aesam

I can see myself turning into him, transmogrifying as my mind melds into his that is stuck in purgatory, in complete adoration I dream very fondly of achieving what he left unfinished. 

It is incredibly hot here and it sucks to be away from home and sick of college while facing seasonal depression. Iced tea and lime sodas really soothe things out in life but since I don't really like the taste of the green tea I bought, I have to mellow it down with my black tea, which ends up leaving a rather scratchy taste.

I joined this insidious group in college, and the elders bother me, the professors are insufferable and at certain occasions, dating with each other. I really do enjoy architecture though, but there is one library book, Metamagical Themas, that I borrowed and never returned, so it is now stuck in limbo that has to be paid off,  and I fear the amount. 

Life is quite ordinary, it is just that earlier today Pynchon THE BIG OL TP dropped a book reveal, made my whole world shine, the sky cooler, life prettier, I love humanity, per se, I got about rereading Vineland, Pynchon has made me so overjoyed.

I've been thinking of being a luddite for quite a long time. But this spectre of a website I saw one day three years ago kept haunting me. I don't recall anything about it except that I found the whole area filled with intriguing jewish intellectuality and that a mathematical harry potter fanfic started it off. Incredible place, I still have the same gaze of marvel when I skim through it. 

LessWrong

www.lesswrong.com

annvole you will like it! I feel like its just your place.

All my nightmares are coming alive.
Has it ever really mattered? Ignorance precedes defense. I feel greatly and I am greeted with paranoia. I thought I once was a happy person, I look back and see grave imperfections.
I did not choose the life I currently live, I did not choose to be distressed. I wish not to be remembered as a lamp an old woman lights every night.
How many more days will she stroke the match before she loses all reasons not to cover her sins with darkness?
It is clear to me that my world is going mad. 

I am a lighthouse milkman. All for nostalgia. What great depths I cross, suffering, to do my duty!

What occupied my time was my new endeavors as an architecture student, I've been trying to grasp through the many layers of this complicated bureaucratic ridden regime where creativity is always second to what consumer needs.

Reflecting on my reading of the past years, I've gone halfway through Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow and I also started Gene Wolfe's Book of the New Sun. I plan to finish GR and Infinite Jest by the end of this year. So I'm majorly tackling three large works while also juggling a part time job as a street painter.

I can't wait to read through everybody's journals again.

By being someone who's read the first book thrice and the rest twice, loving the trilogy as much as I do, I've waited for the film adaptation for a whole year. I don't like how it 'became' British, because the book is wholly Chinese, god bless Cixin Liu. And now I finally get to understand the direction, screenplay, and accurateness, although I won't brag about its accuracy, but a series has every right to reinterpret(slightly), the book it adapts. 

I doubted that the Netflix version would be particularly faithful to the book. They need to appeal to Western viewers who are going to want fast-paced action and an over-the-top depiction of the story.

The deviations from the book are not my ground of expertise as Liu Cixin said he gave his blessing for them to change things. Maybe he likes the changes, but those two are completely different.It is a beautiful series with excellent graphics. I wrongfully accused it in the beginning, although it had its slight faults, but I think their worthy of the hype and I cannot wait for S2. 

I never thought I'd like any Wes Anderson more than I liked The Grand Budapest or Darjeeling Ltd, but Rushmore was WHAM

It hit me like this, because I'm so very personally affectionate, to the character, the storyline, the lunacy, the idiosyncrasy, the beauty of the raw emotions that I can still, only discover in a Wes Anderson movie. Watch Wes Anderson when high, I always tell.

The main character Max Fisher writing plays in a Pynchonesque style, perfection at its best, I believe I've found my new comfort film. With the fact that I'm so much like Fisher, and the lovely vibe, the je ne sais quoi ideal of this whole thing, ravishing and simply rural.

I think, as a kid, I liked a Brontosaurus this much because of the Bronte sisters. I love them, especially Charlotte Bronte, and her awesome, wonderful, heart breaking, breath taking Jane Eyre, which has made me cry again. 

> “If all the world hated you and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Charlotte Brontë (1847), Jane Eyre, chapter 8.

What this meant is that so long as Jane does what is right (that is, what her conscience approves) she will not lack for people who sympathize and support her, even if it appears that “all the world” hates her. 'Friends' here therefore, means something more than just mutual companions, but eternal informality and intimacy.

I wish God would love me like he loved Jesus. I need it now, the most. I lack it and I feel hopeless about living. When there is no hope there is no life. Dredging through the heat of cities and the sounds of laughter that are impenetrable to me, covered in a shell that suffocates and annihilates my ideals, I'm diminishing and becoming nothing because I lack love.

The less ‘uplifting’ beauty of face and body remains the most commonly visited site of the beautiful Beauty (should you choose to use the word that way) is deep, not superficial; hidden, sometimes, rather than obvious; consoling, not troubling; indestructible, as in art, rather than ephemeral, as in nature. Beauty, the stipulatively uplifting kind, perdures.
When that notorious beauty-lover Oscar Wilde announced in The Decay of Lying, “Nobody of any real culture ever talks about the beauty of a sunset. Sunsets are quite old-fashioned,” sunsets reeled under the blow, then recovered.
The sick are interesting, as Nietzsche points out. The wicked, too. To name something as interesting implies challenging old orders of praise.
The beauty of art is better, ‘higher,’ according to Hegel, than the beauty of nature because it is made by human beings and is the work of the spirit.
Imagine saying, “That sunset is interesting.”

https://www.amacad.org/publication/argument-about-beauty

• Democracy and free market entirely around the idea of maximizing profit, or so those that pretend to be democracies
• system of representative democracy, too much representation, too little democracy 
• repression through proper channels that block resistance through proper channels(1915 armenian genocide, turkey) 
• the organic relationship between genocide and development 
• capitalism winning its jihad against soviet communism(afghanistan) 
• the comprador country 
• atmosphere almost fascist 
• infestation is genocide vocabulary 
• MOUist, not maoist 
• there is an economy of information, no one can know everything 
• gandhi get your gun here, or I'll be lynched

In the first place, I want to emphasize the note of interrogation at the end of my title. Even if I could answer the question for myself, the answer would apply only to me and not to you. The only advice, indeed, that one person can give another about reading is to take no advice, to follow your own instincts, to use your own reason, to come to your own conclusions. If this is agreed between us, then I feel at liberty to put forward a few ideas and suggestions because you will not allow them to fetter that independence which is the most important quality that a reader can possess. After all, what laws can be laid down about books? The battle of Waterloo was certainly fought on a certain day; but is Hamlet a better play than Lear? Nobody can say. Each must decide that question for himself. To admit authorities, however heavily furred and gowned, into our libraries and let them tell us how to read, what to read, what value to place upon what we read, is to destroy the spirit of freedom which is the breath of those sanctuaries. Everywhere else we may be bound by laws and conventions—there we have none.

Yet who reads to bring about an end, however desirable? Are there not some pursuits that we practise because they are good in themselves, and some pleasures that are final? And is not this among them? I have sometimes dreamt, at least, that when the Day of Judgment dawns and the great conquerors and lawyers and statesmen come to receive their rewards—their crowns, their laurels, their names carved indelibly upon imperishable marble—the Almighty will turn to Peter and will say, not without a certain envy when he sees us coming with our books under our arms, "Look, these need no reward. We have nothing to give them here. They have loved reading."

THE END

If you haven't watched it yet, you must. It's Wes Anderson's greatest.

Why do I like it so much? Excellent background music, artistic shooting, a movie that starts from nowhere and ends nowhere, it just is, being itself, characters that develop remarkably, the compassion that I never see anywhere else, deprived of nothing but love, searching for love, finding everything but it, characters I can relate to, scenes I adore.

I'm swamped with books to read, & recently I stopped marginalia after reading a book that had marginalia: it constricted my reading comprehension because someone else's thoughts coexisted with mine and contaminated my understanding of the same text. My withdrawal was quite abrupt, so I needed a separate book to write about the text, a reading notebook; if you wish. It's a more laborious process than marginalia, writing with pen and paper & noting page numbers, but all for the sake of a future reader who may not wish to muddle their reading with my scribbles.

Thus I have to revise my older reading list, making it concise(One Greek play/poetry, 2 easier books, one harder book, one non-fiction) each week.

This Week:
1. The Aeneid — Virgil
2. History of the Decline and Fall of Roman Empire — Gibbon
3. Virginia Woolf's Diaries
4. Swann's Way — Proust(re-reading)
5. The Common Reader — Virginia Woolf

I have noticed that in stream of consciousness writings like Proust's In Search of Lost Time, it is much easier to forget what one wants to remember, similar to Ullysus. I have to reread them all.

Opening song was the instrumental version of the Beatles' 'Hey Jude'. Very faintly, beautiful songs(excellent choices, even Nico's These Days) hums over the entire movie, in trumpet, in crescendo, violin, cello, different parts saturating into the beautifully colored movie another one of my favorite Wes Andersons.

1. Feeding the Mind — Lewis Carrol

2. The Common Reader — Virginia Woolf

3. The Game of Logic — Lewis Carrol

4. Leviathan — Thomas Hobbes

5. The Poetry of Architecture — John Ruskin

6. The Seven Lamps of Architecture — John Ruskin

7. The Vindication of the Rights of Women — Mary Shelley

1. LJ appeared in April 1999, the year when I…was not born yet, but totally thought I was going to end up somewhere in Andromeda.

2. As a child, I wanted to become a…dinosaur, specifically the Yi Qi, whose fossil was discovered around my childhood, I was obsessed with paleontology. 

3. My favorite school subject was…Mathematics, until I discovered the joys of looking out the window.

4. The tune of my carefree youth is...The Carpenters, On Top of the World.

5. Books (or an authors) that influenced me... Noam Chomsky, Virginia Woolf, Marcel Proust, Arundhati Roy.

6. A city (or cities) I truly love...Kashmir and Paris(the land of Proust)

7. I started an LJ blog in 2020,  because I wanted...to type my feelings out. Instead I channeled new emotions in.

8. The catch phrase that nearest and dearest recognize me by…"what a joke."

9. A movie I’m never tired to watch again...any Wes Anderson. Personally I loved the Grand Budapest Hotel and Darjeeling ltd. I love Wes Anderson, Wong Kar Wai, Martin Scorsese.

10. When I am 25, I will like…to drink coffee without sugar, and weekends.

11. I can’t live a day without....sending a meme to someone.

12. An LJ post I’d like to recommend to everyone…all of mine. thanks.

13. I’m proud of…my cat. She's done a very good job annoying everybody, she's got my genes.

15. My favorite LJ blog(s)- unsane1, btripp, annvole,fryusha, evseygribovsky

16. My favorite LJ community (-ies) your_food_today, math_in_school, math_lovers, mathart, nihilists

If you were coming in the Fall,
I’d brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly …
— Emily Dickinson