smlee's untold moments

a reflection

smlee4 — Sat, 24 May 2014 02:27:41 GMT

how times have changed.

i wept uncontrollably last night, and wanted to write abt it. as i was about to start, i saw the userpic of me and my family traveling to taiwan for holiday. it was really fun!

then, back to the present, i am having a hard time figuring out my next step.

ok. abt last night, i was watching an online drama halfway and, uncontrollably, i started weeping. i really was not prepared at all. nothing triggered it. for quite a while.

but as i wept, i did remember, i can't be too loud, lest my mum heard it and worry her.

i guess, the weeping is 'cos of 2 failed interviews. i had experienced this stage before. quitting without a backup plan, and failing interviews. back then, i did not know what to do and spent money on courses. later on, i was very lucky to get a job again, which is not related to the courses i took. and the job was the highest paying one even.

after that, i switched to another field which did not work out well for me. disappointed, i left it, without a backup plan too.

the interview i went for yesterday highlighted the fact that the certification i had gotten was almost 10 years ago. i thought abt it just now. i can still take the route of getting the certification and then get a job. but frankly, will tat be really what i want?

if technology does make me happy, will i not have tried to understand more about the technologies used in my jobs so far? but i actually was not keen on it. i was even pretty used to the old school style. but when i see a new style, i will want to try my best to use it, as it is ultimately the new, and seemingly better, way of doing it. simply put, my prime time in learning new technology seems to be over?

it has brought me much joy and pride some time ago. but it could be time for me to try something new?

i am really not sure...

do i need a new path?

smlee4 — Fri, 23 May 2014 15:17:21 GMT

I was supposed to have an interview on Tues and Wed. But at the last minute, I postponed the Tues interview to Fri.

The Wed interview was with a company I had worked for. Back then, the interview was pretty easy and smooth sailing. I thought I had prepared enough for this time. But this time, I was asked a lot of technical questions and to do a technical test. I did not do well in both, and suffered a crumbling defeat at the interview. I asked for feedback, and was told to brush up on my hands-on experience.

For the Fri interview, I thought the experience on Tues was a wakeup call for me to do more preparation work. I did that and went for the interview, hoping for a smooth one. But alas, I still can't handle the technical questions posed to me. I also took a paper test. And, to think I cheated by doing online search to answer some of the questions. With my poor performance and bad career history, the technical lead came in to chat with me.

He said, if I were really technically savvy and keen on java, that is passionate on programming, I would have found out a lot more and did more practice on it too. And think of it day and night. I remember I had been through that some time ago, always thinking of how to solve the problem. But these days, I avoid technology books.

On my resume, I indicated the technology version I used before. On hindsight, the interviewer (an Indian national lady) seemed to know that a feature that I spoke at length on was not in the version I indicated. That was impressive! And, my Java certification was for 1.4 release. I proudly said I took the certification to prove my interest in it. She correctly pointed out that was long ago. When she asked for the differences between this and the next release, I cannot answer at all.

Time to seek a new path?

does anyone still read LJ these days?

smlee4 — Sat, 17 May 2014 08:33:14 GMT

anyway, i have a confession to make. it's a public entry. i dunno if it's appropriate or not though. i'm in my 30s now. and i'm facing a career crisis in a way. It's a damn long (life) story. I hope you guys have the patience to read it and help advise or something.

=========

since young, I never knew of the importance of money. I never asked to be paid for any work done. My elder sister was asked by my mum to tutor me for schoolwork and the first thing she asked was “will she get paid?”. But it never meant anything to me at all. After i grad from poly, someone asked me to write a software for him. I did not know i should be paid for the work done, even if the software did not make it in the end. Fast forward, i somehow looked at the world differently. A degree is certainly worth more than a certificate. But there was one time, when chatting with a friend, i insisted that a certificate should get me a good pay.

I have a diploma in IT and got my first programming job (companyA, perm role) with it. Before that, I have been working in helpdesks (notice the plurality). Soon, I earned a degree and moved on to companyB for a perm role. I got a fresh grad salary with the degree. I did not realise it's a fresh grad pay until my sister told me about it. I only knew I got more money this time. But my attitude in the job was not good. As I reflected now on my behaviour back then, I can say I behaved as though the company belonged to my family. I did not perhaps have any commitment to the job. A year later, a colleague moved on. It then spurred me to move on too, as I thought, what's stopping me from doing so? 1 fine day, I passed my letter to the project lead who was shocked by this sudden move. I did not expect she will get so worked up. When I moved from companyA, there was no hassle.

Then in companyC (new company, contract role), I was used to my antics and took Mcs frequently. I was not focused during meetings and almost dozed off even. But it was only in this company that I met a friend who I lost touch with. He was financially savvy and told me about rainy day funds, which made me saw the hard truth and started to “pay myself”. Before that, I had been wondering, how did I ever spend my salary as my bank account always dropped to 0 near payday. Then 1 day, my project lead spoke to me about my Mcs taken so far. I felt pretty shocked by it. In a way, I felt wronged (perhaps I saw MC as another entitlement to us) and I did not want to take it lying down. It somehow sent me on another job hunt. The search was pretty long this time. But I still managed to get 1 offer (companyD, contract role).

Every move, be it a contract or perm role, gave me more monthly income. But I did not know I had to factor in bonuses to do a proper comparison. I based it on the monthly figure.

In companyD, I had loads of fun and enjoyed every day of work. I even thought to myself, this will gonna be my last job ever. I got a bonus from this job and spent a part in getting a new bed! But 1 year later, I was transferred to another project. The project lead got too bossy for me. I disliked it big time and even argued with the HR on some issues I had with the project lead. In the end, the lead decided I could tender any time and leave on the spot. Previously, I found jobs pretty easily and expected my next search to be pretty alright too. But this time, it got real bad and I did not feel good. Reason? I never bothered brushing up my technical skills.

Fortunately, 4 months later, I found a job (companyE, perm role in a bank) but left weeks later to join companyF for a contract role which paid well. But weeks later again, I left it to join companyG (perm role). I was excited to join them, as they used pretty new technology which impressed me! But months later, I did not get used to it and the boss pressured me too. I had asked to change to sales instead but he rejected it a few days later. At this point, a friend encouraged me to join insurance. I had read a book on personal financial planning and it glamorized insurance a lot. I was overwhelmed by it and felt tasked to spread my newfound knowledge on insurance that I resigned again.

Unfortunately, I gradually realized it was not that noble a profession after all and had to leave. I then joined companyH (contract role). It offered me very high pay too. I was sooo happy! I was prepared to slog for them but I was not assigned much work. 6 months later, I got bored and thought of leaving. But I worried that my technical skills had gotten rusty so I decided to still stay on. Then, a long time friend told me to try testing. It seemed interesting to me. I then asked for testing assignments and woah, I did very well in it! Then suddenly, I was asked to do coding again. I felt I was thrown back into a dark tunnel when I faced a weird UI issue. By chance, I fixed it. With the good experience from testing, I left the job once my contract ended and I got 3 months bonus in total!

After leaving, I went for a testing role, taking a 25% pay cut. Unfortunately, the role was very different from what I did in companyH. In the end, I was devastated. My boss was very nice to me, offering to let me be idle in office while I job-hunt. But I really wanted a break and quitted the job.

A month later, which is now, I sent out my resume and got an interview. When they asked what I see myself in 3-10 years time, I actually did not know what to say. I could only tell them what the role can likely do for me.

Confessions of an Aspie (13)

smlee4 — Sat, 12 Oct 2013 14:24:54 GMT

i know i am not good at socialising and making frns through networking.

i'm better at chatting via a computer, ie typing away my chats. should i focus on this "strength" and try to find soul mate/chat mate from the chat channels?

and, are networking events a good place to make frns? or more of exchanging of name cards and pleasantries?

confessions of an aspie (12)

smlee4 — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 09:25:48 GMT

i remember, many years ago, i often take things for granted. until i read a book, a self-improvement book, then I realised i have to be more appreciative.

one lesson i learn from the book was that, if someone offers us something, we have to be appreciative and at least try. it's not a must for them to do it.

these days, as i learn more about myself, i'm more ready to admit facts of myself that I dare not before.

in the past, i thought it's easy to chat up with anyone. sure, it's easy. but finding the right topic and clicking is not. And I'm often stuck between being serious and being frivolous / jovial. And whether the topic is really interesting.

I went to search on how to strike up chats. and found a place: http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger

I found some tips useful.

1) Be selective. In public places, especially in larger cities, people are generally wary of strangers coming up to them with a big smile. "What are they selling?" is usually the first question on their minds. "What do they want? Are they muggers? Missionaries?" Some or all of these questions may run through their mind as you approach them, so think before you act. If it's somebody who you have seen often—whether it's during break, on a subway platform, or on the street where you work—try and make eye contact without being too obvious about it (i.e., don't stare!). Make eye contact, smile in a friendly way, and then go do whatever it is you were doing in the first place. Unless you're playing with the tip of a knife as you make eye contact and smile, this will establish you in the "friendly" category.

2) Talk about the music. A good time to make your approach is between the opening act and the headliner. You can as how they liked the opening band, or if you think they're a good match for the headliner. It's also a good time to talk because you won't have to shout or make them listen to you when they want to listen to Johnny "Red" Swingline of "Stapled Ear Drums."

Confessions of an Aspie (11)

smlee4 — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 16:52:26 GMT

i had mentioned, i experienced depression a while ago.

After that, I seemed to have forgotten how to socialize and chat up.

To promote my services, I somehow have to network around and expand my social circle. Hisham helped me with the first bit: by introducing me to participants of an event. I then got to know more people and 1 of them was very friendly and invited me to a few other events.

The next event was a picnic. I went along as a photographer. It only lasted for a bit, and we headed off elsewhere to chill. Time was easy to kill.

The next BIG event was today (Fri). I understood it to be a dinner event. I had attended a dinner event before. we had dinner at a restaurant and went off to watch a performance. I thought it was THAT simple.

But it turned out to be a networking session, with dinner provided though.

When I got there, I dutifully took photos of attendees and the surroundings. But I did not chat much. Everything was alright. Until the end of the event, everyone was chatting up easily with others. I then stood at a corner like a block of wood lol. I did not know what to do, but I knew I should not just walk off.

I observed things, but went off a while later.

I then had a debrief with myself. I have to take the courage to speak up/out and approach people to chat. Just approach. Even when I am taking photos of the attendees, I can strike a simple chat with them. But... what if they are already chatting with others?

I guess photography is quite an easy topic to start a conversation with. I just have to muster up the courage and... approach to chat.

Confessions of an Aspie (10)

smlee4 — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 06:57:48 GMT

i had a breakdown a few weeks back... that is to say, i was in a state of depression that time. i did not talk, or did not feel like talking, to anyone. then i found out from a support group that it's the normal routine for us, to experience such depression once in a while...

anyway, i am getting better now, but i will need to relearn the socializing skills (like how to talk to ppl and relate to them). i'm glad i'm off to a good start, as many friends are there for me. My long weekend was spent fruitfully.

hehe, lemme observe how long before i can get back to gossiping and chatting non-sensically... hahha

仁心解碼II ep 8

smlee4 — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 18:08:28 GMT

TVB scriptwriters are not that good and detailed anymore.

In one story of 仁心解碼II, an autistic child drew pictures of whatever he saw that made an impression.

He drew a old lady coming out of the lift. and then school children alighting from a bus.

followed by a picture of only the bottom half of a person. All details are NOT there, except for a vivid lines of a ring on the finger.

the reason for not having the face? his head is always dropping down.

huh? that's the reason? or the scriptwriters want to create mystery from that scene??

Confessions of an Aspie (11)

smlee4 — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 04:29:44 GMT

I have joined a local support group for those with Asperger's syndrome.

They had a movie outing last week in the neighbourhood, and i went along.

i have been wanting them to hold it in town area, or more often, so that we can have chances to mingle with the general public. but after the outing, i realised why it's not easy or possible.

there were only 3 of us, me included. I can sense that 1 of them is very reserved (as in scared and trapped in his world). so much that, when we sat down for dinner, i asked others if he needed someone with him should we go around ordering.

then while watching the movie, he suddenly put up his leg and there was someone in the seat in front of him! things seemed alright, until he coughed and, i thought, shook the front seat. that someone then was put off and sat up all the way.

I was stunned.

later he kept fidgetting.

i cant imagine what will happen if that someone got pissed and stood up..

mycameraman

smlee4 — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 02:37:16 GMT

hello to all who still visits my page...

i'm venturing into photography, taking photos for people. Hopefully it'll be paid jobs.

My pseudonym is Mycameraman.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/Mycameramansg

Modeling website: http://www.modelmayhem.com/Mycameraman

i will be posting about the fun and experience during the photography shoots. it'll be the dark secrets (remember desperate housewives? :P) that could be sensitive or erotic.

If you want to know, just leave a note here.

PS: I realise that I already have a group for it. the ppl inside are enthuz, chrishansenhome and airborne67. i forgot what was the purpose of the group. but i guess i'll re-use it for this.

Confessions of an Aspie (9)

smlee4 — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:28:05 GMT

over lunch, i suddenly thought about the past.

it's about alvin's group of friends.

it's my first time to hang out with them to jb. i was very quiet at the start. but after knowing them better, i relaxed and chatted more.

then, when it's time to go home. i realised we will be taking different routes. i dunno how to get back to sg from jb. And I felt it's harsh to ask them to accompany me back to my area. i don't want to sound a burden to them at my age also.

So I asked if i can take their route together with them.

alvin was smart enough to guess that i'm asking it 'cos i dunno the way back home. he asked that directly, n i nodded. the whole lot then sent me home. hahaha...

that's so nice.

sometimes, i wonder, when u are with a new group of frns, n u have certain "rules n regulations" at times, will u voice them out? i was thinking it's pretty cumbersome to express all these out at first meeting. that's why sometimes, i just hold back.

Confessions of an Aspie (8)

smlee4 — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:48:48 GMT

Since secondary school days (or even earlier), my handwriting has always been atrocious and illegible!

I tried to improve, by either writing in script or cursive.

Script will make my writings look like a kid, as i wrote 1 letter by 1 letter.

Cursive is cool.. i can write words out properly. but it's still hard to read. 1 good thing is, from the underside, it looks like some doctor's scribblings!!

since then, I really hate writing. I won't be angry if i need to write. but just don't complain if looks ugly.

when text-messaging came out, I was thrilled!! i no longer have to write by hand, and can use the fonts provided in the computers!!

I never knew why ppl can have an easy time writing or drawing on paper. Ask me draw an abstract item anytime. I gladly do it. Ask me write words out on paper, I'll ask to send u sms instead.

Then lately, i saw this article.. then I realised why.... it seems i have poor fine motor skills.. :)

the article

my mum and i

smlee4 — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 14:15:07 GMT

on and off, mummy n i will bicker. sometimes until we stage a cold war for a few days.

den, from last monday onwards, i got home past 10pm, and she's already in bed. so for the past 5 week days, we have not talked at all.

but somehow, i feel very peaceful.. no irritation experience and no pissing off felt...

i like it.. but is the feeling good?? although peaceful, but no communication at all?

Confessions of an Aspie (7)

smlee4 — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 16:24:24 GMT

After realising my strengths and limitations, I'm really enjoying what I'm good at.

I love mingling with dogs. On sat, I went to volunteer again. This time, we walked the dogs much later. So I took the time to play with the dogs instead. It's really enjoyable!! pampering them, playing with them, "dancing" with them. it's really GREAT!

When it came to socializing with people, I know I'm bad at it for now. So I cut down on it. A male volunteer tried chatting up. He turned out to own a boarding service for pets. Then I realised that, networking is really crucial to get more business. Which means, he is there to know more people and to spread awareness of his service.

Then later, the shelter got more crowded. And I moved on to quieter space. Until an idiotic auntie barged into the space and played catching with me. That is, she followed me wherever I go.

roller-coaster ride

smlee4 — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 08:31:21 GMT

Within the past 2 years, it's as though my life has been through a roller-coaster ride.

I tendered the letter for a good paying job. Jobless for a while, I had no idea what I should do next.

Then i saw an ad for property agent, and went for orientation briefing followed by taking up of the relevant industrial recognised course. But just before registering for the exam, I backed out, and headed back into a 9-5 job.

Having expectations of the next job, I got disappointed and changed 3 jobs in 6 months time.

At the 3rd job, a friend persuaded me to try out the insurance line full time. At that time, I've just finished reading a book on personal finance planning and was amazed at how useful and purposeful insurance actually is. At the same time, I asked to switch to a sales role in the 3rd job. It was not approved. I then took the chance to jump into insurance. Full time.

It was really hard.

On one hand, I wanted to prove I can finally make it, and earn loads of money, and picturing all my relatives coming up to me and discuss insurance / financial issues with me. And not forgetting, when I approach my previous offices, the colleagues will come up to me, and hear me dispel myths and misconceptions of insurance.

On the other, I did not feel good telling my family about my (brave) switching into insurance, as I have no achievement yet. I wanted to stabilise myself before letting them know.

It's strange. when I first joined, I actually told my manager it's about selling products and every product has a different target market. However, when I did my first case, it was not what I intended to sell. I did not feel good. Then, for the next case, I felt a certain maturity period is more than enough. But the manager suggested a longer period. I really did not feel good anymore.

So I switched back to a 9-5 job, and told myself, NEVER TO QUIT AGAIN.

During the spring-cleaning this year, I read some notes I wrote for myself as encouragement to join insurance. I once again felt motivated to try again. But at the same time, I lost sleep, or did not sleep well.

Suddenly, i did not know what's supposed to happen. I'm keen to do insurance for its protection element. At the same time, I'm not sure how I should sell it.

I'm now doing photography as well. And learning how to venture into online business. The road ahead sounds confusing.

I always thought I was quite a nice person. And I can survive almost anywhere. Sadly, it turns out not.

Confessions of an Aspie (6)

smlee4 — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 17:10:46 GMT

No big issue happened so far. I had a great time playing with the dogs in the day time.

Night time, I went for a wedding dinner.

Strange as it seems, a friend suggested chilling out after the dinner. Then I think i went into too much details and blurted out a lot. End up no chilling out.

Then, we stepped out and went for the lift. We were at B1. I'm going L1 while my friends B2 for their cars.

I took the lift also, although it's merely climbing a fleet of stairs. But then, I realised, it could be 'cos I forgot the graciousness of social etiquette: I should be sending them to the lift, watch them go off, and climb the stairs myself.

Oh well.

Confessions of an Aspie (5)

smlee4 — Tue, 28 May 2013 15:15:29 GMT

my company had a re-org... and last monday, the new boss held a mini (and friendly) meeting with my team.

over the past weeks, i've been thinking, should i still stay in IT? as a programmer? I'm in this line for years, but still remained as a low-level programmer. i know it's partly due to my frequent switching of companies, and not having gained enough relevant experience.

due to the new-found trait in me, and remembering that an ex-boss had teased / hinted tat i should try being a tester, i thought now is the best time to highlight it and try out.

so after the meeting ended, i stayed back to discuss the possibility of me moving to a tester role. the new boss was pretty receptive. she asked if i wish to switch to a pure tester or a tester with coding background.

i know she does not want me to waste my IT skills. so I opted for the 2nd one.

she said she'll do the gradual change for me, and send me some documentation for the tester role to better prepare me for it. i think she's really sincere.

at the same time, in case it slips her mind, i'll check with her again prolly in end june... to see how is the progress.. :)

Confessions of an Aspie (4)

smlee4 — Sat, 25 May 2013 08:40:41 GMT

I love dogs and love being around them.

I recently volunteered for ASD again. The last time I volunteered, there's a huge crowd. Really big.

I felt out of place, and decided to take a break. And god knows when I'll go back.

Then, coincidentally, the organiser sent out an email to all volunteers. I took the chance to point out that, I'm not a people-person, and when the (volunteer) crowd gets overwhelming, I get uncomfortable, and prefer moving to somewhere with less or no people.

And asked if I'm still welcomed to volunteer.

He was very nice, briefly sharing with me his thoughts.

I then decided to continue.

And this time, it's really cool. There is much less talking and chatting. More of walking the dogs and playing (mingling ie) with them. And he's very attentive to me too. Always checking if I'm alright with things so far. I really couldn't ask for more.

Coincidentally, there's a guy who returned after a 2-months' break. He's the 2nd friend I made there.

But, all things don't end well still, in the end :)

When the visiting hours are ending, they made some last minute return-transport plans. I had intended to simply walk (30 mins) to the bus stop. But the supervisor offered to get the guy to send me to an MRT station. I was fine with that. But at the last minute, the guy asked if his MRT is better or another group's. Although the other group's station is better for me, they are strangers. But well, I still went ahead with the other group.

I just told myself, remember to say "Thanks for the ride" just before alighting. But I will know how to say my preference the next time.

hhe, by blogging such things, it reminded me of how Chris had praised me for handling certain situations well, although to the general public, it's kicking a fuss out of nothing.

Confessions of an Aspie (3)

smlee4 — Fri, 24 May 2013 07:33:37 GMT

The next group was with Vic.

We decided to meet for lunch 1 day, and, another day, dinner in town. I still remember, for dinner, he asked whether we can have dinner some place that needs some walking to reach. I was okay with that (be easygoing, remember?). Soon we even went cycling, and he asked me to join him and his friends for a trip to Vietnam. I was really happy and surprised by his invitation! Besides JB, Vietnam is the furthest place I went with friends!

It was really a great trip! Although I did worry that something nasty will happen, that I will not be open and relaxed enough within the group. But things went on very well. So I concluded, during group outings, I must be there first, relax and mingle well so that I can do well for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately again, after the Vietnam trip, I lost my job. But a trip to Batam has already been set. I thought I can still enjoy the trip to Batam. But when I got to the meeting point, I suddenly got strongly turned off by the big crowd going with us. My mood got nasty and I stuck to a friend who had went for the Vietnam trip. Over in Batam, things got worse. I lost the money I prepared for the trip. Meaning, I'm really hard up for the trip. I'm not close with the group so I did not seek help from anyone. I then got extremely quiet and kept to myself, just wishing for the trip to end ASAP.

After the trip, I once again gradually lost contact with them. So I fell back to being alone again.

I thought it's a vicious cycle to go through. As I will want to have friends to hang out with too. Big or small. It seems to happen so often.

Then, recently, I read an article on Aspie, which says, we often experience a period of high social activities, followed by a period of loneliness.

I thought, how accurate is that...

Confessions of an Aspie (2)

smlee4 — Fri, 24 May 2013 07:32:27 GMT

For alvin, I met him up after a massage session when he suddenly called me up. He then asked me out for a number of times and I enjoy being out with him. Then he decided to ask me along with his usual kakis. That's when the problem came. He introduced me to a few groups on separate occasions. I did not know the purpose. But I just sat there and got very quiet. Almost not even a sound from me. This is on a tzi-char dinner outing.

In one of the last few outings, he finally pointed out to me, that this was the last group he has. If I still cannot mingle well, he has no more option. I'm not sure if I really woke up after hearing that. But I did open up in a trip to JB. I was also quiet all the way, until we finally sat down and I asked something. The person whom I asked even remarked that's the first thing I spoke to him. I was of course embarrassed but gave an awkward smile though (I thought).

I was really enjoying time with the group. I even thought that's the best part of my life!

Until, unfortunately, a couple of their friends came along, and tried to get close to me. I thought that, I was very close to the group, as I had known them for a long time. Those new friends are strangers to me. How close should I be to them? Sad to say, I was so not-used-to-it, that I became the odd one out, and gradually lost contact.

I felt lost of course, that I lose a group of friends just 'cos of a person. But I did not dwell on it and moved on.

Confessions of an Aspie (1)

smlee4 — Fri, 24 May 2013 07:31:22 GMT

I've not blogged for a good long time. I'm not even sure if blogging here is still the in-thing (eyeball hit, ie) or not, let alone visits to my blog.

Anyway, for those who dunno, Aspie is an acronym, or perhaps a term coined by those who have Asperger's syndrome. It simply refers to a person who generally does not know the social norms, and thus does not follow it. Even actions that the general public find a natural thing to do turns out to be a challenge to overcome for them too.

It's not a big thing. It's not easily noticeable too. But from time to time, if u find a behavior displayed by an individual to be awkward or socially strange, it could be this. But never assume.

Anyway, I decided to blog again, 'cos a friend (chris) suspected that I have this syndrome. Upon finding out more, I realise its traits do fit me a lot. Then I remembered he found out through reading of my blogs, as I'll be posting rants, complaints, and grumbles of certain daily happenings, which he perhaps find to be non-issues. Since the discovery of this syndrome started from here, I'll continue from here too.

i have been wondering all these while. since almost 10 years ago, i can be very socially active, having birthday parties and meetups to attend, having groups of friends to chill out with, to ending up always alone and spending a few months with I, me and myself.

I never knew what's wrong. I thought it's 'cos my communication was too straight and direct for new friends, or I was not nice enough as a friend. All in all, I even have no idea why will people want to befriend me. I also thought of how I should behave the next time when I meet a new friend in order to maintain a friendship.

To the point, I decided, or perhaps, had to be more easygoing without being too insistent on certain things.

The most impressionable groups of friends are introduced by alvin, and vic...

To be continued...

Asperger's syndrome: characteristics

smlee4 — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 16:26:42 GMT

I found this list. It lists all (or most) of the characteristics of folks with asperger syndrome. but i'll only list down those that match me.

List of stuff we like.

#31 Nakedness

#30 Electronic Communication: Email, IM, And Texting, Oh My!

#29 Dressing For Comfort And Practicality

#28 Brutal Honesty (toning down, as i know it's too direct usually)

#27 Honesty (i tend to say things out openly, even if it may hurt harmony)

#26 Taking Things Literally (i used to think, a call at 8pm meant 8pm sharp)

#25 Cameron, An Asperger-Like Robot From Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (i'm not sure, but i remember a friend commenting, i'm like a robot, being programmed to do things. If something goes haywire, i'm lost)

#24 Dating Themselves (I used to be a lone ranger. but from poly years (18 yo) onwards, i opened up.)

#23 Worrying: Working The Wigdala

#22 Imitation (i easily imitate anyone who i hang around with..)

#21 Eating Routines And Food Presentation Preferences (I really have preferences on placement. Unless it's looks bad, like in a social setting, I'll very much prefer to stick to it)

#20 Correcting (I can be very particular, but have learnt to tone down)

#18 Providing More Than The Minimum Coverage (I tend to tell too much, unneeded, unnecessary, and unasked for info during chats. after mingling around more, i learnt not to give too much details at one go. give it only when probed)

#17 Becoming An Engineer, Being An Enginerd (I was there. But having worked for years, i realised it's better not to think too much. i remember, when i was a kid, my parents asked me for a lucky number. i thought of all single digit numbers and their association. but all associations did not sound/feel good.)

#14 Speaking Factanese (I speak with too much facts sometimes)

#12 Morals (The Right Ones, That Is) (I;m guilty. but not sure if it's still there now)

#8 Eating The Same Foods Everyday (I still do it from time to time. But I try to avoid it, as i will want to try other stalls)

#7 Facts and Trivia

#6 Earplugs (I really prefer moving away from noisy places, as personally, I have a hard time speaking there)

#5 Rules: Following, Enforcing, and Rule Enforcement Pissiness (R.E.P.) (I follow all rules strictly, and tend to tell others when they are not observing it. Rules are there for a purpose)

#4 Special Interests (I keep to a specific strict diet... counted?)

#3 Marriages To People From Other Countries (I'm keen to learn various foreign languages. counted?)

#2 Going MIA at Social Gatherings

when i simply browsed the page, i thought it'll at most be 5-6 items. gosh, after going through the whole list, 23 items matched?!?!

Asperger's syndrome

smlee4 — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:13:08 GMT

thanks to chrishansenhome, i realised i actually have such a syndrome... that is, not very open to joining big groups.. not knowing how to mingle with them

trying to find business

smlee4 — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 13:02:21 GMT

being in the insurance line, it's really "your business" kinda thing. u have to know ur positioning, strength, and probably strategy. family, relatives, and frns r usually the first groups that u approach.

when u call up ur frns and relatives to discuss abt it, they usually shun u.

it's possible that they r already well-covered, or they simply dun wish to delve into that topic, since it's not part of their to-do list.

it reminds me of how tough it is to do business.

anyway, it's good for me, in the sense that, i'm armed with some knowledge abt insurance.

Tips on Financial Planning

smlee4 — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 02:22:26 GMT

in all my years of living, i've always thought that financial planning is simply planning how to get enough money to buy the next atas item. like condo, car.

but after reading a book on financial planning, which focuses on insurance, i then realised it's more than that.

it includes planning for the unknown future. as in, u never know what can happen next. Even at the next second.

at the next second, something bad can happen to u, causing u to lose ur job n, most importantly and horribly, ur income that u and ur family depends so much on.

if the income is gone, how is ur family gonna do to maintain the current lifestyle siazzz.. who is going to pay for the bills?

unless u r tat damn lucky, ur company agrees to pay u the same salary, even though u can't work in the same job anymore.

and, if the company really can pay u the same salary so tat ur family can maintain the lifestyle, what abt the medical bills tat u have to pay?

tat salary was used to pay for whatever the family is enjoying right now. but, can it cope with the medical bills coming in also?