Shell

dewott — Mon, 08 Dec 2014 18:25:41 GMT

It takes me a long time to consider myself friends with someone. Feeling like we are close friends, or even just good friends, takes even longer and usually happens without my noticing.

What I have never been good at, is realizing when the other person doesn't see the friendship the same way as I do.

I can think of examples of this as far back as grade 3, and subsequent examples all the way through to present day. So I don't know if it's because I get attached to my few friends too easily, or if realistically I've just never been that likeable.

But it's fine, really. There's no rule that says a relationship has to be equal, right? I am happy just to have these people in my life.

What I need to stop, though, is feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under me when I finally figure out that I mean less to them than they do to me. It was my misconception all along, after all. They owe me precisely nothing.

But it still leaves me feeling ... sad, I guess. Sad that I was wrong.

I try to be aware of my flaws. The problem is that I don't know how to fix them, and trying seems to make them worse. And I know there are plenty of flaws I am unaware of.

I'm still trying, though. I really am. I don't know what else I can do.

Fuzzbucket

dewott — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 02:02:17 GMT

One of my pride and joys :D

dewott — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 01:43:28 GMT

I would never use anxiety/depression as an excuse for my actions... In fact I'm ashamed when these things get the better of me, because I feel I should be more aware and in control of them. And because ultimately, it isn't my conditions, but me, who misunderstands and reacts so poorly.

I bring them up only to remind myself that they are a part of me. I often try to keep quiet about my issues because they are embarrassing, and because I try very hard to have a sense of logic that is removed from these issues. But trying to deny that they exist and influence my emotions will only make things worse.

I really messed up. I'm not the good person I want to be, and I don't know if I will ever be. But I do honestly try... even if it looks like I don't. I hope that matters. Even just a little.

dewott — Wed, 01 May 2013 05:54:10 GMT

I miss you little buddy.

dewott — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 12:07:45 GMT

Crud, apparently LJ's notifications aren't working and may not have been for days? I'm so so sorry if anyone thought I was ignoring you! ;_;

Also catcyclops I tried contacting you but your privacy settings will not let me!

Conflicting thoughts about my collection lately. Part of the reason is that I simply don't have the money to put into it anymore. HOWEVER I made a big order from Gin that I'm very excited about! Charms and Pokedolls and a magikarp and sdfkdjfgdfg yayyy

I think maybe making a weeding/sales post will help me feel better about my existing collection? Usually reducing the clutter helps me feel better about it, since I keep what means a lot to me while getting rid of anything that feels excessive.

I'm super excited for Pokemon XY.

Bumper.

dewott — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 02:58:15 GMT

This is about as close to majestic as ferrets get. Herp.

Kitty

dewott — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 14:51:05 GMT

I deleted my previous entry in attempt to minimize the spread of drama. I can't say I disagree with what I said, but the issue seems to be coming to a close, and I do not wish for it to continue being drawn out.

In other news, my baby kitty is sick again. :(

Well, not really sick. Some of you may remember that she had severe gingivitis stemming from stomatitis. It's an auto-immune disorder which basically means she's allergic to her own teeth.

She had most of her teeth removed some months ago and the gingivitis cleared right up, but now that it's back again, there's a good chance she'll have to get the rest of her teeth taken out as well...

In the meantime, my poor baby can barely eat, and it clearly hurts when she does ;~; I've been able to entice her to eat only with foods that she really likes (like bits of tuna or dry ferret food) but she still barely eats anything, and this is obviously not a good long term solution.

I'm just worried as hell is all... Not eating is a really big deal for cats, and they go downhill fast.

She will have most of my attention this weekend and probably into next week after her vet appointment, but I'll be available for most usual contact.

Wants list: Espeon and Dewott

dewott — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:44:07 GMT

Gonna bite the bullet and make an actual list!

I've never done one of these before :D Usually I just keep a mental list in my head.

There may be some items that are not on this list that I am still interested in!

If I have taken an image without your consent I apologize! I tried to ask the owners when possible, but with a Google search it's always a bit tricky ^^; Just let me know and I'll give you credit, or take it down if that's what you'd prefer.

Dewott!

Zukan

Torretta
(There are a few different designs! This is just my favorite.)

Tomy "Pokemon Get" candy figure

Clipping figure

Espeon!

2009 candy tin

Melamine tumbler

Tomy figure

Retsuden stamper

Pokedoll charm
(Photo courtesy of littlezorua)

2009 Pokedoll (minky)

Mini Pokedoll

Kids figures (all three varieties, plus both clears)
(Photo courtesy of winterwish)

Friends plush

2010 Keshipoke figure

2009 Bandai Super Get figure

Photos coming soon
- "Pokemon With You" pin
~~- Stamper from "Maison de Eevee" set~~ On the way!
- Coaster from the placemat/coaster set
- Mascot plush

dewott — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 16:43:58 GMT

Two weeks ago - Brad gets something (probably metal) in his eye at work. Gets eye drops for it. Clears up.

About a week ago - Pain returns, vision in affected eye getting way worse. Continues to get worse all week.

5 am today - Wakes up in blinding pain and can barely see out of affected eye.

Sooo I drove in to town and we spent about 4 hours in Emergency at the hospital, then got fed up with waiting. "Free" health care is good, but let's just say if you're not actively dying you'll basically be there all day. We made an emergency appointment for 11:45 at the Optometrist. It was $50 but they took him in right when the appointment was.

It is apparently just an abrasion on his eye/lens and should be fine with hourly medicated drops. They seemed unsure though, I guess it's had a couple weeks to get worse so...? I hope it's okay. ;_;

I couldn't get to sleep last night, so now that everything is hopefully okay for the moment, I'm just really tired now.

in which my icon describes most of my weekend

dewott — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 04:31:53 GMT

It's ~crunch timeee~ my favorite time! Past few days have been nuts and frustrating because it shouldn't come down to this, but Scot is disorganized so I get anywhere from 40-60 hours of work just a few days before everything must be completed and ready for print.

I worked for 10 hours on the newspaper today - Not the most intense crunch day ever, but it was completion day (!) so I was still determined to get out to see a movie with my sister afterwards.

Scot was calling me all through the movie and it was making noise even though I had my phone on silent ;_; WHAT the hell, phone? I turned it off, but when I got out of the movie and called back it was "OMG EMERGENCY" so I had to race home and fix something before it went to print. Their deadline is/was midnight apparently, I was like 10 minutes too late but hopefully it'll be alright.

Asfigdfg so much for a celebratory, relaxing night out, lol.

Anyway, Brave was good. 3D is a waste of the extra money though. I always forget it's even in 3D about 5 minutes into it.

I won a free movie admission though. Success?

dewott — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 17:27:46 GMT

Yesterday was pretty sweet.

I was able to meet up with Laura, friend from school who I haven't seen in the 2+ years since grad! She was selling me some tank/fish supplies. I suggested we go for a coffee or something (big deal for me to suggest that with someone who I might even POSSIBLY be awkward around, by the way). We ended up at Starbucks for almost an hour, and hung out at her place for a while afterward. I had to get going but it was really nice.

Along with her tank came another betta! He is the most ENOURMOUS betta fish I have seen, lol. His name is Aldo, he's a blue crowntail. I introduced my Cories into his tank. All seems well and no one is fighting, but I'm worried because when I had them in the cup to acclimate to the water temperature, it tipped over while I wasn't looking. Cories are really sensitive to water changes so I was going to slowly let in new water over a period of time. I hope they're alright :( Out of the four, I've had two of them for about a year now.

I also had Andrei over, another school buddy. He saw my old systems and went nuts XD We ended up hooking the SNES up and played Super Mario World for... hours, lol. It was really nice.

Basically I had a really busy day full of fish and PEOPLE. It was sort of a big deal for me, just feeling well enough and not anxious about various things. I hope to have more days like it.

Then I got a call from Scot which basically let me know he's expecting the paper to be done ASAP. Like in a couple days. sfljfgdfg. Yeah so I had a really stressful evening that ended in a bit of a breakdown, though the day was really good. I always get mad at myself when I have a good day that ends on a sour note.

dewott — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 20:09:36 GMT

Hey all :)

I started on Abilify about two weeks ago. Honestly I'm feeling... a little better? It's probably too soon to say, since I know these types of things can take 1-2 months to really set in. I think I may be letting my hopes get ahead of me after all my years of searching for the "right" meds.

I think my appetite has increased though, which is upsetting to me. I had an eating disorder some years back due to some serious lack of self image, and I'd like to think I've left that behind me, but it's always in the back of my mind.

What I am wondering though, is if anyone has any experiences they can share regarding Abilify? Positive, negative? Side effects?

Thanks in advance <3

Quick favor?

dewott — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:15:40 GMT

Can anyone do a quick copy-paste for "These offers are over, you have the winning bid!" sort of thing for me? I didn't have plans when I set up the post, but I've been invited out, and it looks like the invite is an over-night sort of affair since Brad and I will both be drinking.

If anyone could help me out I'd really appreciate it :)

dewott — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 00:17:36 GMT

Ahhh so. My Jolteon Canvas plush is here! This is sort of a big deal, I used to have Jolt/Flare/Vaporeon but they were sold to afford Ceasar (huge Raikou). No regrets!! But I really did miss them, all the other stuff I sold I didn't miss but I missed these guys bad ;_;

So now I have Flareon, and Jolteon. :) Vap will be the hardest to re-acquire for obvious rarity and price reasons (I have only been grabbing them when they show up at lower prices, or in Flareon's case, I was able to trade).

Thing is, it was advertised as "mint without hang tag" and it... doesn't feel mint to me? It's not like it's even in bad condition. It just feels a little "handled," I guess. It was also covered in specks of some kind that I haven't been able to get out yet, but I'm sure they will come out with some more careful effort. Should I say something? I feel so picky...

Edit: Nevermind I guess 8D I used a lint roller and it took off most of what I was worried about! A bit of the white minky is still visibly "loved" but once all the dust (quite a bit!) was gone it looked much better.

dewott — Sun, 17 Jun 2012 03:24:47 GMT

I love love love that they are bringing out all this trainer-related merch!

But.. I have almost no attachment to the new guys ;_; It'd be super amazing if they were through some of the older trainers (Red/Green pretty pleaseee? Type-themed leader sets??). But I won't get my hopes up. It's just nice to see that sort of thing.

Also it dawns on me that I could totally collect Bulbasaur. His newest plushies are kind of derpy to me though.

Brad is not here this weekend and I am SO BORED even though it's only been a day and I was out with Andrew last night :| I must not be quite as much of a recluse as I think I am.