I have a dilemma of trying to decide what to let go of and what to keep. It's not easy letting go fo things you love, even if they hurt you on a regular basis. Talk about unhealthy relatioships, right? So some things on my journal may disappear. Some I will save to comp, others will just go, and the important things will stay. Because sometimes letting go of something just makes it easier to make the same mistakes.

Real life. Posting this just to keep my journal active cuz apparently LJ is deleting old journals. Now off to save my community, YonKaka, and some of my other journals. :D

We finished watching season 2 of RuPaul's Drag Race last night and as I sat watching the reunion episode I couldn't help thinking, "It's not as catty as I thought it would be." Which then led to thoughts of how beautiful and eloquent and honest these women are. Those thoughts led to Bad Girls Club and my mind was comparing the two. And this is my conclusion: The women on RuPaul's Drag Race are real women. They are well spoken, strong, beautiful, deep, meaningful, honest, talented, eloquent. They are ladies and are very lady-like in their mannerisms, speech, behavior. The women on Bad Girl's Club think they're ladies, claim to be ladies, but they're not. And despite being ladies, being beautiful, being polite, being amazing ladies who can shine brighter than a star, they can still kick your asses Bad Girls Club. And they'll do ti with their wigs and high heels and still be more of a lady than you could ever be.

I am moving this journal and all of my roleplay journals to Dreamwidth.org. I can no longer support a website that consistently ignores the complaints of it's customers. I was willing to wait out the changes and adjust to them with time, but when LJ decided my journal comments were no longer necessary and deleted them (comments that were very important to me during my worst depression) I decided I no longer needed LJ.

I will keep all my journals on LJ, but they will no longer be active. Maybe I'll forgive LJ someday if they change their ways and come back because I have fond memories here. But I'm not holding my breath.

Anyone who is interested in continuing to follow my journal can find me on Dreamwidth.org under the name MoiyaHatake.

I went to get coffee this morning and stopped at the farmers market just to walk around. It's a decent morning. Cool enough and cloudy enough that it's comfortable outside. I was doing good, reflecting on life and debating on buying blackberry jam, until I saw them. My Lene and Lila flowers. I could have bought them and put them in a vase in the house or bought one of the living plants to keep on my porch. But then I started crying just looking at them and remembering why I call them my Lene and Lila flowers. I miss my friends. So much. So I decided I didn't need the constant reminder of how far away they are, physically and emotionally. My only hope is that one day our friendship will be strong again. Until then I will wait to buy my Lene and Lila flowers. It just hurts too much to look at them right now.

People take everything for granted. They assume too much and don't appreciate all the things they have in their life. It never occurs to them how much they'll miss something or someone till it or they are gone. And then one day they look back and wonder why they didn't pay more attention to that one person or be more thankful for the things that truly make them happy. Things they've given up thinking they don't need it as much as something or someone else in the moment they're living in.

Moments only last so long. And when they're gone what do they have left? If they've given up everything they love, people they care about, just for that moment that doesn't last forever then what do they have left of themselves? A person can live in the moment without giving up everything that makes them happy. A person can love someone and still love others. It isn't all or nothing.

So when you start giving up pieces of yourself to make someone else happy or start telling yourself you can live without this or that so that you can cling to the one thing or person or moment you think makes you happiest try to remember who you are and what you want and don't feel guilty or selfish. Because you can't make someone else happy if you're not truly happy yourself.

~*~

This came to me while watching Charmed. The episode where the Chinese guy gets killed and his ghost asks the Charmed Ones to help him. He was talking about regrets and birthdays and not missing out on things because you never know what's going to happen to make you realize all the things you took for granted or missed out on.

I write this little piece knowing I'm just as guilty. Love makes us do stupid things. But at least I know what truly makes me happy and for those things I'll do anything to hold onto. Including putting my love in a box in my closet for someone who lights up my whole world every day so that I can keep my best friend by my side forever.

For you, my friend, I have no regrets.

My Naruto muses did not die!!! They are alive and kicking and begging me to play with them!!!

Found out yesterday that if we don't pass our next inspection Subway could actually take the store from the owner and replace everyone, including me. I may be out of a job soon. Because no matter how hard we work to pass inspection we won't. The inspector is a bitch and doesn't know how to take temps for the food and will get the wrong temps every time which is an automatic FAIL.

Went to refill my meds today and was told I had no refills left and now I have to make a docs appointment before I can get more happy pills. Yay me. -_-