another "once a year" post
So far pregnancy feels like altitude sickness and PMS. Everything makes me cry. I've had a few hysterically happy crying/ laughing fits. Brian just laughs at me, which is fine, because it makes me laugh too.
I've resigned myself to the fact I will probably barf every morning until the first trimester is over. Morning sickness blows. I have never felt so fragile - even after my back surgery. I am struggling to function.
Here are my notes from my phone. I couldn't tell anyone the news yet, so this was my outlet for a while:
July 22nd - 3pm. I said I'd wait a few more days to take a pregnancy test, but I didn't figure it would hurt to take one today since my "days" app on my phone said I was 5 days late for my period. I experienced all the typical signs that my period was coming. Then, Sunday morning I felt better, like I was already done and hadn't had my period. I felt back to normal, save some constipation and a lot of breast tenderness. It was a different kind of normal. I was suspicious.
I took the test, set it aside and read some stuff on my phone while I waited for my bath to fill up. I glanced at the test strip. There was a faint second line. I squinted at it curiously for a moment, dismissed any hopes I had yet again and threw it in the trash. I got in the bath and started thinking. I was almost done with my bath when I remembered that even a FAINT line meant a positive result. My stomach tightened and my breath was shallow and rapid as I leaned over the side of the tub and pulled the test back out of the trash. The second line was much darker than it had been before. Holy shit.
I'm not sure how I managed to avoid cutting my legs while shaving them because my hands were trembling so bad. After I was out of the bath and dried off, I immediately went to get another test strip and found that it had been my last one.
I went upstairs to talk to Brian. He had about 40 minutes left of his work day, but he was up out of his chair, stretching and able to talk. When I told him about the positive test, he was taken back, but reluctant to believe it entirely. I was pretty sure, but completely understood his hesitation.
Then I had to go through several hours of hanging out with Brian's parents and his sister when all I wanted to do was run to the store and buy more tests to be sure. I kept looking at them and thinking, "they're going to be grandparents - they're going to be so happy - oh look, there's 'Aunt Brenda'."
They weren't even completely out of the condo parking lot when I was starting the jeep to run to the store. I picked up two more tests, came home and took one immediately. Positive. Then it really hit Brian.
I tossed and turned all night. I am happy and terrified.
July 23rd - Woke up not feeling swell. It's too early for morning sickness, right? Drank coffee, got the shakes. Ate salad for lunch and had coconut water. Me and Brian are kind of in a daze of disbelief and trying to wrap our heads around how much life is going to change. We've determined we'll probably put the condo on the market as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed. We drove by some houses and day dreamed. Laughed and joked about me "carrying his progeny - his heir." We probably won't need a second vehicle for a while - we'll probably looking into getting a second one next summer as long as the jeep remains reliable.
July 24th - Woke up feeling miserable. Nauseous, sensitive to smells. The dishes in the sink stunk. The trash stunk and the cat litter was really bad. I basically sat on the couch for two hours sipping coffee trying to get my shit together. Took another test. Positive. I want to call my mom so bad. I want to cry - just for a few minutes, to get it out and feel better, but my anxiety has it all locked up.
11:20 - I feel like I'm going to barf. Still happy and terrified. I'm going to the doctor Friday, but won't have test results until Monday. Very happy to have a local doctor.
7:42 - feel good, feel bad, feel good, feel bad - diarrhea, yay - ok feeling better - no wait, ate dinner and feel like crap again.
June 26th: 170.5lb, 98.6 degrees, blood pressure: 127/83
I've resigned myself to the fact I will probably barf every morning until the first trimester is over. Morning sickness blows. I have never felt so fragile - even after my back surgery. I am struggling to function.
Here are my notes from my phone. I couldn't tell anyone the news yet, so this was my outlet for a while:
July 22nd - 3pm. I said I'd wait a few more days to take a pregnancy test, but I didn't figure it would hurt to take one today since my "days" app on my phone said I was 5 days late for my period. I experienced all the typical signs that my period was coming. Then, Sunday morning I felt better, like I was already done and hadn't had my period. I felt back to normal, save some constipation and a lot of breast tenderness. It was a different kind of normal. I was suspicious.
I took the test, set it aside and read some stuff on my phone while I waited for my bath to fill up. I glanced at the test strip. There was a faint second line. I squinted at it curiously for a moment, dismissed any hopes I had yet again and threw it in the trash. I got in the bath and started thinking. I was almost done with my bath when I remembered that even a FAINT line meant a positive result. My stomach tightened and my breath was shallow and rapid as I leaned over the side of the tub and pulled the test back out of the trash. The second line was much darker than it had been before. Holy shit.
I'm not sure how I managed to avoid cutting my legs while shaving them because my hands were trembling so bad. After I was out of the bath and dried off, I immediately went to get another test strip and found that it had been my last one.
I went upstairs to talk to Brian. He had about 40 minutes left of his work day, but he was up out of his chair, stretching and able to talk. When I told him about the positive test, he was taken back, but reluctant to believe it entirely. I was pretty sure, but completely understood his hesitation.
Then I had to go through several hours of hanging out with Brian's parents and his sister when all I wanted to do was run to the store and buy more tests to be sure. I kept looking at them and thinking, "they're going to be grandparents - they're going to be so happy - oh look, there's 'Aunt Brenda'."
They weren't even completely out of the condo parking lot when I was starting the jeep to run to the store. I picked up two more tests, came home and took one immediately. Positive. Then it really hit Brian.
I tossed and turned all night. I am happy and terrified.
July 23rd - Woke up not feeling swell. It's too early for morning sickness, right? Drank coffee, got the shakes. Ate salad for lunch and had coconut water. Me and Brian are kind of in a daze of disbelief and trying to wrap our heads around how much life is going to change. We've determined we'll probably put the condo on the market as soon as the pregnancy is confirmed. We drove by some houses and day dreamed. Laughed and joked about me "carrying his progeny - his heir." We probably won't need a second vehicle for a while - we'll probably looking into getting a second one next summer as long as the jeep remains reliable.
July 24th - Woke up feeling miserable. Nauseous, sensitive to smells. The dishes in the sink stunk. The trash stunk and the cat litter was really bad. I basically sat on the couch for two hours sipping coffee trying to get my shit together. Took another test. Positive. I want to call my mom so bad. I want to cry - just for a few minutes, to get it out and feel better, but my anxiety has it all locked up.
11:20 - I feel like I'm going to barf. Still happy and terrified. I'm going to the doctor Friday, but won't have test results until Monday. Very happy to have a local doctor.
7:42 - feel good, feel bad, feel good, feel bad - diarrhea, yay - ok feeling better - no wait, ate dinner and feel like crap again.
June 26th: 170.5lb, 98.6 degrees, blood pressure: 127/83