My New Philosophy

Posted on December 7, 2025 by janieleeds

Fall in love with your life.

Wake up early, buy your favorite coffee, go for walks, eat good food, wear what makes you confident, listen to your favorite music. Purposefully create those small moments that make you fall in love with your life.

– Unknown from The Simplicity Habit

đź’– Janie

A friend sent this to me this morning and I felt like I had to share it. Do you like it too? I’ve allowed myself to fall by the wayside for much too long and it’s time that I pick myself back up. Instinctively, I feel like I’ve put myself last because we’re parents, adults, self-sacrificingly pressured by society to be ‘good’ supportive and caring all the time. But in the process I’ve completely forgotten who the heck I once was and become a shell of the vibrant woman I once joyously reveled in being.

Sometimes, it’s a definitive choice. Other times, I think we just fall into the pattern and then stay in the rut because we don’t know how to climb out or we’re just too doggone tired. Either way, I don’t want to age without a fight and this is something I’ve been struggling with for a long time. I want to age with grace, elevating myself energetically along with some twinkly white lights – LOL – because they make me so happy that I always have them in my decor year round and not just at Christmas.

I’ve started burning candles again and listening to music at home (and not just in the car). My kid is inspiring me in ways I couldn’t have predicted. I’m always fascinated by how life lessons arrive, develop, and how we learn from all different relationships when we’re listening with an open heart.

I want to fall in love with my life. Now I just have to figure out what makes me happy! And isn’t that the kicker of it all? I don’t honestly know the answer. I mean if I had a full bank account, I could probably figure it out quicker since money helps a lot. But, so do friendships, so at least I’m rich with those!

Thanks for reading. Have you already fallen in love with your life? What’s your secret? Inquiring minds would like to know…I’d like to know please!

Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…

Posted on December 5, 2025 by janieleeds

Did you read and sing that line a la Neil Sedaka along with me? That’s why I left it as the title because I giggled when I wrote it and sang the lyrics in my head. It’s the little things, isn’t it? The ones that even when life feels so heavy and hard, we can find a little something to laugh about even when it’s the sadness of watching your kid through his first real love breakup. It’s been a bumpy roller coaster ride with his emotions and the grief and sadness that he’s feeling. He’s a sensitive soul so the depression kicked in and there were some worrisome hours. I thought we had maybe turned the corner two days ago, but alas, nope. Still up and mostly down – I guess we’re riding the waves for awhile longer.

When they’re little, you can comfort them without overthinking. But now that he’s mid-20’s and a man, there’s a boundary there, a wall that he’s erected that can shut me out as a mom. And I get it. I do. It’s just new to me. I have all this love and nowhere for it to go. I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I am just here whenever necessary, in the background like a good mom.

He compared himself to his dad last night when we were talking. The parallel he drew was the stoicism when it came to emotions. That male gotta be strong, don’t show weakness and ‘be a man’ became his go to along with beating up old cardboard boxes in the basement. But there’s another side to him that writes poetry, affirmations etc. when grieving (that’s my side of him). I tried to explain to him (as I see it) we just feel all the emotions, get them out on paper or physicality (beating up boxes) and keep going as we can. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to grieve. It just is grieving and we go through as we do.

But it ain’t easy.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t allowed myself to fall in love again after the divorce. I like the even-keel emotionality of just being me, flirting with whomever and sharing a few stolen kisses. Beyond that, it gets too messy I think and I don’t want to be bothered. It’s not that I’m a crotchety old woman….really! Perhaps it’s that I just haven’t found the right man. But I’m not actively looking either. I like the peacefulness of doing my own thing and not having to worry about someone else and what they might be thinking or feeling and second guessing if he likes me or not. I can watch Netflix for that.

Anyway, we’ve made it to Friday which is good in my book. Hopefully a happy weekend awaits us all. If you have any advice, feel free to reach out. This single parenting young men is a learning curve for me.

Posted in dating after 50, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Embracing Life’s Changes

Posted on December 3, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
View all responses

I wasn’t going to write today, but then the name of my blog is Embracing Life’s Changes so hopefully you’ll indulge me. 🙂

I started blogging almost 8 years ago when I was going through the pain of divorce. It sure wasn’t easy especially with narcissistic family members, single parenting because I had custody and all the crap that goes along with the break up of a family and the heartbreak that ensued. Hence the intention for me to EMBRACE LIFE’S CHANGES!

I had to change that mindset that love is forever, family holds bonds that don’t break and that we could be the couple that were kind through divorce. But none of that happened and I was reeling with emotion, hurt, anger, resentment and a bunch of self-pity/loathing that I wallowed in for years. I took it all to heart and allowed it to settle in and nest. I just couldn’t get past the emotionality that encompassed the life changes that were happening all at once.

So…What would I change about me? I’d tell the me from 2018 to just get over it, move on and stop worrying about the mess made and cleaning it up. They’re all judging you so why not make yourself happy instead of trying to make everyone else at ease and happy. It’s a fruitless battle that you’ll never win because in the process you’ve become a shell of who you once were and will have to fight out of it to become your authentic self!

We can’t go back to 2018. That’s a fact and I’ve learned a lot about me, though not as fast as I’d have liked. But I like me now which is a big step forward. And I’m stubborn so I had to do it in my own time – my way a la Frank Sinatra. I’ve shed a lot of emotional baggage since I began blogging. While there’s probably still more to clear out, I’m happy with who I am now which is a big step for me.

Funny coincidence though, I saw the ex a few days ago. I hadn’t seen him in 7 years. It was trippy to say the least. We’ve not always behaved since the divorce (yes, I’ll tell it like it is), but with a small smile I’ll say that I behaved better! LOL

A lot of living goes on in 7 years along with changes. What startled me was that he met my intention to reconnect on behalf of our son who’s having a lot of problems. I’ve been single parenting for years now, but I do believe that a son needs a good dad and perhaps now he’s ready to soldier up and be a dad. Or not. Time will tell. In the meantime, it was nice to see we could put aside our differences and could see each other as we once were – just two people who had a connection – but no longer do heart to heart.

What about you? What life changes have you embraced?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, divorce, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Mornings It Is!

Posted on December 2, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
Are you more of a night or morning person?
View all responses

I love a quiet morning to myself. There’s hope, light and new beginnings that come with the sunrise and to me, it’s just magical. There’s an entire day spread out before me that is chock-a-block full of possibilities. Or at least I’d like to think there is!

I wasn’t always this way though. I used to love a good stay up at night and still don’t go to bed until after 11pm and wake up around 6ish. But I was a night owl for a long time. I don’t know when it switched – probably in the last few years. Maybe it’s because I’m a middle-aged woman. LOL Or after so many years of mourning the divorce, I’m over it and moving on…

Eithet way, mornings are a joy to me. I don’t want to see the sunrise though. I have no interest in getting out of the house at dawn. Nope. I want to stay in my lounge clothes and savor my hot coffee instead.

I read my emails, go through social media and occasionally write here. Then I begin my day after that hour of transition. It works for me, so that’s what I do.

What about you?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, divorce, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, the daily post | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

The Switch That Turned On Inside of Me

Posted on November 26, 2025 by janieleeds

I love Christmas! Twinkly white lights (which by the way I have on all year round in various spots in my home) just make me giddy – add a little sparkle to green, red and the fresh smell of balsam and I’m in Heaven. Really. Always have been this way. And you?

Since I’m not hosting Thanksgiving and I was feeling a little down the other day, I went into the basement to see what I could find in the decoration boxes. Little by little I uncovered all sorts of sparkly treasures and started bringing them upstairs. Little knickknacks to place here and there began a tsunami of decorating for Christmas as the fall orange palate was tossed and replaced with cardinals, elves and garlands galore!

Oh what fun!!! With each flight of stairs, I brought up what felt like a bundle of joy! I know I sound overly enthusiastic, but I can’t help myself…it brings me GREAT JOY to decorate for Christmas and makes me feel a little naughty to be doing it prior to Thanksgiving! LOL

Janie’s naughty? Giggle Giggle…sometimes!

It’s as if a switch has been turned on inside of me. The kids don’t get a say in how or when I decorate so it was a step forward for me. There’s been a releasing lately of the stronghold gripped tightly around me that in my head demands that I live for my kids’ happiness. No…

I live for myself. Not in an egoistic way, but in a healthy one. I’ll always be Mom, but I don’t want to continue to be a doormat to 2 sons in their mid/late 20’s. It’s time for all of us to grow up.

It’s been a long, difficult road but I don’t want to live like this anymore. With the holidays approaching and the ex’s family still demanding, dictating, etc, I am tired of the fighting. At some point the kids can decide what they want to do and when. I’m surrendering. Come to Thanksgiving with me to your Uncle’s or don’t. It’s up to you.

This is my home. You are always welcome here, but be respectful as I taught you. Family means caring, sharing and kindness. Now let’s get in the Christmas Spirit!

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Theme Song of M*A*S*H

Posted on November 24, 2025 by janieleeds

Ok, let’s roll back time to weekly TV shows and specifically M*A*S*H, only because I awoke with the theme song in my head. If you already know it, then you can imagine where this post is going. If not, here’s the first couple of stanzas – and it was the second one that woke me. By the way, the song is called Suicide is Painless by Johnny Mandel.

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please

How’s that for a Monday morning how-di-do? I think I was dreaming of my friend’s mom who killed herself back when I was in middle school when this show was on the air. Let’s just say I wasn’t expecting that for a Monday morning wake up…were you?

But part of me knows that it’s been on my mind. Not that I’m suicidal myself, but I fear for the younger kid as the break up has been really difficult and he’s not handling it well. He sees a therapist which is good, but I’ve had 3 friends whose kids chose that journey over the last few years and I’ve seen how they’ve beat themselves up over it with their grieving, second guessing, guilt, etc.

And sure, I know what people say, you can’t control everything, etc. however, suicide has touched my life in different ways over the years and I can’t help fearing it. I have asked my kid directly about it because one of his friends unexpectedly chose it and it knocked their friend group into a tailspin (not to mention the parents). I’ll be honest, I don’t want that scenario for anybody and if I can do anything about it to prevent it, I will.

And yet, I don’t control everything, nor everyone. I can only be supportive, loving and kind while keeping the connection open for him. I don’t dare say this to anyone but you. And yet, here I am blogging about the subject in the hopes that someone out there will understand the parental trials and tribulations of a divorced mom raising sons with their dad not really present in their lives.

Well, let me back up. their dad grativated to the older kid more as the younger one is sensitive and that doesn’t work for their dad’s inner macho narcissist dialogue. Even as the younger one was growing up, the ex-hubs had a tough time connecting with him. I think the kid’s gentle, highly intelligent personality struck a nerve with him and made him feel small – neanderthal-ish – and so he avoided him. Throughout the separation and divorce, the dad didn’t communicate a lot with the kids and it’s affected them in various ways.

The younger kid feels it. He feels the abandonment and has voiced it over the years to me. Recently there’s been a rift between the kids because of it which doesn’t bode well for the upcoming holidays. Especially when there are demands throughout the holidays to be at family events “with a smile on your face and play nicely” because otherwise people will suspect there’s something wrong.

I can only continue one day at a time and pray that we make it through this stressful period. Wish me peace, luck and life please. And of course, I wish the same for you.

Posted in divorce, love, music, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Like My Animals As I Like My People

Posted on November 23, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite animals?
View all responses

Oh this is a toughie because I’m an animal lover – dogs, cats, horses, cows, etc – soft fur along with soulful eyes?! Count me in!! Birds on the other hand are not a fav because I’m scared of them. Snakes and spiders too. Yuck.

But I guess that’s what a lot of people say, don’t you think? We like the soft, cuddly types of animals – it’s probably how many of us would say we like our humans too. Kind, caring and huggable. Not the mean carnivorous types. But the ones who can defend their flock, herd, family, but still remain centered, authentic and kind.

Like bears who protect their families. But not like hawks who are out for their own selves. And I think there’s a difference between male and female animals too. It seems the females are more nurturing than the males, but maybe that’s my personal human perspective from my own experiences.

Anybody know?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, inspiration, midlife wisdom, Untamed | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m Running Away To the Beach

Posted on November 22, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
Beach or mountains? Which do you prefer? Why?
View all responses

Lately, it’s been a shotshow here (yes, I mispelled on purpose) so here I am writing to you in the hopes that someone out there will understand and perhaps help to guide me. Because I want to run away from home. There. I wrote it. And if you think that makes me a bad mother, then you don’t get to run away with me. LOL

I remember my Mom saying that phrase occasionally and we would take it as she didn’t like us (and how couldn’t she like my brother and me? that’s unthinkable!) but now, I understand all too well.

I want to run away from home to the beach.

Both kids are going through a hard time. One shares (overshares) and the other one is silent (which worries me more). Both blame the hard times on trauma and because the ex (their dad) isn’t inviting them to talk, it’s all on me even though I sent no invitation! It’s always been that I’ve been open to talking with them, helping them through tough times and so they know they can share with me. But…instead of sharing, they’re blaming me in particular (because dad gets a pass since he’s never really been there for them). WTF? These are not good times.

What I notice is that they’ve got no resilience. Forgive me, but as a Gen X-er, we had resilience. We toughed it out. We gave no backtalk. We would have never voiced that we blamed our parents for anything to them – we’d have been slapped or worse. You sucked it up. You didn’t whine that it wasn’t right. It was how life was and that was the end of it. You graduated school. You got a job. If the boss was an idiot, you sucked it up or found another job. You didn’t whine. You were proactive and you did something about it. You don’t like it, then fix it, but you don’t leave current employment unless you have something else to go to immediately.

Everything with the kids is whiny central. “You and dad did this; so I am traumatized” (namely got divorced). Oh please. That happened years ago and I’m not the one to blame. Sorry not sorry. He did all sorts of bad things that I haven’t told you because it’s none of your business. It affected me, not you. I’m not like his mother who told secrets that weren’t hers to tell…but then she’s got secrets of her own that I know and don’t tell. Why? Because it would hurt my kids to know and I’m not hurtful that way.

Anyway, both 20-somethings are going through hard times (breakup for one and hating his job for the other) and they’re not getting along either. I am tired of feeling like everyone’s punching bag which his reminiscent of their dad’s treatment of me when things weren’t going his way either. Is that a male thing? Or just a learned behavior? Either way, I’m not willing to deal with it anymore.

So, I’m running away. They’re old enough to fend for themselves. Heck, I was already married when I was the older kid’s current age and navigating life without a back up or anyone else paying my bills. I think it’s time to cut the cords…thanks for reading until the end even though I didn’t stick with the topic..

Beach it is…are you coming with me?

Why the beach? Because even when the surface is blustery, the sea floor is calmer which is like me. Today I’m the crashing waves, but after I run away from home for a few hours, I’ll be calm again and ready to face the challenges of motherhood. It’s perpetual motion – go with the flow – tides turn every 12 hours – rise and fall – just like how I’m feeling today.

Posted in divorce, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

What am I still holding that’s holding me back?

Posted on October 27, 2025 by janieleeds

Let things fall apart. Stop exhausting yourself trying to hold them together. – Meryl Streep

We so often grip tightly to what’s already slipping away—situations, relationships, even identities—afraid of what might come next. But life moves in cycles of creation and release. Not everything is meant to endure, but forcing it to stay only wears us down.

Allow yourself be misunderstood.

People see you through the lens of their own experience. Their opinions reveal only their reality and not your true worth. You don’t need to defend your truth to those who are unwilling to see it.

Make peace with uncertainty.

You don’t have to predict every turn of your life’s path. Life unfolds with its own quiet precision. When something or someone leaves your world, it often makes space for what and who truly belongs. Trust that what’s meant for you won’t miss its mark.

Loosen your grip.

The universe is endlessly generous—but it can’t fill hands that are already full. Letting go isn’t loss; it’s preparation for renewal.

Remember: your best days aren’t gone. Life never runs out of wonder or joy, no matter what you’ve been through. So, let’s take a moment and ask yourself gently today:

“What am I still holding that’s holding me back?”

Then breathe—and let it fall away. Something brighter is already on its way.

**This is for me, for you, for all of us…does it resonate with you too?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments