How Spiritual Formation Class Led to a Personal Assessment of Faith and Identity in Christ
By: Natasha Williams
Spiritual Formation was one of the most challenging classes I have ever taken. It wasn’t academia that posed an intense hardship, but rather the conscientious choice to accept accountability and face myself in God’s glass. It felt as if God had summoned me through the Holy Spirit, and I had to show up and confront the reality of not loving Christ as I had always professed. Within this deposition, I was under oath, and I had to admit my truth so that I could understand mine did not align with God’s, and the purpose of salvation was precisely for this. As I faced the Just Judge, my initial misconception was that I was only a sinner saved by the grace of God when He declared me to be a NEW Creation. In this continuous confession, I denied God’s Word as accurate, allowing cultural traditions and the lies of the adversary to overshadow how God sees me. In retrospect, I was not serving God from a place of joy but from a burdensome and taxing position, attempting to pay back what I thought I owed, forgetting that He had already paid it all for me. All God required of me was just to “be.”
FROM PERFORMANCE TO SONSHIP
Along with culture, my rejection and abandonment issues played a significant role in my identity. In a sense, I viewed God as a mere man, as though He, too, could not love me as I needed and desired. I felt His love must be earned. I believed I needed to work and perform for His approval. I just assumed my efforts brought me closer to Him. It was not clear that whatever works I did were in response to His love, not in pursuit of it. I faced many defeats because I did not accept who God said I was. I was His. I had no idea how critical it was to know and understand this. I am in Christ, and He is in me (2 Cor. 5:17). The illuminated truth of my identity, like Christ, has become my life and strength. I am free from work and performance; I must only reckon and receive who He says I am because it is God’s gift. My pursuit now is living in this truth.
Another misconception was believing that God wanted nothing to do with me after I sinned or faltered. I thought my sin separated His love from me until I repented enough to return to His good graces. I recently watched my granddaughter one day as I scolded her. She cried, and I am sure she felt ashamed of her error. But what fascinated me the most was that even after the scolding and her tears, she came to me for comfort and love. I thought this is what it is like when we mess up as “Sons of God.” It would be in the devil’s best interest to make me believe that my sin separates me from God and that He no longer wants anything to do with me, but I have learned that it is a lie from Hell. Instead of staying away from my FATHER, He awaits my return in repentance, so I can confess my mess-ups and wrongs, allowing Him to show me a better way, love on me, and pour into me what I need (1 John 1:9). In my confession, I also realize that because of the Spirit of God that I possess, God can never deny that I am His.
YIELDING TO THE SPIRIT’S WORK
The professor had the class use Andrew Murray’s devotionals and they have enriched me tremendously. As the professor evaluated each section, he asked not what we remembered for the sake of knowledge but instead wanted to know how it spoke to the soul. Indeed, they were food for the soul. One of the key lessons for me is that where I once held an unbelieving fear, my fear is now a healthy fear of the Lord (2 Tim. 1:7). I realize I struggled in trusting God. But the eternal God of heaven abides not only with me but also in me (John 14:17). This new perspective changed my entire walk. I knew it in theory but failed to allow the Spirit of God to execute. The healthy fear of the Lord I now possess causes me to resist sin. When I reflect on the grace of God and its abundance, it serves as a protective fence for me. It safeguards me from stepping outside the will of God.
I am also impacted and encouraged to know that the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit nurtures me. There is nothing I can do to produce fruit; I must yield to God to bear what He has placed in me (Gal. 5:22). Every spiritual discipline I practice isn’t for mere quota; instead, it brings me to a place of godliness, which attracts others to Christ. My conformity to Christ serves as a means of witness so that God is glorified, and others are drawn. My obedience to His command and will makes this possible, even in that. Through this conformity, others experience the compassion, love, forgiveness, and grace that I experience, even before they accept Him. These attributes are a natural part of my new DNA. In Christ, I can rest and not try to produce what I am commanded to bear. It is God’s good pleasure and will to manifest His fruit through and in me.
I have learned that self-denial necessitates killing the flesh. The flesh cannot be trained; it must die. My great intentions and desires fail when the Holy Spirit is not part of my endeavors. Though one of the hardest things for any human to contemplate is death, when I accepted Christ, this was the cross I agreed to carry. My self-denial is worship to the living God, who is alive in me. This new life requires the old self to die and never be resurrected, so God, whom I possess, remains my new Master and Sovereign. This has tremendously impacted my marriage, as I am no longer attempting to change my husband or point out his wrongs. Instead, I realize that it was me God has been wooing to transform and rid me of myself, so that I could be the sanctified and submitted wife who loves, honors, and respects her husband in the way that the Church should her Bridegroom
GROWING IN GRACE TOWARDS OTHERS
At the beginning of this semester, I must confess that I judged people based on what I “saw.” I perceived them by their behavior, especially the believers. Writing them off and counting them out seemed easy, perhaps giving me a superior impression of myself. In retrospect, it was a projection. However, I have since learned that this way of thinking is not God’s. To discern but not pray leads to judgment, while to discern and intercede is biblical, godly, and an expression of a loving character.
Despite the years spent in the Church, it is now that I have developed a newfound compassion for those who may be in error and for those who are still babes. I realize God is still working and capable of changing anyone. As I consider myself, I too was in Church but not in Christ. Again, through the glass of God’s Word, I needed to learn to treat and encounter my brothers and sisters as I would want to be treated. Perhaps carnal, they are still God’s because they possess His Spirit, and they are still mine because they are His. I have now received the character and birthright of my Father in heaven and have banished the mindset of the old me. One thing is certain: my prayer posture has changed and is changing. Despite the affection my flesh thinks it deserves and may not receive, God has chosen and commissioned me to love, intercede, and intentionally give all He has given me. This is part of the self-denial that leads to self-sacrifice. Like Jesus, we may come to our own and not be received; however, rejection will not impede my godlike character and nature.
LIVING FROM A PLACE OF TRUTH
Spiritual formation should be a requirement in schools, churches, and households. A strong foundation is paramount in spiritual disciplines, but knowing your identity in Christ is the key to your liberation in Him. As Jack Taylor argued, “What you believe you will behave.” If believers fully understood who they are in Christ, there would be less apathy within the Church, replaced by fervency. We would be boiling in the Spirit (Rom. 12:11). The responses to the challenges faced in this world would not be reactive; we would not be caught off guard when trials and tests come; we would trust that we are His, no longer victims but victors. This assembly was Spirit-filled and full of wisdom—something I wish every believer could experience. Our professor did not rattle off Scripture aimlessly; the concern and care for our understanding were palpable.
Silence and solitude have been my best friends this past semester. The reconstruction that has taken place in my mind, spirit, and heart occurred during these quiet moments. This is when the presence of God would woo me. He would gently speak correction, encouragement, and sometimes provide direction. I found rest in solitude and silence, even when He did not speak. This discipline is imperative for me to maintain. I will vacate the premises where my thoughts and understanding seek to make sense of life’s details, allowing God to reside there instead. I will trust that God has it all figured out and worked out. I will press into God and be at peace with the mysteries of the hows and whys, remembering and accepting that He is omniscient; I am stronger now because of who He says I am. Not only because He said it, but because I now believe it. May He receive all glory and honor, now and forever.