Tag Archives: alone

SPUTNIK SWEETHEART: AN ISLAND OF LOST SOULS

To sum up: A tale of unrequited loves, and of those who, despite deep and close friendships, remain alone—all of us.

xxxxx

“Somebody once said if it’s something a single book can explain, it’s not worth having explained…”

I often wonder how Murakami manages to make poetry while writing of contemporary life and emotions. The poetry that comes from the weaving of images and themes, which evolve, shift and change. His works are rooted very much in everyday life that subtly derails “normality” and reveals a kind of surrealism which is very refreshing & irreducibly strange.

Trying to write a review about his seductive, distinctive surreal Murakamian narrative is like trying to bottle fog. If you see, it is an easy to follow novel, at least at the beginning. He seems to fancy the idea of loneliness and the dark side of loving someone while being alone. What a weird theme to have!!!However, through K, Sumire and her eventual love interest, Miu, Murakami weaved a hauntingly beautiful story. It’s like all three characters are standing in one line, each looking at the back of the person and unable to make them turn back.

“All the wonderful things in life are often obscure. We try our best to disintegrate them into little meanings that would or could make sense to our lives not realizing that such things are best admired when left as is.”

We don’t always make the smartest choices with the people we hold most dear to us and our actions towards there are clunky even though in essence they were/are good intentions.

 “We’re both looking at the same moon, in the same world. We’re connected to reality by the same line. All I have to do is quietly draw it towards me.”

Like I said it starts off as being a kind of triangle love story, but then turns into something completely different and completely surreal, which then propels us into a mysterious drama. Sometimes it’s just as easy to explain why a novel is wonderful: when you can see what a classy writer is doing with language and narrative and, though it may make you catch your breath, you’re not lost for words of your own to describe it. All too rarely, a different sort of novel altogether comes along. One that entertains captivates and energizes you, but, when you try to define its magic, just slithers away out of reach. How to begin to describe what it is or does? So I’ll come right out and say it: I don’t really know what’s startling about this!!!

Thus begins this novel by Murakami which muses upon the question of love. It’s about love and death and hits you straight in the heart.

“An intense love, a veritable tornado sweeping across the plains—flattening everything in its path, tossing things up in the air, ripping them to shreds, crushing them to bits. The tornado’s intensity doesn’t abate for a second as it blasts across the ocean, laying waste to Angkor Wat, incinerating an Indian jungle, tigers and all, transforming itself into a Persian desert sandstorm, burying an exotic fortress city under a sea of sand. In short, a love of truly monumental proportions. The person she fell in love with happened to be seventeen years older than Sumire. And was married. And, I should add, was a woman. This is where it all began, and where it all wound up. Almost.”

The three characters K, Sumire and Miu are impeccably realized, modern and real. Sumire is puzzling – represents a very rare group of free – spirited spontaneous individuals. I really liked Sumire’s character and could easily relate to her, she doesn’t quite fit in with traditional expectations but clearly she wants that but just doesn’t know how to bridge that gap between want and reality. She loves to write – about anything, everything, and nothing. She is one of the few characters that I have read and really felt like I KNEW how she felt, like I was reading ME at times. Sumire just draws you in throughout the book.

Miu is as charismatic to me as she is to Sumire and I’m sure her grace would intrigue a cat-like ( personally hate cats) interest in me, where I would just move around her feet and gaze at her wide-eyed. And K is very much in love with Sumire. He is attracted to her spirit and her passion as well as her eccentricities but she does not feel the same.

And Miu’s husband – A never-consummated relationship, a close relationship between one who is madly in love and another who has no such desire to take “that step,” is the source of great sadness and lonesomeness. I’ve not encountered a writer yet who writes of this as well as Murakami.

Throughout the story, the reader is presented with a number of transformations in identity and personal awareness. Often, the characters experience changes that alter their appearance and slowly, their identity, without knowing how to describe the reality of the situation. Sumire is constantly trapped in her own mind, her own world with no one around her who really understood her and even though she was able to articulate herself through writing….no one could decipher what it was she was trying to say exactly and that can be very alienating. The story follows this same kind of thinking….what it’s like to be alienated from everyone you know because no one can or wants to understand you….no one who you can identify with no one you can talk to, no one to interact with except the thoughts that come out in one scrambled signal that only you have the antenna to. It is very lonely but eventually someone tunes into your station and like Sumire you find someone who ‘gets’ you. Sumire’s problem is that she found the ‘right’ someone in her mind but Miu was not REALLY the right someone for her.

It leaves you with the sense that you have been dreaming. But as K says:

“The answer is dreams. Dreaming on and on. Entering the world of dreams and never coming out. Living in dreams for the rest of time.”

The three of them are bound by baffling circumstances. The three of them love so desperately. And lose so painfully. It feels like waiting at a train station with all the trains whizzing past. The presence of their loneliness is not due to the absence of love; it is there because their loves pass each other and never really meet. However, even the unrequited love that surfaces in them can have a great impact on their lives.

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

As the telling spins and shifts through fantasies and realities, it slowly unfolds a magical lyrical tale that orbits around desire and loneliness. He seems interested in the paradox of a present continuous self, as well as an individual’s relationship with externality. It is as beautiful and light as a feather, and yet enduringly sad. I don’t really know what is new about this, but it has definitely touched me deeper and pushed me further than anything I’ve read in a long time. As a girl who is emotionally very sensitive I’m unsure whether a novel should bring tears to your eyes and pain in your heart but laying here alone in my room today that is what happened. He just sent me spinning, orbiting wildly like a lost SPUTNIK.

“Love all that is Murakami”

He is a master of creating sexually enigmatic characters who seek happiness and love but only from people who cannot reciprocate. Instead of a proper verdict, I would rather leave you with a quote which defines the novel more perfectly than any type of conclusion I could write:

“We were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”

 

 

 

 

 

Immobile…

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Untying my hair, letting it go loose

I lifted my head

To the clouds above

Gentle breeze caressed my face

Rushing past my face

Midst nowhere

I stood there

Finding the lost happiness

Captivated in thoughts

Caught in its chain of web

Seeking the lost me

Somewhere on the road of past

I am not afraid to walk alone anymore

I don’t care if I was right in holding your hands

I don’t care if I was right in choosing you

I don’t care you still love me or not

I don’t care what you feel about me

I don’t care what others think about me

Because I have been hurt for so long

That nothing affects me now…

I don’t need your presence anymore

For it’s all so fake

I believed in your feigning

And so, I now stand betrayed!

I believed in “YOU”!

But those were mere pretending.

I curse my own self

For all the times I wept for you

Because you never deserved it all.

Your words no more touch my heart

for they are all false.

Your name strikes my mind

And its al hatred I am filled with

I thought you were the one

But now it doesn’t even matter

For I have seen the worst

My head is still lifted.

Midst nowhere

Immobile I stand

This is exactly where I am

Left wounded and shattered…

…and you keep waiting

“I’m done with all the lies…telling people that I’m tired In reality I know I’m just sad…wrote something after 3 damn weeks… heavenly feeling”

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Sometimes you get this feeling that you don’t fit

The world is still The people seem strange

Even your dear ones have changed And there is absolutely no connection you feel
All that you want is to escape

Run away from all the troubles Go back home, let out what’s been inside
Cry out loud and feel on your own

That’s not going to happen
Home is also that cold…

There are times when you feel tired of being strong
Of putting together things every time
Of being there for everybody around
And never returned back the favor.
You see days go by with nothing changed
And the pain comes out as tears down your cheek
But you know you can’t help it.

Some days even the sun hides behind the clouds
For the fear of not being ‘wanted’ swallows it too.
There are times when you don’t know where to go
What you want, why this chase…
And you end up being a dead star on a night sky
But nothing still happens, the dark hour prevails
And you keep waiting
You keep waiting….

Contemplate

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Letting the wind touch my soul

Standing on the edge of shore

Beginning to contemplate reasons

Will my children tell tales of my love and adventures?

Or

Will those tales bring tears?

Stories and fables of wasted potential…

My life

Spins uncontrollably

I’m broken half of someone handsome

I’m the wet shining sand that he sinks his toes in to

I’m the one he tosses aside from shore to shore

I’ll drift through oceans to cling to him like dust

He will carry bits of me to every end of earth

Even when he didn’t wish to

In reality

I must’ve been a fool

To kill myself to get back at him

Was it a life worth living?

Or a

Life worth forgetting?

…Until he conquers again

rainy-days

The frowning bright blue sky,

Rusted tangerine colored moon

Goes pale in confusion

The night has come

Clouds painted blue in black

Like a feathered spray

Hovering above in sky.

 

Trees casting invisible shadows

Lonesome figures creep along

Sleep seems a far off dream

Where have all the stars gone?

Why does the sky bleed?

The blood flows through my veins

Quenching my sun baked soul

 

Lightning flashed through

The rolling thunder of my dreams

Pouring down with all its might

Washing away my troubles,

Falling freely at last to the ground

Refreshing me with gentle fingers

My feathers brushing against the wind

 

The rain diminishing quietly

Sun is blazing

Once again there is green ground

And the seven colors

Exhibit its departure

Redefining the beauty

From temporary dull to blue

Until the rain conquers again

 

Chance

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The night stumbled

The grief rushed in currents of air

As he gave his final good bye

Her tears of sorrow,

Washed away by his words.

Huddling under overcoats

His mischievous laugh

His care; his swing of love

His cradle of passion

Shadows of things that used to be

hinders her ability to see

into the loneliness of the starless wintry night.

As she walks along this passage

Wondering where he is now,

Does he stare in to space wondering too?

Is he happy, or lonely as she?

She sat there

Tossing rocks in to the calm shimmery water

Wondering what would have been if they had a chance…

Lies…

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I stood there

alone

Feeling like

It was nothing

My night mares

Starts

When I wake up

I’m lost

In

His dreams

They were bright

Like

Sunshine

I’m afraid

I can’t fight forever

I’m chained

You watch me gasp for breath

You watch me stand in storms

You watch me blank out

In my whispers,

Silent breaths

I’ll tell you how things were

I’ll pretend that it was real

My empty lies!!!

Storm Surprise !!!

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Sitting on bed

On the verge of sleep

My skin pressed to the glass

Air turns heavy

Clouds sweeping sky

Sunset fading slowly into stars

Trees casting shadows

Frigid screams

Mighty thunder

Silver fire

The cold numbing my nose

Drenching my soul with showers

The drops shattering like pearls

Lonesome figures creep along

Pattering, Thuds, Pour

Rejoicing in the chaos

My frown turning to a smile

The spring storm begins

Mist rises from ground

Chill settles in my bones

Dampening my spirits

Frozen with snow!

Pain

I know you won’t stay

I know you’re tired

But tears of hope

Filled my heart

Longing you to stay

I want to say those words

You are longing to hear

But these scars in heart

They won’t seem to heal

The pains you made

Are overwhelmingly clear

I get broken a thousand times

And still you didn’t seem to hear

I have spend endless nights

Reminiscing your smile

I tried to clear the mess

All my efforts went useless

I know it’s difficult to live without you

But letting you was the only option left

Come back..

As I grow old

All I hear is a lonely song…

I know he is out there for me

I wish if he could hold me like before

We had our inhibitions in becoming friends

I guess it’s true what they say

how “just friends” never works out the way

But little did I know that our bond is breaking

And soon we are going to grew apart.

All those happy times are gone

And I know life is about moving on

Yet my heart fails to understand it

You were everything I’ve ever needed

I didn’t mean to hurt you

I swear I have nothing to do with this tangled mess

How does ignoring me possibly do you good?

At what point you will stop trying to be better and admit the truth?

If my feelings are irritating I think you’ve misunderstood.

The more you deny the more I seek your presence

People tell me that I’m wrong for falling in love with you

Trust me I have tried so hard to keep you out of my heart

Now I’m ready to get settled for anything you give

Tell me whether you can be happy without me

I can clearly see the loss in your gleaming eyes too

Don’t you dare say that I’m something that you don’t deserve

Because you had your chance for this but you said nothing at all…

Even when this relationship has gone cold

I can clearly hear your voice

And I miss the way you never looked at me.

Now I’m certain that you didn’t mean a thing because

Every time you said you are addicted with me

It was just the whispers of a cheesy play boy

I still remember the day you walked away

It’s because I was thinking you’d look back at me

It’s not that you abandoned me hurt me the most

It’s the thought and memories that you left behind

I tried to paint my heart without scrapping out your memory

I knew missing someone was a kind of pain

But I never knew what it felt like when someone wouldn’t do the same

I swear I tried my best when you left

But I’m tired of pretending that I’m just fine

Your presence still on my skin

It slice through my heart

I don’t want this feeling

I’m haunted by your smile

You are living in my eyes with that goodbye

Please make it go away

Remember the time when you took me out?

Remember the time you held my hands?

Remember the time we shared endless laughs?

Remember the days we fought badly?

So many memories and I just have to ask

Do you remember it all just like that?

Did you enjoy like the way I do?

I have already choked the last tears that will ever come

People look at me and think I’m mad

That’s because they don’t know you like the way I do

I hope you regret on the goodbye you chose to keep

I hope it floats on your head while you’re trying to sleep

I want to speak until you love me

And then leave because that’s what you did

Don’t you dare say me that you wanted to stay

And try to make me believe that I’m something you’ll miss

Like all the normal people I wanted a closure

A closure that I deserve for loving you so much

I want you to know that I’ll be fine

I want you to know that I don’t need your time

I want you to know that I’m not weak

I want you to know that falling out is not easy as falling in

I want you to know that when you say hello I hear baby

I want you to know that when you say no I hear maybe we can

I want you to know that that one thing

I’d like to see is a promise that at least you’ll remember me

Why am I the only one to hear your voices?

Why am I the only one to see your eyes on the stranger?

Why am I missing you when I clearly know that you don’t miss me?

Why should I miss “us” when you never wanted an “us”?

It’s true that love is blind.

The only regret that I’ve is

I should’ve stolen a kiss on that last night

I should’ve given you a reason to fight

I should’ve done something to made you stay

And I guess here was your reason this whole time

How I loved you enough to let go to chase your dreams and not fight.

I hope the seasons fly past me

So fast for me to cope up with this

 the grit and endless hope…