Moiya's Rantings

To Delete or Not to Delete

moiyahatake — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 04:37:17 GMT

I have a dilemma of trying to decide what to let go of and what to keep. It's not easy letting go fo things you love, even if they hurt you on a regular basis. Talk about unhealthy relatioships, right? So some things on my journal may disappear. Some I will save to comp, others will just go, and the important things will stay. Because sometimes letting go of something just makes it easier to make the same mistakes.

Update

moiyahatake — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:48:59 GMT

Real life. Posting this just to keep my journal active cuz apparently LJ is deleting old journals. Now off to save my community, YonKaka, and some of my other journals. :D

What It Means To Be A Lady

moiyahatake — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:48:36 GMT

We finished watching season 2 of RuPaul's Drag Race last night and as I sat watching the reunion episode I couldn't help thinking, "It's not as catty as I thought it would be." Which then led to thoughts of how beautiful and eloquent and honest these women are. Those thoughts led to Bad Girls Club and my mind was comparing the two. And this is my conclusion: The women on RuPaul's Drag Race are real women. They are well spoken, strong, beautiful, deep, meaningful, honest, talented, eloquent. They are ladies and are very lady-like in their mannerisms, speech, behavior. The women on Bad Girl's Club think they're ladies, claim to be ladies, but they're not. And despite being ladies, being beautiful, being polite, being amazing ladies who can shine brighter than a star, they can still kick your asses Bad Girls Club. And they'll do ti with their wigs and high heels and still be more of a lady than you could ever be.

I'm Moving to Dreamwidth.org

moiyahatake — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 18:25:36 GMT

I am moving this journal and all of my roleplay journals to Dreamwidth.org. I can no longer support a website that consistently ignores the complaints of it's customers. I was willing to wait out the changes and adjust to them with time, but when LJ decided my journal comments were no longer necessary and deleted them (comments that were very important to me during my worst depression) I decided I no longer needed LJ.

I will keep all my journals on LJ, but they will no longer be active. Maybe I'll forgive LJ someday if they change their ways and come back because I have fond memories here. But I'm not holding my breath.

Anyone who is interested in continuing to follow my journal can find me on Dreamwidth.org under the name MoiyaHatake.

[Original Fiction] First Crush

moiyahatake — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 05:30:10 GMT

Title: First Crush
Author: MoiyaHatake
Characters: Original characters Hokori Sebastian Carter, Christian Scott and John Davis.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Dub-con, BJ
Summary: I suck at summaries.
Author's Notes: All characters in this story are mine. I created them. Any resemblance to any other characters living, dead or imaginary is coincidence and are not related to my characters. Story is based off an art piece I found on Photobucket -

Thank you to Vernajast for fixing all my little grammar and punctuation mistakes and for the amazing support! ILU!!! If you don't know who Vernajast is then look her up. She's an amazing writer and an amazing person!

~*~

How he’d ended up on the floor, Sebastian didn’t know. One minute he’d been fighting to get past and the next he was on his ass watching as Christian unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. The brunette knelt between his legs, smirking. A paper fell to the floor. John Davis sat behind him, the desk pressing into Sebastian's back and John’s thigh pressed against the back of his head as he caressed Sebastian's neck. Hazel eyes met dark brown, slightly dilated and less defiant than they had been a moment ago.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me from across the room,” Christian reminded him of a sleek cat stalking its prey.

It was true. From the very first time he’d seen the other teen enter their shared classroom he’d been stealing glances at Christian. But he thought he’d been careful enough not to get caught. The older teen was handsome and sexy and confident. So was his friend. He felt the light touch of fingers sliding against his jaw. John Davis curled his fingers under Sebastian’s chin and coaxed his head back.

John Davis the Fourth, to be exact, was Christian’s best friend. He was a great football player and he was handsome, like Christian. His father was a successful lawyer who dealt with international law and was always too busy to keep an eye on his own son. John Davis was coveted by the girls on campus and by the dean, therefore he got away with everything.

“You act like an arrogant priss, sipping your tea and reading your books. But you’re just hiding behind them. The truth is...”

Warm breath on his cheek--when had Christian gotten so close?--and Sebastian could feel his face start to burn. He jerked his head away and made an attempt to force his way past Christian.

Christian Scott was the richest, most popular teen in the entire school. His father had donated nearly half the buildings on campus and Christian was the star player on the football team. His father expected a lot from Christian, but would overlook any transgressions saying ‘boys will be boys.’

Sebastian wasn’t weak, but the hand on his throat and the awkward position he was in made it easy for Christian to block him and push him back down to the floor.

“That wasn’t very nice. Here I am giving you an opportunity most people would die for and you’re trying to leave.”

Sebastian watched as Christian leaned back and pulled himself free of his pants, lightly stroking, watching with amusement as Sebastian’s gaze flicked to his hand and then away to focus on something on the chalk board on the far wall. Their homework assignment was scrawled neatly in a box in the corner. That had been fifteen minutes ago. The day had been going so smoothly; class had been uneventful. Had he known this was coming, he would have left as soon as they had been dismissed instead of being lured into staying behind by Christian and John Davis.

John Davis the Fourth, Sebastian corrected himself.

“Suck me,” Christian ordered, tilting his hips to block Sebastian's gaze.

If Sebastian was arrogant, what would they call Christian? The way he looked at Sebastian, so sure of himself and what he was doing. So sure Sebastian would give into his demands.

Sebastian slowly turned his hazel eyes up to meet Christians. Hadn’t he imagined something similar to this just a few days ago? Christian would call him over after class, and in his smooth voice he would admit that he was interested in Sebastian, and then they would kiss and no one would care that Sebastian was gay. No one would go against Christian.

And Sebastian would have proved his father wrong.

He wasn’t disgusting and unnatural.

“Sebastian,” Christian purred seductively, his fingers pushing the fabric of Sebastian’s shirt aside so he could trace the line of his collar bone. That voice, the way Christian said his name, it reminded Sebastian of a few weeks prior when Christian was cornering a girl in the hallway and was sweet talking her into meeting him on the roof.

Christian’s roof, according to the other students.

Despite knowing about Christian’s extra curricular activities, Sebastian couldn’t help his attraction to the teen. Even now, he couldn’t stop himself from reacting to Christian’s silent request to look at him. Once again, hazel eyes met darker brown and John Davis took over caressing his chest and neck.

“You know you want to.”

Did he? Did he really want to do this? This was Christian, the object of his attraction for the last couple of months. Sebastian had touched himself and imagined it was Christian. How was this any different than what he’d done in the privacy of his own room? If he did this for Christian, would the outgoing teen accept him? Would the other students accept him? If they did, would his father finally accept him?

Sebastian lifted his hand up towards Christian’s, slightly shaky fingers feeling cold, as if the blood wasn’t reaching them properly. He watched as Christian moved his own hand away, as his fingers hesitantly touched Christian’s hardening cock, curled around it, as Christian’s hips pushed forward.

“Do it, Sebastian,” Christian urged, fingers carding through Sebastian's unruly bangs. His slightly wavy hair had always given him trouble and he was constantly pushing his bangs back away from his face. But no matter how much it annoyed him, he refused to cut it shorter. Why this thought passed through his head just as his tongue slid over the soft, curvy tip of Christians cock and fingers tightened in his hair, Sebastian didn’t know.

What he did know was that he liked the sensation of someone fisting his hair, the tingle of guilty pleasure that raced through his body, the twitch of flesh against his tongue as he parted his lips and slipped them over smooth, warm skin.

Sebastian held all of the power now, clear in the way Christian’s breath hitched and his hips jerked, and it was intoxicating. It made his head spin and his hands moved to Christian’s hips. He was sitting on the floor, but he felt as if he could fall, as if the floor would disappear. And he was already falling for Christian in a way he couldn’t have imagined.

Closing his eyes, Sebastian inhaled and slowly pressed forward, taking Christian in inch-by-inch until he couldn’t breathe and his heart was pounding in his ears. He could hear Christian groan in pleasure, choking Sebastian with a gentle thrust of his hips and forcing the teen to back away. He didn’t make it far before Christian was tugging at his hair and forcing his way past his swollen lips. It was a game of push and pull that continued for several minutes, and Sebastian had never felt more in control of anything, any situation, any person than he did when Christian suddenly gasped and held his head until he began to choke.

Just as the panic started to rise up in his chest and Sebastian’s fingers dug into Christians hips, before he could push the teen away, his head was being jerked back. He coughed hard, the sticky mess mixed with his own saliva running down his chin and throat as he stared wide-eyed into Christian’s darker gaze. The teens face so close to his own he could feel the heat radiating off his flushed skin.

“You always did say faggots give the best blow jobs.” John Davis’s voice sounded so far away, muffled, unreal. He’d forgotten the teen was right there behind him, watching. Sebastian wondered if the blond enjoyed watching. But the thought was there and gone when his brain finally decided to process what he was hearing.

Faggots?

Christian released Sebastian's hair, combing it back away from his slightly sweaty, all too readable face. “Don’t look so shocked, Sebastian. This is what you wanted.” He chuckled and placed his his hand on Sebastian’s forehead, pushing him back against the desk. John Davis handed the older teen Sebastian’s scarf with an order to clean himself up. They had practice in ten minutes.

Sebastian heard this much through the woosh-woosh-woosh of blood in his ears. Right before the floor fell away and he felt that horrible lurch in the pit of his stomach that only happened when you missed a step. What had happened to his power? What had happened to the seductive, beautiful, desirable Christian that had made his heart skip a beat?

Sebastian’s slightly wet scarf hit him in the face, snapping him out of his daze just in time to hear the classroom door open and close with a finality that made his hands shake and his chest tighten. He used the scarf to clean the sticky mess off his face and neck and carefully buttoned up his shirt. He picked himself up off the floor. He tucked in his shirt. He gathered his books and coat. The scarf was dropped into the trash can by the door on his way out.

Flowers and Friends

moiyahatake — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 17:57:38 GMT

I went to get coffee this morning and stopped at the farmers market just to walk around. It's a decent morning. Cool enough and cloudy enough that it's comfortable outside. I was doing good, reflecting on life and debating on buying blackberry jam, until I saw them. My Lene and Lila flowers. I could have bought them and put them in a vase in the house or bought one of the living plants to keep on my porch. But then I started crying just looking at them and remembering why I call them my Lene and Lila flowers. I miss my friends. So much. So I decided I didn't need the constant reminder of how far away they are, physically and emotionally. My only hope is that one day our friendship will be strong again. Until then I will wait to buy my Lene and Lila flowers. It just hurts too much to look at them right now.

No regrets...

moiyahatake — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:12:46 GMT

People take everything for granted. They assume too much and don't appreciate all the things they have in their life. It never occurs to them how much they'll miss something or someone till it or they are gone. And then one day they look back and wonder why they didn't pay more attention to that one person or be more thankful for the things that truly make them happy. Things they've given up thinking they don't need it as much as something or someone else in the moment they're living in.

Moments only last so long. And when they're gone what do they have left? If they've given up everything they love, people they care about, just for that moment that doesn't last forever then what do they have left of themselves? A person can live in the moment without giving up everything that makes them happy. A person can love someone and still love others. It isn't all or nothing.

So when you start giving up pieces of yourself to make someone else happy or start telling yourself you can live without this or that so that you can cling to the one thing or person or moment you think makes you happiest try to remember who you are and what you want and don't feel guilty or selfish. Because you can't make someone else happy if you're not truly happy yourself.

~*~

This came to me while watching Charmed. The episode where the Chinese guy gets killed and his ghost asks the Charmed Ones to help him. He was talking about regrets and birthdays and not missing out on things because you never know what's going to happen to make you realize all the things you took for granted or missed out on.

I write this little piece knowing I'm just as guilty. Love makes us do stupid things. But at least I know what truly makes me happy and for those things I'll do anything to hold onto. Including putting my love in a box in my closet for someone who lights up my whole world every day so that I can keep my best friend by my side forever.

For you, my friend, I have no regrets.

Guess what!!!

moiyahatake — Sun, 15 May 2011 03:27:49 GMT

My Naruto muses did not die!!! They are alive and kicking and begging me to play with them!!!

Work.

moiyahatake — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 04:50:03 GMT

Found out yesterday that if we don't pass our next inspection Subway could actually take the store from the owner and replace everyone, including me. I may be out of a job soon. Because no matter how hard we work to pass inspection we won't. The inspector is a bitch and doesn't know how to take temps for the food and will get the wrong temps every time which is an automatic FAIL.

Meds

moiyahatake — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 03:22:52 GMT

Went to refill my meds today and was told I had no refills left and now I have to make a docs appointment before I can get more happy pills. Yay me. -_-

Naruto

moiyahatake — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 02:59:45 GMT

My Naruto-muse has lost the will to live.

The Truth Hurts

moiyahatake — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 23:57:59 GMT

The truth hurts. But only when you hear it from someone you love. It's like a slap to the face. The sting lingers long after the redness has faded, reminding you always of the truth. Most of the time you let it roll off your back like water off a ducks back. But it never leaves your mind completely and when you're at your weakest it's there, as if you've been slapped again. And the pain starts all over again. And you realize that you really are that person you're always afraid you might be but aren't really sure. That person people are nice to because they don't want to hurt your feelings but secretly they're thinking things about you. And then something happens and they get angry with you and what they've been thinking gets said out loud and the truth is out. Now it's there. In your head. Because you can't erase what you've heard. The truth hurts. But only when you hear it from someone you love.

RP Communities

moiyahatake — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 00:38:50 GMT

Thinking of joining a new community simply because it has potential for so much fun compared to others I've been involved with. Need a change and having smut withdrawals. >>

Naruto Roleplyaing Communities Need New Blood!!!

moiyahatake — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 03:07:30 GMT

Pimping my favorite Naruto roleplaying communities!

If you have an interest in roleplaying Naruto characters then you you should check out these two communities! ^_^ One focuses on changing theme's and characters while the other is a long term character commitment. Both are amazingly fun and challenging in so many ways it will keep your creativity flowing! Please take the time to check them out.! ^_^

Naruto_404

What's it like on Naruto_404?

- Laid back. Relaxed. Exploration. Freedom. Fun. Stretching boundaries. Cracking up. Making friends. IM. Smutt. Drama. Angst. Sap. Bunnies. Creativity. Free exchange of ideas. Interactions. Reactions. Warnings.... lots of stuff. :)

- Unlike a lot of comms, we do not have a set premise on 404. Each month we choose a new premise or theme. This keeps the comm interesting and from dying out too soon- there's always something different to do.

- Just like the themes, characters change each month, too. Or they can. Players are not required to commit to one character/s for the duration of their time on 404. You can choose a new character each month, or you can keep the same one and write a different aspect.

- Open minded. We write about everything. Seriously. The only thing off limits is listed in the FAQS, everything else is fair game. So be aware that you may chance upon something less than savory; that's what the back button is for.

[Fanfiction] YonKaka: Five Minutes

moiyahatake — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:46:29 GMT

Title: Five Minutes
Author: MoiyaHatake
Characters: Kakashi, Minato
Rating: Pg
Warnings: Tooth achingly sweet IMO! ^_^

Summary: Minato thinks Kakashi needs to experience something as childish as finger painting.

Wrote this after a funny conversation with fuyu_no_akegata

~*~*~*~

"Why?" Kakashi frowned at the blank paper and then the jars of paint, his eyes lingering on the red and orange because they reminded him of a certain blond who insisted he do frivolous things like finger painting.

"Because, Kakashi, we must train more than our bodies. We must train our creativity too." Minato smiled, positive his response was brilliant.

Kakashi glared over his shoulder until blue eyes narrowed and then he smiled.

Minato knew that smile. It was Kakashi's evil smile. One that promised mischief. "Just...paint something."

"With my fingers?"

"With your fingers."

"While you work?"

"Yes."

"If you say so." Kakashi shrugged and turned back to the easel.

Minato hesitated at the door, positive leaving the little genius alone was a bad idea. But watching over the young Hatake's shoulder wouldn't help him relax enough to be the child he was meant to be. So he left his student to his task and headed to his study to finish the research he promised Sandaime-sama two weeks ago.

~*~

It took only five minutes for Minato to follow his instincts and peek in on the little genius. Staring owlishly, he followed the lines of red and orange paint across the wall and up up up to the ceiling where Kakashi was hanging upside down and smiling innocently. He had to admit the kid was creative. The lines that looked random at first glance actually came together to depict a giant dog eating...him. He knew it was himself because the hair was yellow and the half eaten stick figure was labeled 'Minato-sensei'.

The jounin blinked up at his student. He had no idea what to say. "I only left you five minutes..."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and continued picked the paint out from under his fingernails with a kunai, "I'm three, sensei Five minutes is all it takes. Don't you know anything about kids?"

When life gets you down....

moiyahatake — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:38:25 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QbgOGnbxDo&feature=player_embedded

Happy Belated Birthday Frickin_cheng!

moiyahatake — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 17:49:44 GMT

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Frickin_cheng!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you!

May all of your wishes come true!

I tried to send you a birthday cake but I got icing in my USB port. ^____^ *huuuugs*

Fic Rec: "words without thoughts never to heaven go "

moiyahatake — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:48:38 GMT

I just read this amazingly beautiful and heartbreaking fic and wanted to share it with everyone because it's been a long time since a fic has made me cry.

Title: words without thoughts never to heaven go
Author: Gatty
Pairing: SasuNaruSasu
Rating: PG (13 for darkness?)
Summary: We all come undone.
Warning: Angst. Dark themes. Do not read when miserable.

The Before and After Me

moiyahatake — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 19:24:38 GMT

My daughter took this pic of me today because I was trying on clothes I'd purchased over the last couple of years hoping one day I'd fit into them and Voila!! The pants I'm holding up were the only pants I could wear for something around two years because I was so overweight. The pants I'm wearing I'm wearing for the first time since I bought them. :D I am super happy with my weight loss.

Ignore the mess around me I have a lazy teenager living with me. *rolls eyes*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSUMINOARU!!

moiyahatake — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:54:41 GMT

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Tsuminoaru!!!
Happy Birthday to you!

Belated birthday wishes from MoiyaHatake! I hope all your birthday wishes came true. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBNDOVR4KKSHI!

moiyahatake — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:50:40 GMT

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Ibndovr4kkshi!
Happy Birthday to you!!

I know this is two days late but I just had to make sure you got your birthday post! *hugs* Hope your day was wonderful!

Stuffed Shells Recipe!!

moiyahatake — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 03:31:16 GMT

Ignore the frosting bag comment at the bottom of the second page. ~~Follow the directions for the sauce on the first page~~ Mix all the ingredients on the first page and bring to boil, simmer for about an hour (or less cuz I cheat lol...if you don't have a pot large enough reduce ingredients by half, you can make more sauce if you need it later, leave out the meat if your a vegetarian). For stuffing the shells (on the second page) just boil the shells and lay them on wax paper to cool then mix all the ingredients listed in a large bowl (cut in half if you reduce the sauce by half and you can leave out the egg if you want, I never use the egg). Use a large spoon to stuff the shells. This recipe makes two glass pans full! Line glass pans with some sauce then line up the shells and pour more sauce over the top. Sprinkle with shredded cheese and bake at 350 degrees until the cheese on top starts to brown like on a pizza. Any questions about the incoherent directions I've typed above just comment and ask away. :) Overall, depending on where you shop, this recipe makes about 30 stuffed shells and costs about $30 for all the ingredients.

Fuck My Life

moiyahatake — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:26:01 GMT

I'm so close to not caring anymore what happens to me or my daughter. I'm so close to sending her to her dad's and selling everything I own and living on the fucking streets. There's no point anymore. No matter how hard I try or how good I think things are going everything always turns to shit. Always. I'm sick of this fucking rollercoaster ride. I want off. NOW! When I got home from taking my daughter to school, after a huge fight and her screaming at me in front of the school, all I wanted to do was take my entire bottle of sleeping pills and go to bed. I want to die right now.

A Trip To The Beach On New Years!

moiyahatake — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 02:41:30 GMT

My friend and her daughter came up to visit for the holidays and let me tell ya: house guests are exhausting no matter how much you love them. O_O

Anyway...

We went to the beach New Years Day. It rained on us five minutes after we arrived! But we were brave and it was a good thing we waited out the little storm because it cleared up and we were able to go down to the beach (you have to take a steep set of stairs down to get to it) and it turned out to be a great day and I'm glad I went because originally I was depressed and not in the mood for anything. That was a long sentence. lol

So here are some pics from the storm and the beach I thought I would share with you all.

The storm that attacked us:

Camel Rock on the right:

The Pacific Ocean:

Seagulls:

After the tide went out:

My daughter (on the right) and her best friend (on the left):

Happy New Year!!!

moiyahatake — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 17:48:14 GMT

To all my friends and family and followers: HAPPY NEW YEAR! May this year be better than the last. May all your dreams come true.

Did anyone make a New Years resolution? I did.

1. Get a job!
2. Pick my best friends brain and learn html so I can do cool things with my posts. :D
3. See #1
4. Lose 65 lbs by Dec 31, 2010
5. See #3

How was your 2009? Good? Bad? Semi-ok?

My 2009 was one of the worst years in my entire life. And one of the best. My only hope is that things will get better instead of worse. That 2010 will be the year something goes right instead of wrong. I don't want to spend the next six months crying myself to sleep. I want to be able to look forward to the next day again. That is my one true wish. And that my best friend's dreams come true. So I have two wishes and five New Years resolutions. Am I asking too much from the year 2010? O_O I think not.