So far pregnancy feels like altitude sickness and PMS. Everything makes me cry. I've had a few hysterically happy crying/ laughing fits. Brian just laughs at me, which is fine, because it makes me laugh too.

I've resigned myself to the fact I will probably barf every morning until the first trimester is over. Morning sickness blows. I have never felt so fragile - even after my back surgery. I am struggling to function.

Here are my notes from my phone. I couldn't tell anyone the news yet, so this was my outlet for a while:

July 22nd - 3pm. I said I'd wait a few more days to take a pregnancy test, but I didn't figure it would hurt to take one today since my "days" app on my phone said I was 5 days late for my period. I experienced all the typical signs that my period was coming. Then, Sunday morning I felt better, like I was already done and hadn't had my period. I felt back to normal, save some constipation and a lot of breast tenderness. It was a different kind of normal. I was suspicious.
I took the test, set it aside and read some stuff on my phone while I waited for my bath to fill up. I glanced at the test strip. There was a faint second line. I squinted at it curiously for a moment, dismissed any hopes I had yet again and threw it in the trash. I got in the bath and started thinking. I was almost done with my bath when I remembered that even a FAINT line meant a positive result. My stomach tightened and my breath was shallow and rapid as I leaned over the side of the tub and pulled the test back out of the trash. The second line was much darker than it had been before. Holy shit.
I'm not sure how I managed to avoid cutting my legs while shaving them because my hands were trembling so bad. After I was out of the bath and dried off, I immediately went to get another test strip and found that it had been my last one.
I went upstairs to talk to Brian. He had about 40 minutes left of his work day, but he was up out of his chair, stretching and able to talk. When I told him about the positive test, he was taken back, but reluctant to believe it entirely. I was pretty sure, but completely understood his hesitation.
Then I had to go through several hours of hanging out with Brian's parents and his sister when all I wanted to do was run to the store and buy more tests to be sure. I kept looking at them and thinking, "they're going to be grandparents - they're going to be so happy - oh look, there's 'Aunt Brenda'."
They weren't even completely out of the condo parking lot when I was starting the jeep to run to the store. I picked up two more tests, came home and took one immediately. Positive. Then it really hit Brian.
I tossed and turned all night. I am happy and terrified.

July 23rd - Woke up not feeling swell. It's too early for morning sickness, right? Drank coffee, got the shakes. Ate salad for lunch and had coconut water. Me and Brian are kind of in a daze of disbelief and trying to wrap our heads around how much life is going to change. We've determined we'll probably put the condo on the market as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed. We drove by some houses and day dreamed. Laughed and joked about me "carrying his progeny - his heir." We probably won't need a second vehicle for a while - we'll probably looking into getting a second one next summer as long as the jeep remains reliable.

July 24th - Woke up feeling miserable. Nauseous, sensitive to smells. The dishes in the sink stunk. The trash stunk and the cat litter was really bad. I basically sat on the couch for two hours sipping coffee trying to get my shit together. Took another test. Positive. I want to call my mom so bad. I want to cry - just for a few minutes, to get it out and feel better, but my anxiety has it all locked up.
11:20 - I feel like I'm going to barf. Still happy and terrified. I'm going to the doctor Friday, but won't have test results until Monday. Very happy to have a local doctor.
7:42 - feel good, feel bad, feel good, feel bad - diarrhea, yay - ok feeling better - no wait, ate dinner and feel like crap again.

June 26th: 170.5lb, 98.6 degrees, blood pressure: 127/83

So I had surgery on Tuesday morning. Everything went pretty well. There was a little bit of mind-screwy-ness going on with me because the prep room and the recovery room looked identical to me and even though I knew I had the procedure done afterward, it didn't feel like they had moved me anywhere. Apparently I also nodded off mid-conversation, was moving my hands with my eyes closed, woke back up and was all "oh my god, I was just folding laundry."

Brian and my mom have been awesome. Since anesthesia made me sick, I kept throwing up my pain pills, so they had to keep me over night. Even so, I was getting up and using the regular toilet on my own (which was a lot since my body was desperately trying to flush the drugs out of my system) and generally felt ok. It was strange, I didn't even feel nauseous, in fact, I was super hungry, but I could not keep anything down until morning.

So Wednesday afternoon I came home. I took it easy, though I think I did some housework, laundry, dishes and was generally on my feet a little. Thursday morning I felt fine and was desperate to wash my hair, however, the act of tipping my head upside down to wash my hair in the sink proved to be a stupid, stupid move. I got incredibly dizzy, a side effect of the tramadol, and puked up my breakfast. That was the last time I've thrown up now though.

Saturday I got to take the bra and dressings off and see what I had. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, but removing the gauze was a pain in the ass and took both me and Brian. I got to take a shower, YES! and then we redressed the incisions, put a more comfortable sport bra on and then I noticed I was breaking out in hives, similar, but not as severely as I had after my back surgery.

Apparently, tramadol is a less powerful relative of norco, which I am extremely allergic to. So the tramadol built up in my system enough to really start messing with me. Since Sunday morning, I've been on only tylenol and have been just fine. Hives are way down today, dizziness is still there, but only in waves right now, and I'm finally sleeping more than twenty minutes at a time before snapping awake in a panic. I got several good chunks last night and a solid two and a half hour nap this morning.

If I had to guess, I think I'm a B cup now, maybe a C. The swelling has just started to go down. I can feel both nipples (which is something we weren't sure about). Won't know if I'll ever be able to breast feed, it's about a 50-50 chance.

They removed 4.4 pounds of breast tissue. I do not know if that includes the axillary breast tissue that was growing up into my armpit or not. Incidentally, the incision in my armpit is the most uncomfortable.

My weight: pre-surgery Tues: 176, Wed: 175 (must have been the swelling and all the fluids they were giving me), Fri: 171.8, Sat: 171.2, Sun: 170.6, Today: 169.6 - This is the first time I've been sub-170 in a long time. I know some of it is my light eating while on the painkillers and obviously almost 5 pounds was surgically removed, but wow! Thirty pounds to go. Shouldn't be too hard once I start exercising regularly. I'm already eating a lot better.

I have my follow-up with Dr. Mishra Wednesday morning.

It's Secret of Mana Theater's ten year anniversary today and a special edition has been released: [LINK]

I'M IN IT. WOOO!

Ahem. It's kind of a geeky joy moment for me. The first five years, I was simply a fan, but now I'm a part of it. The big story of course is that, holy crap, ten years? Damn, we're old. Sprite Monkey (aka "Author") and I have been hard at work pulling everything back together. There's a clear line to the finish. It's gonna be fun!

Brian and I need to add this to the training regiment!

Our weekend in a bunch of pictures: <lj-cut text="Click to View">


Last kenjutsu class until the fall.


Paired drills. Brian working with Mitsuko Sensei, Chris with Uhler Sensei and Mata sitting out.


I am now the proud owner of a 1927 M91/30 Mosin Nagant. She's a sweet, sexy Russian...


and she shoots THESE: 7.62x54R rounds. BOOM.


Brian took the first shot. Right out of the box, it shot great. Nice sensitive trigger. The bolt is smooth.


Denali biting the bolt. WTF?

I broke the mosin down all the way and thoroughly cleaned it out. As with most mosins that have been in storage so long, she was coated and packed with cosmoline, which is a lot like petroleum jelly. It preserves the gun perfectly, but is a bitch to clean off. It took about two hours to completely clean it up. I had fun though and didn't even need to look at any diagrams to put it back together again!


Yesterday we met someone that Brian and I have been communicating with through Twitter for a few months. Her name is Britney and we recently found out she only lived 30 minutes away. She's basically a hunting goddess. She let me shoot one of her shotguns (my first time with a shotgun ever!), we shot skeet and I even hit a good bunch of them. Brian had shot skeet before (a long time ago) so he did much better than me. He was even pegging doubles! Britney took this picture of me shooting the Glock19.


Britney also shot the Glock and did great.


Our groupings. Brian was the one in the middle, but he was testing a new ammo, so it doesn't represent a typical grouping for him at ALL. Haha.


This is Britney obliterating a very fast moving clay. It was very fun to watch!


This is my shoulder last night after we went BACK out to our range to shoot the mosin some more. It has a steel plate on the butt of the stock and it kicks HARD. I only shot it twice without padding and this is what happened. It getting darker and <i>bruisier</i> this morning all ready.

So yeah. Wooden swords, then boom, boom, boom all weekend. :-) </lj-cut>

I knew it was going to kick (hence the towel padding my shoulder) but it was still startling, particularly since the trigger pull is so gentle and fast.

Me 'n B like to shoot:

The kenjutsu program is fizzling out. Unfortunately, we saw this coming. The sensei and their daughter make their hour and a half trip out to the dojo only to have it just be me and Brian. Mata doesn't even notify Uhler Sensei when he's not going to show up, which is 3 times out of 4. It's insanely hypocritical of what he teaches in aikido. Chris has just started attending again, but that still only makes the three of us. There have been only two other students, but they are neither dependable or promising.

Before we started class last Thursday, Uhler Sensei announced that we'd be switching up the class. Their idea is to have Brian lead classes and they would come out once a month. They had a lot of great things to say about Brian and I am very proud. They said he was "a better student than they could have ever hoped for." Unfortunately, we're certain it's going to end up just being the two of us. We're thinking we can try and work something out where we drive out to them twice a month. We'll see.

Rodney in particular is a big gun guy and invited us to go shooting with him. It was our first time shooting metal plates and wow, it was a ton of fun. I got to try some of Rodney's guns. Some Ruger .45 that hurt my wrists and I had to give up on it after 3 shots. A .357 Smith & Wesson Magnum which, hubba hubba, I am in love with. Lots of power, but still very smooth. I'm not one for the big shiny guns, but wow, you can't argue with that baby! I also shot his snub nosed .38 revolver and it was decent, but I was still in the after glow of shooting the Magnum and it just didn't compare.

I had my consultation with the surgeon on Friday and things went well. I was extremely uncomfortable when she needed to take pictures, but I understand it's necessary. My breasts weigh four pounds each and it sounds like they'll be taking roughly half of the mass. I guess you need a minimum of 500 grams of excess per breast to qualify for insurance coverage and I have over twice that. The way everyone keeps saying "you obviously need this" and blah blah blah, is starting to make me feel stupid for not looking into this earlier.

So I'm just waiting to hear back about a date and we're ready to go.

Deaths in the family:

Brian's Uncle Russel, August 2011, natural causes.
Brian's Aunt Carol, November 2011, cancer.
Brian's Uncle Roger, February 2012, heart attack.
Brian's second cousin Rose's husband, April 2012, heart attack...

and now Brian's Aunt Vicki is on her death bed right now.

If there is a god, please... give this family a break.

A couple pictures of me 'n Brian at the new outdoor range:
( Did I remember how to do an LJ cut correctly?Collapse )