This book is seriously mislabeled.  "How to be a Man."  A book with that title shouldn't be five inches thick.  Three rules:  go after women, be disgusting, and have no self respect.  Pretty much defines men.  Could cover that on half a page.

[was sleeping peacefully in her bed even though it was now halfway up the wall]

Uh... [eyes flicker open and that breaks whatever it was that was keeping her in said bed, starts falling] 

Waaah!  What the hell is going on?!  I'm on the wall?!  How did my bed get on the wall?! 

[manages to plant her feet on the foot board to keep from falling flat on her face before she jumps down to the floor and starts looking around]

You seriously drank too much last night, Sergeant Major.  You're seeing things... There has got to be something in that beer that isn't in other stuff.  [rubs at her head]  This is insane.

What kind of cafeteria doesn't provide beer for the people eating there?!  What kind of place is this?  It's inhumane!