Roscoe: Ronin

He burst into the Throne Room, slamming the door and causing every eye to turn to him. Roscoe’s armor was dented and covered in blood. His sword, which he carried in his hand, was equally blood covered and damaged, with a multitude of nicks marring the blade. Ignoring the guards who were asking him to drop his weapon, Roscoe stomped up to stand before the Jester and the First Knight, who had been having a conversation about what kind of tacos they should get for lunch.

“You left me to fight an entire legion of trolls by myself?” Roscoe demanded.

Revis, the First Knight, snapped his fingers and said, “That’s what I was supposed to do this morning.” Turning to the Jester, Matticus, he added, “I told you it had something to do with Roscoe.”

“Thanks for helping him figure it out, Roscoe,” Matticus said. “It’s been bugging him all morning.”

Rolling his eyes at the Jester, he looked at Revis. “Did you not get the text I sent?”

“Of course I got the text scroll you sent via carrier pigeon,” Revis answered. “Carrier pigeons are very reliable.”

“Then why didn’t you come help?”

“His Jesterness gave me the day off.”

“He’s been working really hard lately and needed a break,” Matticus interjected.

“So you left me to die?”

“But you didn’t die,” Revis remarked. Then, he paused to think for a moment. “Wait… you fought a legion of trolls by yourself. You shouldn’t be able to survive that. How did you not die?”

“I don’t know,” Roscoe shrugged. “You write this stuff.”

“He’s got you there,” Matticus laughed. “And you would have to be a very lazy writer to have something that big happen without explaining how it happened.”

“True enough,” Revis admitted. Addressing Roscoe, he began, “OK, first you…”

“No!” Roscoe shouted, throwing down his sword with a loud clang. “That’s it! I’ve had it! I’m done!”

“What are you saying?” Matticus asked.

“I QUIT!!!!!”

With that, he turned on his heel and stormed off, leaving the Jester and First Knight looking at each other for answers. When none were forthcoming, Revis shrugged. “What a baby…”

Roscoe: The Fifteenth Knight?

The following is the transcript of the disciplinary hearing of Roscoe, formerly the 12th Knight of the Kingdom, for dereliction of duty.

Revis: Do you know why you’re here today?

Roscoe: Yes, sir.

Revis: What do you have to say for yourself?

Roscoe: Nothing, sir. I was in the wrong, and I take full responsibility for my actions.

Revis: That’s not good enough. You were AWOL for five days. You will tell me where you were. Now.

Roscoe: (pause) I planned a romantic getaway for my girlfriend’s birthday. I took her to her favorite vacation spot. I took her to her favorite restaurant. We went horseback riding and walked on the beach.

Revis: Nicely done. However, I’m still waiting for the part where this became my problem.

Roscoe: With all the planning I was doing, I forgot to ask for that time off until a couple days before the trip. I was told someone else had already taken those days, and I needed to work them. I don’t have a death wish. I wasn’t going to tell her we weren’t going, so I just went.

Revis: Hold on a minute. Let me get this straight. You’ve helped protect the Kingdom from sparkly vampires and hardened criminals for years now, but you were too afraid to tell your girlfriend you might have to postpone a trip?

Roscoe: Yes, sir.

Revis: Smart man. You definitely made the right call.

Roscoe: (pause) Sir?

Revis: If you’d have canceled on her, she’d have chopped your balls off, at the very least.

Roscoe: Does that mean I’m not getting punished?

Revis: (laughs hysterically) That’s a good one! (resumes laughing) But, seriously, you’re totally getting punished.

Roscoe: But you said I did the right thing!

Revis: Yeah, you did the right thing for you, but not for the Kingdom. As punishment for your actions, you will have to work double shifts, one for each day you were AWOL, and you’re hereby being demoted from the Twelfth Knight to the Fifteenth Knight.

Roscoe: Sir, that’s completely unfair!

Revis: There are many lands that kill knights for doing what you did. Be glad you live here instead.

Roscoe: Yes, sir. (turns to leave and mumbles something unintelligible under his breath)

Revis: What was that?

Roscoe: Uhhh, nothing, sir. (walks out of room almost at a running pace)

END

The Twelfth Knight: Part 3

After going back to his barracks and changing into civilian clothing, Roscoe went around to some of the seedier taverns in the city. Despite only being just after midday, the first two were almost halfway full already. As soon as he opened the door, every eye turned his way. Most did so openly, but a few were good at hiding it. Roscoe didn’t want to attract this kind of scrutiny, especially from an entire room full of people, so he scanned the crowd and pretended to be looking for someone in particular. When he didn’t spot the imaginary person he was searching for, he spun around and walked out.

The third tavern wasn’t as full as the first two, but it was still more crowded than he liked. It wasn’t until he arrived at his fourth place that he was satisfied with it. Only two of the tables were occupied. One table had three people at it and the other was taken by a single man. This would work out better for him. Sure, he’d still get scrutinized by people, but it would be as each person came in and not as a crowd.

Roscoe didn’t want to stand out so he ordered ale and sat at a table near the back. He sipped on his ale while he kept his head down and eyes up. Never much of a drinker, he was afraid that he’d get drunk trying to maintain his cover. The tavern’s ale was so watered down that it didn’t become a problem.

He sat there for most of the afternoon before the place started getting busy. Most people looked him over as they came in, but a few of them paid him no heed. Those were the ones who were strictly here to drink, he knew. Of course, he also knew that anyone who came to drink the swill served here had to be poor and desperate. Therefore, he had to be careful around them.

A loud bang interrupted the majority of conversations going on around the room. Roscoe felt the bang on his table and looked up to see a large man standing before him. He let his eyes drift down to the empty mug the man had slammed down. His eyebrow raised in question to the man’s actions while he started to slowly move his off hand toward the hilt of a dagger he had in a sheath on his belt.

“I ain’t never seen you here before,” the man growled.

“That’s ’cause I ain’t from ’round here,” Roscoe retorted in an exaggerated accent.

“Whatchu doin’ in here?”

Roscoe put anger on his face. “I’m just lookin’ for work, so why don’t you back up before I put you down?”

The large man stared hard at Roscoe. For a moment, he thought he had pushed too far and began tensing for a fight, but it didn’t come. The man just gave a soft chuckle before walking away. Roscoe kept his relief of his face and downed the rest of his ale. He got up, walked over to the bar, and ordered another. By the time he got it, and returned to his table, there was another man sitting there.

The new man wasn’t as physically imposing as the first one, but Roscoe got the feeling that he was more of a threat. There was a dangerous intelligence behind his eyes. “I hear you’re looking for work,” the newcomer said.

“So did everyone else here,” Roscoe responded. “That don’t make you special.”

“If that mouth of yours hasn’t got you killed yet, you must be decent with a sword.”

Roscoe shrugged. “Not the best, but better than most.”

“You willing to prove yourself to get a job?”

“Depends on what I’ve got to do. I ain’t gonna do something suicidal like storming the castle by myself.”

“What about a one-on-one fight?”

“Who’d I have to fight? You?”

“No, not me,” the man chuckled. “You’re of no use to me dead.”

Roscoe was about to protest that statement, in order to stay in character, but he found that he couldn’t do it. Something inside told him that agitating this man wasn’t a good idea. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the man would be able to kill him, if they came to blows. So, he stayed quiet and just looked at the man.

“Like you,” he continued, “we’re new in town, and my organization is looking to add a few more faces for our operations in the Kingdom. Two of the three positions have already been filled. I want you to fill the other, but another member of our organization would rather have it be someone else. If you want the job, you’ll have to fight the other guy in order to win it.”

“To the death?”

“That’s entirely up to the combatants. If you win, and want to let him live, you’re welcome to, but he may not be that merciful. So, Mouth, do you want the job, or not?”

Roscoe looked down for a moment. From what he knew, Merlinus was new to the Kingdom, like the man claimed to be. If this man worked for Merlinus, this may be his only chance to get close enough to him. If he did it, though, he’d be on his own, with nobody to save him if he fell. What should he do?

A steely resolve burst from within and he looked up into the man’s eyes. With a cold smile, he said, “Let’s go.”