It's been a while since I updated. Mainly because nothing's really happened of importance. I'm gonna sort it out into two sections good and bad just so I can get all the bad out of my system and try to end on a good note. =)

Bad:
I got a car in late July - a 99 Ford Taurus, which seems like it'd be a good thing buuuut I really don't like it and I miss my Honda horribly. My Taurus gets shitty gas mileage, it's dirty inside from the previous owners and won't come clean, it's ugly and it basically scrapes the ground it's so low. I also had to take a loan out for it so my insurance went up because I don't own the car. So now I have higher insurance payments coupled with loan payments every month (for three years) as well as pay for a shit ton of gas every week because I have to go to Orono every day and back to either Eddington (30 minutes) or Brewer (15-20 minutes).

Getting an apartment failed, obviously, considering my money kept getting sucked up by everything. I finally started getting ahead and then my payments came around and bam, sucked dry again. And I'm trying to save up for a trip to Uganda in one of my classes this coming spring but it's $2700 and I don't think I'll be able to save up that much money by February.

Daniel's parents are pissing me off to no end. All they do is rag on him, every day. He has his license and wants a car. NO ONE will cosign a loan for him. They want him to go to a used car place and get weekly payments or whatever but with that, he gets ABSURD interest rates and it would be so much easier if someone would fucking help him but they won't and I am SO frustrated. Like you have no idea. I hate feeling helpless and I hate that his parents won't help their son. Isn't that what fucking family is for? My parents knew they could help me so they did but how can you blatantly deny your children help? Like what the fuck. And then! They have the nerve to yell at him about him always expecting them to give him things like rides to work and stuff..when they yelled at him when he didn't have his license saying "Oh, if you had your license, you could just take the car to work." But now that he has it, they won't let him take the car because he "thinks he has a right to take the car" and all this shit about him being spoiled. So they still give him rides and then bitch about having to give him rides and say how he thinks he's privileged and deserves rides or whatever. Like ;oaegjrgj;lrg a;ldg;lkadrgj it pisses me off so much. They're fucking stupid as hell and two of the biggest hypocrites I've ever fucking met. And I'm just really pissed at them and I don't like going over there and having to see them cuz I just want to yell at them and their idiocy.

My laptop is fucked up again. I can't get internet on it. It says I'm connected and shit but when I open my browser it won't connect and neither will AIM or First Class or anything. I'm hoping it's not a virus but I'm thinking it might be. I gotta take it to Kyle to see if he can fix it and if not him then Glen, Brian's brother, and then finally the IT place at school. Why can't I get a decent working piece of equipment, ever? My cars break, my mp3 player is broken, my phones die, my laptop has had every part replaced in it over the past three years, like come ooooon!

We now have a dog, which is also, considered a good thing buuuut she pisses and shits in the house still. She's a 8 or 9 months old German Shepherd puppy and she was house broken before but for some reason, we have her and she's constantly shitting and pissing in Abby's room. First it was just on carpet's but now it's been concentrated to Abby's room even with the carpet gone in there now. And we take her out all the time but she won't go when we take her out. Mom and Abby are always pissed about it and mom is threatening to give her back to Amanda and Dad doesn't care at all because "she never does it to me and you're obviously missing the signs she needs to go out." Which is a crock of shit but he's Mr. Know-It-All and Eevi goes poop and pee for him when he takes her out so whatever. I think it's just cuz she has no scent established in the back yard but no one listens to me. I'll probably end up talking to Lloyd who will say things I already know but no one will listen to me about.

School sucks, as always because I'm a failure and a procrastinator extraordinaire. I should, currently, be doing a lab that's due tomorrow at 1pm but it's not even close to done and going to take forever to do and I'm so mad at myself for not doing it sooner that I don't even want to look at it. And the whole process I need to go through to get articles, which usually turn out useless anyway, is so freaking frustrating and unhelpful that I want to tear my hair out. And I HAVE to do well in ALL my classes this semester or I'm fucked soooo yeah.

I also have no friends. I have people who I used to hang out with but no longer see and I have acquaintances but no real friends, besides Daniel who is my best friend. I tried reconnecting with Kristin over the summer but we hung out like twice. I hung out with Cinnamon about the same amount. I haven't hung out with Kyle in months, same with Brian and Ken. And I also have no one at UMO which sucks a lot. I have no friends in other majors, I have no friends in my major and it blows. I'm alone from 8-5 almost every week day. And Mom and Daniel and Abby wonder why I'd rather skip class to see Daniel.....

GOOD:

Daniel. I love him with all my heart. He's amazing and awesome and the best thing I have. Our one year is a month aaannd like two days away and I'm wicked excited. Hahah. I just want two more years to go by fast already so I can graduate and get the hell out of this state with him. I have no doubts about him and I haven't since we started dating actually, which has never happened. I never get mad at him and when I do get annoyed or pissy I still want to see him and I forgive him easily cuz we never have fights or arguments over anything serious or big. I'm going to try to get a job in Florida this summer so he can move down with me for a few months. I want to live with him so badly. I just want us to have our own apartment and be away from his family and my family and just be independent because this dependent shit is not my style. I also hate having to drive out to him and back all the time. His family just had to live out in the middle of nowhere didn't they? Jeeeesh. Weird to think I'm dating someone I went to high school with. I definitely thought that of all the people I'd fall in love with, it'd be someone from a different state - not someone from school. Hahaha. I just can't say enough about him. I just want to give him everything like a laptop and a car and a new camera and everything. He says he wouldn't accept any of it, but I did get him to let me buy him an external hard drive for his birthday in November and that wasn't super cheap so maybe I can get him a laptop in a couple years and he'll be more accepting. Hahah, just gotta work up to it. I also kinda worry myself because I always criticize those couples that date for like less than a year and are all like oooh I love you so much let's get a place and everything blah blah but I've never been more sure of anything than how much I want to stay with Daniel for a very long time. Anyway, he's basically my rock and my best friend, which is corny and cheesy but whatever. I love him.

I have a place to live and food to eat and I don't have to pay for it. Very very very very grateful for that, even if I don't like that I have to be dependent, I don't really have a choice right now.

My family has been really great lately except my dad getting in my face last week about me saying fucking A by accident about abby hitting me in the foot with the Wii remote. We kinda got into it. But my mom's been awesome with helping me buy school stuff like hip waders, rain jacket, hard hat, etc for my classes. She knows I try really hard so she's willing to help me out (and I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite daughter but shhh). I try not to let her spend her money on me too much though cuz she just buys Abby new stuff all the time so when I go out with them she wants me to get stuff too but I have more than enough clothes and make up and toiletries. My uncle also helped me out sooo much when I went down to Portland last Sunday for a show with Daniel. I got a flat tire twenty minutes out of Portland and had to call a tow truck to help me put the donut on because Daniel and I didn't know where to put the jack and we didn't have anything to get the lugs off with. Such a fail. So I called my uncle, who is a mechanic and he took me to his work garage in Freeport after I'd dropped Daniel off and he put on a used tire from the shop and then told me that the donut only had 18 PSI when it was supposed to have 60 so I could have blown the donut or even had it fly off the rim and sent me into a ditch. He also told me all the other stuff I need to do with my car, which is good to know but is going to cost money I don't have.

I still am working every other weekend at the kennel so I have that paycheck but that's only two days a paycheck so I've been trying to get another job. I think my only choice is Tim Hortons because I can work nights like 5-11 or even 10-3am or something on the days I have class later and on the weekends. So I applied and hopefully I'll hear back and get the job. I also want the second job so I can try to make a lot of money and save up for the trip to Uganda which is, like I said, $2700. 

Ummm...OH YEAH! I'm keeping my hair short for now and right now it's red. I got bored with brown. I'm also 21! Woo! haha, it feels good to be over that last hump and now I finally have no more legal barriers for things, except the obviously horrible. But yeah, woo. I got a wii for my birthday so that was sweet. Mom said I'm not getting any Christmas presents because I want to go to Uganda but I'm fine with that. I just want to go so badly.

I think that's it. *big sigh* I also want to state that I know I'm over dramatic about bad things and I know that things aren't really that bad. I just stress about everything pertaining to me and other people I care about so I always end up overwhelming myself and then I tend to forget that there is a tomorrow and this isn't the end of the world. I just get caught up in everything that's happening I forget to step back and breathe. Aaaaand it's good to vent and rant, which is what LJ is for, right? =)

A week and two days left of school. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. I only have one legitimate final so I really shouldn't be too worried (especially since I'm going to get an F in the class anyway) but I just have SO MUCH STATS TO DO THIS WEEK! I have a lab to finish, two lab rewrites to finish, an extra credit assignment and an optional assignment that will replace the hardest questions on the last oral exam. I also have to write two 3 page ethics essays for my last exam in that class (due Thursday morning). So I just don't know how I'm going to get it all done with NO LAPTOP!

Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, my laptop has decided, yet again, to shit on me. Daniel turned it on last Wed and there was no taskbar or start menu and I could open folders, word documents, and powerpoints and some pictures. But not excel or games or certain images. Weird and very annoying. At first I was like oh joy, another fucking virus/trojan, but I ran diagnostics and it said the self drive test failed and gave me a Dell error code. Thus, I'm under the assumption it's a hardware issue, which SUCKS because my hard drive was just replaced about a year ago and I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ALL OF THAT STATS WORK I HAD. Like, seriously, those excel sheets for all my stats labs, took hours and hours to do. It's all my calculation and graphs and tables and fuck my life right now. UGH. I took it to the computer fix it place on campus and they said they'd look at it and see if they could back up my data for me and fix the problem. If not, they'd call Dell for me to get the part replaced. They said data backup would be $60 and some other service was like $90. Well, sorry to say, I only have $60 for the next two weeks and I have to have gas for those two weeks as well as send out the third book I sold on Amazon. I'm going to go in tomorrow after my class to see if they've fixed it and what's up with it and hopefully they did a back up so I can pay them the last cents to my name for two weeks and have my shit back.

I have the worst luck with technology. Honestly. I want a new laptop so badly since I've had SO many issues with the one I have but I still have a year's worth of warranty on it and I want to use that up. Besides the fact I can't even come close to affording a new one anyway.

On the up side though, since I'm back at the kennel for the summer, it means I'll be making money which means I'll be able to afford to go to Florida with Daniel!!! We bought the tickets for the trip down the other day (only 40 bucks a person!!! not including the freaking 25 bucks for ONE fucking bag and then all the taxes and shit) But yeah, it was good to get those. We're gonna buy the tickets for the return trip when we both get paid next week (it's cheaper than buying round trip) so that'll be exciting too. We leave June 7th and come back the 15th and I can't wait! My mom doesn't know yet so shhhhh. She and Dad will be pissed I'm going on vacation since I always complain about not having money but the kennel checks will definitely boost my bank account. Anyway, we don't have to pay for a hotel cuz we're staying at Dan's relative's house and they also might let us use one of their cars so we might not even have to rent a vehicle! Either way though, I'll have to do all the driving, which makes me nervous cuz the only city I've driven in is Bangor! Haha, so thaaat should be interesting. I couldn't even drive in Boston (I had no idea where I was going) so driving down in the big cities of Florida should just be greeeeeat. I just can't wait to get away. I don't like Maine and ever since Michigan, I don't like living at home and being in Maine all the time. I'm gonna try like hell to move out of state once I graduate.

Anyway, I've written more than I'd originally intended and it's late and I have my last environmental ethics class in 8 hours so bed would be good.