Embracing the Seasons As They Change

Posted on June 11, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite season of year? Why?
View all responses

I would have a tough time choosing just one season because honestly I adore them all! But I especially like the changing of the seasons – when the weather begins to get frisky as summer turns to fall – or when sweaters and coats are needed as fall turns to winter and we start to see the first snowflakes! Even as the days slowly thaw as winter melts into spring or when spring temperatures rise as summer arrives in all her glory with longer days and hotter temps!

I like the changes – hence the blog name – embracing life’s changes!

I think there’s something magical in change that attracts me like a moth to a flame. That transitional period that opens us up to possibilities and hopefulness for life to flow in a different yet similar direction! Making those changes in small steps (like how the seasons transition) always helps me when I need to see life in a different way, with a new perspective, because what’s going on now isn’t working.

Life is a constant ebb and flow (at least my life is) so I really try to stay in the now as Eckhart Tolle (remember him?) advised. That way I can flow with whatever comes my way as it presents itself. Enjoy the ride and the moment for what it is, what it teaches me, what it shares with me so that the wisdom isn’t wasted and know that this is all temporary anyway. In a little while the season will change and life will go on.

Whew, I totally went off subject, didn’t I? Sorry. Bottom line?

I like the transition of seasons best!

And if I had to choose a season? It would be autumn.…because I associate it with the new school year from when I was a kid. Fresh and new beginnings…

Posted in daily prompt | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

In the Zone

Posted on June 10, 2025 by janieleeds

I feel like I’m in this strange zone lately. One where I think of someone out of the blue and within a short while, they’re texting or calling or their name is mentioned by someone else. Or I find something with their name on it. It’s as if I’m connected by an invisible cord to memories or people from the past who are popping back into my life.

Has this been happening to you too? It’s like they’re coming back around one last time to clear the sludge or the karma or even to reconnect in a good way. I’m not quite sure what to make of it, but I figured I’d write about it in case anyone else is having a similar situation. I’ll admit, it’s eery and lately I’ve been trying to be super careful of my thoughts. There are some people whom I don’t feel the desire to reconnect with or clear the karmic sludge either. I just want to put the past to bed and be done.

For me, the past is in the past and I’m much more interested in the future and here and now than I am with what I’ve gone through already. There are plenty of unpleasant memories that I’ve shoved down deep in my subconscious that I’d rather not remember. I’ve moved on from them so I’d like them to stay put or disappear. Well disappear would be preferable if I’m being honest.

Who needs or wants to rehash the past especially when it was hurtful? Not me. No way. Leave me alone and let me just relax in this lifetime. Finally. I’ve shed plenty of tears along the way and I’m tired of crying. I want a new life. I deserve it.

Now if one of my lovely ex-boyfriends wants to come and rock my world, that would be ok for me. Preferably one that I still have good feelings for and not one of the others. I don’t know what’s in the air lately, but I’m open to the good ones. Let’s see what happens. I’ll just put this out into the Universe and see who’s next…

Posted in #womenofacertainage, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Don’t Know Much About…

Posted on June 7, 2025 by janieleeds

I’m just letting my fingers talk today. There’s so much I want to say, but then I wonder if I’m saying too much or boring you. Let me share a little bit and you can let me know LOL

I recently decided to tear apart my closet. I have a ton of clothing that I never wear, preferring to wear sweats most of the time, so when I left yesterday in a dress, the neighbor next door was stunned. He asked where I was going all dressed up! It wasn’t a fancy dress either, but I guess they’re so used to seeing me in very casual clothes that this was odd to him. It felt good though for me to be noticed. Even though I had hemmed and hawwed in front of the mirror for 15 minutes before leaving the house. He actually did me a favor by noticing and I think I’ll keep it up. Why not? Right? I mean, I have these clothes. Why aren’t I wearing them?

I wasn’t wearing them because I stopped caring about me. A long, long time ago. I put everyone else in front of my needs because that’s what moms do. At least that’s what I was taught. Martyrdom equals supreme caring equals being loved. Nope…

I’m breaking the cycle. Starting now. My mom didn’t get anything for all the sacrifices she made for our family. She already had our love without the sacrifices and when it was all said and done, those sacrifices only made us feel badly for her. They didn’t endear her to us more like I think she’d unconsciously thought they would. She didn’t really get to live and I’m headed that way too. And I don’t want to be.

I’m tired these days. More tired than usual so I have to figure out how to lift myself out of these dolldrums and into a life that I can shape to be mine. I’m tired of being the uber responsible one in everything while everyone else enjoys themselves. Yes, I feel put upon when they’re all grownups. And yes, I know, I allowed it.

So I’m taking the proverbial bull by the horns this morning and planning out my outfit for today. It’s supposed to rain a bit so it might be more casual, but cute white jeans with a flirty top will do the trick. Where am I going? The grocery store to walk the aisles. I have to get out every day now. Even if it’s only for a little bit. I think this is how it starts…baby steps…doing one thing differently.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end. I’m not sure if you’ve ever felt this way or not, but here I am. Authentically Janie…still here.

Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

Mid Week Mourning

Posted on June 4, 2025 by janieleeds

It’s only 7ish am and already I’m struggling. Seriously? I am not this weak. But with a belly full of undigested chinese food from last night’s impulsive decision to order out from a new place, I guess it makes sense. Besides I hadn’t had chinese food in a long time and I was craving it. But this has made me not crave it anymore. I won’t go on, but you can only imagine….

Yesterday was a lot. I was ready to put my head down and shut out the world by the end of the night. As an empath, sometimes it gets difficult because I want to help people, but sometimes too many need too much at the same time. Case in point. I heard of 2 recent human deaths, walked a friend through her dog’s death (she had to suddenly put him down yesterday because he was diagnosed with a brain tumor after seizing the night before) and still had others just trying to make sense of family woes and squabbles. And while none of it was directly changing my life, I felt for each of them.

There’s a lot of people hurting and trying to make sense of this world. A lot of people who need a kind shoulder, empathetic ears and sweet, but firm words of encouragement. In my humble opinion. So, I tried to provide.

The two human deaths were just sad. Well, let me rephrase because most deaths are, each had a sudden onset of cancer-like symptoms which took them quickly. No messing around. No long drawn out hospice care like a current mom friend is enduring herself. Four months with hospice keeping her comfortable in her own home while her family tries to work from home around her, waiting for the all call to come say their final goodbyes to her. She’s not even aware as I’ve been told and knowing her, she’d have hated this situation with a passion. Fiercely independent and not one for “all this drama” (her words I’m hearing in my head), she would have preferred to simply go in peace and not be kept alive and “comfortable” while the family stays stagnant along with her. She had cancer many years ago and it returned with a vengeance, fiercely corroding her body to the point that chemotherapy etc. couldn’t help anymore. She refused any more treatment, and being taken off the trial drug infusions, expected it to finish the job. Instead she’s in a quasi-limbo of nothingness. Not really awake, not recognizing anyone and just existing with hospice by her side. She was so much more than that…

Heartbreaking….

Geez, what a way to begin a Wednesday, huh? Sorry…not really sorry…because I think it’s important that we share along the way. Isn’t that what blogging is?

Posted in midlife wisdom, women's health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Book List

Posted on June 3, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?
View all responses

Ok, I know it’s going to sound strange, but here’s my list…

Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell.

    This was the longest book I’ve ever read. It kept me captivated and I learned a lot. I was really sick when I was younger and my best friend would come visit and read from this book which is how I began to read it myself.

    You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

    A reread almost every year because it is such a good reminder. Highly recommend.

    What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff (etc)

    Well, you know I’m a Mom, right? I was clueless when I got pregnant so this was my insider’s guide to each month and how I was feeling. In fact, the whole series was helpful along the way so it works for impactful…doesn’t it?

    Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 6 Comments

    June First – New Month, New Me?

    Posted on June 1, 2025 by janieleeds

    It felt really good to write the other day even though I was being a negative Nelly. But writing helps me so I think I’ll try to go public for a bit. I’m not sure how long this will last, depends on the creeper, but hopefully they’ve gotten bored. Notice I said ‘they’ because I’m not sure who it is…

    I miss our friendships that we had going on here especially during the isolating years when we were all home but we could still write and connect via our blogs. So here I am again. Not sure where this is going, but ok. Here I am.

    So catch me up – how are you? Are you still here? Anyone? Bueller? (If you got that reference then we’re in the same age category! YAY!) Part of me wants to rip off the bandaid and just tell it like it is and part of me worries for the kids if I tell too much. Know what I mean? I know I’ve shared a tonne here but there’s sooo much more.

    Let’s see how it goes. I’m always up for a challenge.

    Posted in midlife wisdom | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

    Disgruntled Causes Changes

    Posted on May 30, 2025 by janieleeds

    I’m cranky lately. Like really cranky. I don’t feel well and it seems that everyone is on my last nerve which is frayed, barely hanging on and I’m not quite sure where to go with it. It doesn’t help that I’m sick on top of all these feelings which are bubbling up from below the surface, hidden like a minefield that’s not been touched in over a thousand years. I’m on edge, like I may explode at any moment.

    Last weekend my brother asked me over to their house and it was really nice. In true brother fashion though, after a few whiskeys, he was telling me what was wrong with me and how I need to find someone so that the kids don’t have to take care of me when I’m old. (Or that he doesn’t have to take care of me – wink, wink, nudge, nudge). ARG!

    As per usual, I just stayed quiet and let him spout his suggestions as his wife did the nodding thing, because clearly they’d talked about this and it was part of the agenda, the reason they asked me over, after plying me with lobsters and wine. Do they really think I don’t see through them?

    I acquiesed as required and pinky swore that I’d try harder to get out there to find a man so that I wouldn’t be a burden on anyone in the next few years which, of course, was me taking what they said wrong, and putting a negative spin on the night. Always my fault…

    I finally got up and said it was past my bedtime and went home. The next morning I texted thank you for the fun evening to the 2 of them and haven’t spoken to them since because what else is there to say?

    If I found someone I liked, I’d date them. It would be nice to have a companion, but I have some trust issues so it’s not easy for me to let my guard down. I keep hoping that someone I once knew will come into my ilfe, or someone that a friend knows well will appear and we can connect. But so far, that hasn’t happened. And frankly, I stopped looking. I’m tired. I’m done with all that mess. I don’t need a man to complete me. And yet, when I look at the flip side of all of this, I can understand what they’re saying if I put my sooo sensitive self to the side.

    Kids will be gone soon enough and I’ll be fully on my own. Everyone acts like that’s such a bad thing, but I’m excited for it! To come and go as I choose? Sign me up! To not have to deal with pets, mess and dinner every night? Sounds like paradise. Not that I don’t love the kids, but seriously, I’m done. I want my freedom. I have divorced friends who are enjoying their single livelihoods and I want to do it too.

    I think this is where my brother and his wife just don’t understand me considering they’re attached at the hip for everything. But I bet if she didn’t think she’d lose the prestigious country club life, she’d hightail it into being single in a heartbeat and she’s the reason he’s being pushed to ‘have the talk with Janie’ because I’m too obtuse to see the bigger picture and she’s probably running scared that I may need money from them (which by the way I’d never ever ask for) as I’d never hear the end of it.

    I’m not saying they’re not good to me because they are. But every six months or so we have the same conversations about my being single and how I can’t afford to buy myself a house and what are my future plans and why don’t I have any?

    I think that the next time I’m invited over, I’ll make up a new boyfriend just to see their faces. I’ll make him a really bad boy in their eyes just to see them freak out! Won’t that be a hoot?!

    Hope you’re having a better week than me!

    Posted in finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

    Is It a GenX Thing or A ‘Just Me’ Quirk?

    Posted on May 25, 2025 by janieleeds

    I’m honestly asking this one to all of you – not matter what generation – although it’ll probably resonate (or not) with those in the 40’s + age group. But hey, I’m not an age elitist so here goes….Let me set the scenario for you….

    This morning I’m taking my walk through the neighborhood and come upon a nice looking, grey haired man throwing a nerf football to what I’m guessing is his grandson (age about 10). I smile because it looks like they’re bonding and having fun. In my head I’m thinking, ‘look at that old man throwing the footbal…so sweet’ as I continue walking by.

    Maybe it’s because I don’t have grandkids. But it never occurred to me that he could be my age because…lately I’m not feeling my age. At least not in my head I’m not. Nope. Up here in my my head, I’m in my 30’s-ish even though the image that reflects in my mirror startles me every morning.

    How can I look that old???? Then reality sets in and it sadly turns to: How can I be this old? What happened? When did this happen????

    Because I don’t feel old. I don’t believe that I think like an old lady either, but darn…I got called ma’am the other day! MA’AM!!!!

    Maybe I’ve had too much time on my hands lately so I’m thinking a lot. Maybe I’m realizing that the crows feet aren’t going away no matter what latest and greatest miracle wrinkle cream I shell out beaucoup bucks for in the hopes that the miracle actually happens. I am a hopeful gal you know…

    But seriously, are you not feeling your age either? In my head, I’m an older kid. In reality, I’m late 50’s. You probably think I’m delusional or drunk. But I haven’t touched a drop (yet) so this is a valid question. After all, it’s 10am on a Sunday.

    I don’t remember my parents thinking this way. My mom always just accepted her age as a gift. I’m not feeling it. I want to look like the age I’m feeling inside which is, in a manner of speaking, teenage rebellion. Give zero f*cks and be free from the tyranny of old age.

    Are you with me?

    Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

    I’m Back….For Now…

    Posted on April 23, 2025 by janieleeds

    Hi friends!!!

    I apologize for ghosting you. It’s been a rough year and honestly I had some creepers on here, so I had to go private. I may go private again so if you’re interested in hanging around with me again, please just ask. I’ve missed you and you know I love the company!

    There are so many of you that I’ve missed! I started poking around to see who’s still here on WP and how you’re all doing…I’ve been through a lot in the last year and just couldn’t write about it. However, that’s overwith and I’m starting anew…again…because the momentum of the last post didn’t stick. Sad to say, but I can’t even tell you where the last year went!

    But I don’t want to look back any longer. Onward and upward is my new motto…(let’s see how long this lasts!) In the meantime, I hope that you’re all doing well and that we can reconnect!

    Posted in finding happiness at 50 | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment