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Friday, July 3rd, 2009
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9:16 pm
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| Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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1:07 am
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mmmmmmmm jack daniels. its not that smooth "oops i got drunk" of gin 'n tonic - but damn its nice.
ps - down to 25 cents! Sweweeeeeeeet!~ fuckin sweet.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 11th, 2009
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10:29 pm
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If they think you're too old, why would they even go on a date with you in the first place? They don't; they refuse on the basis that I'm too old. My god, do Americans have issues! Americans all start dying after turning 30, and go through a slow painful process that eventually leads to bitter anger by the time age 40 or 50 comes around. It's unacceptable. ( Read more...Collapse )
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 14th, 2009
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11:18 pm - The Art of Plagosus
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Yeah, this is why I pay big bucks to go to school.
Hi Tony!
Tomorrow is the last day of school before summer break begins. I'm thinking about summer classes. Not certain that I'll do it though. I'm almost leaning toward spending days doing drawings in my sketchbook and developing ideas.
Speaking of. I'm thinking of putting together a production with music, dance and visual elements that I'll design and direct. Perhaps I'll put together some story boards and post them to my deviantart account. Basically, what I'm looking for are mood pieces, set in narrative format, with each section of the performance telling a short story that may or may not connect one to another.
Tomorrow is the schools big bash - free BBQ and dollar drinks. I like the cheap drinks part. Maybe I'll even ask some boy from school out to keep me company during the summer... meh, boys suck. Maybe I'll learn how to knit.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
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11:44 am
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I have a new President. Thank god he doesn't suck.
Well, here we are, 90 years after the last Great Depression, and almost 90 since the Inauguration of Franklin D Roosevelt. If there is a glimmer of hope that we may salvage something of our dignity, our standard of living, and the tattered ruins of our reputation in the greater Global Community - it is that, at the very least, we did not have to go through another term with GW in office. FDR took office four years after the Great Depression begain, President Obama, luckily, takes office sooner, rather than later, and maybe the pillaging of the American middle class will grind to a halt, which is inevitable anyway - as there is very little left to pillage by the New Aristocracy.
So, there is still some hope of redress that the strength and prosperity of our Nation, the principals of which were forged during the last Great Depression, will be seen again. And, perhaps this time, with the moral and ethical knowledge that unfettered consumption of resources will lead to the inevitable collapse, once those resources are consumed, and environment brought to ruin.
Yet, I do not see through rose colored glasses. I know that these changes in our course as a Nation will not result in an immediate improvement. However, I do believe that with my new President, we stand a greater chance of success than failure, and that finally the People of the United States of America, can see the true cost of prosperity, is through their own labor, rather than on the backs of others.
In the meantime, I still want to move to travel the world :)
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| Saturday, January 17th, 2009
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2:42 am
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Went to The Fez and had absinthe. Thank god we are breaking down these idiotic prohibitions. Next on the list needs to be marijuana.
So, absinthe. I've heard over and over, how absinthe tastes like licorice. Hmm, rather simple - and yes, it does have a slight licorice flavor to it. However, I would describe it in a few ways. First is the slight taste of timbre, which is I suppose the wormwood for which absinthe is so famous, and is ever-present, but really only a background flavor. Then there is the most pronounced taste, which comes just as the liquor hits your tongue, and is a bit more difficult to describe - it is most like the aftertaste of very peaty single malt scotch whiskey, like Glen Ord, and quickly dissipates. The finish is where that licorice flavor comes in, yet is much more of an anise seed flavor than mere licorice. It is NOT sweet, unless one adds the traditional sugar cube.
Just wanted to record the experience somewhere, and hate the other online journals far too much.
Ever notice how myspace erases your journal entries after awhile? Yeah, it sucks.
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| Saturday, November 29th, 2008
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3:25 pm
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Thanksgiving was its usual mess. Arrived at my older brothers house a few hours early, so we could spend a little time together. The Sister-in-law was a sweetheart as usual. I left as soon as the other brother arrived; the one who likes to make gay jokes. So, I didn't stay for dinner. I consider that good. The only thing that's hard about the holidays is spending them alone. Yesterday was pretty bad. Really bad actually. Well, I guess that happens when there's nothing to do. The school was closed, there's no internet, the book Im reading is only so-so.
Anyway, I'm at the school now, so I can get on the internet, check email, catch up on livejournals, post this, etc.
Later all.
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| Saturday, November 8th, 2008
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10:53 pm
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It has taken a while to settle in, these election results, and I noticed something really interesting...
During my lifetime, every major social event has been scripted. Think about it; starting with the lunar landing in my birth year, major motion pictures like The Godfather, Star Wars, and social movements, such as technology - computers, software (Microsoft and Apple), the advent of new communications formats like cell phones, the internet; all scripted by government, media, corporations. Everything we wear, watch, see, participate in - hell, every aspect of modern culture, is scripted and controlled by unseen people, and each has an agenda.
That carefully scripted culture of sheep has led my generation to become the ultimate in cynical. We believe nothing, have no hope for control or change in our daily lives, and believe that, no matter what we do, it ultimately doesn't matter, because everything in our lives, for our entire lives, has been controlled by someone else; usually corporations.
Last week, on election day, something unexpected happened. People got out, told their neighbors, friends, relatives = everyone they knew - "VOTE" go out and vote! Not who to vote for, what to vote; just to go out and vote. And we did. In droves. The masses have spoken, and we said "I'm sick and tired of this, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!". (Movie quote for ya, just for the irony.)
So, we had, for the first time in my memory, a spontaneous social event. A true grass roots movement. All the bad things I've been talking about, and for years uncounted, bitched at people in some, what I thought to be futile effort, trying to bring some recognition and sanity into the minds of those I meet. Somehow, I feel that maybe the human race isn't quite as much of a lost cause as I had thought. And, for a dyed in the wool misanthrope, that's saying something.
We The People have spoken, and WE are in charge again, and you corporate slime, you government cronies, you war profiteers, you oil moguls and robber barons had better watch out - the pitchforks and torches aren't far behind.
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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10:23 pm
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As an added bonus to life, someone slashed the roof of my car. Didn't steal anything, just slashed the roof. Makes life worth living doesn't it?
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| Saturday, September 20th, 2008
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1:14 pm
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Did a pretty nifty sculpture in Visual Theory 3-D Design class. My proff won't let me color it though - she says "not until after you've gone through color theory". So, its just white plaster. But it has a cool shape, and its the first abstract I think I've done since high school.
Not allot of time for goofing off these days. I took up a second job as a tutor at school - drawing, 3-D Design and 2-D Design... oh yeah, and Art & Design in Contemporary Society aka ADCS; thank god they don't have me doing math or english huh?
I would bitch about politics in this space, but, finally, everyone seems to be waking up from the drug induced haze of denial, so that would be pointless. Instead, I'll just say this - America made it through our last depression, by saving money when we could, working as much and as hard as we could, when we could, and by regulating the FUCK out of corporations, in the greatest populist movement in America history. We can do it again.
In the meantime, I'm moving to Canada, you guys are on your own hahahaha!
Okay, I'm not really moving to Canada... I'm actually thinking Australia would be nicer :)
Or Brazil. Brazil and Peru seem to be getting along nicely. South America does seem to grasp the fact that humanity does not exist to serve the interests of a privileged few, though I may be mistaken. Still, we, all of us, must remember that true liberty is not merely the freedom to go where one wishes, when one wishes, or say what one wills: it is also the right to benefit from ones labor and time. Certainly, it is not to work for slave wages, again, enriching a privileged few. Hmm, and here I said I wasn't going to rant.
What is it, about human society that seems to inevitably lead to despotism, fascism, oligarchy and tyranny? What is it, about the character or about human nature that so easily lends itself to the apathy that then leads to such a state? I think I should find the means to ask these questions visually.
Is good art, propaganda that reflects lofty ideals? Or, is good art, a question that leads the viewer down a path of inner reflection? Or, is art merely that which evokes a response? Can a single piece hold all of these ideals, at the same time?
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2008
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7:17 am
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Someone had the good sense to make a film, based on H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos. I am most pleased.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
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8:08 am
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After suggesting a huge scratch and sniff sculpture, in my 3-d design class, it was recommended that I take it to burning man. lol
No boyfriend. Just thought that bore mentioning.
Still working for the ass. Also thought that bore mentioning.
Class today! Should be fun. Can't remember which class though. Damn, but I'm only one of three guys in my class. Too bad I don't swing the other way.
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| Monday, August 25th, 2008
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9:48 am
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This past year has really sucked. Actually, this past five years have particularly sucked... Coming out about being gay, trying to find a boyfriend. The gay community - everything that is bad about guys, just seems to be magnified. Maybe its just an American thing, but all these guys, all they want is sex with a "hot guy". None are looking for anything more than that.
I tried making it work with different guys - Mathew, Andrew, Kale, Paul and now Miguel. Loved some of them, but thats turning into hate. I hate men. I hate me. I hate being gay. And I hate being alone.
Looking forward into the future, its hard to see anything more than the same. Don't know what to do about it, and starting not to care. Why oh why was I born. I didn't ask for it and certainly don't want to be here.
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| Monday, August 18th, 2008
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8:58 pm
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made a couple sculptures. One nice, one... I'm not really sure what and one really really horrible one, which (sadly) turned out exactly as planned. haha!
I need to find my digital camera. The one I packed away, where I could find it, after moving.... and can't seem to find. Yeah, that one.
Recent changes in plan might include going back to community college, and asking PNCA (the good school) for a year deferral on the grants/scholarships. This will give me more than enough time to fix the mess. Y'know, I could have fixed the lost grant problem, if I had more than 2 weeks time in which to fix it.
No new boys.
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| Friday, August 15th, 2008
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11:21 pm
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I just love America. Land of opportunity, for the greedy to get wealthy that is.
Maybe I should flush all sense of moral and ethical values down the toilet.
Notice how the average American hasn't got a clue about geography, math, literature and certainly couldn't give a shit about current events; most are even completely unaware as to why we are in an economic depression, or what is significant about Georgia invading Osettia and the Russian response.
Maybe, its related to the fact that I can't find a boyfriend.
Don't think so? Try this - every guy I've dated, is either fixated on my age, my looks or both. Many - hell most - guy won't even talk to me, because I'm not good looking enough. I think I'll do an experiment; make a fake personal ad, and post a pretty boy picture. What do you think will happen hmm? My lovely lil mind, behind a pretty picture.
Interestingly, the above also has something to do, with the ever increasing difficulty I am having with going to school; which may actually have just become impossible.
With changes to federal rules, regarding how much a single male may earn, for financial aid, my finding just got cut $4,600 for next year. So, I lost a grant? Unfortunately, this amount means $511 more per month, to pay for school = an additional 15.6 hours of work per week. I'm getting evicted (my apartments are going condo) so, my cost for rent is going up: additional 525 per month. Nice huh? so, all told, I'll have to work = 31.2 hours of work per week, just to cover rent and tuition. No food. No anything else. Classes are 15 hours per week, plus an additional 20 plus hours study and studio time is 35 hours per week. That's 66.2 hours per week and trust me, that's being VERY conservative. Add in cost of living, utilities and other expenses, such as art supplies and I'm starting to see an additional 20 or so hours of work, per week. Now, we're talking 86.2 or more hours of work, and school per week. 12.3 hours per day, seven days per week, not including travel time (by the way, my car is being repo'd - you try making ends meet when gas cost me $250 last month, plus EVERYTHING has just about doubled in price since January)... fuck me. I'm fucked.
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| Tuesday, August 5th, 2008
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10:00 am
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Everyone seems to be having a very crappy time of late. So, I'll just post a text message I recently recieved.
"In 2009, the US Government is going to start deporting retards. I cried when I thought of you. So, put on your helmet and RUN LITTLE BUDDY RUN!"
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| Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
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7:25 pm
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It is not easy to love someone that does not love you back. It is harder still, to know that you may never find someone to love, who will return that love.
People keep saying things like "just let it happen" or "you'll meet someone" or "I think that you shouldn't try to find someone, because they'll find you". Try waiting for the entirety of your adult life, at 39, and have ANY optimism that this is true.
So, what do you do? What do you do, when your life is half done, has been miserable from the first, and doesn't look like things will get better? Hope for the best?
I am learning Spanish. Anyone want to help? I'm pretending that, since I like Latino boys, this will help. Also, it's nice to be able to speak a second language.
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| Monday, July 28th, 2008
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9:26 pm
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Ugh, I have to move again.
This apartment complex got bought by a company from California. They decided to remodel, and to do that, they want everyone out.
Anyone need a roommate?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2008
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9:02 am
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Just a quick note:
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Now, enjoy that in your head the rest of the day.
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| Monday, July 14th, 2008
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11:38 pm
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Posted some pointless adverts on craigslist and myspace. I'll pretend it matters for a couple days, before contemplating suicide inevitably.
Saw Andrew's add, shock value was nice. Too bad he has decided not to get involved, or that I'm ugly, or whatever. Could have been nice.
There seems to be allot of "could have beens" in my life. Hm, or maybe not. Maybe a better way of putting it is to say, never was - I was deluding myself.
Did some sculptures in school. Hate them - but love the sarcasm involved in the piece. Actually, they turned out exactly as I wanted them to, I just didn't like the assignment so much. Maybe I'll post pics on deviantart.com.
Tomorrow, as the saying goes, is another day. I'm not looking forward to it.
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