It’s a lucky thing they don’t know much about art because if they do, like me, they would have sidelined you.
(In response to this posting/ let’s face it dealers knows nothing about art except it sells- J. B.)
Difficult
“How gallerists describes collectors or artists as difficult,
how collectors describes artists or gallerists as difficult,
and how artists describes gallerists or collectors as difficult,
they are all totally different experiences, instances, and situations.”
Mediocre
“I am not intimidated by you if you are the first to do it. I am only intimidated if you are the first to do it and you did it well. For if not, you are only setting a chain of standards that others follow which is the result of how the market is, mediocre like you today. No thank you to you for being the first.”
– Kris Lee 2018.
Nothing Works
If you had known that the usual system doesn’t work,
why then do you still work within that system if not to
reassure yourself that nothing works?
Exceeded Excrete Life
“I’m at an age where I’m supposedly marked ‘safe’. There’re no urges I cannot explain, I don’t ogle at freshly baked muffs, and I walked around gleefully, pretending to look young but inimitably, all my good ol’ features kept wasting away and cranking at the joints. In a few years time, I will be entitled to benefits accorded my age. Civil society had it all thought out already- designated foot paths, regular health checks, cinema and travel concessions, stuffs which are ironically more useful to me when I was younger. All except for that which I grimace and longed to have, but quite incapable of performing.
Age does strange things to one’s eyesight really. Wrinkles vanished completely from everyone you gaze at and older women suddenly looks sweet and desirable. At times, you see multiples of them instead of one.
Alas! and after I have exceeded excrete life and my opinions no longer reverberates the eardrums of my dear shadow cabinet congregating at the regular coffee shops, the only muscle flex I’d be left with would be the drool flowing down the corner of my mouth each time a temptress straddles by. It’s so surreal really.
And what do you know? My whole person is already stammering but my beloved bloke snugging in between my crotch still thinks he is the next superhero!
Come to think of it, getting older could be fun. When you’re asked to do something that you’re lazy about? and you point to your neck or wherever while cringing your face..
Anyway, the rest of my time I guess would be spent monologuing and bumping onto furniture corners.. Then wait for the day when they tagged me with a champagne glass’ and an ‘umbrella’ symbol followed by ‘This Side Up’. “
Procreate, Populate and Prostrate
If what Carl Jung says was true, that man thinks of sex all the time, then man’s purpose is just to procreate, populate and prostrate- to God. Thus God’s purpose is to plant, prune, then pick the best harvest out of his vineyard to export to heaven. As for the rest,
God just pee them off the face of the earth.
Sweet Shit
Rich man’s shit,
poor man’s sweet
Retirement Benefits
US Army recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They went through lots of retirement plans but nothing seems to please everyone.
In the end, desperate, they promised any general who retired immediately, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet.
He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine General, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine general insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended to him and asked the general to drop ’em off. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back.
“My God!” he said, “Where are your testicles??”
“Vietnam,” smiled the general.
(Author Unknown)
Monopoly
“Market forces and demand varies the world over. Thus, to market a fair
that claims to cut across the continents is amusing, if not to continuously
keep the pecan pie to yourself by killing two birds with one stone,
1) by depleting the coffers of smaller galleries by inducing them to pay
exorbitant fair charges which stumps their cash flow and stunt their growth;
and
2) using those gains to boost and sustain the star status of bigger galleries
and their artists thus deflating the prospect of smaller galleries, all in the
name of western monopoly.”
Art In The Tropics
The Western perception of art from the tropics
is about Paul Gauguin and Frida Kahlo.
As for the rest, they are termed ethnology if they are old,
handicrafts if they are new.
Mix Match
How you wish to make a statement is entirely up to you, but a combination of antiques and art is entirely possible. Everyone has a preference for certain forms, textures and colors and unless your taste is not corrupted by opinions, everything will mix match perfectly.
Sun Dried
“Once wilt sets in, lift yourself off that branch and drift to the ground. Let your decaying self nourish the soil so that budding leaves may once again bloom on the same branch that once held you. Of course you may also hung on tightly and remain. Wrinkled and browning as compared to the rest. Being repeatedly sun-dried.”
The ‘I’ Syndrome
“Everyone does what is good for themselves. No one ever questions if what they do good for themselves is good for the country. Thus, the country is always left behind. That is the missing link for a good closure. That is the reason why familiar leaders so called the old guards who has been around in every fraternity MUST GO! They lack foresight and vision. They are self centered. They can’t bring change. Because they themselves won’t change for the good of the country. They can’t forsake that ‘I’ syndrome for ‘US’. They are divisive. They move their pawns to benefit themselves. And still think they are clever. Yes they are clever. In manipulating the naive. Sham these people without conscience. They are the weeds in our garden! When we uproot them, we must also uproot what they have put in place beit the system, the standard operating procedures and their policies.
Wrong Books
Rich people read books according to dan lok. But look at me. I have a storehouse full of books. But I’m not rich. Perhaps I’m reading the wrong books. I should be reading books on how to be rich I think.
What Confucius did not Say
It’s OK to let a fool kiss you; but do not let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs for merchandise downstairs .
It’s better to lose a lover than to love a loser.
Man with a broken condom is called Daddy.
Man who mixes Viagra and Laxative does not know if he’s coming or going.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Viagra is like Disneyland. one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride
Joke is like sex. Not good if you don’t get it.
(Author Unknown)
Close the pharmacy
My mother-in-law visited me & my wife but coincidentally, that day my wife was feeling horny & she did not want to whisper to me since I was busy sharing stories with her mother. My wife tricked me pretending she has headache & went straight into the bedroom.. After some minutes, I followed her leaving her mother in the sitting room. I took some time there, but when I came back I had forgotten to zip…
Mother-in-law: *How is she feeling now???*
Me: *She is now feeling better, I have given her paracetamol…*
Mother-in-law: *Good. Now maybe you want to close the pharmacy…*
(Author Unknown)
The Malay Psyche
“Kj should understand the Malay psyche better than to make that mistake of wanting to take them to the blue ocean although a drastic change could be the answer.
Most Malays doesn’t mind being followers so long as they have a leader to look up to. But they can’t imagine a leader serving them and amalgamating with them like buddies and calling each other ‘bro’. What more, dirtying their hands at ground level. To these traditionalist, when a person earns or is bestowed a pangkat(position; title), that to them is as good as being a conferred leader and a leader is someone that they should serve, not being served, and patut di hormati (deserve to be respected). That’s their adat (custom) like it or not. To them, hormat is again tied to taat and taat again is tied to setia. And that is the reason why these members hung on. Leaders are to be respected. And they should be served like kings as in the olden days. Respect to them is tied to obedience is also tied to loyalty. And that’s how it works with them.
Thus, for as long as they are comfortable with their current leaders and their policy, that automatically will translate into votes. And if not for the lost, they wouldn’t want to be alerted that they should change at all. But kj went all out to say that he will work for the goodness of all races, not only his, and that’s where to them, he got it all wrong. Even though he is a better debater.
And by wanting to lead them to the blue ocean is like paving the way into the unknown, grappling with uncertainty and fear at the same time. What more, kj is promoting policies that is closely tied if not similar to the policy of the party that just won. And that again is something these loyalists could not accept and kj being a Malay himself should understand.
To the Malays, muka and maruah is important. Trailing the winner with policies not originally their own is as good as “jatuh muka dan maruah” (losing face as well as pride).
On the other hand , the protectionist policy expounded by zahid sounded more palatable and works better for these loyal members. Throughout the debate, zahid offers a policy of pride and protection from harm. He understands their psyche not to jatuh muka or maruah and safeguarded their dignity by never confessing that his party’s policy and strategy is wrong. Instead he pointed fingers at his opposition. He insisted on the rights of the Malays in all the decision making if he wins. And what a better way than to be a leader and father figure at a time of fear and change. Yet remain exclusive to them. Zahid won.And true to his promise, he offered kj the Secretary Generals post which kj declined.
Kj did not stick to his promise of remaining loyal and working for the goodness of umno even though he loses. That’s what he said in his closing speech.”
I Rather They Suffer Than We Suffer
“If one keeps on neglecting creativity but works in a context of acceptability as according to that school of thought which nurtures them, then we unconsciously stunt our inner Easternmost expressions by paying homage to Western literal ideas, subconsciously elevating them to iconic towkay status to make them relevant and in turn, reduces our own chance of making our way to the top.
Schools of music till today still stresses on Brahm and Bach. Schools of writing still pays homage to Shakespeare and Wilde, not Tagore or Han Suyin. Schools of visual art history conveniently branded us as offshoots of abstract expressionism. We have been suppressed if not, being denied our own identity. And until we assert a language of our own, we can’t flourish as unique individuals. Our arts and literal history should thus be rewritten and pushed further back to the time where our ancestors began it all. Maybe back to the aborigines. They are unique individuals that did not arise feeding from Western classicals as we have always been, and that’s the reason we are conveniently placed into neat identifiable parcels ready for the slaughterhouse or be labeled as ‘aliens’.
Western ideas propound that without education one will fail. I beg to differ. My very own forefather, the uneducated rich, has proven them wrong. The Westerners also has an uncanny habit to device all sorts of courses and tailored them to suit their own ideals while we in turn, enrolled ourselves into their classes to earn a degree studying about our own culture, tradition and way of life. Seriously??? The profoundness of a language is also not important as our forefathers again has proven. Living with different ethnicities, we never have trouble understanding each other and getting our messages across despite the littlest we knew about someone else’s language.
If I may stress further, Eastern writings, performances, and visual expressionism should not be assessed by comparing them to Western standards and principles or being lumped into pattern moulds set for us, otherwise we’d forever be regarded as an off track or an off shoot of the Western system. Orientalism too, has no place in today’s contemporary society. To get rid of being stereotyped, we should all rise to the occasion and be ourselves. We should write as how we write according to how our natural senses evoke us, and be as distinct as how our ancestors are, swaying to their own wayang, and painting with the scurried soul of an Easterner. Our works should overwhelm them with just that tinge of ourselves and we should all live as how we are, being accorded a rightful place on the map of the world. What I just lamented may sound discomforting to the Westerners but I rather they suffer than we suffer, the earful .”
My Writing Style
“I don’t write to please anybody but myself. If and when I write, my choice of words are mine. That’s what makes it distinct from others. That’s called style. My writing style. Not yours. Not others. Every writer has their own style of writing. If you find that hard to chew, you are probably never a writer. Thus, if you don’t like my style of writing , I am not compelling you to read what I write. If I publish a book, don’t buy my book. Because you need to possess an expanded brain up to that level of consciousness to understand why a writer writes the way they write. My choice of words are sacred to me. It probably doesn’t mean anything to you. So be it. A good artist would have told you the same thing if you try to change his style.”
Robots Dominate
When men is finally at peace with other men, robots would have dominated the world by then.
Do I look like a Baker?
*Wife*= Honey, can you please help me clean the garden?
*Husband*=Do i look like a gardener?
*Wife*=Sorry Honey, OK then fix the bathroom door.
*Husband*=Do i look like a carpenter?
The husband then walks out.
After coming back from where he went, he found the garden cleaned and the door fixed.
*Husband*=I knew you can do this all by yourself.
*Wife*= It’s not me!
*Husband*= Who then?
*Wife*= Our neighbour.
*Husband*= How much did you pay him?
*Wife*= No money, he just gave me two options, bread or sex.
*Husband*= Hope you gave him bread.
*Wife*= Do i look like baker?
(Author Unknown)
Jean Paul
Two Pakistanis…
Zardari and Nawaz Sharif moved to Paris where they made friends with a French guy named Jean Paul.
They used to go all over Paris with him when suddenly one day…
Jean Paul disappeared.
The two went to the police and lodged a complaint.
The police asked them if they could give some vital clues about Jean Paul that would help find him.
Zardari says…
“Jean-Paul was handsome and tall ”
Police say…
“Most Frenchmen are like that. Give us something specific ”
Nawaz Sharif says…
“Jean Paul had blue eyes and was very fair ”
Police say…
“C’mon guys, lots of Frenchmen have blue eyes and fair hair, tell us something specific ”
Zardari and Nawaz Sharif…
“Oh yes…now we remember. Jean Paul had two holes in his ass ”
The Policemen get really interested.
“Now that’s something very specific, but tell us, how do you know this?
Have you guys seen it ?”
Zardari and Nawaz Sharif…
“No we haven’t actually seen the holes, but wherever we went with Jean Paul, everyone used to say…
“Here comes Jean Paul with the two assholes ”
(Author Unknown)
Stop Policing Others
Malaysians are too rich. It’s only people who does not need to worry about their pocket could they find time to play God or be God’s gatekeeper. Complaining about the dirt in other people’s backyard does not absolve you from your own. Look inward. There you will find a lot of filth staining your own morality. Clean them up since you are too free. Stop policing others….
Past means Yesterday
Some people like to hang on to the past without realizing that past means yesterday. And yesterday lives behind us. If you wish to move forward but run with yesterday, then you’re running backwards. That is why you are left behind….
Convenient Stigma
Statistics doesn’t lie. Proclaiming that Chinese are richer is a convenient stigma to deny them aid, on the pretext of defending bumi rights, designed by ultra-politicians and their sidekicks, so they can like jib, live like kings, while the majority of simpletons got cheated by their lies.
Eulogy
I have always maintained that eulogy is best given when that person is alive. Not before they are born, not after they are dead. That is the only way they know their self worth, or defend themselves, just in case you are lying tongue in cheek.
Curtailed
When a person’s natural expression is curtailed by religious morale, what is left would be millions of earthlings in serious depressive state….
Trajectories
Someone’s foolish malfeasance has singlehandedly destroyed many an artists career with his false hallucination of absurdly unsustainable trajectories designed to parlay himself.
Highest Up The Pole
Those who could feel the slightest of shift, movement, tremor or rattle down below are the ones highest up on the pole..
Bedak Sejuk
“The making of ‘Bedak Sejuk’.
My mother’s concoction of rice powder for teenagers was quiet well known. It was supposed to give u a nice complexion and keep ugly pimples away. Her concoction was to soak rice grains for 24 hours and the decanter the smelly water every night b4 bedtime. This would go on for a couple of nights until there was no unwanted smell and the rice grains fermented completely.
To make them smoother she would have them put between the grinding stones and the substance came out smooth. Then she wld mix the paste with grounded sandal wood, maram grass roots and nutmeg seed also grounded.
When she got it to the right consistency everyone was invited to fill up their cones and drip the the drops on to a heshian cloth. Then dried out in the sun.
A cone would sell for 20 sen and a smaller one for half the price. Everybody swore to the efficacy of her ,Bedak Sejuk’. No pimples and claimed a smoother complexion.”
– Reposting an article shared by the late Tan Sri Ani Arope 5th Mar 2014.
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