bloggerdygook

since i’ve started this new job, most of my new colleagues love to throw this question: what made you decide to join this organisation? or why do you want to be a sub?

and every time they ask me that, i don’t quite know how to answer it.

i did not choose this job because i have a passion for journalism. i like to write but that is not the same as being passionate about journalism. i did not choose this job because of the pay. i am taking a pay cut and people have told me the organisation does not pay much compared to others.

i chose this job because i want stability. i want to commit to something that does not take the life out of me. i chose this job because i want to learn and gain experience that will be useful elsewhere when the time comes. i chose this job because, admittedly, working in the media sounds better than saying i am working in a bookshop. it’s wrong to be elitist like this but i am being honest.

(i loved the job i did at the bookshop. i love the people and making friends with some of the customers. i felt what i did made a significant contribution to the bookshop. but when people i know see me working behind the till at the bookshop, i feel a twinge of awkwardness. they are probably thinking, “she studied at university, right? why is she doing retail?” it should not bother me but it does nonetheless.)

of course, this is not the answer i give them. my answer is invariably about something i’m interested in doing and liking the hours.

it all feels like the wrong answer any way i say it.

sorry for neglecting to update about my new job here. as i predicted, work takes up most of my wakeful hours. i am averaging about 11 hours a day at work. don’t worry, i’m not entrapped in slavery – though sometimes it feels like it! it’s mostly a lot of waiting, a bit of rushing to locations, some stress to write up my reports and the occasional verbal smack for my mistakes. so far i haven’t been smacked, more like a verbal slap on the wrist, but i certainly do not want to receive any more than that.

what else can i say? every other day is a struggle for me, which means i am growing i suppose. have definitely learnt a lot and strangely, i do not dislike it as much as i expect to. it’s a love-hate relationship. i like going to some events, getting free stuff, having my byline in the papers. i hate going to events i don’t understand and to write about them, hate being bullied by the superiors, despise the long hours.

next month, i will be where i’m hired to be. strangely, i am not really looking forward to it. i’ve kinda grown to like reporting. i am getting to know the other reporters and liking most of them, though i am wary after hearing a lot through the grapevine. i still hate a lot of things about it but the things that i like about it are making me want to stay. i guess because i’m getting used to reporting that i feel reluctant to start the learning process all over again with sub-editing.

but i’m looking forward to 8-hour work shifts. i’m looking forward to learn a new skill, though the beginning will be difficult. i’m looking forward to joining the gym with a sub colleague – i hope to lose a few pounds! i’m looking forward to have a proper life again.

and anyway, if i really want to write again, i could always do it on the side.

one and a half weeks more to go.

ps. on a side note, i’m having a schoolgirl crush on someone. it’s irritating and pointless. i hope to get over him soon.

the kind with a heart-stopping triple loop and might be called “thunder terror” or something equally exciting (not).

the second week into my new job and there are lots of highs and lows.

HIGH: got my first byline ever on monday. i found the story by pure luck (thanks to a contact who introduced me to the person i wrote my human interest article about). the high was pretty high. i did not expect it to be place on page 3 (which is the next best page after the first page of course) and i was initially flipping the back pages, wondering where the heck was my article. excitedly told everybody about it until colleagues told me it’s customary for reporters to treat colleagues when they get their first byline. eep.

HIGH: had a taste of the perks journalists usually enjoy. attended my first press conference and got a free buffet lunch after at a posh hotel. awesome.

LOW: drove my car into a cement divider in the parking lot of the office. definitely not one of my proudest moments in life. mortifying on the scale of 8 out of 10 perhaps? i mean, what kind of idiot drives into a foot high cement divider? thankfully, security helped me to get it out (i couldn’t even reverse the car because it was stuck). sigh, i still feel mortified as i write about this. it’s supposed to be one of those incidents where you feel embarrassed about right now but will laugh at in a few years’ time, right? please tell me that’s true.

HIGH: got my second byline. on page 3 again, albeit with a senior. getting the story was kinda funny because we needed to find a patient in the hospital and the staff were aware the press might come bothering. so i pretended to be the patient’s friend in order to find out which ward he was in. the part i find funny is that the nurse asked me if i was a reporter and i answered without hesitation that i’m not. it was so natural for me to say that because i do truly feel like i am not one. (even though the senior told me i have the makings to be one.)

LOW: for the first time, a story i wrote did not make it into next day’s paper. i’m not taking it personally but it is kind of a bad thing when this happens, right? i don’t intend for this to happen again. i only have one month, after all.

all these happened this week within four days. it is my day off today. am i glad for a breather and a mundane day after all this excitement? you bet!

right now i am in that phase where i dread work and i feel like i’m in limbo because i haven’t quite fit in yet. and i am horribly broke from driving around town for my assignments.

may the month of may go by at breakneck speed. for the sake of my sanity.

and boy was it a rough week. i expected that really but that doesn’t make it less rough. i survived it so that means it’s not all that unbearable. i could handle what was dished out, but whether i handled it well is a different question altogether.

i would like to give details on how my first week at my new job went, but if you noticed i have protected my tweets, simply because i do not want new colleagues or bosses stumbling upon rather personal tweets about work. (i log into my twitter from work but not the blog, so this place will be quite quiet.) and i want to keep this blog public still, so i won’t delve too much information here, i’m afraid. if you want to follow my twitter feed, just send me a request and let me know you were directed there from here!

(on a side note, i have now found the best of both worlds when it comes to revealing personal information online. i will be giving out all the juicy details on my twitter but here i will be vague and concentrate on intrapersonal stuff.)

okay, rough summary of the first week at work: ROUGH. there you go.

i’m so out of my element here. if there’s anything to be grateful for, it’s that i’m not the only clueless newbie. i have someone to go lunch with. i have someone to moan to when i freak out. i guess that’s a pretty big plus point when you’re put in a situation like mine.

i’m not giving up, of course. i just have to ride this out and hopefully adjust to the new environment quick. i’ve already told myself that i’m committing to this job and despite the stressful situations i’ve been through i do not feel like throwing in the towel. because there are a lot of carrots dangling in front of me to get me to win this bunny race.

and i will give it my best shot!

wish me luck for week two. days off now are not just days off, they are like a lifesaver’s jacket for a drowning person who can’t swim.

life as i know it will no longer be as i know it… it’s the first day of my new job today. i will be going in after lunch. if you’re a follower of my twitter, you can get live tweets from me at work later. if i can find the time to do that, that is. probably from the loo or something.

will write a summary of the first week at work later this week. if you rather have a blow-by-blow account of me freaking out as it happens, take a glimpse of my twitter feed at the sidebar!