things that don’t matter disappear
only precious things can be lost
like a love letter in the mail
a memory hiding deep within a box
a trinket with a broken clasp
and me
when I’m with you
By Sarah ©2023
Lost Things
Tag: loss
A Hat’s Lament
I settle in for the night. Resting my back, and positioning myself for what little comfort I can manage.
It’s not easy being homeless. Even at the beach.
I watch. Families, couples, surfers, fossickers, as they wrap up their long summer days. Their skin lightly pinkened and salty; weary bodies trudging back to waiting cars; the chatter and laughter as they go about it all. Their sense of purpose; their connection; makes me envious.
The implied company I’ve held throughout the day, slowly dissipates to return to their respective homes. Now it is just me.
The air quietens and stills. The sand empties and cools. I am left with my thoughts, rolling in fervently like the waves breaking on shore. I am a juxtaposition; colliding with the peaceful surroundings.
Tonight at least, an almost full moon is my companion. It casts a muted, pearly sheen across the rocks and sand dunes before me. Things don’t seem so scary now.
I drift in and out of sleep, dreams of better times keeping me from fully resting. I once had my own head to hold dear. And hands that clasped me near. How had it come to this? Where were they now? And did they remember me…or care?
The night is long and finally, I shiver awake with the morning dew. A crackle of cockatoos shriek and announce the coming dawn.
The sky is cloudy and today the sun peeks through more cautiously, as though afraid it might offend with its brightness. I am grateful of this as another long day yawns before me. There is nothing I have to do, but sit and wait.
Smells of warm, fresh bread waft across from Bazza’s Hot Bake. A sole person, a girl, wanders the beach. She is weaving in and out of the water and capturing the salt air on her tongue. Mentally, I will her to come my way….challenge her to see me. And she does.
However, it is fleeting and now she is also gone.
How many days have passed me by like this, I cannot recall.
But like a sentry, I hold firm my post. Hoping this will be the day I am found…
By Sarah ©2023
The Mountain
High above the town, I greedily breathe the air.
Already, there is little trace of the path I’d forged. The disturbed foliage bouncing back into place, like a coiled spring.
I sit, slowly. The exertion of the ascent has made me lightheaded. I close my eyes and feel the cool stone beneath my legs and buttocks. Solid. Comforting. Constant.
It makes me remember him. Solid. Comforting. Constant. My mountain.
But not any longer.
His words.
My pledge.
I uncap the ornate vessel that holds him now. I can feel his urgency to be free. The forest beckons. Its wintergreen fingers tickling the ether as I empty him into their grasp.
I smile as his ashes fly away. Who says you can’t move mountains?
By Sarah ©2022
Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, Wordle #281
You Never
You never got to fully develop your little body.
But I can picture every detail of your perfectly formed features
As clearly as if you were before me.
You never got to wriggle and squirm in my belly.
But I can still feel you.
A hollowness inside that cannot be filled.
You never got to know my touch or arms holding you tight,
But I caress the memory of you with love,
Hugging my pillow at night, wishing it was you.
You never got to breathe and fill your tiny lungs.
But I take deep breaths to soothe the ache in my heart.
Sighing, for what should have been.
You never got to hear my voice or know me as your mother.
But I speak to you often and the person in the mirror
Wears traces of you, etched in the lines of her face and on the curve of her lips.
You never got to experience happiness, joy, or excitement.
But I lived there during the twelve weeks you were with me.
A brief interlude that was over before it could truly begin.
You never got to experience sadness, loss, or fear
But I know that if you had, I would have always
Picked you up, held you near, and comforted you.
You never got to see your potential fulfilled,
But I dream of the ‘what ifs’ and alternate realities
All the endless possibilities, never realised.
You never got to cry out loud or shed any tears,
But I have shed enough for two lifetimes.
Maybe more.
The scar upon my soul
Is the only proof I have
That you ever even existed.
You will forever be my baby,
Never a toddler, child, teenager, or adult.
The scale of injustice tips me over the edge sometimes.
But in the end, the balance is always maintained.
For everything you never did, I have done for you.
You are gone little one, but never, ever forgotten.
By Sarah ©2022
Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, Story Swap #2
Lasso The Sun
Lasso the sun?
If only I could
I’d make you stay
If only you would
You captured my heart
But not mine you
A one way river
A dried up slew
I wanted to trap you
Encase you in stone
Secret you away
As mine alone
But you shine brightly
As only I dare
My eyes avert yours
An imperfect pair
Left in a wasteland
Of my own making
Lessons learned from
Giving not taking
Now I turn my back
And let you be
You’re just too elusive
This I can see
I’ll admire from afar
Bask only in your light
Lasso the sun?
One day, I might…
By Sarah ©2021
Dear Heart
Dear heart
My life force
My essence
My core
Cursed heart
My traitor
My bastard
My whore
Pulse quickens
While head swims
Wondering how it ends
Before it begins
Daring to try
Taking a bet
This is the one
I hadn’t yet met
Dear heart
So hopeful
So believing
So open
Cursed heart
Too wanting
Too trusting
Now broken
©2020 By Sarah
Scar Tissue
With birds I’ll share this lonely view.
From my perch above, I look upon you.
My heart aches, way up here in the air,
As you’re carried away by your own affair.
A presence unnoticed in your busy life,
It’s hard to believe you were once my wife.
Surface wounds may heal but underneath,
Forms scar tissue that time can’t beat.
Your focus is bound to earthly things,
But I have evolved and grown my wings.
The birds have shown me how to fly.
My eyes turn skyward, and I say goodbye.
As Autumn’s sweet leaves begin to fall,
I’ll make it to the moon, if I have to crawl.
By Sarah ©2019
Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, Music Challenge #45: “Scar Tissue” by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Cobwebs
Spider silk clung at the doors, over
the windows, and over every
thing she had left behind her
– memories won’t linger.
Her reality
long forgotten.
Dusted off
and moved
on.
By Sarah ©2018
Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, First Line Friday: September 14th, 2018
No More Sunny Days
Blue skies and marshmallow clouds deceive me into thinking this is just another day. The traitorous sun rose this morning, like it alway does, and warbling birds gather outside my window. All this reminds me I am alone. I reach for the pillow where your head lay, breathing in scents now lost to black. My disconsolate heart, resolves always, to remember you.
Winter’s here to stay.
Fallen leaves all blown away.
No more sunny days.
By Sarah ©2018
Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, Heeding Haiku With Chèvrefeuille, May 30th 2018 – sunny day
With Me
My heart aches when I remember you.
Your last day so happy and free.
It was selfish of me to
keep you so long. I knew
it was time to leave.
I said goodbye
but always,
you’re with
me.
By Sarah ©2018
Prompt: Olivante Poetry, #NaPoWriMo 2018 – Image 23
Knock On Wood
I emerged from the artificial cocoon of the Sunshine Plaza in Maroochydore and straight away, noticed the sun was gone and it had started to drizzle. Also, I had no umbrella.
Now I know, getting stuck in the middle of a downpour is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I had two reasons for deciding to walk out into that rain. One, I needed the exercise, and climbing up the hill to my accommodation would do the trick; and two, I just needed to FEEL something again. I’d been numb ever since the break up and stumbling through every day as though my life was no more than a dream. That was the reason I’d chosen to holiday here on my own. I wanted to discover my ‘spark’ again.
Despite the overcast skies, the late March day was warm. As I began the 2km trek to the hostel, the rain tumbled from the low grey clouds. Each drop that fell on my skin was cool, silky and invigorating; igniting my senses and tickling my pores. I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and allowed the spray to sprinkle over my face. I felt like a kid again.
Smiling, for the first time in months, I subconsciously picked up my pace and started a half stroll-half skipping move, and began to hum. I knew I probably looked like a crazy, drowned rat, but I felt alive! A bud of hope began to swell in my chest – maybe everything would be ok after all.
I stepped over a puddle, lifted my head, and wiped my sticky hair out of my eyes. I heard footsteps pounding the pavement and they were moving my way. Another person who liked singing and walking in the rain! I said to myself gleefully. My lips started to form a greeting when the words froze on my tongue. My face fell and my stomach plummeted through the cold cracks of the pavement.
It couldn’t be! I thought, as an all too familiar figure ran towards me.
But it was. Of course it was.
He had always been fanatical about keeping trim, and a little rain had never stopped him before. I wondered what the chances were, that out of all the holiday destinations in Australia, out of the twelve months of the year, out of the thirty-one days in the month, out of the 24 hours in the day, and out of the 60 minutes leading up this exact moment, that we would cross paths? Surely one in a mill…or even less!
He strode past me as though I were nothing. His face as scornful as a king mocking his lowliest servant.
They say love is blind and I wish that were true. For then, I would never have known it was he who swiped my blossoming hope and crushed it in the dirt.
I knock on wood I will never see him again.
By Sarah ©2017
Prompt: The Sunday Whirl, Wordle #322. Words: knock, know, middle, hill, king, trim, blind, mill, two, drizzle, sticky, dream
By Sarah 