OPEN LETTER TO AMERICA’S K-12 STUDENTS
WELCOME BACK TO SCHOOL, AMERICA’S BABIES!
Well, Kiddos, it’s America’s Memas, Nanas, Abuelas, Jaddas, Bubbes, Amahs, Bibi, Babuskas, Bàs, etc. here. A kaleidoscope of grandmothers from our multicultural country who just wanted to congratulate you on a new school year and to give you a Betty Davis-type sendoff: “Fasten your freakin’ seatbelts, babies; it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.” Munchkins, everything is so topsy-turvy these days, and it has rolled over into your public schools, educational resources, and teachers. At least half the adults in this land have badly screwed up the country we’re leaving you, and they don’t have a clue that they’re missing the mark by a milestone! What used to be the truth of history is now considered a lie and being supplanted by alternate “facts”. The unlimited access to quality books that could infuse your intellect and raise your awareness about peoples and places outside of your local environs is rapidly being banned. Many excellent teachers and career-long librarians are fleeing their professions due to the restrictions being placed upon them by right-wing Evangelical fundamentalists who say their only goal is to protect you.
We grandmothers are horrified! Little Ones, by the time you figure out you’ve been duped by your elders, it will be much too late, and your learning will have amounted to bupkis. You will become mediocre and lead mediocre lives much like the adults who truncated your education. Your minds will become susceptible to any conspiracy or “trumped-up” lie that comes down the pike because you will have never been taught the whole truth and nothing but the truth about history, slavery, your sexuality, peoples, cultures, and events.
My precious Bubbeleh, even those of you who manage to escape the tyranny of the ignorant, we grandmothers live in constant fear that you will be gunned down in your schools because of gun laws we were never able to enact and AR-15s we were never able to eradicate from our culture. This keeps us awake at night.
Our Sweet Darlings, most recently, we grandmothers got together to pray for your welfare and success in school. In the beginning, there was much anxiety and gnashing of teeth, until we all realized that we were focusing on the wrong things regarding our grandbabies: worry and fear. What we should have been focusing on was hope and courage, because in the words of one of our greatest Presidents, Barack Obama, “you are the ones we’ve been waiting for!” Of course, things are bad for you, but things have always been bad for every generation of humans who have walked the Earth. Your very own grandmothers had to fight for equal rights, civil rights, voting rights, women’s rights, reproductive rights, equal pay, educational and occupational inclusion, and we’re seeing much of that sacrifice and hard work being eradicated right before our very eyes. You will have your own battles to fight—as it should be because we didn’t have all the answers. Plus, you will need to restore what has been stolen from our previous gains. But if you have courage and envelop yourselves in the “Truth” of the battles that need to be fought and won, you will succeed. However, you will need some guidelines, and you will need to face some hard truths.
My Wajukuu (as they say in Swahili), after much contemplation, your grandmothers came up with a list of 8 guidelines for surviving and thriving in this academic year. They work for all races, ethnicities, religions, and cultures.
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS’ 8 GUIDELINES FOR “GETTING OVER” THIS SCHOOL YEAR
#1. SHOW UP! In the words of Woody Allen, “80% of success is showing up”! In other words, no matter how boring the subject or the teacher, how much you fear the task, how little you think you understand, how much your newly sprung period hurts, how much lack of sleep you had, or how much you wish you could be anywhere but there, the first step is to get out of bed, go to school, place your little behinds in the chairs, and open your minds to receive the knowledge being made available to you. (As we’ve intimated before, some of the “knowledge” may be polluted or half-assed, which will be a problem, but we will deal with that in #4.)
#2. DON’T LIE (ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU OVER THIRTEEN)! It may sound harsh, but we grandmothers are stunned at your ability to cop a lie rather than embrace truth if the truth is hard. The reason we are leaving you such a messed-up world is because we have so many adults in our corporations and government who never learned not to lie. They are habitual liars. There is a great Bible verse that says: “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” We know you are not fully grown up yet, but many of you have been Bar or Bat Mitzvah’d, Quinceañera’d, had an Apachi Sunrise ceremony, baptized at the age of 13 – 15, and so on and so forth, and even though you’re not fully-grown adults, you’re almost there, and you know the difference between right and wrong. Leave the lying on the cutting room floor of childhood. Always own your truth (be who you are—no more, no less), but never lie about things you haven’t done or things you should take responsibility for along with the consequences. Doing so will make you into the leaders we truly need and have been waiting for. Plus, it will set a great example to the little ones who look up to you.
#3. DO THE BEST YOU CAN. Don’t be afraid to fail! Not everything will be a home run. If you study and don’t slough off your responsibilities in your subject areas, and you show up to do the work, that’s the best any of us can ask of you, or that you can ask of yourselves. We grandmothers promise you that if you admire us for what we’ve accomplished in life, that is exactly what we did.
#4. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. Believe it or not, even with all the knuckleheads who are trying to ruin your lives with miseducation, lies, banning of books, and access to guns, there are so many more adults who are ready and willing to properly guide you in your journey of learning. Question everything, BTW. Don’t be afraid to challenge authority. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they are correct.
When you stumble or make a mistake, cry out to one of God’s helpers to pick you up and to give you the tools you need to overcome. That includes your parents, unless they are worthless, in which case, look for the godly helpers outside of your homes. They are always there—sometimes you have to dig a little, sometimes the pain in your life obscures them, but you’ll find them, even in the most dire circumstances.
#5. BECOME CURIOUS AND NOT JUDGMENTAL. We grandmothers unabashedly stole this line from Ted Lasso who stole it from who knows where. (It is often misattributed to Walt Whitman.) In other words, unless you get to know someone—another classmate, a different gender, a different culture, a different race, a different religion, a different tribe, a different country, don’t assume you know who they are or what they like and how they love. Don’t assume that they are “weird” or should be subject to your disdain and scorn because you never took the time to get to know them or research the truth about them.
#6. PEOPLE WILL COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A SEASON. In other words, very few relationships are for the long haul. You’ll be blessed if you get to the end of your life with one or two people who have gone the distance. This is just a fact of life. People come into our lives for a season and most of them for a reason. Sometimes we glean love from their actions and sometimes we learn hard lessons from their betrayals. It will not be the end of the world when your paths disconnect from someone you thought was your BFF. Mourn their loss, if you must, but move on. It’s not the end of the world. Trust your grandmothers in this!
#7. HIGH SCHOOL IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY. We Memas know that the drama you suffer in high school will seem like the end of the world to you, but we promise you that it will get better. Everything will seem huge and cataclysmic, but only some events, such as world wars, the deployment of atomic bombs, mass murders, or dying while you’re young should own those categories—not being tormented and bullied on the Internet by other kids. As hard as it may seem, don’t derail your lives because of haters. The best response should be: “I’ll show you—watch me triumph!” In the words of Taylor Swift, “Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” Cry out for help—definitely, but then flee from your tormentors and don’t look back. IT WILL GET BETTER! Ten or twenty years from now, you’ll barely remember their names and by the time you are your grandparents ages, you won’t remember what they even looked like. In fact, you’ll get a good laugh at their stupidity—that they ever deigned to think you weren’t worthy.
Also, do your Memas a favor and take a sabbatical from your cell phones every once in a while. It will help you pull yourself out of the morass that slimes you on a daily basis. One more point: be judicious about what you post online. Never ever post a picture (yep, we’re talking about dick pics and naked profiles, here) or say something online that you wouldn’t want your grandmothers to see or read. Even us old farts know that whatever gets posted on the Internet can’t ever really be deleted—the Internet is forever, unfortunately!
#8. BE KIND. The truth that spans all true religions of the world is that we should “treat each other as we wish to be treated.” Period. Don’t be afraid to dispense kindness wherever you go to whomever you meet no matter how you’re feeling, and we grandmothers promise you that kindness will return in some form or fashion to you.
Have a blessed and fabulous school year, our precious grandchildren. We love you, madly!
SIGNED: The Memas of the world!
Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a satirist who is an award-winning voice-over performer. In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!). Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.” Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker. If you don’t believe me, just ask her!
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how the hell did i end up here? 