Author Archives: Ivan Misner

Most professionals believe they know how to talk about their business, and yet very few truly know how to teach others to refer them. I talked about this with my friend Phil Berg, who is a speaker, coach, and one of my co-authors of the book, Networking is a Marathon, Not a Sprint, and we identified what most people get wrong—and what the best networkers do right.

If you have ever wondered why you are not getting the referrals you expected—or why your carefully crafted weekly presentations don’t seem to be working—keep reading for some helpful referral education.

It’s Not About You—It’s About What Others Need to Hear

Phil starts with something that seems simple but is often misunderstood: “People stand up and say, ‘I do this. I do that,’ instead of thinking, ‘What does the other person need to hear to be able to refer me?’”

That is where most professionals stumble. We often fill our networking time with information we think is important rather than what actually equips someone else to talk about us.

You have to teach people how to think about you. If your goal is referrals, then your audience is not your prospect—your audience is the people who could introduce you to prospects.

In other words, your job isn’t to perform; it is to educate.

Phil says, “Don’t teach people to be you. Teach people to connect you.”

Your network will never sell like you, speak like you, or understand your industry like you. However, if you build strong relationships and then give people the right tools, they can do one thing exceptionally well, and that is to open doors for you.

Make Your Value Clear (So Referrers Look Good When They Mention You)

Once someone understands who you want to be introduced to, there is still a crucial missing piece: your value to the person being referred.

Phil explains, “I will be able to refer you so much easier when I am doing the other person a favor by giving them you.”

That’s the key. A referral only works when the referrer feels confident that introducing you to someone they know makes them look like a hero.

To accomplish that, they must understand two things:

1. The other person’s need
2. Your specific solution for that need

An example is a chiropractor that specializes in easing the pain of aging adults. If they educate their chapter about that niche, it becomes easy for them to spot opportunities. Every time someone hears, “My back has been so awfully painful lately,” the referrer instantly knows who to send.

Remember, it is not your confidence that counts. It is my confidence in your ability to provide a quality product or service.

Go Deep with Specificity—Far Deeper Than You Think

If there is a recurring theme in referral marketing, it is this: specificity equals success.

Interestingly, most networkers think they are being specific, and they actually aren’t.

Phil points out that nobody tells them they are not being specific, so they believe they are. I agree. If you are not specific enough, and if you can’t be bothered to do the research to teach me, then don’t ask me to be bothered to do it.

Meaning: you have to do the thinking for them. If you don’t, they won’t.

Tell your networking partners information such as:

• The exact type of person you want
• Their position
• The company name, if possible
• The industry
• Client details like age, location, or lifestyle factors

The more detail you give, the more likely someone is to immediately think, “I know someone like that.”

Do Your Research—And Know Who You Actually Want

Phil gives us a powerful reminder:
“If you ask for small, you’ll get small. If you ask for big and use the same strategy, everyone knows someone you want.”

But you can only ask big if you have done the work.

Shockingly, many professionals don’t actually know who they want to be referred to. They say things like, “I want an interior designer.” But which one? Residential? Commercial? Luxury? Eco-friendly? New business owners? Homeowners with big remodel budgets?

Clarity creates opportunity. Vagueness stifles it.

We need to learn how to educate others with a very clear understanding about the specific people we want to be referred to.
 
Teaching others to refer you is not a performance, a pitch, or a repetitive list of services. It is a strategic, thoughtful, consistent educational process.

1. Stop focusing on yourself—focus on what referral partners need to hear.
2. Give people confidence by clearly showing the value you provide.
3. Be extremely specific—more than might feel natural.
4. Do your research so you can ask for exactly what you want.

When you master this, your network doesn’t just know what you do—they know who you want, how to introduce you, and why you are worth recommending.

Take the time and make the effort to teach people how to refer you to create the opportunity to receive referrals on a regular basis.

Related Posts:

When I started BNI_® in 1985, I was not a networking expert. I was trying to figure things out. The truth is, I was method acting my way through learning how to network.

Colleges and universities teach many things… but they don’t give you a blueprint for building meaningful business relationships. And yet, relationships determine your success more than almost anything else!

I share more in this video and invite you to watch.

Remember, if networking feels awkward sometimes, it’s a good thing. That means you are learning.

I didn’t build BNI because I had it all figured out. I built it because I kept showing up, refining the craft, and building trust through relationships.

What began as method acting turned into mastery.

I would like to hear your thoughts; share in the comments below.

In networking circles, we spend a lot of time talking about introductions, referrals, follow‑up strategies, and visibility. All of those are important, of course, but in a recent conversation I had with my longtime friend Barnet Bain – filmmaker, teacher, and author, he reminded me that none of those things matter if we leave out one essential ingredient: friendship.

And not “friendship” in the casual, social sense. Barnet shared a deeper concept he calls friend-working—the ability to create emotional and reputational safety in our professional relationships. It is the missing link in much of modern networking, and without it, the whole process becomes mechanical and, ultimately, unproductive.

Networking vs. Friend‑Working

Traditional networking teaches us how to present ourselves, how to ask for referrals,  and how to follow up. However, as Barnet points out, it rarely teaches us how to actually be in a relationship with one another.

Friend-working fills that gap. It is about creating the kind of safety that allows trust to form naturally. When someone feels safe with you—emotionally, socially, reputationally – they relax. They feel less guarded and that is the environment where trust, and referrals, can grow.

Safety means:

• You won’t embarrass them.
• You won’t disappoint or mislead them.
• You won’t injure their reputation.
• You won’t put them in an awkward position.

These are the foundations of friendship—and they are just as critical in business as they are in our personal lives.

The Problem with Transactional Thinking

Both Barnet and I share the belief that networking fails the moment it becomes transactional. If the driving question in your mind is, “What can I get from this person?” then the relationship has nowhere to go. In today’s environment, transactional networking may get you a contact, but it won’t get you a relationship. And without a relationship, you won’t get referrals. It is that simple.

The philosophy of Givers Gain_® is often misunderstood to mean, “I give to you so you will give back to me.”
That is not the spirit of Givers Gain at all. The real meaning is:
I give without keeping score. I trust that in a healthy relationship and a healthy community, things come back around over time—not because I demanded it, but because trust naturally produces opportunities.

The business happens, but it is the outcome, not the motive. As Barnet said:
Friendship and networking are not opposites.
Transactional thinking and networking are.

Referrals Come from Safety, Not Performance

Barnet talked about what he calls the “Hollywood schmooze‑or‑lose” model—the idea that you get referrals by performing, by being impressive, polished, memorable, or “working the room.”

But that performance never creates safety. Presence does.

Referrals don’t come from charisma.
They come from reliability.
They come from steadiness.
They come from the way people feel when they are with you.

When someone refers you, they are giving away their reputation. They are attaching their good name to your behavior. As I often say: A referral can enhance your reputation—or it can destroy it. If you are careless with that responsibility, you can lose your reputation very quickly. Earning it back takes far longer.

The Hallmarks of Friend‑Working

These are some defining characteristics of friend-working:

1. You create a pressure‑free environment.
   People relax when they don’t feel judged or “evaluated.” Your presence—not your performance—is what builds trust.
2. You follow through.
   You do what you say you will do, especially when it is small and unglamorous. Reliability builds trust faster than charisma ever will.
3. You genuinely listen.
   You don’t leap into solutions. You reflect back what you heard; you show empathy. People feel seen, not managed.
4. You show up consistently.
   Not just when you need something or when the spotlight is on. Consistency over time will beat a strong first impression every single time.
5. You protect other people’s reputations.
   You are careful with your social capital. You never over-ask. You don’t put others in awkward positions. You demonstrate that you value their good name as much as your own.

These are the qualities that make someone “safe” to refer.

Becoming “Safe” Is the Real Goal

As Barnet said so clearly:
Friendship in networking isn’t about being close.
It is about being safe—safe to refer, safe to recommend, safe to attach your name to.

When friend-working becomes natural—when it becomes part of who you are—it stops being a strategy and starts becoming a way of life. And that is when your network becomes more than a database. It becomes a community.

A community built on trust.
A community built on safety.
A community built on genuine, lasting friendship.

Barnet and I have been friends for years. We have supported one another, not because we expected anything in return, but because that is what genuine friends do. We have hardly ever exchanged referrals, and yet I consider him a really close friend.

Remember, referrals are not the foundation of friendship.
Friendship is the foundation of referrals.

You can learn more with Barnet’s book, “How to Be a Friend (in an Unfriendly World).”

Our full conversation can be heard on The Official BNI Podcast.

My wife, Jody, and I did something fun recently. We tasted four Pinot Noirs in a relaxed wine tasting at home. I used AI to analyze the wines and predict which one I would like most.

The answers I received were surprising. I share the results in this video and invite you to watch it.

Most people think of AI only as a productivity tool. But it can be helpful in many ways. In this case, it helped articulate why I liked what I liked in the wine tasting.

That is powerful because the better we understand our preferences — in wine, in business, in relationships — the better decisions we make.

And if you’re not yet using AI creatively…
You might be missing a pretty interesting dinner conversation.

Cheers.

A short while ago, someone asked me a question that made me smile:
“How do you deal with boring people at a networking event?”

It is a fair question, and an honest one. We’ve all been there—the event where the energy is flat, the conversations feel mechanical, and you start mentally calculating how soon you can leave without looking rude. It reminded me of an experience I had years ago at a networking meeting.

The Moment I Realized the Problem Was Me

I walked into the room and immediately felt disappointed. Small clusters of people stood around staring into their drinks. There was no energy, no buzz, no spark. And as I stood there with my arms crossed, silently judging the room, something clicked: If I am bored at this meeting… it’s all my fault.

I had walked in expecting the event to entertain me. I was evaluating instead of engaging. Networking is not a spectator sport. It doesn’t start with being interesting, it starts with being interested.

That realization was a personal reset. Instead of waiting for someone else to create a meaningful experience, I decided to step in with authentic curiosity. Not forced enthusiasm; just a genuine desire to learn about the people standing in front of me. It wasn’t the room that changed, it was my attitude that changed, and that’s the truth of great networking.

If you feel bored in a networking conversation, it is likely that you are also being boring—not by intention… by default. The enemy of connection is not dull people; it is passivity.

Why Some People Seem Boring

After decades of observing professional interactions, and reviewing research around communication, I’ve learned that most people are not boring. They just haven’t been asked the right question yet.

People are far more interesting when you invite them to talk about something they genuinely care about. That means your job in a tough room is not to perform, impress, or pitch. Your job is to spark a conversation that lets the other person shine. 

Stop Selling. Start Connecting.

One of the biggest mistakes people make at networking events is walking in with a sales mindset, treating the room like a marketplace instead of a community.
When you are focused on connection:

• People feel safe opening up.
• You find unexpected common ground.
• You lay the groundwork for trust—which is the real engine of referrals.

Here is a counterintuitive truth:
The less you sound like a salesperson, the more likely you are to eventually get referrals.

That is the philosophy behind the GAINS Exchange I created years ago—Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Networks, Skills. Real connection happens when people explore multiple areas of each other’s lives, not just job titles.
Connection starts with exploration. Exploration starts with good questions.

What to Say When Someone Seems Boring

We’ve all had the conversation that fades away after three questions:
“What do you do?” – “Accounting.”
“How long have you been doing it?” – “Ten years.”
“What do you like about it?” – “Uh…”

Before writing the person off as boring, try upgrading your questions. Most people are only giving shallow answers because the questions are shallow.
Instead, try one of these:

1. “What has been the best part of your week so far?”
   It opens the door to stories, not resumes.

2. “Besides work, what gets you up in the morning?”
    Now you’re talking about passions, not roles.

3. “Are you working on anything fun or meaningful right now—something important to you?”
   This is gold. It gives permission for authenticity.

4. “What personal passion project has your attention these days?”
   People light up when they talk about something that matters to them.

These aren’t small‑talk questions. They are smart‑talk questions.
And smart talk is the gateway to collaboration.

Medium.com published a wonderful insight: being socially skilled isn’t about being impressive—it is about making the other person feel interesting and worthwhile.
Studies show that people leave the conversation liking you more, even if they were the ones talking the most. Why? Because you made them feel good. That is social intelligence in action.

Are You the Boring One?

A tough but important question.

If you regularly default to work or the weather for topics, you may be unintentionally limiting the potential of the conversation. Shift your mindset. Instead of thinking ‘this is boring,’ try ‘I haven’t discovered their interesting side yet.’ Change the question; stop asking questions that lead to yes or no answers.

An alternative to “So, what do you do?” is:
“What exciting things are you working on these days?”
It is positive, forward‑looking, and it leads to a somewhere.

Be the Spark

If you walk into a room expecting entertainment, you will be disappointed.
If you walk in expecting engagement, you will be successful.

Networking is about taking responsibility for the quality of your interactions. When you choose to be interested, you influence the energy in the room—and that energy always comes back to you. It is the ultimate example of Givers Gain_®.

So what do you say to “boring” people at a networking event?
You say something that gives them permission to be interesting, because almost everyone has a great story inside them. They just need a spark.

And sometimes, that spark is you.
Be the spark that brings out the best in others.
When you light someone up, the whole room gets brighter.

Recently, someone asked me, “How do you explain Givers Gain^® to a young person?”

I understand that a young person who hears that question might be thinking, “Wait—does that mean I have to give away all my stuff?”

No, it doesn’t. This isn’t about losing — it’s about winning by helping others win too. 

I invite you to watch this video to learn more.

Adults use Givers Gain in business (especially in BNI) when they refer clients to each other, share opportunities, and help one another succeed.

But young people, you don’t have to wait to grow up to start living it. You can practice it today — at school, with your team, and with your family.

So, the next time you can help someone, do it with a good heart.
Because the truth is simple: when you lift others up, you rise too.
That is the magic of Givers Gain.

If you’re an adult, share this video with a young person. I think it will help them understand the value of this concept.

Over the years, I have met many people who swear that luck is the secret ingredient behind their success. They tell me stories about being in the right place at the right time, about chance encounters that led to great opportunities, or about stumbling into a referral that “changed everything.”

Studies have shown that randomness does affect success distribution, even when talent is accounted for. Yet, I don’t think this negates the impact of effort. Luck may determine which opportunity you get; sustained hard work determines whether you can capitalize on it or not. I have always felt that the harder you work, the luckier you get.

I remember a conversation with a BNI member who insisted his biggest referral was “just dumb luck.” He explained that someone happened to attend a meeting, happened to bump into a person, who happened to know another person… You know the story – one coincidence stacked on another like dominoes.

So, I asked him a simple question: “How long have you been in BNI?”
“Four years,” he said.
“And you attend most meetings?”
“Pretty much all of them.”
“About 200 meetings, then?”
“Yeah, around that.”

I paused. “You have shown up consistently for four years. You’ve built a relationship with the individual who made the introduction. You have invested your time, your energy, and your presence. And you still think this referral was luck?”

His expression changed. “Well… when you put it like that…”

Exactly. When you do put it like that, you start to see the truth: effort drives outcomes.

Effort Makes Luck Useful

There is randomness in life. Studies have shown that factors outside our control can influence outcomes—whether it is timing, environment, or early advantages. Here is the part people often miss: luck may hand you an opportunity, but only effort determines whether you can turn that opportunity into something meaningful.

I have long believed that hard work builds both capability and capital. It’s what prepares you to recognize opportunity, and more importantly, to act on it. Angela Duckworth’s research on grit highlights that perseverance and deliberate practice are among the strongest predictors of long-term success—even more than talent in many cases. And I have always resonated with that.

If I have any superpower at all, it’s persistence. I’m a dog with a bone – consistently persistent. When I commit, I stay committed. I show up, I follow through, and I keep moving—even when progress seems slow. Looking back, I can trace much of my success to that single trait: consistency in action.

Advantages Only Matter When You Use Them

Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers discusses how early advantages—like being slightly older on a youth hockey team or having early access to computers—can shape future success. But those advantages are enabled only by consistent effort. You still need the dedication to extend those opportunities into real achievement.

The same is true in business and networking. You may have access to mentors, training, or a great chapter. However, if you don’t invest your time, apply what you learn, build and maintain relationships week after week, the advantage sits idle. Effort is the engine that transforms potential into performance.

Public surveys reflect this same understanding. Most people believe hard work and merit remain the dominant factors in success—even while acknowledging that chance plays a role. And they are right. The narrative matters. If you attribute everything to luck, you hand over your agency; you surrender control. But when you embrace effort as the driver, you empower yourself to shape your future.

Luck Opens Doors. Hard Work Walks You Through Them.

I have seen people get incredible breaks—winning the lottery, sudden windfalls, surprise opportunities—and squander them because they weren’t prepared. Without work, and without persistent effort, luck doesn’t translate to success.

You don’t trip and fall into mastery.
You don’t accidentally become consistent, disciplined, or resilient.
And you certainly don’t scale a business, build a network, or leave a legacy because the moon and the stars were aligned.

Those outcomes are earned through persistence, intentionality, and long-term effort.

A good friend of mine, the late Dr. Mark Goulston, said: “We have much less control over winning or losing at something than we do over trying or quitting at something.”

If you always try, you could eventually win. If you always quit, you can never win.
To me, this is the best example of hard work.

This message is especially important for members of business networking groups. You have the opportunity to meet people every week; however, it is the consistent building of relationships that leads to real results. Those who claim “luck matters more” often do so as a way to rationalize why they haven’t gotten where they want to go. It’s easier to blame the dice than to embrace the grind.

Hard Work May Not Guarantee Success—But Without It, Success Is Guaranteed Not to Happen

So yes, luck exists. But it is not the main character in your story – it is a cameo. A momentary spark.

Hard work is the plot.
Hard work is the throughline.
Hard work is the force that transforms chance into achievement.

Luck may light a match, but effort builds the fire. And if you keep feeding that fire—day after day, meeting after meeting, relationship after relationship—you will find that success stops looking like luck and starts looking like the natural result of your consistent commitment.

In the end, effort doesn’t just drive outcomes.
Effort builds them.

You are only as strong as your community. Sure, things may be going well for you at this moment, but who has your back when stuff hits the fan?

The 6 Types of People You Need in Your Life and how to get them ready to lend a helping hand:

1. Your Business Network
   Your business network is a beacon of hope in a sea of fear. They, more than almost anyone, will have your back when you need it most. Make sure to ask them for help whenever you need it. I have seen truly amazing things happen when people ask for help from their business network members.
2. Your Mentors and Teachers 
   People who are or have been your mentors genuinely believe in you, care about you and your success, and can be counted on for honest feedback and encouragement. They also open doors to opportunities by spreading positive messages about you.
3. People You Have Helped, Taught or Mentored Yourself 
   These people are typically excited to hear from you and will remind you of how much they appreciate your support. Think about people to whom you have donated money, time, or other gifts. Most will go out of their way to support you.
4. Your Coworkers, Colleagues, Associates, Classmates 
   The friendships you have made throughout your schooling and career often become friends for life. You know, like, and respect each other. You may be reluctant to call upon a friend for help because you don’t want to admit you need it. Don’t let your ego get in the way; utilize these sources. A true friend will be eager to help and will not think any less of you.
5. Your Family and Close Friends
   This may seem like a no-brainer, but we often take our family and personal friends for granted, and yet they are, perhaps, our most reliable source of support. Don’t ignore them.
6. Other Members of Non-business Organizations
   People you have worked with outside of business, such as members of community service organizations, apartment or homeowner associations, local youth programs – they may be willing to support you in activities outside of the group’s normal scope. Join, participate, generously donate your time, and let others help you when you need it.

At the end of the day, your success is not just measured by what you have built; it is measured by who stands with you when things get hard. Strong communities don’t magically appear in moments of crisis—they are built slowly, intentionally, and generously over time.

Invest in your people before you need them. Show up, give first, and nurture those relationships consistently. Because when life throws a curveball (and it will), the true power of your people is what turns setbacks into comebacks.

For years, I’ve talked with my kids about this, and mentored businesspeople, too – especially when they felt like they weren’t enough. Not successful enough. Not far enough along. Not as capable as the people around them. Nearly every time, I noticed the same pattern: they were comparing their inside to someone else’s outside.

What does that mean? We know everything about our own inner world—our doubts, insecurities, anxieties, and mistakes. Yet when we look at other people, we see only what they show us. We measure our unfiltered lives against someone else’s highlight reel. It is an unfair fight, and most of us lose.

Why We Make These Comparisons

Part of this is just human wiring. Our brains are built for social comparison. It’s how we figure out our place in a tribe, a community, a group, or a chapter. But today’s version of “the tribe” includes curated Instagram feeds, polished social personas, and carefully edited highlight reels.

We forget that what we see from others is often impression management – a deliberate polishing of life’s best angles. People show their vacations, their achievements, their successes. What they rarely show are the tears, the sleepless nights, the failures, and the struggles. Their public life is marketing, not full reality.

Meanwhile, we have full access to our internal world. We possess emotional blind spots that make our insecurities feel larger, sharper, and truer than they really are. Our inner critic is loud, while other people’s struggles are silent.

There is also a bit of survival bias. We notice the “winners” far more than the people still figuring it out. This bias tricks us into believing everyone else has everything together—except us. People have told me many times, “I thought you had it all figured out.” And I have to laugh, because I struggle with many of the same challenges they do. They are seeing my outside, not my inside.

The Cost of Comparison

I believe comparison is the thief of joy. When you judge your messy, complicated, behind‑the‑scenes life against someone’s meticulously staged outside world, reality becomes distorted. It creates:

• Paralysis
• Fear of taking risks and of starting projects
• Inability to celebrate progress
• Imposter syndrome

It is important to recognize that not everyone’s life is rainbows and unicorns, and that they have had a lot of challenges getting to where they are.

How to Stop Comparing Your Inside to Their Outside

1. Flip the Frame:
   Instead of asking, “Why am I not where they are?” ask, “What can I learn from their journey?”
   Turn envy into education. Learn from their steps instead of resenting their progress.
2. Practice Gratitude:
   Gratitude shifts the focus from what you lack to what you have.
   Write down your daily wins—big or small.
   I believe in the transformative power of gratitude and I practice it myself as often as possible.
3. Curate Your Inputs
   If certain social feeds trigger feelings of inadequacy, mute them. Don’t consume content that is detrimental to your self‑worth. During the COVID pandemic, I began saying, “Micro-dose the news.” I really feel strongly about that one. The news has become less about news and more about opinions regarding the news. So don’t consume content that poisons your self-worth, your value, or that that has you feeling fearful of the world.
4. Remember the Rule of Context
   You know your whole story. You only see their highlight reel. Give yourself the same grace you give others. Remember: you have a highlight reel, too—other people just don’t see your struggles behind it.
5. Run Your Own Race
   Life is a marathon, not a sprint. The only competitor worth beating is the person you were yesterday. So run that race and be better than you were yesterday.

Key Reminders

Here are four important reminders to keep you grounded:

1. Stop comparing your behind‑the‑scenes footage to someone else’s highlight reel.
2. What you see in others is often performance, not complete reality.
3. Your inside voice doesn’t hear their inside struggles—don’t assume they have none.
4. The only scoreboard that truly matters is your own growth.

Recognize that your story is still being written. The only person you need to outpace is the version of yourself from yesterday. So run your own race because your inside journey matters more than anyone other person’s outside show. Stop comparing your life to filtered photos on social media; Instagram filters don’t pay the bills, and hashtags don’t hug you at night.

Run your race. Laugh along the way. And remember: even the most impressive highlight reel has bloopers no one else gets to see.

Related Posts:

Over the years I have shared lots of advice on how to grow your business by building relationships. This blog is about four common “Networking Don’ts,” which are mistakes to avoid when you are networking, especially if you are networking up – meeting people you consider to be successful.

1. Don’t sell or pitch to them.

I cannot tell you how many times I have met someone for the first time, and they immediately start “selling to me.” I’ve also seen the same thing when I was with other businesspeople who are far more successful than me. Don’t do it! The old adage – “it never hurts to ask, right?” is completely wrong when you are networking with someone for the first time. Too many people do it – don’t be one of the crowd.

2. Don’t complain to them.

I realize that sounds obvious, and yet I have been both the victim of it and I’ve seen it way too many times. I was once standing with an incredibly successful businessman while he was meeting people in a crowd when someone he had just met went on a rant about some problem with the man’s company. The complainer noticeably stood out and was quietly escorted away. You want to be remembered by people, but not in that way.

3. Don’t be a sycophant.

When you are at a business networking event, you really don’t need to try and flatter, or over-flatter, anyone. However, successful people are still people, and they appreciate knowing that their work makes a difference. I have found that if I share a specific story about how their work or business has really helped someone in some way, they appreciate the comment. That way the conversation is not all about me, while also acknowledging them for the work they have done.

4. Don’t assume they remember you next time.

If you meet them or connect with them again, never assume they remember you. I recommend that you help them out by giving context on how you know each other or how you met. Really successful people tend to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Giving them some context helps jog their memory. If you originally met them in person, give them a reminder of where you met. For example, when I am networking up with an email communication, I like to send a photo of the two of us from the event where we met.

Remember, networking can become a very powerful tool for success – IF you approach it properly and focus on building relationships rather than constantly trying to make a sale. Throughout my decades of experience, I have seen that networking is effective for almost all businesses. If it has not worked for you, perhaps you have been doing some of the “Don’ts” listed above.
Share your thoughts below.

Related Posts:

As part of a commencement speech, Winston Churchill is believed to have once said, “Never, never, never give up!”

Although I love this quote, the left side of my brain says that when it comes to business, that is just not logical. You must know when it is time to give up. Fortunately, my right brain often wins the battle on this issue. You see, I may not be smartest or most successful person in the room, but I am almost always the most determined.

I believe that if you have really good information and feel confident in your vision and your goals, then you need to be persistent, like a “dog with a bone” in your focus and never give up. I have applied that approach throughout most of my life.

In 1992, I completed the manuscript for The World’s Best Known Marketing Secret. Over an 18-month period, I sent my manuscript to 45 publishers throughout North America. It is difficult enough to write a book, but to then send it out and hope someone else sees its potential the way you do, is even more difficult. I sent it out to 45 publishers and received 44 rejections–until number 45 came along. I was that dog with a bone; I was not going to give up until someone gave me a chance.

Remember that publishing a book back in the 1990’s was much more difficult. Self-publishing through Amazon is now very easy. When this book came out in 1994, the average business book sold less than 7,000 copies and publishers did not want to invest in a book that only sold that many copies.

In 1994, the book was published and since then, it has been through four editions, translated into more than 10 languages, and sold hundreds of thousands of copies.

My Original Record of Submission

A while back, I was going through some old files and I found the records I kept of everyone I submitted that manuscript to, and it reminded me of the determination I felt. Had I given up on number 44, I may have never become a best-selling author in multiple markets around the world. That, and many other experiences I’ve had over my lifetime, have led me to believe that if you are confident in what you are doing – never give up. Never, never, never give up.

Do you have a success story that came about from perseverance? I’d like to read it, please share it in the comment section.

For many years, I have talked about ‘specific is terrific’ in terms of doing a presentation at your business networking meeting. I have also said that you want to break your business down into its least or lowest common denominator, LCDs. One of the best ways to do that is through show and tell, where you bring in something very specific about your product or service, such as a prop or item that you can show to people or hand out. I have some examples to share.

The Massage Therapist

A massage therapist brought in a massage chair for his presentation with his networking group. He talked about massage chairs and how they are used at shopping malls, street fairs, and charitable events. He talked about the importance of cleaning the chair after each client, showed his method of cleaning and explained why. When he asked for a volunteer, everybody’s hand went up, and he selected one fellow member. While he demonstrated a shoulder massage, he explained what type of massages are most effective in a chair and then talked about the best referrals for his services. He gave specific examples of referrals: senior citizens with decreased mobility, pregnant mothers, and mortgage office managers who can arrange on-site employee benefits once a month.

Real Estate Videographer

A real estate videographer shared a compilation video at their networking meeting of three different properties that they had done. They explained the benefits of their video, showing the features of the houses, and described a good referral for each type of property, including the names of two top realtors in the area that they would like to be introduced to.

Auto Mechanic

An auto mechanic started his presentation by saying that everyone knows they need routine maintenance, such as oil changes in their vehicles, which is something his shop does. Then he said, “How many of you have ever asked about the cabin air filter during  your regular oil change?” Almost no hands went up. And then he showed them an extremely dirty cabin air filter that he had taken out of a car and replaced. He talked about going beyond the routine and making sure that every customer’s vehicles were getting everything that they needed. Then he shared, “When you hear someone say, ‘My car has this strange smell, or it smells like old socks,’ it is often the cabin air filter and I can help them with it.”

Consultants

There are many professions that offer services and may not have a physical product to show, such as business coaches, CPAs, financial advisors, and therapists. An effective idea is a True / False quiz, where you have a short list of questions, misconceptions, or assumptions that people make about your business. At the start of the presentation, have each person in the room write on a sheet of paper the word True on one side, and the word False on the other side. Then ask one of the questions and say to the group, “Do you think this is true, or is this statement false?” And they hold up their sign. Then the consultant can give the answer, while explaining who is a good referral for that service that is part of their business.

Before and After Photos

I have also seen before and after photos during presentations by home decorators and remodeling contractors; this can work for landscapers and window washers, too. The member passed around the ‘before’ photos to the group and then shared photos taken ‘after’ they did their work. Seeing the before and after photos can be really dramatic and makes a lasting impression.

Remember, the goal of your presentation is to help your networking partners understand what you do in a way that is memorable. You also want them to know who is a good referral for what you do.

You want to be specific about your product or service AND specific about the ideal customer for that product or service. Using items to show examples which help you explain your business can make your presentations more memorable, leading to more referrals from your networking group.

Have you used show and tell in your presentations at networking meetings? I would like to know – share in the comments.