Tag: sexuality

You would think, in my friend group that’s about 1/3 queer women…

that there would be less people who give credence to the idea of gaydar.

Okay, here’s the context: RDG introduced us to a friend of hers who is genderqueer.  She didn’t say that in the introduction, though.  And apparently multiple people assumed he was gay, based on him being apparently male with a sort of gentle, feminine part to his personality.

I wasn’t so surprised when people at my college were all like “oh, N is asexual?  I guess that makes sense.  He has a kind of high voice and cares about fashion, but he’s not so stereotypically gay.”*  Sigh.  I was like “face, meet palm,” but I wasn’t really surprised because they were all straight and didn’t really know any queer people well besides him and me.

But when four out of seven people in the room are queer women and none of them look particularly like a lesbian stereotype, you’d think we could get past this.  (For the sake of thoroughness: RDG, the host of this party who we’ll call M, and I are bi; Sparkly doesn’t like labels but obviously is in a relationship with me; RDG’s sister Bee is straight; Cool Hair Guy describes himself as heteroflexible, which I guess means he’s theoretically open to having sex with men but not extremely interested; and then there’s J, the genderqueer one.)

Is this another unfortunate effect of attending an all-women school, or am I unusual for not buying into this thing?

Maybe I should be thanking certain parts of the internet, for introducing teenage-me to queer people of every description imaginable.  That probably helped.

 

* The “Oh, that makes sense.  He’s sort of… well, you know.” was actually said out loud; the rest is my assumption about what they were referring to.

I really liked Cliff Pervocracy’s “sex menu” idea…

and I’d sort of like to make one, but I don’t have nearly as much stuff to put on it, so I’m not sure how to do the categories…

[Dear reader, I am about to talk about sex.  If you hadn’t already figured out that I do that sometimes here, this is your warning.]

It’s actually a little weird to think about how little variety there is in what Sparkly and I have done so far.  I have discovered some new and interesting things!  But they’re “wiggle your fingers in this specific way, in this specific spot” type things.  (Possibly things would go faster if I did more experimenting on my own, but I first learned to masturbate with my clothes on, and getting my fingers messy tends to seem like too much work when Sparkly isn’t there.)  So I think it’d be more profitable at this point to make a list of new things I’d like to try.

  • Hitting/spanking (with me getting hit)  I think I need to check in again with Sparkly about this.  The last official word was that she didn’t want to do anything that seemed too violent or involved hitting, but I think maybe that’s changed somewhat?  (She sure seems to like slapping my ass occasionally in situations where we aren’t having sex.)
  • Sparkly and I have a dildo, but it’s never really been used on me, because it’s too big.  (Or I’m too small, depending on how you look at it.)  I’d like to have one that’s comfortable for me.  Though this will have to wait until I have money to spend.
  • Different positions.  There has to be a way for us to finger each other at the same time without someone’s arm hurting.  Sparkly also has a love of being pushed up against walls which I’d like to explore.
  • This is something we have already tried, but I could stand to get kissed/bitten on my neck more often.  And I’d like to convince Sparkly to bite me harder, if she’s okay with it.
  • Roleplay.  As I’ve mentioned before I am not very good at coming up with things to say on the spot, but when Sparkly and I were living in different cities, we roleplayed all sorts of things over IM and it was so much fun.  I’d like to give some of those scenarios a try in person.