in impact. Obvs I couldn't get out of the car. The person who hit me could get out and walked over to my car pulls up the airbag and goes "are you o-Hi Cori!", Dan Duscio literally ran into me, lol. Dan is a very good friend from highschool graduated just last yr and is like my little bro. The crash was so loud that people were on the scene immediately (ie, people from the houses) and thankfully one was a nurse and another works for the putnam fire dep, so they called the cops and took further care of me after dan and I initially went wtf together. An ambulance was called because my neck was hurting and I really hadn't tried to move much as the door was pretty much smashed into me. I was scooted out of the car on a board and put on a stretcher, only worrying about my wallet as I had been looking for my phone slyly while waiting for the cops and could find it anywhere (I think it's lodged between my seat and the door) (this info becomes important later). After I'm hoisted into the ambulance, Dan joins saying his girlfriends dad wanted him to get his knee checked out (his knee hit the dashboard on impact, older car, no airbags). So thankfully I had someone I knew along for the ride as well as some young EMTs who joined us in banter and wit on the ride to the ER. Was split up from Dan when we got to the ER, I went one way and I think he went the other. Spent a lot of time still strapped to the board with an uncomfortable neck brace on waiting for a dr. When he did come in he took me off of it and I was able to move around for the first time in at least an hour, so I was a little sore. He asked me to put on a gown so he could get a better look at problem areas and left. Changed into said gown and waited another while, noticing any bruising and tenderness as I was undressing and sitting on the hospital bed. He came in and I told him what I noticed and basically got "your neck is just from the seat belt, you have a nice burn mark, and the bruises but nothing else seems to be wrong so once we get eh discharge papers your good to go, do you have a ride?" answered no and that my cell was somewhere in the car and was told a phone would be brought to me. Called home and got no answer but left a message telling mom that I was indeed brought to the ER but that they were letting me go with obvs no big problems and asked if she could pick me up. Was discharged just before one. The nurse who "walked me out" asked if I was here with anyone and I just said that I came with the guy who was in the other car, actually a friend from highschool, but that he only a had a little pain in his knee so I was sure he had already left. Just before mom got there, I think I saw his girlfriend walk out with whom I assume to be her dad, but I've only seen her in pictures and right after the crash because she was a few cars down, in the half dark, so I wasn't sure and really did say anything, but she didn't either so maybe I have the wrong person. I just hope Dan is ok. I've already written on his facebook asking him to tell me his status and that I would text him as soon as I got my phone and that I hoped he was ok.
Inventory of what was in Nicholas when I left him:
Grocieries, some freezer items, in a cooler.
my iPod
my cell phone
my list of work numbers
and my work keys, the most important thing
Tomorrow is a sunday. Only one manager, and I'm it, I have no phone to contact someone and I have no numbers outside my phone. So I'm hoping that when I get to the Police station in the morning to pick up the accident report, my license reg and insurance...they either have my personal things, keys included, or they can get me to my car before nine. if not, I have an email off to Deb, even though I was hoping not to worry her anymore than I already have, but she's the only email I have and I have to warn someone.
IHML

side note, siting at my desk is making me painfully aware that I was surrounded by glass earlier, and I feel like I've still got some stuck on me, even though I was wear jeans and a sweatshirt.

not shop! Seriously! Go home, spend time with your families. Be clique and make hamburgers and hot dogs. Have some beer's. Play some cards/games.
Don't go into stores and shop. There's no need. Unless you RUN OUT OF ICE or HOT DOG BUNS.....stay at home and relax, watch some Star Wars or an honest to god SUMMER movie.
I'm grateful that I get time and a half for working on our country's Independence  Day, really, I am. But I'd be even more grateful if I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK AT ALL because you don't feel the need to take one day out of your year to celebrate our nation's BIRTH.
Thanks.
Me.

FINISHED DRAGON SOUL.

In other news, I think I ate a bad pretzel yesterday and ever since my stomach has been getting worse and worse. I got done dinner last night, but I'm afraid to really eat anything today and I'm not really hungry anyway. But I figured I might as well try something, so I've got some veggie broth and crackers. So far....don't think it's helping at all. in fact I may just give up with it cause at the moment I really do feel like I'm going to throw up.
I really don't want to go to work tonight. But I don't want to call out either, as much as I feel like it's a bad idea to go in. Well at least it's a short freaking shift. ugh. I think I'm going to lay down again.

so, kenny's got the baby away from caitlin and is going to keep him until their custody hearing on may 10th and it looks like him might actually win it. (caitlin so far isn't even really putting up a fight, though there's still bunches of drama) This is a great thing for both kenny and the baby. But i can't stop thinking "there goes what little sex life i did have". Which is very selfish of me because i really do love the kid and i know he belongs with kenny and not caitlin. totally off that side of the topic but i get to babysit ken all day tomorrow :) i'm excited, i've never been alone with him for more than 30 minutes before, but we'll be fine i'm sure.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

So Kenny heard over the radio today that Manchester Orchestra is going to be playing down in New Haven tomorrow night and asked if I'd like to go. After much debate I said yes and bought a ticket. But you know me and my whole "omg crowds D8" so I of course made the status "is going to a concert tomorrow night. this has the potential to be a disaster". To which he replied "you don't have to go if you don't want to" and I responded with "you say that now after I've already bought a ticket" all in good humor. So now all he's said to me since (two hours) is "I'm not going now".
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID AND I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DICK. :( and of course it's near monthly time so I'm all ~emotional. and I know it's all my fault but he wont talk to me so that I can fix it. I just want to fix it! Make it all better :(

While I was single I had decided that I personally would rather be child-free. Not that I don't love kids....I just have always felt like I would do more harm than good as a parent. But I also told myself that ultimately it was really all up to whomever I chose as a partner. It should be a joint decision, but I can be a push over if it means making the one I love happy. Then of course I chose a man who already had a child! So...unfortunately there was no real discussion, but I'm happy. Even if I'm still afraid I'll mess up the kids life.

Kenny keeps asking me to marry him. And I keep telling him to either ask me in person or "when we get the money". But truthfully...I don't know if I really want to get married. I mean like don't get me wrong I love him and want to be with him but....something about marriage seems....to not fit. The reason I will is so that it'd be easier for Kenny (and myself) to get full custody of the baby, and so no one has to ask 10yrs down the line "so why aren't you guys married". And I don't think I could ever tell him that I don't really want to do the marriage thing.
1. there's the whole "do I change my name?" thing...and like it's easier for schools and naming of children if I change it...but I'd have to change my driver's license, my insurance, etc and that's such a hassle (that and Cori Morning? I mean...it could be worse I guess).
2. I honestly would be happier to just not waste money and go down to the court house or whatever and sign a marriage license. But I don't know if  he would be ok with that and I don't know. I just can't see wasting money we don't have on a day that will go wrong anyway. and I don't really want to invite all of my cousin's...which is what I'd have to do.
3. I've never thought I'd get married. I was never one of those girls that had every moment of their wedding planned out at the age of 5. and then I just always thought I'd off myself before anyone could fall in love with me. And then transitioning back into the mind-set where I'd live an actual life "marriage" and "wedding" never really made it there. But I know I love him and that I want to be with him and only him. So that should mean that I'd want that or that because he wants it I should give it to him to make him happy.
I'd rather put any money we can save up towards a house or apartment.
wug. this has all been circling around in my head for the better part of a week. it's ANNOYING and I wish it would just shut up. Why must I be so difficult?!
I  keep looking at houses and try to figure out their layout while driving and go "too small" "too BIG" "weird looking" "not enough yard" and I hate myself. I have less than $1000 in the bank and Kenny's got a negative. there's no reason in hell as to why I need to be looking at houses.
I've also been catching myself thinking about telling him we can move south if he really wanted too. Even though I've told him that I would rather go north and would rather die than live in a place where the leaves didn't change so beautifully. And honestly that's true! But I would move down south for him. Which is REALLY saying something.
This is all so RIDICULOUS.

Take a trip to somewhere awesome, stay in an expensive hotel and do things that I'll probably never get to do other wise.

First you drink in front of the kid, among manymanymany other stupid parent things, now I learn that you're HAVING HIM SLEEP IN A BASEMENT WITH YOU AND YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND NEARLY EVERY NIGHT?! Now we know why he has been so sick lately. DIPSHIT. We'll see how long you have him after this gets to DCF.

i don't know what to say besides the fact that i feel entirely shitty about myself right now. I feel like talking and not talking at the same time and i'm frustrated that i only have the choice of not actually talking outloud. I wish i could allow myself to truly get close to people without bitting their heads off.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

No, cause I'm most likely doing the same thing. lol -_-

Though there are certain times in which I will definitely get annoyed.....but not during eating...lol

Alright, alright, I know it's not for another 3 months and 20 days (give or take), but I really feel like I need to do SOMETHING. And that something does not involve getting shitfaced or the least bit drunk.
So I've been thinking about taking the weekend off (as it's on a friday this yr) Thursday-Sunday, and spending Thurs-Sat at Foxwoods. Doing the kiddy stuff on Thursday, i.e. Bingo and the arcade, maybe some shopping and then on friday and saturday actually go into the casino because, well I CAN!

I want to go with my mom, but at the same time I want to enjoy a hotel room with kenny and play with friends (maybe get a suite? lol). So I was kind of thinking that maybe mom and I could go up Thursday, and spend the day playing bingo and the like, have her spend the night and maybe hit up a few tables in the morning and then Kenny and friends(?) come up and spend Friday and Saturday with me.
But, then I'm reminded that I don't have many close friends that I'd want to gamble with over the age of 21. And as much fun as it'd be to go with Jenn, Toby and Jason, I feel like we should at LEAST wait for Janine's 21st before we do that.  So idk, that leaves me with Amber....and...Amber. lol, which I totally wouldn't mind ^___^

Either way I need to talk to mom! (and this entry is my way of being like AMBER OMG COME WITH ME!)

I think I'm in love.

Not that I haven't known this. But like idk. It's being all overwhelming lately. Like WHAM.

god damnit. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to do this. And up until 5:30 thought I was going to be successful.
Kenny's going to school this semester, and he leaves sunday morning. I have now begun to cry and hate myself for it, because he is only going NOT EVEN AN HOUR AWAY. but the fact still remains that I'll drive by his house daily, and that I wont be able to see him whenever I want.

I was having a depressive episode earlier, because he was supposed to meet me someplace, and didn't get there until over an hour after he said he would. I would have been fine if he had shown up 30-45minutes late. And I should've been fine because he was texting me. but over an hour late. and that's when it hit me that he wasn't going to be here much longer.

He was supposed to meet me at Best Buy at 3:30, because I had the guts to spend the money for the PS3. But because he didn't get there until 5, I lost the guts. And didn't. So I'm most likely not going to get one until the summer. which idk.

I don't want to be home. But the only other alternative is to go out to a bar with Kenny and some of his friends, and that soungs just as worse. I want to be with him alone, or in an atmosphere I can deal with.  I kind of just want to go to the movies and watch a movie.
I have no friends. I mean sure I have people I talk to and people that I see, but I don't have friends to hang out with. I don't have friends I'm comfortable hanging out with and I hate it. I also hate how your nose runs when you cry.

I don't want to lose him.