i wept uncontrollably last night, and wanted to write abt it. as i was about to start, i saw the userpic of me and my family traveling to taiwan for holiday. it was really fun!
then, back to the present, i am having a hard time figuring out my next step.
ok. abt last night, i was watching an online drama halfway and, uncontrollably, i started weeping. i really was not prepared at all. nothing triggered it. for quite a while.
but as i wept, i did remember, i can't be too loud, lest my mum heard it and worry her.
i guess, the weeping is 'cos of 2 failed interviews. i had experienced this stage before. quitting without a backup plan, and failing interviews. back then, i did not know what to do and spent money on courses. later on, i was very lucky to get a job again, which is not related to the courses i took. and the job was the highest paying one even.
after that, i switched to another field which did not work out well for me. disappointed, i left it, without a backup plan too.
the interview i went for yesterday highlighted the fact that the certification i had gotten was almost 10 years ago. i thought abt it just now. i can still take the route of getting the certification and then get a job. but frankly, will tat be really what i want?
if technology does make me happy, will i not have tried to understand more about the technologies used in my jobs so far? but i actually was not keen on it. i was even pretty used to the old school style. but when i see a new style, i will want to try my best to use it, as it is ultimately the new, and seemingly better, way of doing it. simply put, my prime time in learning new technology seems to be over?
it has brought me much joy and pride some time ago. but it could be time for me to try something new?
i am really not sure...
The Wed interview was with a company I had worked for. Back then, the interview was pretty easy and smooth sailing. I thought I had prepared enough for this time. But this time, I was asked a lot of technical questions and to do a technical test. I did not do well in both, and suffered a crumbling defeat at the interview. I asked for feedback, and was told to brush up on my hands-on experience.
For the Fri interview, I thought the experience on Tues was a wakeup call for me to do more preparation work. I did that and went for the interview, hoping for a smooth one. But alas, I still can't handle the technical questions posed to me. I also took a paper test. And, to think I cheated by doing online search to answer some of the questions. With my poor performance and bad career history, the technical lead came in to chat with me.
He said, if I were really technically savvy and keen on java, that is passionate on programming, I would have found out a lot more and did more practice on it too. And think of it day and night. I remember I had been through that some time ago, always thinking of how to solve the problem. But these days, I avoid technology books.
On my resume, I indicated the technology version I used before. On hindsight, the interviewer (an Indian national lady) seemed to know that a feature that I spoke at length on was not in the version I indicated. That was impressive! And, my Java certification was for 1.4 release. I proudly said I took the certification to prove my interest in it. She correctly pointed out that was long ago. When she asked for the differences between this and the next release, I cannot answer at all.
Time to seek a new path?
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since young, I never knew of the importance of money. I never asked to be paid for any work done. My elder sister was asked by my mum to tutor me for schoolwork and the first thing she asked was “will she get paid?”. But it never meant anything to me at all. After i grad from poly, someone asked me to write a software for him. I did not know i should be paid for the work done, even if the software did not make it in the end. Fast forward, i somehow looked at the world differently. A degree is certainly worth more than a certificate. But there was one time, when chatting with a friend, i insisted that a certificate should get me a good pay.
I have a diploma in IT and got my first programming job (companyA, perm role) with it. Before that, I have been working in helpdesks (notice the plurality). Soon, I earned a degree and moved on to companyB for a perm role. I got a fresh grad salary with the degree. I did not realise it's a fresh grad pay until my sister told me about it. I only knew I got more money this time. But my attitude in the job was not good. As I reflected now on my behaviour back then, I can say I behaved as though the company belonged to my family. I did not perhaps have any commitment to the job. A year later, a colleague moved on. It then spurred me to move on too, as I thought, what's stopping me from doing so? 1 fine day, I passed my letter to the project lead who was shocked by this sudden move. I did not expect she will get so worked up. When I moved from companyA, there was no hassle.
Then in companyC (new company, contract role), I was used to my antics and took Mcs frequently. I was not focused during meetings and almost dozed off even. But it was only in this company that I met a friend who I lost touch with. He was financially savvy and told me about rainy day funds, which made me saw the hard truth and started to “pay myself”. Before that, I had been wondering, how did I ever spend my salary as my bank account always dropped to 0 near payday. Then 1 day, my project lead spoke to me about my Mcs taken so far. I felt pretty shocked by it. In a way, I felt wronged (perhaps I saw MC as another entitlement to us) and I did not want to take it lying down. It somehow sent me on another job hunt. The search was pretty long this time. But I still managed to get 1 offer (companyD, contract role).
Every move, be it a contract or perm role, gave me more monthly income. But I did not know I had to factor in bonuses to do a proper comparison. I based it on the monthly figure.
In companyD, I had loads of fun and enjoyed every day of work. I even thought to myself, this will gonna be my last job ever. I got a bonus from this job and spent a part in getting a new bed! But 1 year later, I was transferred to another project. The project lead got too bossy for me. I disliked it big time and even argued with the HR on some issues I had with the project lead. In the end, the lead decided I could tender any time and leave on the spot. Previously, I found jobs pretty easily and expected my next search to be pretty alright too. But this time, it got real bad and I did not feel good. Reason? I never bothered brushing up my technical skills.
Fortunately, 4 months later, I found a job (companyE, perm role in a bank) but left weeks later to join companyF for a contract role which paid well. But weeks later again, I left it to join companyG (perm role). I was excited to join them, as they used pretty new technology which impressed me! But months later, I did not get used to it and the boss pressured me too. I had asked to change to sales instead but he rejected it a few days later. At this point, a friend encouraged me to join insurance. I had read a book on personal financial planning and it glamorized insurance a lot. I was overwhelmed by it and felt tasked to spread my newfound knowledge on insurance that I resigned again.
Unfortunately, I gradually realized it was not that noble a profession after all and had to leave. I then joined companyH (contract role). It offered me very high pay too. I was sooo happy! I was prepared to slog for them but I was not assigned much work. 6 months later, I got bored and thought of leaving. But I worried that my technical skills had gotten rusty so I decided to still stay on. Then, a long time friend told me to try testing. It seemed interesting to me. I then asked for testing assignments and woah, I did very well in it! Then suddenly, I was asked to do coding again. I felt I was thrown back into a dark tunnel when I faced a weird UI issue. By chance, I fixed it. With the good experience from testing, I left the job once my contract ended and I got 3 months bonus in total!
After leaving, I went for a testing role, taking a 25% pay cut. Unfortunately, the role was very different from what I did in companyH. In the end, I was devastated. My boss was very nice to me, offering to let me be idle in office while I job-hunt. But I really wanted a break and quitted the job.
A month later, which is now, I sent out my resume and got an interview. When they asked what I see myself in 3-10 years time, I actually did not know what to say. I could only tell them what the role can likely do for me.
i'm better at chatting via a computer, ie typing away my chats. should i focus on this "strength" and try to find soul mate/chat mate from the chat channels?
and, are networking events a good place to make frns? or more of exchanging of name cards and pleasantries?
one lesson i learn from the book was that, if someone offers us something, we have to be appreciative and at least try. it's not a must for them to do it.
these days, as i learn more about myself, i'm more ready to admit facts of myself that I dare not before.
in the past, i thought it's easy to chat up with anyone. sure, it's easy. but finding the right topic and clicking is not. And I'm often stuck between being serious and being frivolous / jovial. And whether the topic is really interesting.
I went to search on how to strike up chats. and found a place: http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger
I found some tips useful.
1) Be selective. In public places, especially in larger cities, people are generally wary of strangers coming up to them with a big smile. "What are they selling?" is usually the first question on their minds. "What do they want? Are they muggers? Missionaries?" Some or all of these questions may run through their mind as you approach them, so think before you act. If it's somebody who you have seen often—whether it's during break, on a subway platform, or on the street where you work—try and make eye contact without being too obvious about it (i.e., don't stare!). Make eye contact, smile in a friendly way, and then go do whatever it is you were doing in the first place. Unless you're playing with the tip of a knife as you make eye contact and smile, this will establish you in the "friendly" category.
2) Talk about the music. A good time to make your approach is between the opening act and the headliner. You can as how they liked the opening band, or if you think they're a good match for the headliner. It's also a good time to talk because you won't have to shout or make them listen to you when they want to listen to Johnny "Red" Swingline of "Stapled Ear Drums."
After that, I seemed to have forgotten how to socialize and chat up.
To promote my services, I somehow have to network around and expand my social circle. Hisham helped me with the first bit: by introducing me to participants of an event. I then got to know more people and 1 of them was very friendly and invited me to a few other events.
The next event was a picnic. I went along as a photographer. It only lasted for a bit, and we headed off elsewhere to chill. Time was easy to kill.
The next BIG event was today (Fri). I understood it to be a dinner event. I had attended a dinner event before. we had dinner at a restaurant and went off to watch a performance. I thought it was THAT simple.
But it turned out to be a networking session, with dinner provided though.
When I got there, I dutifully took photos of attendees and the surroundings. But I did not chat much. Everything was alright. Until the end of the event, everyone was chatting up easily with others. I then stood at a corner like a block of wood lol. I did not know what to do, but I knew I should not just walk off.
I observed things, but went off a while later.
I then had a debrief with myself. I have to take the courage to speak up/out and approach people to chat. Just approach. Even when I am taking photos of the attendees, I can strike a simple chat with them. But... what if they are already chatting with others?
I guess photography is quite an easy topic to start a conversation with. I just have to muster up the courage and... approach to chat.
anyway, i am getting better now, but i will need to relearn the socializing skills (like how to talk to ppl and relate to them). i'm glad i'm off to a good start, as many friends are there for me. My long weekend was spent fruitfully.
hehe, lemme observe how long before i can get back to gossiping and chatting non-sensically... hahha
In one story of 仁心解碼II, an autistic child drew pictures of whatever he saw that made an impression.
He drew a old lady coming out of the lift. and then school children alighting from a bus.
followed by a picture of only the bottom half of a person. All details are NOT there, except for a vivid lines of a ring on the finger.
the reason for not having the face? his head is always dropping down.
huh? that's the reason? or the scriptwriters want to create mystery from that scene??
They had a movie outing last week in the neighbourhood, and i went along.
i have been wanting them to hold it in town area, or more often, so that we can have chances to mingle with the general public. but after the outing, i realised why it's not easy or possible.
there were only 3 of us, me included. I can sense that 1 of them is very reserved (as in scared and trapped in his world). so much that, when we sat down for dinner, i asked others if he needed someone with him should we go around ordering.
then while watching the movie, he suddenly put up his leg and there was someone in the seat in front of him! things seemed alright, until he coughed and, i thought, shook the front seat. that someone then was put off and sat up all the way.
I was stunned.
later he kept fidgetting.
i cant imagine what will happen if that someone got pissed and stood up..
i'm venturing into photography, taking photos for people. Hopefully it'll be paid jobs.
My pseudonym is Mycameraman.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Mycameramansg
Modeling website: http://www.modelmayhem.com/Mycameraman
i will be posting about the fun and experience during the photography shoots. it'll be the dark secrets (remember desperate housewives? :P) that could be sensitive or erotic.
If you want to know, just leave a note here.
PS: I realise that I already have a group for it. the ppl inside are enthuz, chrishansenhome and airborne67. i forgot what was the purpose of the group. but i guess i'll re-use it for this.
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