blogging gobbledygook and such

lalala.

when you are flat broke and have a day off and have exhausted all your usual online haunts, you inevitably make your way back to your virtual ‘home’ and since you have nothing else better to do, you enter it and start writing rubbish on the walls…

by the way, replace ‘you’ with ‘sulz’. i have this habit of projecting myself outside, as if talking about you makes it seem less like i was really talking about me, though we all know who is ‘you’ really.

anyway! i have nothing else better to do and nothing that i particularly want to write about. thankfully, a quick blog hop and i found something i have not done in a long time… a meme.

this one is called the 65 things tag according to perx whose blog i found it from. simply cross the things in the list which i have done.

1. Graduated high school.
2. Kissed someone.
3. Smoked a cigarette.
4. Got so drunk you passed out.
5. Rode every ride at an amusement park.
6. Collected something stupid.
7. Gone to a rock concert.
8. Helped someone.
9. Gone fishing.
10. Watched four movies in one night.
11. Lied to someone.
12. Snorted cocaine.
13. Smoked weed.
14. Failed a subject.
15. Been in a car accident.
16. Been in a tornado.
17. Watched someone die.
18. Been to a funeral.
19. Burned yourself.
20. Run a marathon.
21. Cried yourself to sleep.
22. Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day.
23. Flown on an aeroplane.
24. Cheated on someone.
25. Been cheated on.
26. Written a 10 page letter.
27. Gone skiing.
28. Been sailing.
29. Cut yourself.
30. Had a best friend.
31. Lost someone you loved.
32. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do.
33. Stolen a book from the library.
34. Gone to a different country.
35. Watched the Harry Potter movies.
36. Had an online diary.
37. Fired a gun.
38. Gambled in a casino.
39. Been in a school play.
40. Been fired from a job.
41. Taken a lie detector test.
42. Swam with dolphins.
43. Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
44. Written poetry.
45. Read more than 20 books a year.
46. Gone to Europe.
47. Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
48. Used a colouring book over age 12.
49. Had a surgery.
50. Had stitches.
51. Taken a Taxi.
52. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once.
53. Been in a fist fight.
54. Suffered any form of abuse.
55. Had a pet.
56. Petted a wild animal.
57. Had your own credit card & bought something with it.
58. Dyed your hair.
59. Got a tattoo.
60. Had something pierced.
61. Got straight A’s.
62. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.
63. Taken pictures with a webcam.
64. Lost something expensive.
65. Gone to sleep with music on.

i think the most interesting thing i crossed in the list is no. 33 which incidentally is the number of the house i formerly lived in.

but to elaborate more on my personal state – as you can tell from the lack of exclamation marks these days, i am not very chirpy. however, i am not feeling restless about my job as before. i am more worried about it being my job still.

more in the next post.

tearing down the wall

i find it ironic that i put up tweets of a rather personal nature, which are read by essentially people i do not truly know except in mind, while the people i have met and vetted through facebook, i could never divulge anything i feel is personal. so in facebook, i put up witty statuses, the kind i feel is safe for everyone in my list to read (safe meaning it does not put me in a vulnerable position, or what i feel is one). i try not to put anything vague, unlikely anything negative, and virtually nothing related to work. on the other hand, i practically bare my soul on twitter (and here on this blog too, but not much these days).

i guess my point is that i have no problems opening up to people i am almost sure i would never meet (and if i do they will be a one-off meeting) but i am absolutely unable to do the same with people i see in my everyday life.

is it that i can only trust people from a distance? maybe. i do not care if you, the reader, knows that i am an emotional mess, because i don’t know you are reading this and if you are reading this and you know me in person as well, you are not likely to tell me, "hey, i read the other day about how you are an emotional mess. tell me more!" but i do care that i do not reveal such information to a person in front of me, or in my facebook because i might see that person some other time, because i don’t want to know that you know.

there are times when i want to express the negativity i am feeling. before, this place used to be my outlet. i hardly feel like doing so here now, though. i don’t feel the urge to log into my blog – the only reason you are reading this is because this platform has a email-to-blog feature which makes it seem less like blogging (at least, in the eyes of my colleagues at work).

so twitter it is (thanks to mobile internet). and yet, i don’t find it satisfying.

the truth is, i long to be able to open up to someone, face-to-face, without feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for feeling the way i do.

am blogging this via e-mail from work. nothing much to report on that end – i am still struggling but i shan’t bore you with such drivel. after all i did sign up for this… torture.

it’s the world cup now but i did not catch the fever, unlike when i was 17 and 21. i remember at 17, during the world cup period i wondered when the next world cup happens again, where would i be in life? when i turned 21, i thought back to the time when i was 17 and thinking that and thought, i bet my 17-year-old self would be happy to know that at 21, i was studying in a prestigious local university and leading a pretty okay life. and at 21 i thought the same thing too – where would i be when i turn 25?

now i am here. working in one of the biggest media organisations in the country – am just a small fry here but i am here nonetheless – with an okay life.

where would i be at the next world cup, when i turn 29? will life be as good as i hope it would be?

only time will tell.

(sorry, i wish i had more that i want to write about!)

growing pains

went through my first two days of subbing and now i have the weekend off quite unexpectedly. yesterday i finished a book, so i consider that day well spent. today i will be meeting some friends so that too is not a wasted day.

what can i say about subbing thus far? well, if my job were a game, reporting would be like treasure hunting. you gotta go out and find the things in your list. it can be exciting, frustrating but for the most part interesting. every treasure hunt is different and therefore tests your skills in many different areas. sometimes you would be good and sometimes not.

subbing is like a jigsaw puzzle. you have to fit all the pieces together. every day you get a different jigsaw puzzle but essentially you use the same skills to solve the puzzle unless the element of the game has changed.

you could also say reporting is like shopping for ingredients while subbing is preparing the meal in the kitchen. when you shop for ingredients you might finish buying all the things in your list quick or take longer than you expect. you will also have to go to many places far and wide to get a specific ingredient. when you prepare the meal in the kitchen, there is only so much time left after the shopping. if there is an ingredient missing, you have to make do with what you have or improvise.

between treasure hunting and jigsaw puzzling i suppose the treasure hunt sounds more fun. it is, no question about it. i much rather shop than slave away in the kitchen myself.

so does that mean i don’t like subbing? i won’t say that. i am just not used to it at the moment. i am not familiar with the software used to sub so it has been a real struggle at the moment.

i am missing reporting because right now, that routine is more familiar to me than subbing. reporting has its fair share of dud assignments, but the beauty of it is that it is only sucky for the day. then tomorrow there’s a chance that i get a better assignment. but i have to admit i do not miss having to call up the office the night before to get my assignment. i much rather find out before i leave the office or have it e-mailed to me.

doing the jigsaw puzzle is hard for me right now, but i will reserve my feelings about it until i have mastered the basic rules of the game. then i would have a better idea if i prefer to go on a treasure hunt or to do a jigsaw puzzle.

stuck

my car nearly overheated. again. so i am now marooned on a very noisy island amid the sea of traffic jam, said noisy island being a fast food joint. ate, read, peed, so now nothing left to do but experiment. so i am trying to blog from my mobile. if you can read this it means i can.

not in a good mood now so i shall stop here. on the other hand my days as a reporter shall be over soon and i can’t wait for that to happen.

Sent from my Nokia 6760 slide

learning every day

every now and then i get a longing for my old job because at there, i knew what i was doing most of the time. if i didn’t, very few others would know what to do anyway. i miss being in control and having juniors listening to me as if i knew what i was talking about.

at this job, i know nuts most of the time. sometimes it’s frustrating because the learning curve is steep and the lesson is difficult at the time. and then there are other kind of lessons – the kind i could only learn because i was there in the office and someone was willing to tell me what to do or what i did wrong or tell me something i never even gave a proper thought about before.

last weekend i was chatting with a senior who’s about to be transferred. i was giving her my best wishes when the conversation somehow turned to the goodies that reporters get simply because we’re in the media.

everybody knows that when journalists go to press conferences or launches, goodies and meals are always expected. it didn’t take me long to have the same expectations. there was once when i felt quite indignant when i thought the press were not going to be served food because they sat us in an area without tables, while the other guests were sat around tables. turned out i jumped to conclusions because the organisers took the journalists for a buffet lunch after the event.

anyway, the senior was telling me that whenever she receives a goodie bag she would give away the freebies to other journalists who wants them and only keep the written materials for her article. my first reaction was of surprise. you get something free, and most of the time it’s a pretty good thing, and you don’t want it? why??

a superior who happened to overhear our conversation chipped in and explained that my senior is correct in doing so, because to accept the goodie bag is in a way a form of bribery. she quickly added that she wasn’t saying that people who accept goodie bags are bribed, but it’s just a matter of ethics.

when she put it that way, it seems so simple. i’ve studied professional ethics, of course i should realise this. but i never really gave this a second thought until this conversation.

to me, the goodie bags are like gifts you receive from a friend. if a friend gives you a present, it would be rude to say no. so i accept it. but of course, if you get a goodie bag from an organisation, the underlying meaning is that they hope you would put a good word for their product when you write the article. and of course they also hope it will be published in the papers.

(when i worked in the bookshop, there was one occasion i was told to prepare goodie bags because we were expecting the media. it wasn’t so that they would write about the bookshop immediately but to build a relationship for in the future when they would like a write-up. the management would occasionally give away pretty good books to people in the media that they know have written about the bookshop recently.)

but they don’t realise that what goes into tomorrow’s papers are not decided by the people who accepts your goodie bag. they can write the best article for you but if something more exciting or sensational or catastrophic happen on the day, chances are your product is not considered news anymore. (i’m talking from the newsdesk perspective, not from features.)

the seniors raised a good point. i don’t know if accepting goodie bags are akin to bribery, but it’s definitely something for me to consider. thankfully my reporting days are coming to an end so that will not be a moral dilemma for me.

if i were to go back to reporting some day, would i be accepting goodie bags? to be honest, i think i probably will, but the difference is that i do it based on an informed decision. i learnt that my actions can say a lot about me whether i realise it or not. that’s something good for me to be reminded of every now and then.