A foot in the future, an eye on the past

Publication announcement

e_bourne — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 05:03:42 GMT

I am so very, very happy to announce that the only collaboration between Mark and I, which I finished this past August, will be the cover story for the March/April 2013 issue of F&SF. The story (What the Red Oaks Knew) is based in Arkansas, in a so-small-it's-nearly-non-existent town up in the Ozarks called Red Star. We had brainstormed other stories located in those environs -- the Ozarks are a great location for stories. Maybe I'll get around to writing more of them from our notes one of these days.

The cover by Maurizio Manzieri Is very beautiful and I am very happy with it. I know Mark would be so excited and thrilled about this.

Six Months a Widow

e_bourne — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 18:16:13 GMT

Six months ago at 6:58 Mark called an ambulance because he was having a heart attack. In two minutes, he got up, let out the dog, opened the front door, collapsed by the couch, and died. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of that.

For months, I was finding bits of forgotten medical debris. My coffee table has a permanent stain from spilled gel (I think it was gel) the EMTs used to affix electrodes to him. These are surmises on my part since I wasn't here.

My goal was to survive to today, six months. The promise was to beat the odds and I have. True, I have started a couple of kitchen fires. I drive more assertively than I should. I don't eat as well as I could. But I have remained healthy and kept breathing and that's what you do.

I function well enough. I described it recently to jaylake in this way. Once, my life was contained in a gallon jar. In that jar fit comfortablly all the things of life: love, work, friends, bills, cleaning, socialness, writing, hobbies, pets. The wide variety of things that we do during our weeks and months all sloshed about with ease. I was happy. Now I have a quart container. Yet some of the things that have to fit in there haven't changed. Work is still work. A certain amount of cleaning and bill paying must get done. The dog needs care. In the little space that's left I can only fit a few things. Maybe on one day I stuff in writing. On another, maybe it's friends. But I can'f fit everything anymore. I can survive on a quart. Six months is proof.

But I remember what it was to have a gallon and sometimes I despair.

I am fortunate in my friends. Both those who understand what I need, and those who don't but are willing to wait. Because I am fragile and find pressue of any sort impossible to handle. (No room in the jar!)

My understanding, from what I've been told and what I've read is that it gets better. Indeed, I'm living proof. While I still have terrible moments (and why always in the laundry room? What is it about laundry rooms?) they are not as intense or as long.

And I get out. I go places. I call people. I write. I read. I knit. And time passes as I keep breathing.

The future holds some scary dates: holidays, birthdays, the first anniversary. I go toward them with a certain amount of dread. But also knowing that really, all I need to do, all that is truly required, is that I keep breathing. That I can do. Because I know for certain that Mark believed in the future, and wanted me to face it bravely. And, if he had his way, with a certain amount of silliness.

April's books

e_bourne — Tue, 01 May 2012 03:45:55 GMT

Let's face it, I'm not going to read an entire book tonight. And I really wanted an excuse to use my new icon. So here's April's list. I'm reading a lot more this year, which I guess is no surprise.

Read books

e_bourne — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 04:51:29 GMT

This was a gift from my son. It was a sticker that was being given out at a graffiti competition he participated in, and he figured (correctly) that it would please me. scarlettina was amused and suggested I turn it into an icon. I have done so. If it amuses you, you can use it too.

"Beasts" out in Interzone soon

e_bourne — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:51:27 GMT

Andrew Cox has just sent me the illustration for my story, "Beasts" which will be out in the June/July issue of Interzone. I'm very pleased with it. He's also assured me that the font will be different for the story in print, this is for the proof of the illustration, which was done by Martin Hanford. I think it's gorgeous.

Archeology passes the two month point

e_bourne — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 02:41:11 GMT

Their tiny, blind, and kind of adorable. Who knew moles were also archaeologists? This article comes with bonus, obscure Jacobean toast you can use at your next party to amaze your friends and family.

17th century town in New Berwick, Maine. Nice discoveries, and some interesting history.

More on the "Jonah" ossuary in Jerusalem. The quality of photos from the robot cameras is very impressive.

Cleopatra's twins. Interesting piece of sculpture.

Meat a contributor to human species' success. This does not seem surprising.

13 BCE scarab links Egypt and Jerusalem. It always leaves me a little awed that things so old and so small are discovered.

What did Stonehenge sound like? Or rather, what did you hear within Stonehenge? For those of here in the PNW, the answer is pretty easy -- you can read the article and listen to the video -- or drive out to Maryhill and hang out there like the researchers did. How cool is that?

Rare Egyptian manuscript found in Brisbane.

Victorious female gladiator statue. Only the second image of a woman gladiator found.

Roman parenting. Mary Beard on Romans and their children. Lots of fun as she always is.

Video games, 3-D, and archeology. Yes, rebuild those virtual ancient cities!

Digging the other Jewish Temple. Researching Samaria and its history.

Identifying a civil war soldier from his photo. Wow. This is impressive research.

Women and power: 13th century Peruvian priestess.

Mary Beard talks about gladiators.

Traveling for the first time all over again

e_bourne — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:52:25 GMT

This weekend was spent away on work for the first time since Mark died. It's been two months, and the decision to travel came down to two things: 1) At some point, I'd have to get on a plane again. The longer I put it off, the harder it was going to be; and (pragmatically); 2) we already had one contractor on this project, we would have to find another qualified contractor which would not be easy.

I decided to bite the bullet and see how it would go.

Friday my co-worker Jill flew to Seattle from NY instead of going home so that she could meet me at Sea-Tac to be with me. I very much appreciate her kindness. My friends M + J drove up from Portland to dogsit Kai. They dropped me off and Jill met me outside the airport. It was very hard. My stomach was a mess and I feared I was going to throw up. Jill bought me some water and mint gum and we sat and chatted for awhile to let my stomach calm down.

Once we boarded, Jill held my hand and kept up over and hour of inconsequential chatter about the project, her son, growing up in Idaho, and a wealthy of miscellany I can't begin to recall. The entire purpose was to keep my mind occupied, and it worked!

So I didn't throw up. I didn't melt into a puddle.

We then met up with the rest of the group and drove from Boise to Twin Falls. After some initial rental car kerfuffle (did you know that an Escalada can seat 6 people, but only take baggage for two and a half? How stupid is that?) we were on the road. Everyone was very kind.

At Twin Falls Laura had promised that we would take a walk. Which turned out more grueling than intended -- a three mile walk up and around the Snake River canyon rim and back down. In 80+ sunshine.

The canyon is impressive, and while Shoshone Falls are lovely, their moniker of "The Niagara Falls of the West" had to be developed by someone who has never been to Niagara Falls.

We decided we had to walk out to the end of the path, which is the earthwork where Evel Knievel made his attempt to jump the Snake River Canyon. The earthwork for the ramp he had built is still there, and makes the location obvious. The second photo is the view across, and it occurred to me that while I may personally think Evel nuts for what he wanted to do, on the other hand, I applaud the fact that he was unafraid of failure. That was something I thought I could take to heart, although I'm unlikely to work at leaping any canyons.

The rest of the day was long, involving sunburn, dinner with clients, and collapsing late into bed so that I could get up early to work.

Saturday my co workers checked on me often -- particularly during what Jill (who was working with me when I got the news about Mark) felt were the "danger times" of early morning. By 7:00 pm we were done with the project. All that remained was the packing up and driving back to Boise, where the client had dinner with us.

That night was the first time I felt the difficulty of travel. This is when I would call Mark and talk about what was going on, check on his weekend, and make plans for Sunday. I felt bereft not having anyone to call. But friends stepped in to fill that gap and I made it past.

Sunday I flew uneventfully home. M + J and Kai picked me up at the airport and we spent the day outside, enjoying the sun.

So I survived. I can do this, although I'd rather keep it to a minimum even if it means losing my Gold status. At least I know I can fly, I can get on a plane, and I can manage to travel. And that is a very big deal.

Mark Bourne Clarion West Scholarship Fund

e_bourne — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:37:27 GMT

Here is the link to the scholarship fund in Mark's name. Please let them know if you have a donation item, or a donation. :)

Accomplishments

e_bourne — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 04:25:50 GMT

The Welsh dragon has a second leg. :)

I've gotten very good at rearranging furniture. I keep doing it. Eventually, it will come to rest. I hope.

Thanks to MD and Amy T for weeding -- especially the ton of peppercress which I've always thought of as a noxious weed (as does everyone else I know) but apparently, like dandelion, it can be eaten! Peppercress salad. I'm not sure that makes it less noxious. Nice to know I can take out my vengeance with a bite.

Or is great as varina8 reports. Well worth going.

While I don't know that I'd say the Gauguin exhibit was great, it was enjoyable and I really like that they included examples of Polynesian art. I did not like the loud guy who was leading a tour and taking way too long going through the exhibit. But that inconvenient annoyance aside, it was well worth going to see. I got into a conversation later about whether or not I think Gauguin is a great master. I do not -- but that doesn't mean that he isn't important because, clearly, he is. What Gauguin had, imo, was a strong, unique vision that linked two very different artistic periods. He is a vital connection. Some of his paintings are wonderful and I enjoy his use of color and bold lines and I was very glad to have seen the exhibition.

I'm having a hard time with music. I've never been very musical. Mark loved music, and right now I don't listen to any music. I'm afraid of being ambushed by what I hear. Hopefully this will eventually go away. Right now, music is very difficult for me. It's such an important part of life I hope that I recover. I suspect it may be awhile. I'm OK with movies.

Writing is happening. It's slow, slower than I would like. I'm doing something a little different which is making it slow but I also think making it better and improving my voice. I'll write more about that later but in the meantime, I am writing.

Thursday Morning, 8:00 AM

e_bourne — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:04:51 GMT

Are you ready yet?

That way? Really?                            Yeah, OK. It smells good.

Happy window and pink snow

Indoor/Outdoor cats                          Brave bear

Another forgotten toy .....                  Then it's mine!

Bush back scratches are the best!

Archeology in the cruelest month

e_bourne — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 04:18:39 GMT

Oh to be in Alexandria. Four lovely new tombs found.

Ongoing discoveries at Herculea Lyncestis in Macedonia. Founded by Philip II, this site is magnificent. They are looking for field workers for the 2012 season. What fun that would be!

Rune comb -- Lovely photo.

Blond woolly mammoth -- killed by lions, stolen by humans. Wonderfully preserved carcass, fabulous short video. Its long blond hair is amazing!

Rare pink granite sarcophagus of Queen Behenu uncovered in Egypt.

Ancient Phoenician Port -- also looking for field volunteers. What a beautiful site!

Civil War dead number underestimated. This is so sombre. What a terrible time this was.

And on BBC2, my favorite classics professor, Mary Beard, has a TV show -- Meet the Romans.

Cook like an ancient Roman and why stop there? Ancient Mesopotamia Cook off. I now want to do both these!

Stitchery

e_bourne — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 02:31:24 GMT

Among the many things that janetl assisted with while visiting was helping me acquire A New Thing To Do. She is a master (imo) of counted cross stitch and has done many magnificent and amusing pieces. So she assisted me with starting from a five million year old kit that Mark had given me (after deciding that almost everything about the kit was rubbish), and then setting me up with a round thingie (hoop?) and cross stitch fabric of her own, I painfully got a few rows done. Tonight I carefully got a few more done.

It requires serious light to see the exact hole the needle is supposed to go into. To make sure you aren't splitting the itty bitty threads, and to make sure that you are making the x's go in the same direction (left -->right) every time. I don't have a good enough lamp, so a little bit of good daylight is doing for me now.

Believe it or not, this will, I swear, eventually look like a winged red Welsh dragon. See, I've already started the downward swoop of the front leg...

Of course, a little thing like this, while amusing, isn't the sort of project that stirs the blood. What sort of thing would thrill me? Glad you asked.

Yes that's the right. The Bayeux tapestry. And of course, you can get kits...

Every day

e_bourne — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 02:40:58 GMT

I've survived my first full day at work (I'm considering leaving at 4:00 full) and so did Kai, although he was gloomy by the time I got home. The dog walker came by at noon and called me after to provide a precis of their time together, which was a nice thing to do. Kai would be less stiff if he got up and moved more often, rather than plunking himself down by the fence and waiting, waiting.

Some days are simply more difficult than others. There is no logic to it that I can tell. It is just how they are. Today is one of those days. Even keeping busy -- cooking, laundry, reading, is just not enough.

Which is not surprising. Stupid processes.

It could be that the day did not get off to a good start because I had nightmares. I won't trouble you with them. They were bad. I woke up and decided it was close enough to getting up to get up. With luck, tonight will be easier.

And tomorrow is another day.

Rarely has a wife been able to say this.

e_bourne — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 00:47:25 GMT

It amuses me greatly to say that I am keeping all of Mark's marbles. His balls. And of course, his clown noses.

Archeology tries to keep moving

e_bourne — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 04:35:07 GMT

Modern Berlin and ancient Colln. The city and the city for real.

Why did the Titanic sink? More than a big iceberg was involved.

Murder to gain eternal salvation. It is not comforting to know that, like the poor, fanatics are always with us.

2300 year old Scottish lyre -- includes a reproduction being played. Very lovely.

Celebrity recruiting -- for the Roman army. Pretty fascinating article on the use of a famous martial artist to attract soldiers.

Karnak -- Once the Venice of the NIle. I love these reminders that Egypt was once a green and pleasant land (at least the bits by the Nile).

Hoard of 30,000 Roman silver coins discovered in Bath. What's even more remarkable is that they were found by an archaeologist and not some random person with a metal detector.

Madagascar founded by women.

Google archeology. Who needs to sweat through a dig?

Welsh archers from Henry VIII's ship The Mary Rose. These men could pull a 200lb bow. I'm impressed.

Ancient Celts -- Hells Angels of the ancient world. Beer, bling, and broadswords. (OK, strictly speaking, no broadswords in that period.)

Lux in Arcana: 100 documents from The Vatican's secret archive on display. No doubt not the one's you want to see.

(Nearly) Wrecking the Byzantine Empire: The Blues vs. The Greens. Modern soccer fanatics aren't even close.

And now, everything you need to know about the Roman Empire in 12 minutes. Totally worth it.

Difficult day

e_bourne — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 03:58:49 GMT

Today was a difficult day. Some time was spent helping scarlettina prep for her family visit, which was good. Also time was spent putting some of Mark's books into boxes for a donation to The Film School Library -- a worthy cause -- and one I'm very happy to support. Difficult nonetheless. Also boxed up some of his collection of plays, and a some boxes of Shakespeare books. A friend helped me put some of his clothes into bags for Goodwill, which completely laid me out.

After a walk with Kai, I had dinner with kind neighbors where we talked about Dr. Who and other inconsequentials which has helped me collect myself a bit.

And soon Kai and I will to bed for yet another week.

March books

e_bourne — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 00:34:49 GMT

As you can see, a tad heavy on the Pratchett. Not surprising. The good thing is, I'm not sure I remember what some of these books were about, so I think I'll be good to read them again. I did find a couple of Pratchetts too difficult to read, so I had to set aside "Night Watch" and "Mort." Just not the thing for the time.

My gratitude to ironymaiden for the Soulless series. I liked it well enough I went on to Heartless, and will no doubt march on to Timeless as well. I have no idea what I read in February. Something, no doubt.

Cleaning the fridge

e_bourne — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 02:10:11 GMT

Many things, some more disgusting than others, were cleaned out of the fridge. Way too many had been in there for over a month. It took several hours, but hurrah for a clean, and much emptier, fridge.

The emotional roller coaster of, "Can I eat that?" "OK, well, can I eat THAT?" and later, "Well, how about that? Surely you won't throw out that?" Was too much for Kai. He is now totally exhausted.

One Month Gone

e_bourne — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 01:57:34 GMT

My goal is simple: to survive six months. There is a statistically high rate of "excess mortality" in widows and widowers in the first six months after the death of their spouse. It begins to curve down after six months until, after a year, a widow/widower is back at the normal survival rate for all single persons.

Accidents, illness, failure to thrive -- are put down to "heart break syndrome." You get careless. Your immune system drops. You don't take care of yourself.

It makes sense. I don't think I brushed my teeth for two weeks. Getting out of bed seemed like a major accomplishment. It's good that I have to feed the dog. Being responsible for something is important. Kai needs to be fed and walked, and he prefers that it be me, as we discovered when he declined to be walked by visiting family.

I've made it through one month. Five more to go. It's an exhausting prospect.

Tomorrow Austin returns to San Francisco and I will go to work part time. I'm hoping that it will be good for me to get out of the house. To push myself a little into the normal world. It's hard, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.

This is a new journey for me, and it will take as long as it takes. I'm so grateful for everyone who has been so kind and offered to help. Indeed, I will be asking for help in the coming months. There are things I need to get done that are beyond me, so I'll be making a list, maybe not checking it twice, and then asking who can help with what.

In the meantime, thank you so much, everyone, for the love you've shown me and Mark. It means more than I can say, and will help me get through those six months.

Driving advisory for Saturday

e_bourne — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:24:15 GMT

Just a note to those attending Mark Bourne's life celebration that the viaduct/SR-99 will be closed this weekend. WSDOT says, "Both directions of SR 99 between the Battery Street Tunnel and the West Seattle Bridge will close from 6 a.m. Saturday, March 24, to 5 a.m. Monday, March 26. " Note that the West Seattle bridge WILL be open, so it's probably best to take I-5.

You will want the Delridge exit to get to the Youngstown Art Center.

Skype instructions for Saturday

e_bourne — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:23:00 GMT

Directions for those who want to watch and/or participate in the celebration for Mark on Saturday, March 24, 2012

There will (hopefully) be two different ways to watch what is going on at Mark’s party.

1. A webcast will be streaming live on ustream.tv. It is a one-way situation so you will be able to see everyone at the party and what is going on here, but no one will be able to see you.

However, if you have a computer and are able to watch any sort of video on it (like a YouTube download) I believe you should be able to watch this too without downloading any software, or needing a camera or webcam, etc.

Once you are at ustream.tv’s main page, type in “Mark Bourne” in the search block. The host is “sailorjay61”

This should take you to the correct “station” and so long as we are live, you should be able to watch what is going on. The current plan is to go live at approximately 5:00pm pdt

2. We can also have a Skype account up and running if anyone wants to participate in a two-way type situation. But we must call you via Skype. You would not be able to call us on their video-conferencing set-up. Also, you must already have a Skype account to participate. Finally it is limited in number to how many can participate in this manner. Although we can get as many as 12 at a time, Skype only recommends 5 at a time. So we recommend that you primarily use the ustream.tv if you want to watch the whole party, and just Skype in occasionally by texting Jay to connect you (as set forth further below).

If you want to be able to Skype, please do the following:

a. Search your Skype account for the Skype name “teedlet” and add her to your contact list (that is the account for my friend Marti who is helping with this).

b. Tomorrow when you are ready to sign in (during the party which would be after 5:00pm pdt), text my friend Jay at 503-953-0175 that you want to be connected by Skype and he will head over to the computer and link you in.

Please note that if you do not do the above things you will not be able to participate by Skype, but as many people who want to can watch via ustream.tv. So feel free to spread the word about the ustream.tv channel.

Finally, if we do have people Skype’ing in we cannot promise to get any particular individual who is at the party to come over and talk to you individually. We will try to get Elizabeth to stop by regularly to say hello to people, but no promises of being able to drag over specific people at specific times.

Repost for Mark's Bench

e_bourne — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 17:12:04 GMT

I have amazing and wonderful friends who have started a campaign to fund a bench along Alki Beach (Mark's favorite walk with Kai) in Mark's honor. scarlettina talks more about it here. So many people, many of whom Mark and I never had the opportunity to meet, have already contributed to this wonderful gift.

We are truly blessed in our chosen family.

Celebration of Mark's Life

e_bourne — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 16:49:07 GMT

Please join Austin and me to celebrate the life of our beloved husband and father, Mark Bourne. The event will be a potluck around dinner time--please bring finger food, alcoholic and/or soft drinks (we'll have a liquor license for the space), and stories to share--at the Movement Studio in the Youngstown Cultural Arts Center in West Seattle. The event will include a reading from Mark's work, some video, and an opportunity for friends to share stories and music with the group at a mic if they so choose, so let us know if you wish to speak; we'd love to hear from you. (Contact Janna Silverstein.)

We're also putting together a memorial book, so please bring printed-out photos, stories, poems, notes for Austin and Elizabeth--whatever you like--to glue into a book no larger than 6" x 8". You can also choose to write in the book rather than gluing something in.

For far-away friends who can't attend, we're working on a solution whereby the event will be Skyped or webcast; please let us know if you
cannot attend and wish to be included. (Contact Elizabeth Bourne .)

Place:
Youngstown Cultural Arts Center
Movement Studio
4408 Delridge Way SW
Seattle WA 98106

Date: Saturday, March 24

Time: 5:00 PM - 7:45ish

A widow's advice

e_bourne — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:54:15 GMT

This is strictly practical advice.

If you have loved ones, make a will. There are forms online. But really, you should get an estate attorney to help you. It will cost some money. Pay it. It will be worth it.

Figure out if you live in a community property state or not. These things matter if one person in a relationship dies. You should know your rights now, while you're happy and alive and together so you can make reasonable decisions.

Life is simpler if you have joint bank accounts. You may not want to for all sorts of reasons and that's fine. I'm just telling you, it's a lot easier. If you don't want to have a joint account, make sure that the money is going to go where you want it to go.

Organize your files so you both know where everything is. Life insurance, wills, bills, taxes, SSN numbers, etc. I know it can be pain. I'm not an organized person by nature. Just do it for each other.

We all have electronic accounts, more than we realize: computer passwords, email passwords, blogs, FB, twitter, flickr, google+ and who knows what else. Do your survivors a favor and write down your accounts with their passwords and either give them to the aforementioned lawyer to keep, or put them in a file or safe deposit box; somewhere you both know about.

It may be weeks before the survivor can access any assets belonging to the deceased depending on circumstances. I am fortunate that I have always been the primary breadwinner between us, and that we followed some of the above advice. Otherwise, things could be financially stressful as well as emotionally harsh.

My husband Mark was the sun and the moon and most of the stars to me. Breathing -- surviving -- knowing he isn't here and isn't going to be here is hard enough without having to deal with additional financial worries. We were not not as badly prepared as we could have been, but we were not as well prepared as we should have been.

You can do better, and I urge you, for the people you love, to do so.

My husband Mark

e_bourne — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 06:33:15 GMT

Passed away this morning. I was working out of town when I got the call from the hospital. You can read the details here.

He was the light of my life, and the road ahead seems very dark indeed. We had a fabulous time last weekend in San Francisco, and I will always cherish that.