El Jefe's Mind

I need to write something. I’ve been feeling much…uninspired. Which has left me rather unhappy. I knew that if wrote something, I’d get out of this rut but again I’ve been feeling uninspired! My very own Catch-22!

I have always considered myself a straight talker but I recently came across an article on the pseudo academic concept of “Brutal Honesty”. I have since decided to try out the principle.

So, in this post, I would like to introduce you to this concept.

See, I had actually written this post (at least a draft of it) about a year ago. I had forgotten all about it until a special someone asked me to please write something. Uninspired as I was, I went rummaging through my archives (an ambitious term) in the hope of finding some finished piece that would be worth reading, to no avail. So, when I found this one I reluctantly set about the task of finishing and editing it.

Why did I want so badly to fulfill this obligation to her? I told myself that it was because I was a man of my word, because I was that kinda guy – a Standup guy, because I enjoy writing and I wanted to improve my craft. All this would have sufficed if I wasn’t in “Brutal Honesty” mode.

So, on further investigation, I discovered many more… true reasons. Here are a few of them; I actually wanted to impress her. I want her to tell her friends about this amazing article that I had written. I wanted to feel that smug, sweet feeling I believe all writers great and small get when a piece is finished. I wanted all the attractive women I knew in high school and University to read it and suddenly desire me for my umm…, prowess. I want them to be wowed, then impressed and then have a crushing feeling of regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and then resolve to do so and when they meet me… I will decline…simply because I can. I wanted to get congratulatory e-mails and job offers that I can politely decline. Or accept if they’re really good.

In all honesty, I didn’t want to write anything, but I didn’t want to seem lazy.

So, there you are. Laid bare. Not very attractive huh? I believe that most, if not all of us are like this inside. Deep inside. But would we admit it? No!

I think we should though, I believe that we should all try this. For a while at least. It is amazingly liberating.

Start with you. Be honest with you about the ugly stuff. Hear yourself say it. Admit to those unclean thoughts you’ve been having about your friend’s mother. Trust me, once you hear yourself say it once, you will most likely cease to feel quite the same about it.

Start small, don’t rush it and work your way up. NOTE: This “Brutal Honesty” is not your “Asshole License” and if you catch an ass kicking, please be honest enough to admit to yourself that you deserve it. In fact as per the literature I read, let’s call it “RADICAL HONESTY”.

You see, the point to removing the filters between your mouth and your brain is that it will forge more authentic relationships. Sure, one can abuse this by going around saying mean stuff to people. That same person will understand why no one likes him and why he can’t seem to catch a break. Tell your friend about the handcuffs and lubricant you bought because you had aspirations of putting them to use with his sister. Tell your friends how you really feel about that hooker you keep going back to, hell, tell the hooker!

Yes. I know. It sounds stupid. But hey, none of you protested Sarah Jubril’s running for president.

Thing is, on the surface, deceit makes our world go round. Without lies, marriages would crumble, workers would be fired, egos would be shattered and governments would collapse. On the surface that is.

In reality, deceit makes life more difficult. You have a bunch of retarded looking people on “Pop Idol”, Spastics all over Sound City claiming to be musicians, Evil Garden gnomes claiming to be club owners who even attempt to run for public office???!!!

All these and more only happen because the people in positions to have stopped them from happening were dishonest and did not give their honest, true opinions on the various issues brought to them to give advice on.

Imagine how many times you have told some stupid lie. Imagine the embarrassment if you ever got caught in that lie (or if you have been caught – remember the embarrassment).
Understand that the lies to which I refer mostly lie in the domain of personal relationships. I mean if the Nazi’s take over and Stephen Spielberg is in your house…lie! And always lie at poker.
But it isn’t easy. In romantic relationships, (I’m a guy so, I’ll speak for the guys here) it is almost always easier to keep your mouth shut about those times you feel less than in total love with your significant other. “Why rock the boat?” My friend asked me. “Ninety percent of the time I love her, and 10 percent of the time I hate her. Why should I hurt her feelings that 10 percent of the time? Why not just wait until that phase passes and I return to the true feeling, which is that I love her?”

The answer is because he is a manipulative, lying bastard.

I know how caustic that must sound but c’mon! It is very manipulative and patronizing to shut up, smile and listen just so you can get through the evening. And I know that any other action is exhausting but that is how those tiny feelings of resentment are harboured and left to grow. Pretty soon, 10 percent of the time becomes 20 and then 30 and so on.

Note however, that Radical Honesty if misused can get creepy very quickly. @FreakyFacts on twitter reminds us at least four times a week that men think about sex every three minutes. If you speak whatever’s on your mind, you’ll be talking about sex every three minutes and that cannot possibly a good thing.
Unless you live in a brothel.

Another amusing side-effect is that the separate segments of your persona will begin to merge. Usually, there’s a professional self, a home self, a friend self, a with-the-guys self. If you are not careful, Radical Honesty will make it one big rude mess.

Here’s a small “wow moment” excerpt: “…the reason for expressing resentment directly and in person is so that you can experience in your body the sensations that occur when you express the resentment, while at the same time being in the presence of the person you resent, and so you can stay with them until the sensations arise and recede and then get back to neutral — which is what forgiveness is.”

I am inclined to agree. We often think our lies are useful as some function of compassion or kindness. They are not. In fact, it is simply avoiding your responsibility as one human being to another. It is not a crime but it isn’t kind either (again, I draw your attention to the auditions for Pop Idol, Naija Sings and the like).

I used to think honesty often meant cruelty but now I know that honesty is more akin to compassion.

The biggest boon for me is that it is the ultimate time saving tool. Say what’s real and get rid of the BS inbetween.

And now at the end of it all, I still have not written the article I wanted to get done for her and…fuck it, I really have other issues now.

El-Jefe, OUT!!!