El Jefe's Mind

Ok, I may be a tad bit late addressing this issue but WTF? I’ve got nothing else to do and I’m for damn sure not going on about the would be bomber or the slumbering Prez!

Dudes, why are we going around with our collars popped looking like retarded peacocks?

And those sagging, low riding jeans nko? The man-bracelets I can handle, even the super-silly “faux-hawks that I’ve been forced to see guys wear nowadays (although i’m ashamed to accept some measure of responsibility for that). To be fair some of you get it right sha. But the popped collar defies reason.

I’m embarrassed for you. It’s not cool! Or clever! Collars are made that way for a reason and popping it only makes you look like you just got off the assembly line from the “I’m-a-wannabe-cool-as-shit-big boy” cloning facility.

Ok, about saggy pants & showing off unsightly boxers. It’s called UNDERWEAR for a reason dammit!
Anyone doing this should be ashamed, flogged & sterilized.
Here’s some schooling for you: That style originated in American prisons. Hiphop artistes who emulate the prison styles even to the point of wearing prison jumpsuits so as to up their street cred & thuggishness, made the style popular.
Since millions of our “educated” youths blindly & idiotically copy any trend foolish enough to show it’s face on channel O or the like, they took it upon themselves to promote the style further. And since then, boxers and butt cracks have been on parade.

Here’s the fun part: In American prisons, anyone sagging his pants like that was conveying the message; “I’m a bitch & I take it up the ass”!
True story!

All these Diet-thug dudes think they look tough like that, when in truth, they are only advertising their willingness to grant entry to hot pecker into their chocolate tunnels! Retarded no?
Sha, I can’t shout! Just wanted to get it off my chest!

Is it wrong of me to get so fed up with people and to lose faith in them so dramatically that I just want to move off to some island in the Caribbean and become so self sufficient that I don’t have to look at another human being again?

I subscribe to the old Men in Black philosophy that a person is smart, but sadly, people are dumb. i see it all the time! I live in a country where the President is at deaths door and his ever smiling inactive deaf mute of a sidekick is being heralded as a cure all. Not so people, they’re on the same team for a reason.

Where we as a people in general have caused the complete and utter collapse of the economy, then we call in a Venezuelan to come and point out our child like stupidity in a very condescending manner. I mean, dude came and said his country had NO desire to invest in our oil industry!

Where we still think Northerner=Hausa=Muslim!!!
And Southern=Christian!!!

I live in a country where…and this irks me deeply… people think that love can be strictly defined and if people have any difference in tribe or creed then love between them is sick and immoral and should be against the law… you know, just like in S.A forty years ago when black and white people wanted to marry each other.

Worst of all, I live in a country that at 49 STILL can’t feed itself!

We’re fucked as a species.

Personally, I’ve always found that even-numbered years always sound less futuristic than odd-numbered years so, until 2011 comes along, I’ll just wait and dream of my flying car.

Still, there are a couple of things to look forward to this year. Chief among them is that my life is looking like making a total about face and I’m NOT scared outta my wits.

As for my predictions… I foresee [not hope for] further nonsensical shenanigans coming from our leadership and even more foolishness from the followership [us]. Don’t let me down guys. I mean disappearing oil vessels, plane wrecks etc, disappearing then re-appearing then non-functional satellites were cool but a phantom president signing budgets and things from the bat-cave??? Thank you Santa…

All right, so that’s just fine. Add that to an A.G [federal] who is lost as to basic points of Law and our very own terrorist to banks laying off massive amounts of people to add to the school leavers and the already stifling backlog of job seekers and you have…DEMOCRACY??? I mean, this IS what we fought for right? It must be, ‘cos we seem pretty cool with it. Personally, I’ll just be sitting back watching it all burn down in glee.

Let’s see… anything else? I foresee that more celebrities will probably die but none of the ones that really irritate me will.
I think that’s about it. Happy new year, everyone. Don’t drink and drive and if you do, just don’t hit me.

El Jo…that means you…

The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind.

The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking and I’m sitting here messing about on facebook.

We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths and options laid out ahead of us.

We see the same things each day, we respond to them the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms.

We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us and carry us upon the clouds to heights of fulfillment yet unknown.

And no, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become.

But I do know this: the solution doesn’t involve watering down my every little idea or creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn’t involve tempering my life to better fit someone’s expectations. It doesn’t involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up.

It sure as hell does not involve not doing what I must or want to do simply because “it is not done” or the previous generation disagrees or has some template/process for how I should go about it.

So listen close because this is very important …

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

I’m walking through Exclusive Stores the other day because I’ve got that kind of money and I get pissed off. No, not because of a multi-million dollar superstore selling about-to-expire goods to an unsuspecting public in the name of “a good bargain” effectively killing off smaller more wholesome businesses across the nation… fuck them!

Not because I saw some asswipe actually buy 3 coconuts in the same store. A coconut? Really? This IS still Naija, Africa, somewhere in the tropics, yeah? I’m confused.
No, I get pissed off because I’m walking down the aisle and I see some six foot tall retard talking to himself. I give the retard a funny look and he looks back at me revealing that he’s got one of those bluetooth things in his ear.

The situation was clarified but not changed… the guy is still a retard.
I hate to be the one to break this to everyone who honestly thinks that wearing a Bluetooth headset is some kind of fashion accessory, but it’s an earphone, not an earring and when I see people walking around with one of those things jammed in their ear like some kind of mechanical brain slug from Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, all I can think of is that the look would be complete with a rainbow-colored skull cap and a line of drool coming out of the side of your mouth. You look… STUPID! It’s not hip, it’s not trendy, it’s like your trying to get assimilated into a retarded Borg collective or something.

Let me shock you for a minute and tell you that I don’t think that bluetooth is a horrible invention! I think it’s a completely brilliant idea, actually, when you’re in a car and can drive with both hands on the wheel while talking to your homies even when you’re cooking but when you’re walking along and talking to no one, take the fucking thing out of your ear! I love dental floss, but I don’t go around with a string of it hanging out of my mouth all the time.

But no, I see these people with their mind suckers sticking out of their ears all the time. “Well, El-Jefe, how am I supposed to talk to someone without my Bluetooth earpiece?” Try using the phone, jackass. It’s one thing that you look normal (if a bit annoying) jabbering on a cell phone in a populated area, but

it’s something completely different if you look like a schizo talking to yourself in the grocery store.
I have also decided that people who wear these goddamn things all the time really overvalue their importance to society. To watch some of these sad, simple, delusional people walk around you’d think that they were fantasizing about being in the secret service or something. Then again, if this gaggle of brain-dead monkeys were really in charge of keeping the Attorney General safe, would that be a bad thing?

It’s really simple, it’s not a fashion accessory, it’s not an earring, it’s not cool! Take the fucking thing off and use it when it’s appropriate. I don’t wear condoms continually, nor do I have a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth in public or do I display my swim goggles all the time. Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece continually makes no sense and it makes you look stupid.
But wait! Come back all is forgiven…on the condition that you help me kill the only class worse than you. The guys who use hands-free, headsets continually despite the fact that they don’t drive, their phones don’t have radio and can’t carry more than 5 songs and with the cords all over the place looking like unfinished terminators.

Do us all a favor, take that fucking thing out of your ear and shove it up your ass.

A couple of weeks back, I was informed of the tragic passing of someone I used to know. I won’t go into details about who he was or what happened, but needless to say it was an accident [he had ben drinking-a lot] and he went way before someone his age should have gone.

It was my cousin who called me in the afternoon to tell me of “John’s” [not real name] passing. My response was cold, I admit, because all I could answer was, “So?”
John, you see, was in my University and apparently this was supposed to afford me some kinship with the man. The truth is, though, I didn’t like him and I didn’t really see how his being dead suddenly would change any of that. He was still a prick; he was still someone who pretty much tried his best to make my life in Uni a living hell for me, and now all of the sudden I was supposed to feel bad that an epic act of stupidity on his part had ended his life?

I don’t want anyone to think that I was happy he was dead and, to be honest, if I had Hiro Nakamura as a friend or if I had the power to time travel one of the first things I would do would be to prevent the accident that killed John, but I’m just not broken up. Hearing about his death had about as much an effect on me as hearing about the death of someone on the other side of the planet. I just don’t care and I’m not going to put on airs like I do.

I’m not a hypocrite and I’m not acquainted with his family to act like I care. I just didn’t like the guy. So, everyone thinks I’m an asshole. Fine. I refused to go to his funeral and I refused to shed crocodile tears and I’m the asshole? Listen, I’m not one to hold a grudge and have gone on to become friends with a lot of people who were pricks when I first met them — he never made the effort, his behavior was prickish up until the last time I saw him, and my affection for someone does not increase simply because someone is dead.

Perhaps I am cold on this matter, but I just can’t bring myself to care and I really doubt that if our positions were reversed, Bob would be caring that much about me either. I just don’t get why I’m the village jackass all of the sudden.

Until Dangote dies and I find out he’s my real dad and has willed his estate to me…MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE CITY!!!