That's what Quiet said above, and I grilled him on it 😆 But thank you so much for the support, Gub. I do think something magical happened with this one, and don't quite know how to replicate it.
Structure and presentation- verse between photos kind of offers a word/image flow linking to the next stage of life. The photos almost end the stage and the verse carries the poem forward…
I wrote the poem first by itself, then added the photos at sort of the last minute before publishing. But I'm pretty happy with the final result, even though it wasn't all super-planned-out.
Although maybe you should try commenting if you read a post written by someone who might like yours. It's a sneaky way to alert them to your existence.
One of my favourites that I’ve read on Substack too. It’s a stroke of genius… the setting of the scene at the start that a cycle leading to nothing is about to occur… the way you reinforce this with all the ´when I’s’. I saw you say you don’t know how to repeat this… but you will ☺️
Thanks so much, Reisson! I was in a sort of trance while writing most of this, and didn't know exactly what I meant by it. But I love double and triple meanings and entendres so much they even arrive in my dreams. 😄
This observation touches upon something profound and instrumental.
For an individual with a certain kind of karma, moving forward through time can actually feel like moving laterally through lives, while shifting identities. The lack of a "home" to center one's self, and its implications, were exactly what I had in mind while writing this.
I enjoyed the added images and he mixed media format! The poem stanzas all almost felt like their own thing while also being part of the whole. Several made me want to sit with them awhile.
Thanks so much for reading, Andrea! I've seen you around a lot in the notes and comments. If you'd ever like me to read something in particular, message me and I'll be delighted 😁
Lani, if I knew that so many readers like yourself would come out of the woodwork to admire my poems, I would have started posting them a lot earlier on. Thank you so much! You keep me inspired and driven.
The repetition in this piece creates such a relentless rhythm, like forward motion that never quite settles. Each transition feels both inevitable and chaotic, which mirrors the way life can spiral through reinvention and consequence. I especially like how the tone shifts from gritty realism to something almost mythic by the end. There’s a daring energy in the way you stack each phase on top of the last.
Ooh! You really felt the energy of this poem, Nicole, both musically and thematically. And "reinvention and consequence" are precisely the forces to carry us, when we're only partially in control of our destinies.
This is the reason I write poetry! To command the attention of a reader through twists of phrase, and take them upon a psychological odyssey aboard my ship. You can be one of my crew members for the next one, if you please. I subbed so I won't forget to check out your posts.
Hi Askua! Careful... or you'll chip a tooth. 😉 It's a reference to these lines:
"... and pluck till time and times are done / the silver apples of the moon, / the golden apples of the sun." — W.B. Yeats, The Song of Wandering Aengus
Was thinking of the resurrection of Jesus, and how the narrator still can't see any evidence for it. But I like your take! ... especially if you're willing to pluck a silver apple.
Since you're opening up the question, perhaps we should consider the possibility that free will may be an illusion. After all, isn't every "input" involved in the human decision-making process deterministic?
I think we understand so little about the construct we call “life” that we’re left clinging to its limitations: karma, free will, predestination, and so on. In the end, I think what matters is what you do from a certain point onward—how consistent you are with your choices so they actually lead to growth. If I know my grandmother had diabetes, do I just blame that and keep eating sweets anyway? I think we take too little responsibility and view this “game” through different lenses, rather than as a whole (and don’t ask me what the whole is—I don’t know :)).
I don't disagree with any part of that statement. In my opinion, both of the following are true:
1) Free will is an illusion.
2) All of a person's practical affairs ought to be conducted as though it weren't. Furthermore, all moral principles ought to be established (and moral conflicts be arbitrated) as though it weren't.
After all, the attribution of a human's actions to an embodied "self" of which they are thought to be in control, is a core axiom regulating the "chain" of inevitable events which transpire in the absence of (actual) free will. We think and act automatically, from the mentality of beings convinced that we don't — and if we were to fully embrace the principle that we do, our lives would become far, far less satisfying.
I love the structure and the attitude of this piece, you really set a tone & rhythm
That's what Quiet said above, and I grilled him on it 😆 But thank you so much for the support, Gub. I do think something magical happened with this one, and don't quite know how to replicate it.
Ahah sometimes I read the comments, sometimes no,
But I can elaborate
Structure and presentation- verse between photos kind of offers a word/image flow linking to the next stage of life. The photos almost end the stage and the verse carries the poem forward…
I'm glad you think that turned out well : )
I wrote the poem first by itself, then added the photos at sort of the last minute before publishing. But I'm pretty happy with the final result, even though it wasn't all super-planned-out.
Went to old madrid....
This was so good, especially the structure! Amazing work Rafa :)🤍
Thanks, Ivam! I think this is the first post of mine you've commented on. I had to do a double-take. 😲
I have this very bad habit on not commenting😭
I don't know how to critique someone's posts :)
I just read the pieces think in my head hmm that was nice leave a like and yeah this is who i am lol🙂
It's all good, my friend!
Although maybe you should try commenting if you read a post written by someone who might like yours. It's a sneaky way to alert them to your existence.
I’ve read a few of your poems and I’m smiling here to myself, just because your poetry is so damn good. 🙏🏼
Thanks so much for being interested in my work! This is one of my favorites I've posted so far. 😄
One of my favourites that I’ve read on Substack too. It’s a stroke of genius… the setting of the scene at the start that a cycle leading to nothing is about to occur… the way you reinforce this with all the ´when I’s’. I saw you say you don’t know how to repeat this… but you will ☺️
Thanks for the encouragement. I've been working on a bunch of songs lately that I'm planning to post soon. Do you know any good singers?
Nobody who’s not famous already 😋 I’ll look forward to your songs!
"When I got out of third,
I went to first again…
in a stadium — homeless and absurd."
Reading the first 2 lines I was confused, until the "homeless" pun hit me and stunned me completely. This is amazing writing. Love it.
Thanks so much, Reisson! I was in a sort of trance while writing most of this, and didn't know exactly what I meant by it. But I love double and triple meanings and entendres so much they even arrive in my dreams. 😄
This feels like moving through lives rather than through time.
Disorienting and strangely intimate. ✨
This observation touches upon something profound and instrumental.
For an individual with a certain kind of karma, moving forward through time can actually feel like moving laterally through lives, while shifting identities. The lack of a "home" to center one's self, and its implications, were exactly what I had in mind while writing this.
Great catch, JG!
Wow, that had a punch. I wasn’t expecting that. Great structure and powerful metaphors full of grit. I like that. A slow descent into nothingness.
I'm so glad you liked it!
To me, this poem is more like a slow climb out of a deep pit. But, as in real life, things have to get worse before they get better.
That is very true. We almost always hit rock bottom before the climb.
I enjoyed the added images and he mixed media format! The poem stanzas all almost felt like their own thing while also being part of the whole. Several made me want to sit with them awhile.
Thanks so much for reading, Andrea! I've seen you around a lot in the notes and comments. If you'd ever like me to read something in particular, message me and I'll be delighted 😁
Thanks! I DM’d you one you might find a lot of fun! 🤩 looking forward to reading more of your work!
The cadence in this piece felt sacred. The images highlighted all the right parts.
... and the praise kept coming! *Whooooooshh!!*
Lani, if I knew that so many readers like yourself would come out of the woodwork to admire my poems, I would have started posting them a lot earlier on. Thank you so much! You keep me inspired and driven.
Any time, friend. Authenticity will always resonate <3
The repetition in this piece creates such a relentless rhythm, like forward motion that never quite settles. Each transition feels both inevitable and chaotic, which mirrors the way life can spiral through reinvention and consequence. I especially like how the tone shifts from gritty realism to something almost mythic by the end. There’s a daring energy in the way you stack each phase on top of the last.
Ooh! You really felt the energy of this poem, Nicole, both musically and thematically. And "reinvention and consequence" are precisely the forces to carry us, when we're only partially in control of our destinies.
This is the reason I write poetry! To command the attention of a reader through twists of phrase, and take them upon a psychological odyssey aboard my ship. You can be one of my crew members for the next one, if you please. I subbed so I won't forget to check out your posts.
Loved the structure of this ❤️🙏
Thanks for reading this, Quiet!
Do you mean structure, as in rhythm? Or repeated words and phrases? Or intermittent photos? Just curious.
Everything!
Visual>poem>visual>poem.
The centred lines and structure of the poems themselves!
Very aesthetic and easy to read!
That's quite a salvo of praise, Quiet! I guess I'll suffer it, since I may have been guilty of fishing without a license. 😏
I'd love for you to drop in again, and read another. We're open every day here!
Ah, maybe being attacked by a bull isn't so bad after all. This poem was so passionate-I loved it from start to finish.
Yeah! It's better than being mired neck deep in a pit of lies, isn't it? 😂
Okay, “ugly, golden apple” made me snort..! So blunt and weirdly bright. I’m just sitting here like, yep, that’s the bite. Still chewing.
Hi Askua! Careful... or you'll chip a tooth. 😉 It's a reference to these lines:
"... and pluck till time and times are done / the silver apples of the moon, / the golden apples of the sun." — W.B. Yeats, The Song of Wandering Aengus
Risen, by the moon. Perhaps..
Was thinking of the resurrection of Jesus, and how the narrator still can't see any evidence for it. But I like your take! ... especially if you're willing to pluck a silver apple.
Your writing is very rhythmic and unique 🩶
Thanks so much, Wildwood! It really means a lot to me that you came to check out some of my posts. Maybe a bit of your talent will rub off : )
You’re welcome. Thank you for your kind words 🩶
So does our life really come down to just one question—when? Are we simply passing from one role to another?
Since you're opening up the question, perhaps we should consider the possibility that free will may be an illusion. After all, isn't every "input" involved in the human decision-making process deterministic?
I think we understand so little about the construct we call “life” that we’re left clinging to its limitations: karma, free will, predestination, and so on. In the end, I think what matters is what you do from a certain point onward—how consistent you are with your choices so they actually lead to growth. If I know my grandmother had diabetes, do I just blame that and keep eating sweets anyway? I think we take too little responsibility and view this “game” through different lenses, rather than as a whole (and don’t ask me what the whole is—I don’t know :)).
I don't disagree with any part of that statement. In my opinion, both of the following are true:
1) Free will is an illusion.
2) All of a person's practical affairs ought to be conducted as though it weren't. Furthermore, all moral principles ought to be established (and moral conflicts be arbitrated) as though it weren't.
After all, the attribution of a human's actions to an embodied "self" of which they are thought to be in control, is a core axiom regulating the "chain" of inevitable events which transpire in the absence of (actual) free will. We think and act automatically, from the mentality of beings convinced that we don't — and if we were to fully embrace the principle that we do, our lives would become far, far less satisfying.
Yep. This one was short and sweet ; )