Tag Archives: meditation

Letting Go Challenge: Week Thirteen

THE JUNK:

  • 1. Halloween head dress
  • 2. Feather boa
  • 3. 4. 5. 6.  Towels
  • 7. Misfit box
  • 8. Coffee Cup
  • 9. 10.  Bras
  • 11. 12. Nail polish
  • 13. Book–Intiution: Awakening Your Inner Guide by Judee Gee
  • 14. Beads
  • 15. Dog bowl
  • 16. Phone book
  • 17. 18. 19. 20. Magazines
  • 21. Dead pen

The Halloween headdress is an observation of my impulse spending.  I had to buy Halloween candy for work, so I went to the drug store, and viola, they had minimal Halloween costumes for buy one get one 50% off. How could I resist?

Never mind that I’d have saved money by not buying it. Nevermind that I wore it (and the boa) for a total of five minutes–MAX–while the kids came trick-or-treating at work.

Never mind.  It was BOGO 50% off !

Plus it lights up and has ribbons and stuff.

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I’m not sure how Intuition came into my book collection. Perhaps it was a Barnes & Noble discount, perhaps it was a gift.

I try to read 10-15 minutes every morning–to learn new things, personal growth type things.

I used to enjoy reading metaphysical stuff.  I started it and immediately felt resistance to reading it. But I trudged on, wanting to read every book I have before getting new ones.

Normally, when I dislike a book, I can say exactly why: the writing, the plot, the themes that narcissistic men who stalk women is sexy (ahem, Fifty Shades), but this one I can’t say.  Perhaps if my inner guide were awakened, I could better pin-point  it.

I managed to skim through it, really trying to read parts of it but finding myself skipping ahead, time and time again.

So. Yeah. Didn’t like it.

But it served a purpose: it reminded me that I had fallen into “playing” at meditation. I set aside time every morning, set the timer, and sat.  The dog’s butt was a distraction (my dog’s butt speaks in “Scratch Me NOWNOWNOWNOW!”) , the constant to-do list in my head a constant distraction.

I was doing but not really doing, therefore playing at it.

So I’m a bit more focused now.  That’s a good thing,

THE FILING:

47 things filed. Some trash, others organized in sub-folders, such as Medical (hanging folder), smaller folders: Lab Work, EOBs, etc.

UPPING MY GAME:

Going into my fourth month (wow!), I realized that it’s time to up my game again.  So I’ve done two things:

  1. Committed to completely clearing out one shelf, one drawer, one something every week.
  2. Started a new challenge to run in tangent with this one: Getting Healthy.

This week, I’ve managed to clear out my entire shoe-portion of my closet.  So yay. All of my shoes, with the exception of one, are paired. I’ve managed to lose one of the shoes that I wear most often and have determined that it has NOT been brought outside by the dog, although whether it’s been digested is still a mystery.

Not a bad way to end 2015, quite frankly.

 

 

 

 

Fabulous Friday: Fabulosity Part 2 (Living with RA)

(This is a part of a multi-part series [the total number of entries I as of yet do not know] regarding the question, “How has your life gotten better since you were diagnosed with RA?” The first part can be found here.)

Way #3 I prioritize my time better.

Because I have only so much time, and have only so much energy,  I have (as a result of mindfulness), have become much more attentive as to how I spend my time.

Before RA, I would have won an award for the World’s Best Procrastinator. I’m pretty sure I have a statue somewhere in my notebook-shrouded office. I procrastinated with everything, not just the things I didn’t like to do.  I’d spend time willy-nilly, mostly as an escape from a to-do list, as if I had an unlimited supply of time, and then scratch my head when stuff didn’t get done.

Now, I set goals both weekly and daily. I may not hit them (I usually don’t hit them), but I can see where I fell short.

The two best organizational tools for me have been a monthly organizer and a two-columned stenographer’s notebook.

The organizer is slightly-larger than notebook sized, and I put my doctor’s appointments, meetings, etc.  I also track my bills with it, listing in the side-column all of my monthly bills, and I check them off as I pay them. In the “daily” column for each day, I write the amount I paid and the confirmation number since I pay all of my bills online.  If there’s ever a problem, I can retrieve the information.

I also use it to make notes like, “Call So-and-So” on Friday, “Dinner with So-And-So” on Saturday. Things like that. Because my memory IS a sieve, and I will have every intention of meeting someone or calling someone, but unless I “schedule it,” I won’t remember.

Sometimes I forget to write them in, but I have done much better with “remembering” since I started adding to the organizer.

The second tool I use is the stenographer’s pad. This is probably THE most important thing to keep me on track, and I only started using this about a month ago.

Every Sunday, I spend about 20 minutes planning my goals for the week.  I am both focused on time and activity.

What are the things I want most to get accomplished this week in different categories? For cleaning, it may be cleaning the blinds. For writing, it is “book progress,” blogging, making quotation images. Even catching up on emails that I’ve put off for too long.

How much time do I want to spend on housework?  Well, the answer is none, honestly, but I’ve schedule 240 minutes (an average of 40/minutes a day). What’s my goal for the book? For blogging? For exercising?

I break those things down into 20 minute increments (which can be halved if need be), and do one thing at a time.  As I go along, I’ve needed to tweak things, add things.  For example, I “schedule” meditation and dog time so that I won’t forget them. Plus, I can, you know, make that check mark that I so dig.

Here’s the thing: I almost never make my goals, falling short in almost all of the categories.  Flares happen, exhaustion happens, deciding to go somewhere happens, getting caught up in re-watching Better Call Saul happens.  Too much reading happens.

But at the end of the week, I look at how close I came to meeting the goals and list reasons why I didn’t make it.  What where the areas that fell shortest? What were the areas that came closest to meeting the goals?

Was how I spent my time worth not accomplishing my goals?

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t.  And sometimes things are entirely out of my control.

I still procrastinate. I still move slowly. My house is nowhere near as clean as I wish it to be.

But I’m accountable, and that’s a start. And I don’t think of it as “failure” when I repeatedly don’t meet my goals.  It’s still a hell of a lot more than I did before I started making them, and I’m making progress toward meeting them.

And, in a bit of unexpected irony, as soon as I typed “things are entirely out of my control,” I had discovered that I had locked myself out of my house.  Which, as I’m waiting for someone to come and let me in, I’ll get to the next way my life has gotten better.

I LOVE my new back door and the doggy-door with it.  A friend promised me that a doggy-door would change my life. It has. It really has. I can schedule appointments or run errands after work without having to worry about the pup busting a pipe.  It’s probably changed my neighbors’ life as well: sometimes I forget to close it before dragging my ass to bed.

I do try to do better. But onto the next thing:

Way #4 I’m a lot less stressed overall.

Sure, I have those moments when I get frustrated, panicked, and scared, but they seem to be far more fleeting than they used to be.

With RA, I’ve found that if I stress out, I pay for it doubly. Not just the stress of the moment (and the aftermath of things left undone while tweaking in my stress), but afterwards. For me, stress is a major trigger for a flare.

Funny enough, when I first made the connection, things got worse (way, way, way) worse before they got better. Apparently everyone has different triggers for flares–flares being  acute episodes of inflammation and pain (thanks www.arthritis.org for the definition).  According to some self-reporters, different things cause flares for  people. For some folks, it’s sugar or dairy, for others, it’s gluten or red meat or infection or a host of a thousand other things that they know of.

The only thing so far–for me– I’ve been able to definitely connect to a flare-up is stress.

And when you know stress will make things worse (which, after a point, it always does, inflammatory disease or not), and you’re stressing cause you can’t get your stress under control, which is making you stress more because the end result will be harsher…it’s a cycle that won’t end without outside interruption.

So I meditate. Very short periods (I have gone beyond monkey-mind, I think–my “monkey mind” is more akin to a Mexican jumping bean on meth.), but consistently.   And things are seeming to arrange themselves in a way I didn’t actively plan.

But because I’m scheduling time–or at least blocking dedicated chunks of it to specific tasks–I’m getting more done, being accountable, and not beating myself up for what’s not done yet because I’ve made a sincere effort to accomplish things.

Overall, I’ve noticed that my stress has gone down overall because I’ve taken an “active” (as “active” as meditation and scheduling can be, I suppose) step toward lessening them.

And, for a chronic procrastinator,  that’s a huge step, with or without a cane.

Fabulous Friday: Fabulosity Part One

In a Facebook Rheumatoid Arthritis group that I’m in, someone posed the question: How did your life get better after being diagnosed with RA?

Not necessarily because of RA, but after you found out you had it?

I marked it, saved it for later for when I was a) not hurting so badly and b) could actually think of ways my life has gotten better.

My answer, when I had sketched it out, was far too long for a Facebook post. In fact, it’s far too long for a single blog entry.

So I present to you, Part One.

I.     I have become more mindful.

I say this one first, because it is the foundation for all the rest of the ways my life has improved.

Within the past few months, I have incorporated meditation into my morning routine, a short piece of time where I try to do nothing but follow my breath. It’s a bit funny…everything comes along just as I sit “to sit,” as they say, and that’s when the dog’s butt must be scratched, the wild cat who detests me decides to rub against me, and the cats in the far bedroom knock something over that may or may not make it dangerous to walk into my bedroom.

But I sit.

2. I also take 20 minutes in the morning and use it to attempt to learn something new.

I have what may be a literal ton of books in my house–many of them I haven’t read. I’ve made a vow with a passion that Brienne of Tarth could appreciate: I  will not get any new books until I read the ones that I have. I’ve been tested. There are so many things out there I want to read, and I am ever-so-grateful for Amazon’s wish-list feature.

oathkeeper

Aah, my precious. Is that an Oathkeeper in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

But I have so many books that I have and, at one time or another, wanted to read them. So, I read them first.

Right now, for example, I’m reading Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner.

I think i won it for raising my hand at a customer service conference I went to several years ago.

It’s a decent read, at least at 20 minutes at a time. I don’t know that it’s affected my behavior in dealing with people. In fact, I don’t know that it’s directly changed anything except pointed out the irrationalities of some of my own behaviors.

It’s just one of many elements that have been introduced within a short amount of time. But I am different.  I deal with people differently. I deal with my time differently.  I deal with forgiveness differently.

My life has deepened; it has–perhaps not more–but different meaning.  What I love has been magnified:  a flower that is where it “shouldn’t be,” a shared laugh with a friend, really, really good coffee, the feeling of accomplishment at adding another 1,000 words to the novel.

What I don’t love has lessened or fallen away:  the attraction to negativity, the addiction to distraction.

Mindfulness–as it’s progressing for me, anyway–has been the single biggest change in my life, but it has set the stage for every other positive that has happened since I was diagnosed.

It reminds me that flares are temporary, life–with or without   flares–is fleeting, and my proverbial clock is ticking. It forces me to examine the question: What do I want to do with my life?

Rumi said, “Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.”

RA has, at the very least, sharpened my focus and led me, perhaps kicking and screaming, in small steps toward the beauty of what I love be what I do.

I won’t go so far to say that “RA is a gift.”

I am SO not that Zen.

But it has brought about changes for which I am grateful.

And that is something.

(Image Sources: Featured Image taken by my cell phone; Brienne with Oathkeeper from HBO’s Game of Thrones found here.)