Unless you live under a rock or, like me, projectile vomit upon reading or seeing news feeds these days, you’ve heard of the great debate over Continue reading
Archive for airlines
Douchebags In The Sky
Posted in Humor, Rant, Travel with tags airlines, ass, beer, humor, news, rant, travel, WTF on September 9, 2014 by BrainRantsGood News And Bad News
Posted in Army, Humor, Rant, Travel with tags airlines, airport, ass, hotel, humor, life, Maryland, Oompa Loompa, phone, rant on September 22, 2011 by BrainRantsDoing official travel for the Army is really a mixed blessing, sort of like when people insist on relating stuff to you in the “good news or bad news” format. Here in my hotel in Maryland, it just doesn’t get truer than that, because it doesn’t matter how well a trip goes, there’s always something about it that is a colossal pain in the ass. Continue reading
Road Rant
Posted in Humor, Rant, Travel with tags airlines, airport, germs, humor, lost, Oompa Loompa, rant, spaetzle, travel, zombie apocalypse on September 13, 2011 by BrainRantsI managed to successfully make it to Georgia. As I mentioned yesterday, I somehow managed to pick a flight in a red zone of questionability. In reality the whole thing came off just fine, at least until I got into my rental car.
This carlet is a Nissan Casket or Hotwheel, or something like that. I believe I currently have more aluminium in my smashed beer can bag waiting for recycling than there is in the engine block. I knew just looking at this thing it would never be a ‘buy’ candidate. Ever. With the seat moved back into the human range (as opposed to Oompa Loompa), I’d risk having perpetual friction burns on my thighs from using the steering wheel.
On top of that, it was just one of those days, driving-wise. You know what I mean. All traffic lights time out against you. The route, which you’ve been on before, looks different and you feel lost the entire way. The directions you carefully Googled are good but somehow you manage to sail on by each key turn, and quickly move from feeling lost to being lost.
The high point of the day was an excellent German meal at a local place here in Columbus. Wow. I somehow managed to wedge a jaegerschnitzel bigger than my head into my gut with an accompaniment of red cabbage and spaetzle. Tomorrow, I will enjoy ruining someone’s porcelain. But now, even a few hours past, I’m still having trouble breathing because my lungs are being bitched by my stomach.
Snap back to reality. I’m trying to take the measure of this hotel. Sometimes you get a hotel that’s as new as it looks, and sometimes you get a hotel. This place I suppose is not half bad, but it has this pervasive hint of stench somewhere between toe jam and mildew. I’d love to put a moratorium on travel south of the Ohio and west of the Mississippi Rivers because there’s a clear correlation between hotels with issues and that region. The most bizarre thing about is is the TV remote. The thing is billed as a “Clean Remote,” specially-designed for thorough disinfecting.
I don’t know what to think about that. I appreciate the effort but to be honest there are other hotel room items I’d prefer get special attention than the remote. I don’t normally gnaw on or lick it while I flip channels on the lookity-box. I do however sleep on the bed, sit on the chair, and use the water-related bathroom stuff. I can’t help think sometimes we’re just a wee bit over-obsessed with germs. Shouldn’t we keep the old immune system on alert with small challenges so it’s awake and ready for the zombie apocalypse?
Call me crazy.
Has Anyone Else Noticed…
Posted in Economy, Travel, Worst with tags airlines, baggage on June 12, 2011 by BrainRantsIf you’ve read my blog regularly so far, you know by now that I travel for the Army quite a lot. More than Di prefers. More than I prefer at this point – the charm has completely worn off the novelty of going somewhere I’ve never been before. The saving grace is my buddy Fred, who never seems to tire of the fly-here, fly-there activity. Of course, Fred doesn’t have to tote the luggage. And he gets away with not wearing pants.
Anyway, it occurred to me today somewhere over western Kansas that air travel has changed. Funny thing is, I think we’re all getting screwed. First up in the Rant Parade here is the notion that you now have to pay for checking a bag. Now, personally as an Army traveller I’m exempt from checked bag fees – win. However, like everyone else suffering on the airplane, I feel the secondary effects. Namely, everyone now crams all their stuff into the tiny littly rolly suitcases and claims them as a carry on.
While I can’t blame folks for being cheap (that’d be pretty hypocritical of me), a lot of my fellow cheapies fail to correctly pick a suitcaselet that is actually carry-on size. After the first twenty passengers board, the overheads are all completely taken. Even worse, they’ve packed so much stuff into the mini-luggage that it’s density (and, as you physics gurus know, it’s weight) approaches that of Uranium. Some more physics: the plane actually flies more normally if the luggage weight is consolidated in the belly, not in two long overhead bin stripes.
Most of this pain I avoid because my backpack fits under the seat in front of me. What really chaps me raw is thinking of all the baggage fees airlines charge, claiming they can’t cover fuel costs and profit from a flight anymore. Now, keep that thought in mind a moment while I transition to Rant Number Two.
Two years back, doing this same Roaming Gnome job, it was a rare occurrence that any given airplane would be completely full. I often enjoyed “spreading out” into an empty seat next to me. Since last August, I have been on 14 Army trips and have enjoyed ONE instance of an empty seat next to me. Apparently the airlines are much better now at filling their seats.
But wait! The economy sucks! Nobody can afford to travel! How, then, are all the flights topped off with humans? How come the airlines couldn’t work whatever magic fills every nook and cranny now back just a couple of years ago? Now recall we’re being charged for that baggage, because “they can’t turn a profit” from the flights scheduled otherwise. WTF?
Finally, I’d like to thank whatever evil gremlin in the booking system manages to put me next to the biggest, sweatiest, corn-fed hoss there is on my flight. That is just wonderful.
BrainRants 