When do you pose a risk to us?

1. If you are on anti-depressants. Host families do not normally choose someone who is on these pills, not even if your GP writes a letter to confirm that you are doing well.
2. If you have any serious chronic medical condition that poses a danger to you and the children you have to look after, for example epileptic seizures, heart conditions, back problems (you will have to climb a lot of stairs, ride a bicycle), etc.
3. If you weigh more than 90kg, you may not be chosen, because after all, you have to run after the children all day, be ahead of them in every area, and extra weight can hinder you.
4. If you smoke or mention that you smoked. No one wants an au pair who smokes, and no one believes her when she says she has quit. The sad thing is that no one believes you that you have really quit.  Probably because everyone who said it lied about it and was caught out by the family.
5. If you can’t ride a bike. It’s the au pair’s main means of transportation, and being able to ride a bike is more important that having a driver’s license. And these days you also have to be able to prove that you can ride a bike, by taking a short video of yourself riding and then sending it to Annelies.
6. If you are a candidate who has just finished matric, or is in the process of doing so, your average must be a minimum of 60%. Being an au pair is not something that just anyone can do, because you need to be able to take initiative, think ahead, take responsibility for certain situations and think on your feet without asking your parents for advice, etc.
7. If you just plainly show in the interview that you do not have the necessary “know how”, and therefore do not have the necessary experience (minimum of 50 hours) and knowledge.
8. That you will not be a role model for the children, because you have your body tattooed, you are covered in every possible spot. Your hair is pink today and blue tomorrow and you are starting to look like a chameleon!
9. If you have a criminal record – it’s understandable that no one will be interested in you, no matter how “innocent” you are. In fact, I don’t even think that you will be allowed to leave the country.
10. If you are very mother-bound, it definitely poses a risk for us, because you will just miss home and want to come back! And especially if Mom would then say: “Oh my child, come home.”
11. If we find out that you want to use the au pair program to get out of the country, get away from your parents, and especially “to find myself!” If you can’t find yourself in South Africa, under familiar circumstances, how are you going to manage it in the Netherlands?

It is important that you are prepared for both interviews. Even though interviews are nolonger always done in person, but with Whats App video call, it is very important for the interviewer how you present yourself on the video call: do you look decent, or do you constantly struggle with hair hanging in front of your eyes, your bra strap keeps slipping off your shoulder, are sitting up properly. Are you wearing your pajamas, and so on. These things create a poor impression.

What creates an even worse impression is if you can’t tell me anything about the country you want to go to as an au pair! Can you find on a map? The interviewers are amazed at the answers that come out of this section. It is annoying for the interviewer if you keep looking around the room, to the person who is also in the room with you, and clearly ask for answers. Either the person is sitting next to you, or you are alone, but the one that is somewhere in the background is no longer tolerated. If your mother would like to sit in, she is welcome to sit next to you, but not to answer the questions.

Every interviewer asks at the end of the interview if you have any questions, and it really creates a bad impression if you don’t have any questions to ask.

All of the above things, any one of points 1 to 11 can directly cause your application to fail and the other things can be a major contributing factor to the failure of the application.

So, if you are selected, it does not mean that everything is now hunky dory for the rest of the process, because if you do not stick to the deadlines and do not read the necessary documentation that is sent to you, the selection can be reversed and you will be rejected.

Each interviewer tries to create a comfortable atmosphere in which the interview will take place, so it will also depend a lot on you, how you will respond to it.

We have a certain standard to maintain and we believe in quality rather than quantity.

This is a very sensitive topic that definitely needs to be discussed. Most of our au pairs are still used to going to church and come from Christian homes. It is very rare for an au pair to mention that she no longer goes to church, and in general it is of great importance for au pairs to mention that they still come from homes where Christian values and norms play a big role. They are also proud of it and it should be that way. 

However, this is not the case in the Netherlands. It is very rare, if ever, that a family will mention that they still go to church. Usually an au pair has no problem with going to such a family, because although they no longer go to church, the Dutch do want to raise their children with values and norms that are acceptable to the community. Most of the time, the children are also sent to Christian schools. The fact that most families do not go to church does not mean that they are necessarily all atheists, and even if one here and there is an atheist, it does not necessarily make them bad people. 

Usually the au pairs have no problem being accepted by such a family, as long as the family only allows her the freedom to go to the church of her choice on Sundays. Furthermore, she falls under the rules of the household: no Bible stories are told to the children, and no religious discussions with the children. This is therefore not the opportunity for the au pair to try to “convert” a family, because she will be quickly sent back on a plane. So it is about mutual respect for each other’s different  views and in the past we have had very few significant problems about this. 

A few things have happened recently that make it necessary to write about this. The au pair is going to the Netherlands on a culture exchange program, and that is why she is placed in a family setting – there the cultural exchange can take place. On Sundays the au pair is normally off and she can go to church if she wants, but the church may not claim the au pair during the week. Even if she has a few hours of “me time”, she can and should spend it with things that will enrich her culturally: – visiting museums, bike rides, visiting cities and towns with other au pairs, attending concerts, attending sports events with the family, goin on trips with the family, spreading her wings to other countries and cities. The first rule that applies is these rules around the cultural exchange, namely the au pair program. 

The church that the au pair goes to on a Sunday may not expect an au pair to help distribute tracts; to help collect money for the church, etc. This is doing work that is not in the job description of an au pair. Likewise, an au pair may not be a waitress at a restaurant in her free time, or do ironing for another family, or babysit children. An au pair is assigned to a specific family (who therefore chooses her) and she may not help out with any task involving children at another family. The laws have become too strict for that, and disregarding these rules leads to fines that the agency must pay to the IND (the institution that draws up the rules and grants the visas). 

A host family has every right  to complain to the agency if they feel that their au pair is being claimed by a church. The au pair then wants to go to church every now and then, also during the week, and then neglects the work and attention she has to give to the house and children. After all, an au pair is in the Netherlands to au pair and not to go to church.  

The visa that is granted relates to the hours that an au pair may work (30 hours per week maximum and 8 hours per day maximum). The word “work” relates to what an au pair may do within the family setting. Going to church is part of the cultural exchange, but “working” for the church is not allowed at all. No claims may therefore be made on the au pairs by the church. This is something that au pairs should pay close attention to. Some au pairs are quite defenseless, especially in the beginning (or perhaps give the impression that they are) and of course they get the sympathy of the members of the church, because they feel strange, are far away from their parents’ homes and who wouldn’t feel sorry for someone like that! But it is a choice that an au pair has made and everyone gets “homesickness”, and also gets over it without the church having to demand its pound of flesh from you, and start influencing, manipulating and indoctrinating you. 

Prospective au pairs who might think that she/he will have a problem with this, should not au pair, because every au pair agency wants to have happy au pairs and happy host families. If one of the two parties is unhappy, because of the interference of a church, we are in big trouble.

We do not care where au pairs find a spiritual home in the Netherlands, as long as there is no interference from the church and no claim to “au pair time” is made. 

For foreigners, it is often a shock to be the “prey” of the directness of the Dutch and they are often also seen as arrogant. Openness takes precedence over empathy, and this is very important to them. The origin of this directness can be traced back to the Calvinist period, but it is not of so much importance to us now.

Along with this directness and openness, there is also “negotiable”. Everything is negotiable, everything can be discussed and au pairs often see in the family’s portfolio that they use the words: “in consultation”. And one could illustrate this with an example: “Does the au pair have to go on holiday with the family?” Then it often says: “in consultation”, in other words it is negotiable.

This directness of the Dutch is also known by many other names: offensive, inappropriate, brash, rude and so on, but the fact remains, they say what comes to their mind. They are certainly not afraid to discuss topics, which may be very controversial. They take great pride in the fact that they are so straightforward and in the fact that they “tell it like it is”.

Most au pairs can struggle with this, and it’s especially important to know that they won’t give a compliment if it’s not worth it. We tend to give someone a compliment even if we don’t really mean it, but we’re afraid of hurting feelings. You won’t find that with the Dutch, and it’s not that they’re out to hurt feelings, not at all, they just want to make it clear that you know exactly where you stand. So you never have to wonder if you heard correctly – you did!

During interviews with au pairs, the directness of the Dutch is discussed, and then I often get the answer; “Oh, but I’m just as direct, so it wouldn’t be strange to me”. But then I want to tell you, no one, and not even you, is as direct as the Dutch – they were born that way, it’s their birthright and it takes years to learn it and then you definitely have to live among them for years.

Furthermore, it often happens that au pairs in the Netherlands decide that they are also going to be as straightforward as the Dutch, and the one who has to “repay” it is the agent on this side. And I specifically mention the word “repay” because the finesse with which the Dutch do it is completely lacking in the au pair and it simply becomes rude and arrogant. This is not something that one can simply learn in a few months.

The best thing is for everyone to just do what he/she is used to.

If you thought you were free from your parents for a year now, you are making a big mistake. Although they may not be there physically, they play a very important role in this year that you will be gone.

Their role is twofold:

1. Supportive

2. Motivational

It is very important for all agents to know that you have the support of your parents if you are going to au pair for a year. It would definitely be a very good thing to do to clear up any conflicts with each other in advance, before you go. If this is NOT the case, we can use our own judgment and therefore not send you.

You are going to a foreign country, environment, family, culture and if you are angry at home on top of that, then it is a very good recipe for failure. Because your parents are the ones who should support you; you should know that they are reachable in case you want to shed a tear, want advice on how to handle a child and how to cook rice, etc. They provide the secure base that you so need to make a success of the year. They are your anchor in a foreign world, that voice of mother is sometimes so necessary to hear again and father’s reassuring assurance that they are behind you.

Furthermore, they play the role of motivating you in times when you feel like you can’t and don’t want to anymore. Then it should be your parents who encourage, motivate, tell you again why you chose to do it and NOT say: “Come home, my child.” Then they should be there with advice, nice encouraging chats, maybe just send a recipe or two, make suggestions on how to deal with a naughty child, what to do when you feel things are getting too much for you. This is why they are so important, and if you are angry and don’t have their approval, you really have a problem here.

Of course, our agents also play a role in helping and motivating, but the very personal contact you have with your parents is missing. And who knows you better than Mom and Dad?

Of course, it is also difficult for your parents to see that my child is leaving home, and that is why we as agents can assist them more with advice. It is often very strange to us that parents shy away from calling the family every now and then and hearing if they are satisfied with you. You look after people’s most precious possessions, but your parents have also sent their most precious possession and therefore they have every right to talk to the host family from time to time. The host families have a very high appreciation for this and through it they also get the assurance that there are more people than just them who have invested in the project.

The icing on the cake is of course when your parents (or mom) can come visit you! Those who are not so fortunate to have their parents in Holland stand strong and support each other and make plans together. A year goes by so quickly.

And here I would also like to quote the following to the parents: 

Parents, you have given your children the roots that anchor them in life, but now also give them the wings to spread their wings.

You might think I’m talking to the au pairs when I write this, but I’m actually saying it to myself. After twenty+ years in the Nedsa industry, I thought I knew everything, had experienced everything, you name it and I know about it and am just one step ahead of everyone else. Oh no, I’ve just found out again why an au pair has to come home.

In the Netherlands, dogs are trained from the start and must always be “on a leash” when you go for a walk with them. Some restaurants allow dogs, but then they must be dogs that do not sit and beg and drool and bark, while you enjoy what is there to eat and drink. And believe me, there are dogs like that. You have probably also seen dogs riding on the train – as long as his owner buys him a ticket, he is allowed to ride along and from experience I have seen that Flaffie sometimes behaves better than his owner!

Furthermore, you may have also seen a notice here and there in someone’s garden: “Dogs do not poop here.” I always wondered if Dutch dogs can read, but no, it’s meant for you, the dog that takes you for a walk. Please take it to heart, and if it does happen, you have your bag at hand. Be prepared!

So: take your bag, or alternatively, a “poop scoop” and go for a nice walk with Flaffie and the peace is preserved. There is no such thing as refusing to do this.

We live in times where we blurt out everything on social media. When I was young, I had a diary and my biggest secrets were recorded in it, and woe to the one who dares to look for my diary and read it!… Today everything is openly and openly proclaimed on Face book for all to see. But it’s one thing to do it with your own life – post photos, share experiences etc., but you MAY NOT post photos of the family and their children on FB. You will first have to get permission from them for that and it may be that they will not give it and make peace with that. You are violating their right to privacy if you do it just for everyone on this side to see how cute “your children” are.

If you have a family with another child of about 2-3 years old, chances are very good that you will have to change another dirty diaper and wash bottoms. It’s a given!! Get ready for it. To say I didn’t know that is really stupid of you and you have no experience with a child of that age! Good preparation for one day when you are a mother yourself.

Don’t say you can cycle and then you can’t. Of course it’s easy to say you can do it, but once you get into the practice, the wheat is separated from the chaff!! If an au pair is honest during an interview and says I can’t cycle, but I’m going to train really hard before I leave for the Netherlands, we’ll let you go – you’ll just have to prove that you really can. Don’t say you’re a non-smoker and your FB is full of photos of you with a cigarette in your hand or smoking in the Netherlands! What else have you been lying about! If you can lie about cycling and smoking so easily, what else have you been lying about!

So: I thought these types of things couldn’t happen, and it didn’t and shouldn’t make you guilty of this!! Life could be so much fun and pleasure and be simple, if I didn’t always have to remember what I lied to and who I lied to!!

Our house is living well, we are settled and things are now starting to return to their normal routine. The stamp on everything is the HXH 368 NW which was replaced with CEM 5008 – that was the “grand finale”.

Things at Nedsa have not stood still in the meantime and every week a few au pairs leave for the Netherlands. It is a big difference to leave from a heat wave, to Europe where it has recently snowed, and may still snow. Make peace with the cold, you can’t do anything about it and take comfort in the fact that at least you can now properly put on your winter coat, because here you almost never use it.

It is also quite striking that au pairs who are arriving now often ask us questions here, while it should be something you should ask your family or Joyce there. The most important thing is the COMMUNICATION between you and the family – do not let the opportunity to communicate properly with each other pass. Do not ask questions like the following to your agent or even your mother: “Does the host family have to go to the church with me to register?” or “Will the host family buy me a train discount card?” or “How should I go for a walk with the children – bike or walk?” These are the typical questions that are asked to Mom at home, Mom says she does not know, will soon ask Aunt Rita or Aunt Annelies and we are all sitting at the 11,000 km from you. In the meantime, you and the host family are in the same house – ask them!! This is what I mean by communication! They do not bite, they only speak Dutch and of course you can still speak English to each other to ensure that you understand each other.

Come on girls and guys, be brave, like you were here, and do what you said you would! Now you have to impress us further, like you did during the interview! The fact that you are already in the Netherlands shows that we have complete confidence in you.

We have one big request: Please don’t be in contact with Mom here every day — a Whatsapp message is enough, learn early on to stand on your own two feet. Mom will definitely not feel bad if you can manage without her for a day or so now and then, this is the beginning of your attempt to want to be independent and self-sufficient. Then start right now!! To our Moms — please stand back and allow her to find her feet on her own.

So in two weeks we’ll talk further and we can see what has happened in the meantime.

Joyce and I have been together in the agency for 10 years now, and the whole time the SA head office was here in Potchefstroom. From the end of November, the head office will be in Vermont, Hermanus – by the sea. This does not mean at all that any au pair who falls in my area of ​​North West, Free State and Northern Cape has to feel neglected, everything continues as before and I still arrange everything as before specifically for my au pairs and all our au pairs. It is very easy with email and interviews can be done via skype/facetime/whatsapp video call, which can bridge the distance.

So in early January I will resume the blog and in the meantime I am packing up for the Great Trek to the South. . . You can still contact me, however you want to do it – I may be a little slower with my answers, but then at least you will know what it is about. In the meantime I wish you a wonderful summer holiday, with a wonderful Christmas time with loved ones and a beautiful and prosperous 2018. To our Martrikulants – hope your results reward you for your hard work over the past 12 years.