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NEW JOURNAL NEW JOURNAL [Sep. 30th, 2009|02:59 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
[Tags|, ]
[Current Roomz |COLLEGE]
[Current Jamz |COLLEGE]

http://keelhaulin.livejournal.com
Fo College.

HAIKU!
I am in college,
Where the people are crazy.
WATCH ME DESTROY THEM.

Okay maybe not.
Destruction is very bad.
But still, I have dreams.
LinkDo you Octopie?

Commence Operation I Don't Know How To Dance! [Dec. 5th, 2008|08:16 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Roomz |A chair my brother definately farted in]
[Current Feelinz |mellowmellow]
[Current Jamz |"Non E Per Sempre" Eiffel 65 -They did make other songs I guess.. .]

In my absence from Livejournal I have done some soul searching and discovered many things about myself, the most important thing being that I love to floss my teeth. Morning, afternoon, and night. And after I wake up from horrible dreams like I did last night where CLAMS STARTED EATING MY FEET. Which is good, because flossing increases your life expectancy by 6 years. HOLD UP. LET ME REPEAT. 6 years. While all of you non-flossers are croaking from a buildup of bacteria that somehow breaks away into your bloodstream and clogs your arteries and kills you, I will be eating pineapples. RAW. With my original teeth.
Maybe flossing all the time is bad for me, like I will floss out my BICUSPIDS or something crazy like that. Everything in moderation, right? I guess it is better than HAVING A METH LAB or SLEEPING WITH MY GOVERNMENT TEACHER which seems to be all the rage at my school as-of-late. Oh Well.
Oyes, I also have to go to a dance. And the adjective to describe my sweet geddup for the event is Hella Tight. Only I don't know how to dance. And being around a lot of people makes me really violent. (I realized this while soul searching a while back.) Because whenever I go to parties, I always end up beating on people. Not in an angry way, but more like a I HATE SOCIAL SITUATIONS I WILL MAKE IT BETTER BY DESTROYING YOUR FACE WITH THIS PLASTIC SWORD/NERF GUN/PINBALL MACHINE. Poo. I am thinking that wearing heels will prevent me from any major ATTACK MODE TRANSFORMATIONS, as they make my calves look too amazing for me to bother finding a makeshift weapon.

HAIKU!
Have you flossed today?
Chances are I have. Three times.
Bow to me, Peasant!
LinkDo you Octopie?

In Which I Come Back [Sep. 2nd, 2008|04:04 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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[Current Jamz |Ice Cream Truck?]


Meet John Quincy Adams, my Guitar. I just call him Quincy for short.
Some of you may be wondering, "Why does she have a guitar? She doesn't even PLAY the guitar! She has no concept of musical theory and does not understand stringed instruments!"
Well, FIE ON YOU! My potential for ROCKSTARDOM was so great that my sheer awesome rent the sky in TWAIN and from that rift flowed a cacophany of sound and light, followed by my dear, dulcet, and delightful, John Quincy Adams.
Seriously so far I can play like, MAJOR CHORDS and next thing you know I will be in a HAIR BAND since that is pretty much the undiscovered goal of EVERYONE.

One fly that remains in the ointment of my life is GETTING INTO COLLEGE. Or even FINDING A COLLEGE I MAY WANT TO GO TO. I have visited a grand total of 1 college my highschool career, and I hated it. But everyone around me is already filling out forms and applying things and so forth, and I am beginning to feel a little unprepared. So today I KICKED DOWN MY COUNSELOR'S DOOR, demanding some sort of form that I can at least PRETEND to fill out while other people are around so I don't look like such a loser, but she wasn't even there. So right now I am floundering.

AT LEAST IT CAN STILL BE HAMMERTIME AT THE THIRD REICH!

Oh wait. I guess not anymore.

HAIKU!
I PLAY THE GUITAR!
IN A ROCKING HAIR BAND, YEAH!
College? HAMMERZEIT!
Link5 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

SUPERADULT [Apr. 14th, 2008|06:18 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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[Current Feelinz |complacentSUPERPOWERS]

So I am sooooo mature and sophisticated now because I just registered to vote. Even though I am not of voting age, the candidates must BOW AND SCRAPE AT MY FEET NOW to gain my vote. My opinion matters, foo! Give me your money!
Also, I have gotten a job this summer, which I am so sophisticated and mature and ADULTlike for getting because I will be paid and I will be having nothing to do with waiting on others or flipping burgers or cleaning things. NAY. I WILL BE PAID BECAUSE OF MY VAST AND WILLING READINESS TO ABSORB KNOWLEGE AT AN INCREDIBLE RATE.
I just got a job at:
A PARTICLE PHYSICS LAB

Booyah.


Why did I take up such a job? Why would someone so lazy as myself and so full of general malaise towards anything involving the betterment of anything other than myself join a team of scientists to help unlock the secrets of the most fundimental aspects of life itself? The answer, my friends, is SUPERPOWERS

How many normal, meek, and mild-mannered men and women have a little run-in with PARTICLE PHYSICS STUFF and then become amazingly altered and become the superheroes and supervillians we have all come to know and love? A LOT
Like The Hulk. And that one guy in Spiderman that turns into sand. I think his name was SANDY. Only not really. And probably a lot of other people too I just can't think of.
Of course I hope I get a COOL superpower. Here is a list of things
I DO NOT WANT.
-Turning into something lame like sand. Or rocks. Or mud.
-Having SuperHearing and nothing else. Lame. Totally lame.
-Having extra appendages. No more heads or arms please.
-Becoming really hairy in any way.
-Becoming really slimy in any way.
-Becoming really stinky in any way. Although that really isn't a superpower.
-Only breathing underwater, and not being able to breathe above land. (That means you, Aquaman.)
-Anything making me huge, tall, or bulky.

Here is a list of things I would be
TOTALLY COOL WITH
-being superfast
-flying
-controlling things with my mind OH WAIT. I ALREADY DO THAT.
-superstrength but still just having a svelt body. Oooh Yeah.
-breathing underwater and ALSO above water!
-controlling time?
-I can't really think of anything right now...Superintelligence? ALREADY GOT THAT.

Yeah. Pretty much I can't wait. I get paid to get superpowers. YEAH!

Oh yeah in florida ( Collapse )
Link9 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

EGGS [Mar. 22nd, 2008|11:28 am]
The Stirfry Guru
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[Current Feelinz |busychecking the weather]

( EASTER WUTCollapse )

So I signed up to save some more lives. As usual.
I am taking independent study Japanese because I am a nerd and I sit in the 2nd year class. And oh man, if one more bad smelling kid calls me "baka-chan" I will stab ALL OF THEM IN THE EYES WITH MY FINGERS. All they do is ask what the meaning of various anime character's names are in Japanese and laugh whenever someone says "Cookies." Like, the teacher will ask how they are doing, and everything will be very quiet, and then a kid in the back will say "Uhh...COOKIES!" and then everyone will just laugh and laugh and laugh and I die a little on the inside.
It is snowing and I am ready for some serious FLOWERS. So WARM UP.

Edit
I just found out that next year school starts 2 days after my birthday. August 13. Shoot me in the face NOW.

HAIKU!
Don't call me baka.
I donate blood to save lives,
but will stab your eyes.
Link10 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

WINKIES [Mar. 7th, 2008|07:29 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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[Current Feelinz |optimisticoptimistic]
[Current Jamz |Winkies March with Friends]
[Current Roomz |Home]

So a new trimester has begun at school and I have found my workload significantly lessened. I have classes that involve no homework/hardly any thinking, and I like it.
I am taking sociology from the most stalkerish man on the planet. His life goal is to get his picture taken with as many famous people as possible. He has photos of himself or his children with various stars posted all over his room, each one is labelled. He has pictures of himself with some pretty important people, and I am sort of impressed as well as creeped out. There have been a few times where he is exhausted during class because he drove all night to go and try and get his picture taken with some star a couple states away.
And I am taking an art class again.
( I drew a ZebraCollapse )
(I dont know why it is not going behind a cut. I even copied and pasted from the FAQ thing on links and rar I just wanted to show my Zebra because I am proud of it.)

Our school is putting on the musical Wizard of Oz and since that play/movie was my childhood, I HAD TO SIGN UP. To play the music, not to act. And oh how I play! I am the star of the show, I play all the important parts, Every important song I play the melody, all the important little Doot doots I play as well. I am Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tinman and Lion, as well as the witch theme and flying monkey noises as well as THE WINKIE THEME.
Of course, whenever someone mentions "winkie" I cannot stop laughing. Because "winkie" to me is: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=winkie
And it does not help that the names of the songs we play are "Winkies March With Friends" and "Ding-Dong! the Witch is Dead!"

HAIKU!
I laugh all the time!
I am a twelve year old boy
In my mind at least.
Link4 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

(no subject) [Jan. 9th, 2008|12:37 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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Today is so great.
My school is underwater.
Link10 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

In which I save up to 3 lives and get an A+! [Dec. 15th, 2007|06:22 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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So a month ago I decided to donate my blood. I figure the world could really benefit from having a little bit of ME coursing through everyone's veins. SO, for about a week before donating I ate nothing but RAW RED MEAT, SPINACH, CERTAIN CERIALS, A VAREITY OF NUTS, and IRON NAILS to pass the anemia test so I would be able to give.
After passing THE TEST and answering awkward questions about having sex in africa with people who have had a brain transplant in the last 6 months, I took my spot in line and watched everyone who was donating. It was pretty gross.People were throwing up everywhere and fainting. Like, they would stand up and keel over. It was sort of unnerving.
SO WHEN MY TIME CAME I WAS NERVOUS MAYBE. But I got to sit next to my friend, which was cool.
My nurse was not very nice.
She stuck the needle in my arm and left.
BUT SHE STUCK IT IN WRONG. So instead of giving blood, I just had an uncomfortable needle stuck in my arm. Only after my friend had finished giving blood and FAINTED did someone realize that I wasn't doing anything except being in pain.
So they stuck the needle in again.
But my blood clotted, and they had to jiggle the needle around.
It took 32 minutes for me to finish filling the little blood bag, so I was pretty pumped about getting out of there. But I had to hold my arm in the air and hold some gauze on the needle-hole before they could release me.
ONLY I DID SOMETHING WRONG.
While the nurses weren't looking, I put my arm down and removed the gauze, and my blood SPURTED EVERYWHERE.
It was like in a MOVIE. Only grosser, because it was my own blood. I got it all over my sweater. So I quickly put my arm up and didn't say anything.
So when the nurse put my arm down again, I SPURTED ALL OVER AGAIN.
And the nurse yelled, "WE HAVE A GUSHER!" and applied pressure and a bunch of people ran over and put ice on my arm and I was freaking out and bleeding. Blah blah blah it was gross. So they pretty much wrapped my arm up really really REALLY TIGHT and I had a sandwich, and they wanted me to sit in the gymnasium forever but I was like "SCREW THIS I AM OUT OF HERE" and left. Like a rockstar.
They had to close down my station too because I got blood all over the chair and floor.

BUT THEN YESTERDAY I GOT A LITTLE NOTE.
And it was from the Red Cross, and it told me I saved up to three lives, and told me stories about all the people I potentially helped, and they also gave me a little card that says my blood type.
And of course it was
A+.
I am so giving again.

HAIKU!
So I gave some blood,
And I spurted all over!
What an A+ job!
Link4 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

IN WHICH I AM SAVED FROM A COLLISION BY ANOTHER CAR [Sep. 17th, 2007|05:38 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
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[Current Feelinz |awakeAlmost hit by a car?]
[Current Jamz |Microwave Ovens]
[Current Roomz |At home, not hit by a car]

I drive to school now, in my fancy car that is equipped with lasers and the like, and I park it in the parking lot every morning with love and care.

Usually I stay after school for about 10 minutes to let everyone get out of the parking lot, because I must confess Elkhart does not breed good drivers.

So after waiting the usual 10 minutes, I stepped outside into the sunlight and headed to my car, which as I mentioned before was parked with love and care in the parking lot.

But as I stepped into said parking lot, A CAR CAME OUT OF NOWEHRE! Like a wild beast, it roared as it charged towards me, its windshield glinting in the sunlight, its engine-probably designed for hauling much more than a girl and her backpack revved with pleasure at the sight of a small girl walking in the parking lot before it. It probably had not tasted road kill in days, and was willing to make some.
Of course I was PUMPED WITH ADRENALINE when I saw the car heading towards me, no more then 10 meters away. But just as I started to move, ANOTHER CAR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! ...AGAIN! And it collided right into the bigger car, pushing it off course and stopping it from running into me. It was just like in a progressive auto insurance ad. Only real lives were in danger, including a pedestrian.

And the cops ran around and people freaked out, and then I realised that it was probably me SUPERPOWERS that had caused this accident. Aquaman could call fish to his aid, so I, Autolass, can call cars to my aid? Who knows?

HAIKU!
Car coming at me!
Look out! Here comes another!
It came to my aid.
Link4 Octophiles|Do you Octopie?

Trophy-Case, Beware! [Aug. 20th, 2007|07:27 pm]
The Stirfry Guru
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Jamz |the computer freaking out]
[Current Feelinz |tiredtired]
[Current Roomz |Not in a fight]

Fourth day of school, the hallway is packed. It is humid, because it is packed with bodies that give off the heat of battle! In a lone corner, there stands a trophy case, glimmering in the morning flourescent lighting. Innocently the glass panes sparkle.

And then it happens!
I was standing there, in the hallway, when all of a sudden, there is a commotion! I turn my attention to the fight in time to see someone pushed through the trophy case action movie-style, breaking the glass. And then the world exploded and the police pushed everyone out of the way and had to drag all the bloody people down the hallway past me. One guy even had glass sticking out of his face, it was pretty nasty, especially because he spit blood at people who looked at him. Luckily, no trophies were harmed, because there were none in the case to begin with. But in a matter of minutes after the first wave of battle subsided, another scuffle broke out down the hallway, this time to a dangerously close to a stocked trophy case. And again everyone got sucked into the fight black-hole style, and the police came and dragged some more bloody people around.

And then I had lunch.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
By the end of lunch, however, two more fights had broken out.

This year, I have a ton of homework each night, and I am not used to it. It is not very good at all.
( But I do like octopusCollapse )
LinkDo you Octopie?

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