I/we have an apology to make, in the two and a half years since I became an admin on Exposing Britain First I’ve never made an appeal but this week I’ve looked in petty cash, behind the sofa and all I found was 22p a half packet of hobnobs, a small jar of coffee, 33 mint imperials and a half packet of wine gums. The reason for looking……our irony machine and biffer outrage machines are fucked, they packed up and left the office sometime on Thursday and haven’t been seen since.
We urgently need twelvty million pounds or Ant, Foxy, Nemesis and Prole will be gently rocking in their office chairs and I and the others will bugger off down the pub to drink what is left of our funds.
Poppy outrage is over, mirth over as Goldibollocks tried to show reverence as he laid a wreath, at 4 o’clock and everyone else was tucking into their Sunday lunch or watching the Grand Prix. Reports that he was told he was not welcome at the actual parade are as yet unconfirmed.
Screechy meanwhile the upholder of all things British and on this most patriotic of days, conned the police so she didn’t have to sign on in Bromley and went, not to a Remembrance service, but to address a bunch of Polish Nazis. Biffer propaganda tried to spin it that she was talking to the 30000 Poles at their Independence Day rally when in actual fact she was speaking to a fringe of goose stepping Polish Fascists. Next time she says anything about Remembrance Day and patriotism she can only get a big fuck off from all over here.
With Remembrance Day done and dusted it wasn’t long before the next Biffer outrage, Tesco. Now I’m a grumpy fucker as the landlady can agree so my outrage at Tesco and others is that there are twelve days of Christmas and none of them are in fucking November but the biffer high command was incandescent with rage as Tesco had the audacity to put a Muslim family in their festive advertising, cue the biggest bigoted frothfest seen since, well since Remembrance weekend. Muslims celebrating Christmas, they spluttered it’s not possible. My next door neighbour is called Mo, his wife Fayez( I hope I have that right she’ll kill me if I don’t), and his kids are Muslim. He’s not devout as he enjoys the odd pint and bets on the Grand National but he attends the mosque every other day. He has already got his Christmas lights up on the house and as I write is going to buy a tree. You see they enjoy Christmas more than I do, they host a wonderful Christmas party which most of our road attend, invite my family round on Christmas Day. Someone needs to tell Screechy and Goldibollocks that the birth of Jesus has connotations in Islamic faith as much as it does Christianity. So to those fucknuggets at biffer high command, shove your outrage up your arse.
Outrage number two, and a video from Screechy. I can just see it now in biffer HQ, “we need to be outraged at something,” Goldibollocks and Screechy say, “read the newspapers, scan the airwaves find us something to screech at or else.” Then Steve sees it, tries to cover it up…….but it’s there……a sausage roll. A sausage fucking roll, but not any sausage roll, a Greggs pork sausage roll. The bakery chain held in high regard in biffer circles, had the audacity to make an advert with a sausage roll instead of Jesus in a nativity scene. Now I personally am a non believer, but if that outrages anyone then Christianity has gone to the dogs. I thought the advert was brilliant but the far right exploded in disgust. Greggs later pulled the advert but for fucks sake a sausage fucking roll upsetting the biffers……please.
There is going to be more outrage, that is without a doubt, so our poor biffer outrage machine needs replacing. Please please please, think of the admins, press the imaginary donate button and give generously. Maybe we may make our twelvty million target so Prole can go on a virtual holiday as she’s looking a bit pale recently, I can buy in a virtual barrel of ale and the others can have something better than Spar coffee.
Toodlepip
I have to admit that I was finding it pretty difficult to work out what to write this week, I mean just how much regurgitated shit can you manage to read or hear before getting writers block, until the Christmas present that was the incarceration of Der Fuhrer, so here it is, my take on the best and funniest news we at EBF have had all year.
Whilst Screechy was out of the picture Goldibollocks and some pretty unsavoury activists went to Cardiff and entered a mosque without prior written consent, Goldibollocks says he didn’t go in but he was definitely the unhinged mastermind behind it. Thinking they had got away with it how they laughed. However behind the scenes the authorities decided that bending over and being fisted by the biffers on a weekly basis was pissing them off and hatched a cunning plan. Fast forward to Screechy’s trial and the announcement that Goldibollocks was to be charged for contempt of court. After much hissing and screaming at the establishment Goldibollocks relinquished control of Bifferdom to spend more time with his family. The more cynical amongst us knew this was a blinding legal move on his behalf as he could say he no longer had control.
Before joining Team EBF I was very much fighting the right wing, trolling various pages with mates and making an annoyance of ourselves. The EDL, various Infidel pages, Casuals, and of course Britain First all had visits. But thinking back on it, it never made any difference to the way they thought. To bastardise a Farage (ugh) phrase, “racist means racist.” Although it was fun, and made me many new facebook friends I wasn’t going to change the knuckledragging idiots nor stop their disgusting lies.









Recent events have brought Britain First into the media spotlight and not in a good way. Tommy Mair shouting “Britain First!” and then spluttering on about death to traitors in court has brought the Biffers and their murderous intentions into the public eye in a way that we at EBF could only have dreamed of. We’re grateful to those national papers who have begun to see them for what they really are.
I’ve been neglecting my EBF duties lately. That’s not because I don’t care about fighting the fash anymore. It’s because there’s something more pressing, more surprising and altogether more personal happening in my life right now. I’m going to have another baby! That’s one more mixed-race little darling for Paul and Jayda to angst about.
Let’s just be clear…
If the Biffers really just opposed violent extremism we’d work just as hard supporting their cause. But they’d have to be even handed. They’d have to oppose violent Christian extremists like the Knights Templar International. They’d have to oppose violent white supremacists like the English Defence League. They’d have to oppose violent hate preachers like Britain First… oh… wait.
Like all Nazi organisations they need a minority to target, to blame for all the evils of society. That’s how Nazism works. They start with a soft target – a demographic large enough to be conspicuous but small enough to be easy meat. Then, once they’ve whipped up enough hatred and violence against them they expand their target to include other groups. It doesn’t matter who they start with so long as that group is vulnerable.
We’ve been having fun with trolls on the blog lately. As usual the same old accusations have been brought up from supporting terrorists to enabling paedophiles. Equally predictably the trolls, whilst advising us to read history, seem to have no grasp of the relevant facts themselves.