Month: September 2020
Megan and Harry Argue
Couple Argues Over Whether Healing Requires Silence or Hardcover Montecito, California. The only place in the world where a marital disagreement can be resolved with sage burning, therapy vocabulary, and a 14-chapter publishing proposal. According to people who live within 600 yards of a lemon…
Iranian Diaspora Rallies in UK, Politicians Offer Thoughts, Prayers, and Distance
Iranian Diaspora Rallies in UK, Politicians Offer Thoughts, Prayers, and Distance | Demonstrators demand action as officials perfect the art of sympathetic separation
Labour Loses Birmingham
Labour Loses Birmingham After City Finally Gives Up Pretending Situation Was Temporary Labour suffered crushing losses in Birmingham this week after residents collectively decided the city’s ongoing collapse might not actually be “part of the regeneration plan.” Locals emerged from half-finished roadworks and mountains of…
Wordsworth Calls for Milton to Return From the Dead in 1802; Milton Unavailable; England Continues Being a Fen of Stagnant Waters; Wordsworth Remains Accurate
Wordsworth Calls for Milton to Return From the Dead in 1802; Milton Unavailable; England Continues Being a Fen of Stagnant Waters; Wordsworth Remains Accurate | Poet Diagnoses England’s Moral Decline in Fourteen Lines; England Accepts Diagnosis; England Carries On Anyway; Poem Remains Accurate 223 Years Later, Which Was Not the Intended Outcome
London Archaeology Now Where Every Building Site Becomes a Time Machine
London Archaeology Now Where Every Building Site Becomes a Time Machine | Construction routinely uncovers the buried layers of the ancient city
London Heathrow United Airlines Terminal Is Terminal 2 – It Was Always Terminal 2
London Heathrow United Airlines Terminal Is Terminal 2 – It Was Always Terminal 2 | The London Heathrow United Airlines terminal is Terminal 2, the Star Alliance home. Passengers who searched from the air finally land the answer.
Beast of Sydenham Identified as “Probably a Large Cat, Maybe a Dog, Definitely Media Hysteria”
Beast of Sydenham Identified as “Probably a Large Cat, Maybe a Dog, Definitely Media Hysteria” | 1960s Monster Panic Resolved 60 Years Later
Where Are They Now: Linsey Dawn McKenzie
Bio & Where Are They Now: Linsey Dawn McKenzie — The Woman Who Arrived Like a Cannonball and Left Like a Very Dignified Cup of Tea If Mary Millington was the British cinema era and tabloids were the supporting cast, Linsey Dawn McKenzie arrived when…
The Readeption Of Henry VI: When The Old Boss Returned Briefly
The Readeption Of Henry VI: When The Old Boss Returned Briefly | How A Former King Came Back For A Short-Term Contract
Replacing Farms With Luxury Flats
Britain Warns Of Food Crisis After Nation Accidentally Replaced Farms With Luxury Flats And Coffee Roasteries LONDON (PRAT.UK DATELINE) — The government has issued an urgent food security advisory after a comprehensive audit of England’s agricultural land revealed that approximately forty percent of it has, over…
Britain Asks For Self-Care
Self-Care Arrives Forty Years Late and Britain Asks to Speak to the Manager Nation’s Most Emotionally Waterproof Adults Now Googling “How to Feel Feelings Without Putting Your Back Out” A generation raised on three sacred commandments — finish your plate, never ring in sick, and…
Semenax Reviews
Leading Edge Health’s Semenax Leading Edge Health’s Semenax is a male dietary supplement marketed toward increasing semen volume, orgasm intensity, libido, and overall “male performance.” It’s sold as a non-prescription herbal supplement containing ingredients like L-Arginine, Maca root, zinc, Swedish flower pollen, and amino acids.…
Anarcho-Capitalist Lean: The State As Expensive Landlord
Anarcho-Capitalist Lean: The State As Expensive Landlord | Police By Subscription, Crypto By Conviction
London 2012 Video Game: Olympics Become Button-Based Nostalgia
London 2012 Video Game: Olympics Become Button-Based Nostalgia | London 2012 Video Game Explained for People Who Miss It
London Transport Delays
London Transport Delays Rebranded as “Extended Urban Reflection Time” In a bold move to improve customer satisfaction without improving actual service, Transport for London has rebranded delays across the network as “Extended Urban Reflection Time.” Officials insist the change better reflects the “holistic commuter experience,” in which…
London Zack and Cody Continues Confusing an Entire Generation
London Zack and Cody Continues Confusing an Entire Generation | London Zack and Cody Explained to Adults Who Swear This Was Educational Television
2013 – Britain Welcomes Royal Baby as If It Personally Fixed the Economy
2013 – Britain Welcomes Royal Baby as If It Personally Fixed the Economy | George Cambridge Arrives, Nation Pauses Austerity Debate for Several Hours of Uncomplicated Warmth
London Hotel Marriott Maida Vale Guests Arrive Expecting Beatles, Find Excellent Italian Restaurant
London Hotel Marriott Maida Vale Guests Arrive Expecting Beatles, Find Excellent Italian Restaurant | London tourists book the London Hotel Marriott Maida Vale for Abbey Road, then discover they must walk to a zebra crossing and back. Mock-news.
British Weather Forecast
British Weather Forecast Upgraded From “Disappointing” To “Psychological Warfare” Five Observations From the Nation’s Most Reliable Source of Shared Suffering The Met Office’s internal classification system has quietly added “psychological warfare” above “unsettled” and below “severe,” filling a long-recognised gap in the scale that meteorologists…
Highgate: North London’s Elevated Opinion With a View
Highgate: North London’s Elevated Opinion With a View | Highgate London Neighborhood Satire With Hills, Heath, and Earned Confidence
Flat In London: A Survival Guide To Renting A Cupboard For The Price Of A House
Flat In London: A Survival Guide To Renting A Cupboard For The Price Of A House | Hunting a flat in London? Expect eye-watering rents, cosy proportions and a bidding war for a studio. A deadpan guide to the capital’s brutal property market.
London Three-Bedroom Flat: The Financial Mathematics That Explain Why the Family in Zone 2 Is Either Extremely Fortunate or Has Made Very Specific Salary Decisions Together
London Three-Bedroom Flat: The Financial Mathematics That Explain Why the Family in Zone 2 Is Either Extremely Fortunate or Has Made Very Specific Salary Decisions Together | Three-Bedroom London Rental Requires Combined Household Income of Approximately PS112,000 to Stay Within the Recommended 30% Housing Cost Threshold; UK Median Household Income Is PS35,000; Both Numbers Are Correct
Reform UK Voters Shocked
Reform UK Voters Shocked to Discover Anger Does Not Fill Potholes: A Nation Learns About Civil Engineering Five Things Britain Has Only Just Realised About Governing 🛣️🇬🇧 Reform UK supporters have discovered governing requires slightly more than furious Facebook comments, Union Jack profile pictures, and…
Fergie’s Grand Escape Tour
Fergie’s Grand Escape Tour: From Royal Lodge to Spa Lodge to Who Knows Where Next Ex-Duchess of York Reportedly Now Accepting Retreat Reservations Worldwide Five Observations Before We Begin Sarah Ferguson has achieved what few royals dare attempt: turning scandal adjacency into a loyalty rewards…
London Realizes Childhood Was Mostly Advertising
London Realizes Childhood Was Mostly Advertising With Homework In Between London has opened a massive exhibition projecting 50 years of British TV commercials onto skyscraper-sized screens, allowing adults to finally confront the emotional truth: they did not grow up watching television. They grew up watching…
Bow: Where London Remembers Its Muscles
Bow: Where London Remembers Its Muscles | A Gritty Satirical Portrait of Bow’s History, Hustle, and Unfinished Sentences
Ealing: Where London Tries to Be Reasonable
Ealing: Where London Tries to Be Reasonable | A Thorough Satire of Ealing’s Balance, Big Parks, and Earnest Competence
The British Spy State: MI5, MI6, GCHQ, and the Democratic Accountability of Organisations Whose Work Is Secret by Definition
The British Spy State: MI5, MI6, GCHQ, and the Democratic Accountability of Organisations Whose Work Is Secret by Definition | The Intelligence Agencies, Parliamentary Oversight, the Intelligence and Security Committee, Rendition, the Snowden Revelations, and the Governance of Secrets