I am so very, very happy to announce that the only collaboration between Mark and I, which I finished this past August, will be the cover story for the March/April 2013 issue of F&SF. The story (What the Red Oaks Knew) is based in Arkansas, in a so-small-it's-nearly-non-existent town up in the Ozarks called Red Star. We had brainstormed other stories located in those environs -- the Ozarks are a great location for stories. Maybe I'll get around to writing more of them from our notes one of these days.

The cover by Maurizio Manzieri Is very beautiful and I am very happy with it. I know Mark would be so excited and thrilled about this.

Six months ago at 6:58 Mark called an ambulance because he was having a heart attack. In two minutes, he got up, let out the dog, opened the front door, collapsed by the couch, and died. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of that.

For months, I was finding bits of forgotten medical debris. My coffee table has a permanent stain from spilled gel (I think it was gel)  the EMTs used to affix electrodes to him. These are surmises on my part since I wasn't here.

My goal was to survive to today, six months. The promise was to beat the odds and I have. True, I have started a couple of kitchen fires. I drive more assertively than I should. I don't eat as well as I could. But I have remained healthy and kept breathing and that's what you do.

I function well enough. I described it recently to jaylake in this way.  Once, my life was contained in a gallon jar. In that jar fit comfortablly all the things of life: love, work, friends, bills, cleaning, socialness, writing, hobbies, pets. The wide variety of things that we do during our weeks and months all sloshed about with ease. I was happy.  Now I have a quart container.  Yet some of the things that have to fit in there haven't changed. Work is still work. A certain amount of cleaning and bill paying must get done. The dog needs care. In the little space that's left I can only fit a few things. Maybe on one day I stuff in writing. On another, maybe it's friends. But I can'f fit everything anymore. I can survive on a quart. Six months is proof.

But I remember what it was to have a gallon and sometimes I despair.

I am fortunate in my friends. Both those who understand what I need, and those who don't but are willing to wait. Because I am fragile and find pressue of any sort impossible to handle. (No room in the jar!)

My understanding, from what I've been told and what I've read is that it gets better. Indeed, I'm living proof. While I still have terrible moments (and why always in the laundry room? What is it about laundry rooms?) they are not as intense or as long.

And I get out. I go places. I call people. I write. I read. I knit. And time passes as I keep breathing.

The future holds some scary dates: holidays, birthdays, the first anniversary. I go toward them with a certain amount of dread. But also knowing that really, all I need to do, all that is truly required, is that I keep breathing. That I can do. Because I know for certain that Mark believed in the future, and wanted me to face it bravely. And, if he had his way, with a certain amount of silliness.

Let's face it, I'm not going to read an entire book tonight. And I really wanted an excuse to use my new icon. So here's April's list.  I'm reading a lot more this year, which I guess is no surprise.

This was a gift from my son. It was a sticker that was being given out at a graffiti competition he participated in, and he figured (correctly) that it would please me.  scarlettina was amused and suggested I turn it into an icon.  I have done so.  If it amuses you, you can use it too.

Andrew Cox has just sent me the illustration for my story, "Beasts" which will be out in the June/July issue of Interzone.  I'm very pleased with it.  He's also assured me that the font will be different for the story in print, this is for the proof of the illustration, which was done by Martin Hanford. I think it's gorgeous.

Their tiny, blind, and kind of adorable. Who knew moles were also archaeologists?  This article comes with bonus, obscure Jacobean toast you can use at your next party to amaze your friends and family.

17th century town in New Berwick, Maine. Nice discoveries, and some interesting history.

More on the "Jonah" ossuary in Jerusalem. The quality of photos from the robot cameras is very impressive.

Cleopatra's twins. Interesting piece of sculpture.

Meat a contributor to human species' success. This does not seem surprising.

13 BCE scarab links Egypt and Jerusalem. It always leaves me a little awed that things so old and so small are discovered.

What did Stonehenge sound like? Or rather, what did you hear within Stonehenge? For those of here in the PNW, the answer is pretty easy -- you can read the article and listen to the video -- or drive out to Maryhill and hang out there like the researchers did. How cool is that?

Rare Egyptian manuscript found in Brisbane.

Victorious female gladiator statue. Only the second image of a woman gladiator found.

Roman parenting. Mary Beard on Romans and their children. Lots of fun as she always is.

Video games, 3-D, and archeology. Yes, rebuild those virtual ancient cities!

Digging the other Jewish Temple. Researching Samaria and its history.

Identifying a civil war soldier from his photo. Wow. This is impressive research.

Women and power: 13th century Peruvian priestess.

Mary Beard talks about gladiators.

This weekend was spent away on work for the first time since Mark died. It's been two months, and the decision to travel came down to two things: 1) At some point, I'd have to get on a plane again. The longer I put it off, the harder it was going to be; and (pragmatically); 2) we already had one contractor on this project, we would have to find another qualified contractor which would not be easy.


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Here is the link to the scholarship fund in Mark's name. Please let them know if you have a donation item, or a donation. :)

The Welsh dragon has a second leg. :)

I've gotten very good at rearranging furniture. I keep doing it. Eventually, it will come to rest. I hope.

Thanks to MD and Amy T for weeding -- especially the ton of peppercress which I've always thought of as a noxious weed (as does everyone else I know) but apparently, like dandelion, it can be eaten!  Peppercress salad.  I'm not sure that makes it less noxious. Nice to know I can take out my vengeance with a bite.

Or is great as varina8 reports. Well worth going.

While I don't know that I'd say the Gauguin exhibit was great, it was enjoyable and I really like that they included examples of Polynesian art. I did not like the loud guy who was leading a tour and taking way too long going through the exhibit. But that inconvenient annoyance aside, it was well worth going to see. I got into a conversation later about whether or not I think Gauguin is a great master. I do not -- but that doesn't mean that he isn't important because, clearly, he is. What Gauguin had, imo, was a strong, unique vision that linked two very different artistic periods. He is a vital connection. Some of his paintings are wonderful and I enjoy his use of color and bold lines and I was very glad to have seen the exhibition.

I'm having a hard time with music. I've never been very musical. Mark loved music, and right now I don't listen to any music. I'm afraid of being ambushed by what I hear. Hopefully this will eventually go away. Right now, music is very difficult for me. It's such an important part of life I hope that I recover. I suspect it may be awhile. I'm OK with movies.

Writing is happening. It's slow, slower than I would like. I'm doing something a little different which is making it slow but I also think making it better and improving my voice. I'll write more about that later but in the meantime, I am writing.

 

Are you ready yet?

 
That way? Really?                            Yeah, OK. It smells good.

 
Happy window and pink snow

 
Indoor/Outdoor cats                          Brave bear

 
Another forgotten toy .....                  Then it's mine!


Bush back scratches are the best!