As they gather in the night in search of eternal light...

Hi! After a really, really, really long time, I figured I should make one of those shiny, informative Welcome Posts, and so here it is!

Regarding warnings: I don't warn for violence if it's an essential part of the canon. You can expect to find things in my stories you find in the canon. I do warn for sexual violence, extreme kink, underage, and incest. I do not always warn for character death. In a lot of my fandoms, minor character death (unnamed characters dying) are canon. Example: Wild Adapter has random people dying all of the time. I don't warn for that.

Given that, you can contact me at anytime to alter insufficient warnings or to inquire about potential triggers. A lack of a warning in the header means a lack of: sexual violence, extreme kink, chan, and incest.

From now on, I will change the word "warnings" to "contains" because sexual practices shouldn't be on the same line as harmful things.

Regarding Friending: If you friend me, and you're not a troll, I'll friend you back. If I friend you, I like you for some reason.

Regarding Fandoms: There are a lot of things that I enjoy, like Buffy and X-files and House, but I don't ship or fic or read stuff in their fandoms.

I'm actively interested/involved in Prince of Tennis, Harry Potter, Peacemaker Kurogane, Loveless, Stargate Atlantis Wild Adapter/Executive Committee, and Fullmetal Alchemist.

Latent Fandoms: Eyeshield 21 (I really like it a lot, but I have no time for it.)

Regarding shipping: I'm a dedicated shipper. I have my otps. And there are things that I find repulsive. We don't need to agree on these to get along, but...uh...if you write one of them, I likely won't be reading it. Agreeing on ships isn't all that important to me because I understand love and dedication, regardless of the object of affection.

( My blather about my ships and non-shipsCollapse )
Regarding Dounjinshi/Scanlations: If you're here for that, friend nova_5 because I don't post any of that here.

Regarding My Posts: A lot of fic. I write a lot. It's not all perfect, but I like writing. So, there you go. I have a child, Trina. I write about her once in a while. I respect ChildFree and all that, but if the mention of my daughter squicks you, this isn't the place for you.

Regarding Hakama: I love hakama. Fic where characters wear hakama. The sight of characters in hakama. Sanada in hakama. Kanesaki in hakama. It's a beautiful thing.

Regarding Modding: I mod a few communities. wishforthemoon, their_white_day, snarry_games, switching_it_up, saltydogstories, tenifriends, and other things...coming soon.

And if you have any questions, please ask me. I'll answer most things...

Dearest Yuletide Peep: Thank you for writing for me. The most important thing is to have fun with it.


( Everything under the cutCollapse )

Dear Author,

Sorry, I'm late updating this. Hopefully you see it.

Thank you for writing for me!

Normally, I have a standard "squick" list. In fact, I think I copy/pasted it for the last 3-4 years I participated. However, it won't work so well with my picks this time. Mostly due to the canon they come from.


The Stand: Nadine Cross, Randall Flagg, Larry Underwood. (Any other canon characters needed for the story)

I'd be super interested in seeing how everything would've changed (or not) if she did make love to Larry. I'd be interested in any alternate Nadine story. One where she has more agency. One where she thwarts Flagg.

Triggers: Non-con. I'm aware that it's a part of her story. I just don't want to read it graphically described. Any sort of ending where it's a Nadine/Flagg story. I'm not all wanting to read anything with them having any sort of romance.


IT: Ben, Bev, Mike and Bill. (Any of the Losers Club showing up is fine with me)
At the end of the Book, it's insinuated that they'll never see each other again. Though, I'm curious if that also means Ben and Bev because they leave together. I reallllllly want to see something where the remaining Losers Club meet up again. Or something on how Ben/Bev works out when they're losing parts of their memories. Do they re-imagine their love story?

Triggers: This is tough, because a lot of the canon is touching on stuff I don't want to read in fanfic. So, I'll say, if you do touch upon the child abuse, domestic violence, racism, homophobia, rape, etc, please don't get overly graphic with it. I don't want something that's grimdark and upsetting. I'm more interested in how they heal.

Jessica Jones: Jessica Jones, Trish. (Any characters in her show/related shows needed for the story)

I would love a story where Trish saves Jessica. Or a story where they work together to solve a crime or case. Jessica/Trish is A-okay with me. (Also okay with Jessica/canon romances)

Triggers: Don't want to read graphic non-con. Understand it's a part of her backstory, but I don't want it graphically described or the focal point of the story. Dealing with the aftermath or discussing it is fine. No cheating or prostitution fic, please.

Wonder Woman: Diana Prince, Etta Candy. (Any other canon characters needed for the story except Steve.)

Just would love a fun little story about Etta and Diana on an adventure of some sort. Something where Etta gets to shine and Diana loves helping her shine.

Triggers: no graphic rape, prostitution, child abuse, grim-dark stuff, please no time-period related homophobia or racism. I know it exists, but I'd rather not read it anyhow.

If you have any questions, leave them anon here and I'll answer.

Thank you for writing my story, Yuletide friend.

( look under the cutCollapse )

Firstly, thanks so much for writing for me. I hope you have a fun time doing it. :)

(and, yes, most of this is almost completely ripped off my last year's letter.)

( The Good StuffCollapse )

Title: This Burden In My Hand Ch. 5
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Rating: PG-13, this chapter. NC-17 overall.
Contains: Supernatural-levels of violence. Ignores season nine.
Notes: Thanks so much to djin7 for the beta. This is for you, btw.

Summary: In order to save Sam, Dean's forced to make a difficult choice. Dean now needs to balance figuring out what to do about a now-human Cas, demons, angels, and everything else life tends to throw at him with taking care of his brother, who needs him now more than ever.

Can he finally get past his self-hatred, guilt, and inability to let go in order to give Sam the life he always deserved? Or will he follow in his father's footsteps. Castiel is determined that whatever happens, Dean won't have to deal with it alone.

Title: This Burden In My Hand Ch. 4
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Rating: PG, this chapter. NC-17 overall.
Contains: Supernatural-levels of violence. Ignores season nine.
Notes: Thanks so much to djin7 for the beta. This is for you, btw.

Summary: In order to save Sam, Dean's forced to make a difficult choice. Dean now needs to balance figuring out what to do about a now-human Cas, demons, angels, and everything else life tends to throw at him with taking care of his brother, who needs him now more than ever.

Can he finally get past his self-hatred, guilt, and inability to let go in order to give Sam the life he always deserved? Or will he follow in his father's footsteps. Castiel is determined that whatever happens, Dean won't have to deal with it alone.

Title: This Burden In My Hand Ch. 3
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Rating: PG, this chapter. NC-17 overall.
Contains: Supernatural-levels of violence. Ignores season nine.
Notes: Thanks so much to djin7 for the beta. This is for you, btw.

Summary: In order to save Sam, Dean's forced to make a difficult choice. Dean now needs to balance figuring out what to do about a now-human Cas, demons, angels, and everything else life tends to throw at him with taking care of his brother, who needs him now more than ever.

Can he finally get past his self-hatred, guilt, and inability to let go in order to give Sam the life he always deserved? Or will he follow in his father's footsteps. Castiel is determined that whatever happens, Dean won't have to deal with it alone.

Title: This Burden In My Hand Ch. 2
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Rating: PG, this chapter. NC-17 overall.
Contains: Supernatural-levels of violence. Ignores season nine.
Notes: Thanks so much to djin7 for the beta. This is for you, btw.

Summary: In order to save Sam, Dean's forced to make a difficult choice. Dean now needs to balance figuring out what to do about a now-human Cas, demons, angels, and everything else life tends to throw at him with taking care of his brother, who needs him now more than ever.

Can he finally get past his self-hatred, guilt, and inability to let go in order to give Sam the life he always deserved? Or will he follow in his father's footsteps. Castiel is determined that whatever happens, Dean won't have to deal with it alone.

Title: This Burden In My Hand Ch. 1
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Rating: PG, this chapter. NC-17 overall.
Contains: Supernatural-levels of violence. Ignores season nine.
Notes: Thanks so much to djin7 for the beta. This is for you, btw.
Summary: In order to save Sam, Dean's forced to make a difficult choice. Dean now needs to balance figuring out what to do about a now-human Cas, demons, angels, and everything else life tends to throw at him with taking care of his brother, who needs him now more than ever. Can he finally get past his self-hatred, guilt, and inability to let go in order to give Sam the life he always deserved? Or will he follow in his father's footsteps. Castiel is determined that whatever happens, Dean won't have to deal with it alone.

OMG, it's been an age since I posted here.

It's been being sick (again) and writing and more writing and migraines and Trina and life and pokemon.


Basically, I spent most of August after my birthday til mid September alternating between being sick and writing. October was mainly writing. The tail end of October through halfway of November, I was playing Pokemon X. I also started getting migraines again. bleh. Now, it's effing December. JFC where does the time go?

There are so many fics I've written that never got linked to here. I'll do that over the next few days.


I sometimes lurk around Tumblr which is here: tumblr of mine if you want to follow it.

So...how is every little thing with everyone?

Tell me how you're doing!

Once again, I missed my LJversary. (Nov. 17) Nine years.

Firstly, thanks so much for writing for me. I hope you have a fun time doing it. :)

(and, yes, most of this is almost completely ripped off my last year's letter.)

*Non-con/rape is a massive squick for me. I also don't like reading my otp broken in favour of other ships. I don't need a happy ending-though I like them, but I dislike massively unhappy ones. Hopeful ones are cool with me. I don't like gay for you stuff or we're not gay, we're just in love with each other. I dislike homophobia/transphobia/racism, even if it's a character spouting it.

*I'm pretty easy to please otherwise. I like almost every genre but crack and uberfluff. I like happy to dark to in the middle. I don't mind violence. If you write sex, I'm cool with anything. Just...I don't like flowery words for genitals. Her sweet flower or his most secret place stuff just makes me laugh. Same with manmeat and lady essence. I'm fine with cock, clit, tits, stuff like that.

*Kinks: I like obsessive love/adoration. I like barebacking a lot. And felching. I like my sex to include love Um. I like realism in fic...like not excessively happy or sad, but a mix of the two. I love violence and guns and knives. I love, LOVE AU. If you want to AU anything, please be my guest.

* I normally don't mind pet names or stuff like baby said during sex, but it doesn't really feel right with these pairings. (I think Robbie calling James "love" is about all I could buy.)

*I'd love if the fics are in tune with the tone of the series they come from, but it's not necessary. I like sex that feels mutual. I don't really like rape as a kink and dislike sex when one person is always protesting ala most yaoi manga. Though, as I stated, sex is not necessary, but I wouldn't mind it.

* Although I didn't choose any, feel free to include any characters in the given series as side characters.

Wild Adapter: I ship Kubota/Tokito and only Kubota/Tokito. (I don't mind if you write them in that strange way they have in the series without making it overtly slashy, however.) I'd love something about them discovering something new about Tokito's past or his arm. Or I wouldn't mind if Kubota gets hurt and Tokito goes on a rampage. Or really anything with these two.

Red Dwarf: I'd really like something gen here. This isn't a fandom I ship anyone in. I would love any sort of story in the style of how episodes usually go. Fail and snark and teasing.

Captain Marvel: I love Carol Danvers. A lot. I'd love any story centered around Carol and other women kicking ass and taking names. If you could write a story featuring only female characters (heroes and villains) I'd love it.

Lewis: I ship James/Robbie. The fic doesn't have to ship them, but I really don't want them with other people if you don't. I would love a fic that has Robbie retiring and James following after him, insinuating himself in Robbie's retirement plans. Any sort of story with that tone is cool. I'd rather not have a lot of homophobia in the story or gay for you stuff. Though, I can understand a little bit of discomfort due to James' character and past. I just don't want it to be a big focus. Everyone can have their big gay freakout off screen. Alternately, an AU in which Robbie meets James during a case and falls in love.

If you're really unsure and need to ask someone about my tastes, you can contact djin7. She pretty much knows my brain.

I swore to myself I wouldn't fall in love. I swore it. I vowed and swore and declared it. But, alas. I was no match for it. I succumbed.

So, now I beg...can anyone rec me some decent Dean/Castiel fic? Ones that acknowledge that Cas is a soldier and not a wimp?


plz and thnx.

Oh, fandom, you do nothing halfway.

Like, there are people who bash characters for no good reason. Yanno. Because the character is a girl or breaking an otp or whatever idiotic reason.

So, we all agree that character bashing isn't fun. Because people should be able to enjoy what they like.

Except, now we'll go completely in the other direction.

Now, there's a bunch of people going on and on about how 'if you don't like character X, you're a horrible human being'. Which is just as annoying as the character bashers.


I continue to sit on my nice little slice of middle ground.

Back to Supernatural ruining my life with Dean Winchester and Misha Collins' face.

God, I wish someone would have warned me that seeing Misha Collins in this show would ruin my life. He is a life ruiner. No doubt.


His stupid, beautiful, stupid face.

---

Okay, okay, honestly, how many of you SPN fans were able to make it more than ten minutes into "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester" without, like, cracking the fuck up. Just. Yeah.

However, this show is now, like, five hundred percent better now that I can look at Misha Collins' face. Which is adorable.

---

P.S. I actually hate the episode Wishful Thinking because it is incredibly gross and terrible. Like, the worst episode I've seen them film thus far. Just. Terrible.

Damn, Dean, you are so damaged. lol. So, I'm in the middle of season three and I'm declaring that everyone on this show needs like...five hundred hours of therapy. John Winchester really did a number on Dean, ffs.

It also sucks to be Sam, but he comes off as more balanced to me. It'll probably end up the opposite, but still.

Out of boredom and/or desperation, I did something unwise. I...erm. Blame Tumblr. And boredom. And being too broke to buy the expansion pack of a game I was playing.


I started watching Supernatural on netflix.

I've just finished season 1 and am now on season 2.

I have to say...they're remarkably bad at hunting for people who've been doing it since they could walk.

Not quite sure how I feel about it. There are things that make me wtf. I know there are more to come. I'm not quite attached to either of the Winchesters. (Though, I'm more attached to Dean than Sam, who irritates me often enough for me to notice.)


Still, I think I'll continue to watch it. At least til I get to experience Castiel.

At least I'll be able to sit back and enjoy Dean's handsome face and epic emotional constipation for a while.

---

I guess I'll be watching season three of Teen Wolf. gdi. I was so expecting this episode to suck. Then, it didn't. ffs.


Also, mcshep_match is starting. Awesome. I am so excited about it.


Also, I need to make some icons this week for a certain awesome lady porny gem goddess person.

---

So, I've finally given up the hesitation and went through a complete Ashleymance in Mass Effect. I loved it. It's adorable. I kind of feel like the Kaidanmance got the shaft. He's so much more suspicious of Shepard and grouchy at him. Ashleymance is dorky. It's completely dorky because Shepard all 'Smooth Dog' about it. So, all his lines are corny and ridiculous.

Garrusmance is still my most favourite. I also adore Stevemance a lot. I haven't finished the me3 Thanemance stuff yet. And I doubt I'll ever Jackmance or Talimance*. Jack...to me, I think she needs friends who aren't after her tail. (yes, it's a game, but roleplaying, wtf) And Tali is the same as Merrill to me. She reminds me of a child. The whole naive, virginal, young thing. I'm not really interested. (Though, I think it says a lot when you think about how popular those romances were)


When I was playing through me2 for my Ashleymance, I stayed single...However, I did end up doing the whole Justicar romance angle (which doesn't work)...boy, was that touching. I really loved it a lot. I adore Samara and part of me wants to playthrough me3 to get that scene with her during Citadel...but it's a lot of game to play just for a small scene.

Aaaanyhow, I'm doing a Stevemance again because I want to. Then, I plan on finally doing a Traynormance.

* I realise I didn't include Jacob in the mances I'll never do, but that's because I pretend Jacobmancing doesn't actually exist.

---

Was anyone else disappointed with this seasons season finales?

( Spoilers for h50Collapse )

( spoilers for ncisCollapse )


( spoilers for ncis:laCollapse )

Lots of news and reviews:

1. I've been asked to be Captain of Team Fine for the last and best mcshep_match! Yay! I can't wait. It's going to be so awesome.

2. Been watching Hannibal. It's gonna get cancelled because of the ratings, but I love it.

3. Me and Vesilicious have decided to watch season three of Teen Wolf. Like a car wreck.

4. Playing Mass Effect again. This time, doing an Ashleymance. It's awesome. I really love it. Ashley never really connects with FemShep as friends like FemShep and Miranda and FemShep and Samara. But with DudeShep, her personality really shines through. I'm loving it so far.

5. I watched both Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness.

( spoilers for Iron Man 3Collapse )


( spoilers for Star TrekCollapse )

Day four of my vacation...Day four of sitting on the couch in my knickers, playing Mass Effect. In other words? BEST TIME EVER. I will enjoy the last three days in the same exact manner. Yay for naked video gaming.

I left the gibbs_dinozzo community today. It's been building for a while. I like the ship a lot, and I used to like reading the episode discussions. Lately, though, they're not episode discussions so much as one big, long moan about Ziva. Her crimes include being competent at her job, having a father/daughter relationship with Gibbs and talking to Tony. *rolls eyes*

I'm not a fan of Tiva, but that's more due to my general disinterest in the way TV shows write m/f romances than anything about this pairing in particular.

Anyhow, I got tired of the rampant hatred in these episode discussions. It made me feel hesitant to offer my opinions at all. It all felt too hostile for me. I contacted one of the mods/owners/etc and said as much. In return, they basically delivered every thing that bothered me about the episode discussions into my very own PM box. Awesome.

Got a bit defensive when I said I thought a lot of people hated her for breaking up their OTP. Note, I never claimed she did that, however. She responded as if I had. Overidentifying much? Anyhow, the gist of the whole conversation we had was:

me: all this hate for this female character makes me uncomfortable.
her: well, I hate her for those reasons, too, and so do the other mods, so we're not going to stop it.
me: I'll leave, then. Bye.

Meh. Wtfever. I'm not saying people can't have legitimate reasons for disliking Ziva or her characterization. I'm sure people do. I just don't think that most of these people would hate her nearly as much if Tiva stood for Tim/Ziva instead of Tony/Ziva.

It reminds me of the clusterfuck over in H50 fandom with everyone hating on Cath because she's 'Wonder Woman' or something. I can't really roll my eyes hard enough.

The same thing happened, to a lesser degree, in Lewis fandom. With people hating on Laura. Laura Hobson who was one of the loveliest ladies in any TV show ever.

And, no, before anyone says as much, it doesn't mean that I think people can't dislike female characters or dislike het pairings. I dislike plenty of het pairings and I dislike the way a fair amount of female characters are written. It's more about the why. Why people dislike it. It makes a difference. I disliked Lori on H50 and mostly because the writers gave her pisspoor development and made her main characteristic of having a pointless crush on an extremely disinterested Steve. I also dislike Steve/Cath because I think Steve treats Cath like shit and I want her to go on dates with someone who doesn't see her as an investigative short-cut. Because she's beautiful and fierce and awesome.

So, it's not that I think anyone saying they dislike these characters or pairings should stfu or anything, but if you're going to say 'oh, she's so annoying, I hope she dies in this car accident' I'm going to call foul.

I sorta wonder if fandom didn't used to feel as negative as it does now or if I just had better blinders on back then? Because I really miss when fandom was all about yay and squee and fun instead of being gross and hostile.

Anyone at all is welcome to picspam this post with happiness.

---

So, a former Boston Celtic, Jason Collins, came out today. Good for him. I hope he gets the life he always wanted and didn't think he could have. The article is really lovely. Tugs on your heart, a bit.

I hope that five, ten years from now, this isn't even a thing. I hope this really opens the doors and proves that hypermasculine areas of the world can function with openness. Sports World, I love you. You're some of my favourite things... Don't let me down!

---

Every single time I read the episode reactions on gibbs_dinozzo before actually watching the newest NCIS episodes, I'm left with the impression that Ziva fucked Tony against a dirty back alley or something. And for this, Ziva deserves to die. (Because there is always at least one comment by someone saying that they wished her to be dead for the crime of existing.)

And then I'll watch the episode and all it ends up being is a rather short, touching moment or two. Or sometimes it's just Tony and Ziva talking to each other like people often do. And I'm baffled. I'm not a Tiva fan. I don't really care for the idea of Tony and Ziva as a couple and not just because of the dumb plotlines that will invariably follow. But, I've never really been bothered by the level of Tony/Ziva interactions in the show. People will never make sense to me.

I'm not big on warnings, but I do try to get those involving consent (and other really big things). Anyhow, I was wondering what people thought about the following scenario/s:

1. Character A and Character B consent to have sex with each other. Enthusiastic consent. Yay. But Character A has a secret. If that secret was known, Character B most likely would not consent to sex. Does this make it dubious consent? Consent with a jackass? I dunno. Does it depend on the secret?

What if Character A has a significant other and Character B doesn't know?
What if Character A is a murderer/criminal and Character B doesn't know?
What if Character A (knowingly) has an STI and Character B doesn't know?
What if Character A is involved with something nefarious irt Character B, who doesn't know?
Is there any other circumstances you can think of that would make consent between two characters dubious based on a secret a character has?

---

I can't turn off the news. I really have no words to describe how I feel about what's been happening in my state this week. There's no big, political statement. It's just a terrible and pointless loss of life and wanton destruction for the sake of it.

The one thing that prevents my faith in humanity from dying completely are all the stories of people who helped others and cared for others and did whatever they could to make the situation better. Those people are why Boston et al. will persevere.

I'm not from Boston, but Boston is (and has been) a part of my heart. I was born/raised (for the most part) in Leominster, MA which is about 50 miles from Boston. Most of my vacations and school field trips and fun outings took place in Boston. My teams are in Boston. Most people in Eastern Massachusetts think of Boston as our city, even if we don't live there.

So my heart is there, right now. All of my good thoughts, too. I can't wait to visit again.

---

Fandoms I'm currently reading/writing:

Teen Wolf: How the fuck did that happen? I mean that...seriously. How did I get into this fandom? Just a few months ago, Teen Wolf=MJFox in a basketball jersey+fur suit. I have a bunch of ideas for fic. The downside of this fandom? The grammar/spelling. It's so bad. So, so, so bad.

Merlin: I love Merlin fandom. So much awesome fic. I sorta want to write something in it, but kinda sorta nervous about it.

SGA: It's not as active anymore, but I still love John/Rodney. Am definitely thinking of doing mcshep_match for my (possibly) last hurrah.

Lewis: I'm toying with a few fic ideas, but I generally only read stories by people I trust/recs by people I trust. I'm really picky about them.

H50: I still watch the show. I haven't enjoyed much fic lately since most of the people whose writing I liked left the fandom. I don't really write in it because the fandom is not the most welcoming. Lots of misogyny among the active people I've seen. Don't really want to read about how Cath is a horrible person for being competent and lovely and whatever.

Mass Effect/Dragon Age: I don't really read a lot of it, but I have plans to write some. Still love the sources, though.

I'm almost done with season two of BSG. I have to say that I like it most of the time. There's some icky race-related stuff and some really icky women related stuff. I think years and years of being into sci-fi and (particularly) loving Mass Effect has given me a firm 'sentience equals people' mentality. So, the devaluing of life because it's partially synthetic is icky to me.

Also, Gaius is like the biggest douchebag ever. Just sayin'.

(also, watching this tends to drive me toward a long, angry rant about the subtle shaming of women with overt sexual drives in media. Because, it drives me nuts. Seriously, any time a female character on tv actually openly enjoys sex, especially if she's not properly married or whatever, there's always a subtle or overt shaming or punishing of it. Sometimes, it's 'she's seekritly miserable' or 'she gets called a slut/whore/whatever' by someone she loves/works with/etc or 'she gets drunk and bad stuff happens' or 'she sleeps with a serial killer/murder/rapist/bad dude of the week' or 'she gets a stalker' or 'she gets accidentally pregnant' or 'she gets an STD' or 'she gets raped' or whatever else sort of Shakespearian punishment for daring to own her body and what she does with it.) Oops, I guess I ranted anyhow.

*I sometimes wish I could put a usb cord from my brain to the word doc and get out all the ideas I have for different fics. I have so much I want to write.

*Trina broke her foot on Tuesday. Someone landed on it in gym. Today, she's meeting with the doctor to see what we're going to do about it.

*I'm almost finished the DVD commentary on When You Broke My Chest which was a difficult story to write. I would have been done earlier, but Trina's been needing me.

*I have a Tumblr. I feel dirty, now, but que sera sera.

*I've restarted watching Battlestar Gallactica. I had tried a while back, but got distracted from it around episode four. Now, I'm on the season one finale. Lots to like, lots to cringe at. It seems this is my typical viewing experience these days.

Title: When You Broke My Chest
Rating: R
Word Count: 16,000~
Summary: When Derek does the unforgivable to Stiles, Stiles attempts to forgive him anyhow. It's not easy.
Contains: Rape. Please read the notes before reading.
Notes: Many thanks to undeny, for the beta, to wook77, for advice, to whisper132, for handholding, and to my therapist who let me pepper her with questions about the topic. Based roughly on this prompt on the old Teen Wolf Kink Meme.

If I see one more news report about someone feeling bad for Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond and what a 'tragedy happened' to them, I'll puke. I cheered when I heard they were found guilty. They won't serve nearly as long as they should, because they're young. But fuck yeah, baby, they're guilty. I heard the District Attorney is planning on possibly filing more charges against all those jerks who stood around and watched and tweeted about it as it happened, and not one scrap of humanity among them because no one helped.

Someone asked me recently if I'm so against disparaging the canon love interests, and am all for strong, awesome women in shows and fics and stuff, then why don't I have more het ships?

It's mostly because my id fantasies about women don't involve men. At all.

When I think about the stuff on tv I'd like to see women do, dating men isn't even in the top ten.

That's why.

Before you read this, know that I'm not picking on your fic. I'm not thinking of your fic. I actually don't have any particular stories in my head as I write this. It's more based on my general impression of the hundreds and hundreds of fics I've read over the last six months (in particular).

Feel free to disagree with me...I won't be bothered by it. Though, if your argument is "it's just fanfic", I'll probably not take you very seriously. Anyhow, I'm not claiming my writing is perfect or that I don't fall into some horrible habit when I write that bothers other people. I probably do. Whatever. Just take this post for what it is: my opinion.

I read a lot of fanfiction and have a fair amount of kinks that I enjoy. For the most part, I'm not married to a singular characterization of most characters I read. I am also not married to top/bottom dynamics, either. However, there are some things I wish writers would/would not do.



1. Cut at least eighty percent of the crying out of stories.
-Off the top of my head, of all the fandoms I'm in, I can only recall a handful of scenes where a character I ship cries. Merlin cries when faced with extreme duress or grief. Tony Stark cries during certain events at the tail end of The Civil War series. (This list isn't inclusive)

--The point is, Tony Stark isn't gonna cry because Steve said something mean to him.

I'm not a crier by nature, so it might just be my own hangups, but if it wouldn't make them cry in canon, I'd rather it not make them cry in a story.


2. Limit the "I love you" stuff

-This is basically similar to the crying issue. Most of the people I'm reading are extremely emotionally constipated. John Sheppard can't even say the word 'feelings' during the show. So, reading a John Sheppard that is profusely expressive of his adoration of Rodney can be a bit weird.

--The point is, John's not going to delivering soliloquies on the beauteous wonder that is Rodney without the aid of drugs.

3. Get a beta-reader, if you can.

-I've noticed a growing trend, especially in Teen Wolf fandom, to never use a beta-reader. It shows. Dear god, does it ever show. It's frustrating to abandon a story with an interesting premise or a favoured kink because you just can't slog through the terrible grammar and spelling problems.

--A tangential issue: make sure your formatting is easy on the eyes. Single-spaced stories are murder. I never read them.


4. Ask yourself "why"

-So, you want to write a darkfic. Cool, I like those. Character X is going to do this terrible thing. Ask yourself why. Flesh out why. Make why make sense. Personally, I think the best darkfics take any given character, highlights their negative characteristics already seen in canon, and exaggerates/emphasizes them. For instance, I'd have an easier time believing a story where Rodney McKay turned out to be a serial killer than, say, Steve Rogers.

--I'll probably never buy say, Stiles, as a rapist, but if you want me as a reader to believe you're gonna need to do more than just label a story as "dark" and have him do it just because.


5. Limit the vilification of the canon love interest.

-I think it's fair to say most of my ships have canon female love interests. It's possible to end those relationships (or even ignore them) without making the woman to be vilified. I'm not saying having a cheating fic is bad, per se, but I also wouldn't mind a calm, quiet end to a relationship as it sometimes happens in life without changing the woman into this evil thing just to let the slash shine through.

--Much as I disliked Rodney/Jennifer, I still don't think Jennifer's going to be sitting in her room, laughing maniacally over the still beating heart of John's pet dog because he dared to love Rodney.

I love vids but I can't make em. To my eternal sadness.

So, I figured I'd just put it out there the top five vids I wish existed. (If they do exist, link me.) Of course, I'd love to see your top five wish list as well.


1. Teen Wolf (Ensemble) Daughter, Youth. We are the reckless. We are the wild youth.

2. Buffy (Spike/Buffy): Soundgarden, Mailman I know I'm heading for the bottom, but I'm riding you all the way

3. Avengers (Steve/Tony) Dido, White Flag I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again.

4. Teen Wolf (Derek) Bush, Prizefighter We're all chasing something.

5. Avengers/Iron Man (Tony Stark) Adam Lambert, For Your Entertainment. I'm the master of both. (To be fair, there is one and a half ones of these already. One that's only a minute long and the other mixed with Bruce Wayne. I'd like a full one of Tony Stark only.)

I've been around fandom long enough that I should be used to it. Or maybe I don't want to be used to it, because it's terrible and awful. Whatever. Most of my ships are slash pairings. Still, most of these characters are in relationship with/or are going to be with/or have been with women on the show.

And without fail, there are people in fandom that express their dislike of these lady characters with all the misogyny they can muster.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm usually not keen on these relationships either. But I'm not interested in many relationships in shows, whether they involve my ships or not, because they are usually written terribly. More stuff needs to be like Peter/El because they're both adults and El exists without Peter.

I don't blame the lady characters. I blame the writers. Who don't know how to make a functional relationship at all. Or can't have a female character be a person and a girlfriend at the same time. It's awful.

Let's face it. I'd probably be just as annoyed at how they wrote any relationship. In any variation. I just so rarely have the opportunity for comparison. Because most of the shows I watch only have gay people on them when they're dead. Or killing people. Or, in the case of H50, not at all or in any way.


Still, I don't want to stumble upon people making it like women are gross for existing and getting in the way of their non-existent love ship.

I hate having to avoid episode discussions on communities because of all "ew women" comments. And I hate finding it in notes on fanfic on A03.

TL;DR: Women are awesome, stfu.

And that's enough for now. Maybe I'll come back and write about how much warning for a specific character bottoming annoys me.

Has anyone watched the tv show The Secret Circle?

It's on Netflix and I was curious.


Um. I have a few fics I wrote during the holiday season...I'll post em here soon. I maybe switching over to DW soon, if LJ continues to be a pain. I'm almost out of paid time here anyhow.


Le sigh.

Happy New Year all.

I still don't think I can adequately express my feelings on Merlin's finale. Except. My heart.


Anyhow, it was a lovely christmas. Trina was happy. She loves her Tepig from my mum best of all.

I got a lot of comic books. Like almost all the Ultimates. Ten or fifteen trades of all the different Ultimates things including Ultimates Spiderman. *_* And the new Avengers comic with the Deadpool Gangnam Style variant cover. Which has a lovely little bit of Steve/Tony in the beginning.

And some really cute chibi Avengers art.

and a Patriots toaster!

And a new mp3 player. And some Patriots clothes.

And a darth vader plushie.

And a nice family dinner.

And a nice v-gift from midnitemaraud_r

Now, I'm watching Lord of the Rings, extended. As I do ever year at this time.

---

Happy Holidays, to those who celebrate. Otherwise, Happy Monday.



My plans today:

Curl up in my Patriots snuggie.
Click pokemons.
Watch Merlin. *sobs*
Eat Chinese food with my mum and dad.
Eagerly wait to see my child tomorrow.
Click more pokemons.

All and all, good plans.

Merlin...

( spoilers under the cutCollapse )

I've a long weekend to look forward to...as a gift to my daughter, since I refuse to buy her anymore games/electronics, I'm redoing her bedroom. Which currently looks like a six year old child's. And she's 13. So, I aim to do it this weekend since Trina won't be here til Christmas.


I hope I can muster up some Christmas spirit by Tuesday. lol

Also, Merlin! Merlin! Merlin. This the last time I'll ever get to say to my friends in chat: It's Saturday! It's Saturday! It's Merlin Day!

---

I've very pleased to say that both my sga_santa pinch and my yuletide stories are complete and submitted. Actually, the SGA one was handed in days ago. But, nonetheless. Pleased is the current state of me.


My beta-readers are the best people ever and I adore them.

I have two things I'm writing now. My mpregbigbang story and a kinkmeme fill.

I have other things I should write, too.

I'm just pleased my writing mojo (jojo) has returned to me. :)

*waves to everyone*

Now back to my regularly scheduled anxious anticipation for the last episodes of Merlin.

I think I need cuddles.

---

I need a beta for a short Lewis fic. (Either someone who can britpick and/or someone familiar with Lewis fandom preferred.)

I'm going to be at my mum's for a bit. So, I won't be able to send it until later this evening. (I'm on EST time.)

Trigger warning: references to incest/child abuse.

Certain members of my family suck.

( discussions of family drama, trauma, and bsCollapse )

I actually found this week's h50 unwatchable. In that I stopped watching it partway through. Is it just me or was it particularly bad this week.

There's always next week (or whenever the next episode airs).

I have feelings. Let me share them.

( feelings I haveCollapse )