Title: The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Author/Artist: Faith :: dreamsofnormal
Recipient: Kijikun :: kijikun
Pairing: Jo/Luficer
Rating: R
Warnings: Spoilers for 5.10 Abandon All Hope
Summary: Who better to guide Jo to salvation than the light-bringer himself?
Notes: Based off of the prompts "Let's make a team, make him say my name" and "It's not a small thing, an angel trusting someone with their wings." I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy as much as I enjoyed writing it! ♥

 

( The Light at the End of the TunnelCollapse )

Title: And a Flame Goes Out for the Very Last Time
Author/Artist: dreamsofnormal 
Recipient: lovedbythesun 
Pairing: Dean/Bela
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None, really.
Summary: Bela realizes that she’d rather face Lilith’s Hellhounds than Dean’s rage.
Notes: ILU, BB. I hope you enjoy~♥

( I just wanna set you on fire so I don't have to burn alone.Collapse )

( Part Two of Two: Sam's POVCollapse )
(Part One)

( Part One of Two: Dean's POVCollapse )
(Part Two)

It wasn't the same.

It didn't have the same heart ripped out of his chest, never see her face again king of grief. Losing Dawn wasn't the same as losing Jessica. In many ways, it was a helluva lot easier. She didn't die, he didn't have to watch it happen, and it wasn't (indirectly, directly, however you want to look at it) his fault. But in other ways, it was much, much worse.

Dawn was gone, a fact Sam would just have to deal with, but because of the way the City worked, there was never any telling if she would ever come back. If Sam stayed there for ten more years, he'd spend ten years wondering, waiting, and if she did come back, there was no saying if she'd even remember him. And that was so, so much worse.

As he stood there in the Hall of the Missing, clenching and unclenching his fists, biting back the hollow feeling in his gut a little too literally (the taste of copper was on his tongue), Sam suffered the crippling feeling of loss once again. They weren't even dating, but it still felt like he'd lost a part of him. And in some ways, he had.

Dawn brought him a kind of solace that he had never found anywhere else. They talked about things Sam could only dream of saying to Dean, and he trusted her almost as much (but only almost; Dean always came first). She was his best friend, and whether he admitted it to himself or not, he loved her. Against everything he'd learned over the years, in spite of how much he told himself not to, he let someone get close to him. He let someone become important, began to cherish someone, knowing full well that one day, inevitably, this would happen. One of them would be left behind to deal with the disappearance of the other.

He knew it would happen.

Yet it still hurt so fucking much, he couldn't stand it.

He couldn't imagine never having full conversations in Latin and Sumerian with her. He couldn't wrap his mind around her never stubbornly refusing to let him fall into that dark place he was so prone to dwelling in. He couldn't look at that damn pictured in the Hall, her smiling face staring back at him as he felt the ground fall out from beneath his feet. He had half the mind to take it down or punch the wall or scream or set the world on fire, anything.

But instead, there was a weak exhale of air, as close as he'd let himself get to weeping, before he turned away and left behind all of his silly little dreams. She wasn't dead. She wasn't gone from his life for the rest of eternity. And it wasn't his fault she was gone. But he still felt guilty.

He never told her the truth. He never said he loved her. And after this, even if she came back, he never would.

There was only so many times Sam could get his heart broken.

Dear Anna,

I know {...} being around us hasn't exactly been easy for you; it's not hard to notice how little time you've spent at the apartment ever since {...} you came back. And {...} I don't blame you, not really. I can't, especially not when you were right. And as much as I kinda hate being impaled through the chest with pipes, {...} I don't hold any of it against you. At least, not anymore. At lot has changed since then, especially with what we've gone through in the City. It's kind of hard to hold a grudge once you start thinking of someone as family.

I know you {...} probably don't want that kind of sentiment, especially coming from me, but {...} you've helped me a lot, Anna, whether you know it or not. Things are more than ten thousand kinds of complicated between us, what with you not-so-secretly wanting to kill me and with me not-so-secretly housing your brother, but this place tends to make those things seem like minor inconveniences, more often than not. I'm not saying to over look it, because these are the kinds of things you can't ever forget, no matter how much you want to.

I'm just saying {...} I forgive you. I think I did a long time ago. And although I know things can't ever really go back to the way they were before all of this, {...} I'm still glad to have you around, Anna. You are still a part of our crazy little family.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester

Dear Joanna,

Don't hit me for calling you that, alright? It's the first time and it's more than likely that it'll be the last time. Besides, I know you could kick my ass, even though you're like, eight feet shorter than me. I could tell from the first time we met you. Kinda got off to a rough start, didn't we? And after a first impression like that, it kinda amazes me that I ended up thinking of you as a little sister.

And I do, really. You're as much a part of my family as Cas or Bobby {...} or even Dean. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Jo, and I wish {...} I had more time to do it. I wish we'd had more time back home. But such is life, right? You never were one to let those kinds of things keep you down, which all just goes back to that first impression. A fireball of a woman, unyielding as a mountain and with the bite of a lion. Right off the bat, I knew you were a strong girl and not someone to be messed with. Not that we don't mess with you plenty, but that's just how we show our love.

Leaving you in that store was the farthest thing from easy, Jo, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate being able to spend time with you here in the City. We got a chance to get closer to each other, something we never had back home {...} and now I have a chance to protect you, as much as I know you won't want it.

Things don't end pretty back home, but I promise you, your sacrifices weren't for nothing. And as long as we're still here, we'll keep on fighting side by side, 'cause I know you wouldn't have it any other way.

Love always,

Sam Winchester

Ruby,

{.....} I don't even know why I'm writing this to you. I've spent so much of my time trying to forget everything about you. Every lie, every cheat, every word you ever said to me. I try to forget it all, because every time I think about it {...} I think about what I did and all the people that got hurt because of me. And that's the hardest part. Knowing that you were just manipulating me, but it's still my fault in the end.

I tried so hard to forget it, but when you came back to the City, everything came flooding back with it. The anger, the pain, the {...} insufferable amounts of guilt. {...} You broke me in ways I can't even begin to explain, Ruby. You made me think I could take this curse of mine and make something good of it. You made me believe that there was a way for me to escape the {...} monster I was supposed to become. You made me trust you {...} and I did.

I trusted you, Ruby. I believed in you. And in the end, it was all just a game, just {...} another person using me to get closer to him. I followed you blindly, even though Dean told me over and over that I was wrong. {...} I wish I had believed him. I wish I hadn't let you get close me. I wish I didn't turn my back on him to go with you. I wish I could forget.

But most of all, {...} I wish I didn't miss you. You are the embodiment of every sin I've ever committed, and that part of me died along with you in that church. Things will never go back to the way they were. Even if we cross paths in the City, find some way to start talking again, {...} you're still dead to me, Ruby. And I will never let you back into my heart. I can't. I won't.

Sam Winchester

Dear Rebecca,

I hope it's not too weird to be writing you a letter like this but you've helped me out a lot over the past month or so and I'm really grateful. We've talked many times about all sorts of thing but you're still kind of a mystery to me, which isn't a bad thing by any means. It just makes you {...} interesting. Every time I talk to you, I feel like I learn something new, like I see a different side of you but never really the whole picture.

The one thing I do know about you for sure is that you're strong in ways I don't really understand. I mean, for people like me and my brother who've seen the kinds of things we deal with on a daily basis, it makes sense. We need to have it to get by. Sometimes I just have to wonder, what did you see to make you the same way?

But then I remember what you told me and I realize it really doesn't matter what you saw or what you've been through. You aren't strong because of what happened to you. You're strong because you chose to be. You're a survivor, and you won't let anything knock you down or hold you back.

You're incredible, Rebecca, and whether I solve your mystery or not, I know who you are and I'm glad I got to meet you. And even if we might be dead back home, we're alive here. Let's make the most of our time survive this mess together.

Sincerely,

Sam Winchester