Gonna bite the bullet and make an actual list!



I've never done one of these before :D Usually I just keep a mental list in my head.

There may be some items that are not on this list that I am still interested in!

If I have taken an image without your consent I apologize! I tried to ask the owners when possible, but with a Google search it's always a bit tricky ^^; Just let me know and I'll give you credit, or take it down if that's what you'd prefer.

( Wants list below the cut!Collapse )

It takes me a long time to consider myself friends with someone. Feeling like we are close friends, or even just good friends, takes even longer and usually happens without my noticing.

What I have never been good at, is realizing when the other person doesn't see the friendship the same way as I do.

I can think of examples of this as far back as grade 3, and subsequent examples all the way through to present day. So I don't know if it's because I get attached to my few friends too easily, or if realistically I've just never been that likeable.

But it's fine, really. There's no rule that says a relationship has to be equal, right? I am happy just to have these people in my life.

What I need to stop, though, is feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under me when I finally figure out that I mean less to them than they do to me. It was my misconception all along, after all. They owe me precisely nothing.

But it still leaves me feeling ... sad, I guess. Sad that I was wrong.

I try to be aware of my flaws. The problem is that I don't know how to fix them, and trying seems to make them worse. And I know there are plenty of flaws I am unaware of.

I'm still trying, though. I really am. I don't know what else I can do.

One of my pride and joys :D

I would never use anxiety/depression as an excuse for my actions... In fact I'm ashamed when these things get the better of me, because I feel I should be more aware and in control of them. And because ultimately, it isn't my conditions, but me, who misunderstands and reacts so poorly.

I bring them up only to remind myself that they are a part of me. I often try to keep quiet about my issues because they are embarrassing, and because I try very hard to have a sense of logic that is removed from these issues. But trying to deny that they exist and influence my emotions will only make things worse.

I really messed up. I'm not the good person I want to be, and I don't know if I will ever be. But I do honestly try... even if it looks like I don't. I hope that matters. Even just a little.

I miss you little buddy.

Crud, apparently LJ's notifications aren't working and may not have been for days? I'm so so sorry if anyone thought I was ignoring you! ;_;

Also catcyclops I tried contacting you but your privacy settings will not let me!

Conflicting thoughts about my collection lately. Part of the reason is that I simply don't have the money to put into it anymore. HOWEVER I made a big order from Gin that I'm very excited about! Charms and Pokedolls and a magikarp and sdfkdjfgdfg yayyy

I think maybe making a weeding/sales post will help me feel better about my existing collection? Usually reducing the clutter helps me feel better about it, since I keep what means a lot to me while getting rid of anything that feels excessive.

I'm super excited for Pokemon XY.

This is about as close to majestic as ferrets get. Herp.

I deleted my previous entry in attempt to minimize the spread of drama. I can't say I disagree with what I said, but the issue seems to be coming to a close, and I do not wish for it to continue being drawn out.

In other news, my baby kitty is sick again. :(

Well, not really sick. Some of you may remember that she had severe gingivitis stemming from stomatitis. It's an auto-immune disorder which basically means she's allergic to her own teeth.

She had most of her teeth removed some months ago and the gingivitis cleared right up, but now that it's back again, there's a good chance she'll have to get the rest of her teeth taken out as well...

In the meantime, my poor baby can barely eat, and it clearly hurts when she does ;~; I've been able to entice her to eat only with foods that she really likes (like bits of tuna or dry ferret food) but she still barely eats anything, and this is obviously not a good long term solution.

I'm just worried as hell is all... Not eating is a really big deal for cats, and they go downhill fast.

She will have most of my attention this weekend and probably into next week after her vet appointment, but I'll be available for most usual contact.

Two weeks ago - Brad gets something (probably metal) in his eye at work. Gets eye drops for it. Clears up.

About a week ago - Pain returns, vision in affected eye getting way worse. Continues to get worse all week.

5 am today - Wakes up in blinding pain and can barely see out of affected eye.

Sooo I drove in to town and we spent about 4 hours in Emergency at the hospital, then got fed up with waiting. "Free" health care is good, but let's just say if you're not actively dying you'll basically be there all day. We made an emergency appointment for 11:45 at the Optometrist. It was $50 but they took him in right when the appointment was.

It is apparently just an abrasion on his eye/lens and should be fine with hourly medicated drops. They seemed unsure though, I guess it's had a couple weeks to get worse so...? I hope it's okay. ;_;

I couldn't get to sleep last night, so now that everything is hopefully okay for the moment, I'm just really tired now.

It's ~crunch timeee~ my favorite time! Past few days have been nuts and frustrating because it shouldn't come down to this, but Scot is disorganized so I get anywhere from 40-60 hours of work just a few days before everything must be completed and ready for print.

I worked for 10 hours on the newspaper today - Not the most intense crunch day ever, but it was completion day (!) so I was still determined to get out to see a movie with my sister afterwards.

Scot was calling me all through the movie and it was making noise even though I had my phone on silent ;_; WHAT the hell, phone? I turned it off, but when I got out of the movie and called back it was "OMG EMERGENCY" so I had to race home and fix something before it went to print. Their deadline is/was midnight apparently, I was like 10 minutes too late but hopefully it'll be alright.

Asfigdfg so much for a celebratory, relaxing night out, lol.

Anyway, Brave was good. 3D is a waste of the extra money though. I always forget it's even in 3D about 5 minutes into it.

I won a free movie admission though. Success?