...and I am so thankful that, once again, this year it does not fall on Thanksgiving. I will never get the taste of turkey and candle wax out of my memory.

Yes, my goofiness is genetic; my parents are at least as wonky as I am in their own ways.

10:06 PM 11/6/06 · I have always had the hardest time coming up with a list for what I want come my birthday...and by extension XMAS seeing as they're so close together. When I was little the things that got on my list were unattainable, parents saw it as a waste of money, but nowadays I come up with stuff and it's pretty much a guaranteed deal. Digital camera? No problem! Palm Pilot? Sure!

Though, I've gotten in the habit of not asking for anything other than clothes these days. I always need something after a year of wear time. Still, I do have a few naughty ideas that I'd like to run by you. They're mostly unrealistic and unlikely but that's okay:

• Being a furry, Mary/Kat is very good about the whole dressing up in fursuits. She's even done elaborate bodypaint work to appear as though the animal patterns are part of her. So, just for the sake of my amusement, I'd like to see her do herself up as a turkey...in whichever format she finds most interesting.


• No subtlety about it: I want Raven to take a day off from any distractions and come to me the night before my birthday and fuck me to the actual day, through it, and then into the day after. I'm more than capable of keeping it going that long and I really want her to enjoy the ride with me.


• For her back my Mom's got these big rubber balls to lay on for exercise; they're about 2½ feet to 3 feet all around. Sometimes I like to lie on my belly, all limbs outstretched and try to maintain balance so hands and feet never touch the ground. I'd like to get Kami·Andrews, naked, sitting on it crosslegged while maintaining her balance. Naturally she'd be singing happy birthday and a cupcake and candles would be involved to some degree or other.


• As it's already in discussion, I'd like Gryphon to sleep with me. Being a very frank, blatantly honest, person...by sleep I mean actually that. Something on the order of pajamas, wrapped in blankets, either cuddled up close or not, barely concious conversations, and the agony of mutual morning breath the next day. I really want to wake up to her.


• Spend an afternoon with Emily in downtown San Mateo. Nothing fancy, take her to one of the best pizza places, long conversations, just some quality time. I only ever see her in little bits and she's bloody brilliant; most people can't guess my ethnicity on sight and she nailed both the major ones in a darkened club.


• I'd like to spend a significant amount of time with Aria and read at least one of her books...both if possible. She's got some great books I hear.


• See if I can arrange a birthday coupon sort of thing to take advantage of Whitney's CMT skills and just melt under her fingers for a few hours. I love getting massages and I've got enough tension all over the place to be compared to a block of concrete.


• As remarkably innocent as this is going to sound, I'd like to stand next to Tassy·Pink just to get a good height reference. She's stunning and all but I've got nothing to use as a sense of perspective to really appreciate all that she's got going for her. That and I've got the nagging suspicion she's as tall as I am. I'd throw in the hope for a good hug too but I'm a bit worried I wouldn't want to let go.


• The only problem I have with Rachel is that I never get to see her, she lives in one of the far corners of the Bay Area. I want to spend a couple days with her, bust out the pajamas, just to have the time. She's fun to be around and she gets all glowing when attention is paid to her correctly.


• While I'm sure it would be very happily appreciated, there's something I would very much like to do with Nikki but given the extreme nature of it I cannot discuss it here. Your brains might snap. That and I'm not 100% sure her hip would survive some of the more bendy extremes.


• While I'm being entirely unrealistic anyway, I was surprised, not sure why, to learn not too long ago that Pixie used to be a stripper. While she certainly has the looks to melt any man's free will, and a lot of women too, I have never been fully able to wrap my head around the concept. So, I'd like proof. Not asking for a lapdance or anything, she's got a guy, but to see her dance in that way would probably be fun.


• If there's one truth in this world it is that Maggi gives really good hug. I have only ever had one such hug. I want more.


• I shave my own head with an electric razor but Kumi does a much better job on hers. I'd like her to shave my head for my birthday just to see how I'd look totally smooth.


• While I'm not entirely sure that Malice even knows how to give a good hug...I'd really like to have one decent hug with her. She's always had an overall don't touch me policy but she let me give her a hug once and visible shuddered...not in a happy sorta way. Most of my friends are generally of a hugging variety and she's the one exception to the rule. Course, she doesn't exactly live in the area anymore either so it's been kind of a moot point for awhile.


• I want Krystle to not be dead anymore.

If anyone's wondering why I have no birthday wishes involving men here...I find my own gender gives crappy gifts as a general rule.

If you wanna read my review of Cuir·Bleu's last performance, pop over to Bondage·A·Go·Go

5:09 AM 10/4/06 · As I mentioned before, while I was sick my libido disappeared completely. It was an odd change, though not unusual for anytime I get really feverish; biochemistry goes all sorts of wonky. On the plus side my sex addiction went completely away with it. Though as I got better both my libido and gradually the NEED returned. Even though I'm not sick anymore I've still got some crud in me that's just stubbornly hanging on.

So, getting better aside, I also have often found Pixie to be very appealing. Unavailable, she's been happily attached the entire time I've known her, but still anytime I see her I get this really huge grin on my face; can't seem to help it. That's not a bad thing but still. I've only ever seen her at performances for Cuir·Bleu and at BAGG; may've worked on her once but nothing that intense or serious. So, about a year or so back, at the club, when I was feeling low she took some time to try and cheer me up. Somewhere during that was a bit on if life were fair or you can't always get what you want or something like that and I let slip that if it were fair or if I could get what I wanted she'd be wrapped in my blankets...

...not entirely sure why I said it. I did mean it but I never meant to say it. Pixie took it okay, mild little doubletake but shook it off fast.

There's been no mention of it since and, so far as I can tell, it's not put any dents in our association...limited though it be.

On the way into work this past Tuesday I was sorting around my playlists and incorporating some of the newer stuff I'd uploaded to the player into some of my already existing lists when I got to Sex Toy, one of my favorite of Cuir·Bleu's songs. This particular version (remastered) is especially good and easy to zone to. Sex Toy has Pixie more than less telling the listener, and offering suggestions, of what they can do with/to her as their sex toy. Completely randomly I remembered everything I just mentioned above regarding her and it just kinda mixed in with the stuff I mentioned above that.

So not helping!

xposted to Bondage·A·Go·Go & Multi·Genre·Fandom

11:02 PM 9/18/06 · I have the hardest time associating memories with years but I'm great with places & faces. I know I got to know Pixie, just a little bit admittedly, in the early days at the Cat Club but I'm pretty sure that I never saw her at that place with the roof access. Oddly though, I don't remember ever seeing Kalib until BAGG came back home to the former Trocadero, now the Glass Kat. 1st thing when I started chatting with Pixie, who I'd not seen in a long time at that point, she's going on about this band she's a part of now and performances and music and making albums.

At least there was time for a "how do you do?". Each time I saw them, though I've never had more than a few words with him, it was all band and albums and...she was like kids the 1st time they figured out what the whole deal with XMAS was; not the "no Santa" thing that comes later.

As a rule, when my friends are all into a project...regardless of the degree of friendship...I am very supportive. I don't care how crappy the graphics are, how ugly the pattern, how truly puke inducing the taste, or how horrid the sound...I'm there for them; with honest criticism of course. Fortunately, they were good. Really good. I'd say great. Maybe even superb. It's kinda late now and I don't have a thesaurus handy but if you'd like to mentally continue along those lines...I'll support you.

( kinda sorta might be a review of some kindCollapse )

sometimes I wonder if my ability to say the absolute right thing is only matched by my ability to say something so bizarre as it makes the other person's sanity run screaming away

10:56 PM 6/24/06 · With all the walking I do I usually spend most of Saturday, my first day off a week, unconcious with my feet off the ground. However I've got a lot of cleaning to do, which has been building up thanks to my hardly ever being home, and had hopes of getting to it. I was a bit distracted from doing this but I really can't think of a single reason to complain...

...excepting maybe that if I'd gotten to this a week earlier, and stuck with it, I wouldn't be sleeping alone tonight.

Since I've met her, it's been next to impossible to get ahold of Raven. Her voicemail is always full and I'm not a big fan of texting. That said, when she calls me I pay attention but it's always a big surprise to me when the phone's ringing and I see her name on the lil' screen. That's how my Saturday Noon kicked off and we chatted some after I stumbled outside in my robe; I've got the shittiest reception inside.

We'd had plans to hangout this weekend but she'd cancelled earlier in the week. As you might imagine, I was a little surprised when she offered to come over to pick something up. It was the pics I'd taken of her from BayCon, which weren't many as I took very few pics this past event, but I copied them to a disc for her use. Fact of the matter is that she has a fairly new laptop, don't know the type as yet, but she claims it's not equipped to handle a 3.5" disc.

What's the world coming to?

Plans were simple: she was going to bike down, I'd give her de pics, we'd rent a movie from the Blockbuster on the corner, hangout and watch it, and then she'd go home. My place being such a mess I wasn't willing to let her come in there so opted for the main house.

I never noticed there wasn't a DVD player in there before. Grabbed my mini and between my landlord and I we worked out how to hook it into the extremely complicated tangle of wires that is the main entertainment center in there. Perfect timing too as she had just arrived. We got lunch and then went a selecting you know where.

Long story short: rented Chicken Little which was better than I'd heard (can anybody not love that fish?). Amidst watching it we somehow managed to keep our clothes on and not do anything overtly sexual; roommates wandering around probably helped with that. Still, we did tease the living hell out of each other and I'm still all big with de permagrins so that's saying something I suppose.

I'm a little disturbed by how she reacted to my place...I let her peek. Been avoiding letting anyone to come over to my place because it's so bad that I won't even invite male friends over anymore. You know what she said? She said it's not that bad. I'm not sure why I'm not taking comfort in that.

Gameplan is to have it clean, or significantly cleaner, by next weekend when Raven comes back to spend the night. Looking forward to that...though not so much the cleaning part.

10:21 PM 6/25/06 · Wanna know something really sad? While she was here we'd talked a bit about the Gay Pride Parade. I hadn't intended on going but she got psyched about the idea. The next day she gave me a call asking me if I wanted to go but I had to turn her down. Not just because of my lack of enthusiasm, only reason I went last year was because I'd been working that day and it was just outside the office, but I had an appointment with my new financial advisor Sunday. Unfortunately, she never made her appointment and if I'd known this was going to be the case I could've gone with Raven.

I'd been slighty interested in going before, even though hadn't planned on it, due to Pixie's band Cuir·Bleu playing there. I'm not just a member of their mailing list but I'm also a friend of the band...I get the most personalized messages from them...

...sure that could just be a very clever program inserting me in them I realize but let me cling to a few of my illusions, okay?

xposted to Bondage·A·Go·Go

4:42 AM 4/28/06 · During the whole growing up phase of my life I got stuck in a boarding school in Massachusettes, Winter snow and Spring trips to other countries being the only real joy of the place, for three years. Only came home like 3 or 4 times a year and while my parents seemed about the same...my Sister was significantly different each time. Course she was just becoming a teenager so that makes a certain amount of sense.

Why this oddly chosen analogy?

Much as I hate stressing that I've not been back to BAGG since the last week of 2005, least I think I hate to, it might go a long way to explaining why I was so shocked getting back in this past Wednesday. Not that getting in was so shocking but the setup upstairs kinda threw me. I suppose that with the passage of time some change is to be expected but this wasn't anything new so much as it was old. Total reversion; when BAGG first moved back to its original location there was a separate club upstairs, a strip club. When they moved out, for the playspace they switched things around after a month or so...but it's now back to the same setup when that other club was up there. This kinda gives more room to the playspace but eliminates the dancing area that was up there for most of 2005. The booths are gone too, though they now have two widescreen monitors up there for DVDs. Downstairs was just odd, someone had done the place over like a Mayan/Aztec/Incan temple thang. Asked George about that and he just visibly blanched.

Course, if you've been going on a regular basis you're probably already aware of this...least the upstairs part.

By the way, can anytone tell me what the two films they showed on the big screen above the dance floor were? Kinda itching to rent them now.

Tempted to do a Romper Room thing, mostly to test my re·established ID·tags but I'll spare you.

Hadn't planned on hunting or playing with anyone this time. Not having been back in so long there are a lot of people I was hoping to see, who weren't there till late. I kinda blacked out for a bit while getting a really good massage. When I was up again I noticed more people around so that worked out well. Still, didn't see Rainie, Emily, Rachel, Kumi, CJ, Erin, Daria·Jun, or Michele all night which was kind of a letdown.

( some interpersonal stuff that's not so importantCollapse )

For a Marilyn Manson themed night they didn't play that much of his music. Without seeing a playlist I can't be certain but I think I only heard maybe 6 of his all night; course with that massage being so good I might've missed a few. While I wasn't up front, downstairs, much I can't be sure but I think they had videos of his playing all night...not that you could hear them above the stuff the DJs played.

They had a raffle for some unreleased Manson poster and apparently 9 was supposed to be the one to present it to the winner but they couldn't find her. So, they opted for Hollie·Stevens who I later learned was just a case of being in the right place at the right time (she's friended to me on MySpace). Asked her about it later and she said it was really silly, just minding her own business when she heard her name over the loudspeaker. Go figure!

Though I mostly just hung around and listened, I had a pretty decent time. Dropped my "no play" policy for the night roundabout the last hour and that went okay...excepting that I kinda lost my little play partner. Random crossing of paths but definite interest, she apparently came with two other people that hadn't discussed she wasn't supposed to be with anyone else; wasn't on collar but she did have a band of blacktape around her neck (how was I supposed so know?). Literally grabbed her and yanked her away with no conversation. Have seen these two around for the last couple years, dancing violently enough (grabbing & choking) almost reported them to security a few times till I figured out they were playing rough. Worked on the female half once upon a time, when she went after my friend for the evening, but we're not exactly what I'd call on good terms. Think this might explain how I broke a claw.

If I had anything to complain about, even on a tiny level, it would have to be that the air·conditioning was up to high. Know it's gotta be up to keep the press of people from overheating but it was downright chilly in there most of the night.