I've been feeling this way for a long damn time. But after reading http://turnaway.comicgenesis.com/ and http://ikuzeaibou.livejournal.com/tag/longfic%3A%20reach%20out
I don't want to be Adachi anymore. Goddamn those two are beautiful stories. Love is painful and it has hurt me so much, and yes, it's been my fault. I've given up. Seeing Yosuke not giving up is incredible. It's inspiring and ... Always I've played RPGs and scoffed at the unbreakable friendships, because mine have always fallen apart.
Do I want to live that way? It's misery and it's selfish. I want to give like Yosuke gives. This pairing didn't mean anything to me until now, but I'm certainly going to read this again.
Geez, I don't even have an icon of either Souji or Yosuke on this account. And Yu is a stupid name! Screw you, re-naming the character for the anime. I can't fathom why they didn't keep Seta Souji seeing as everyone calls him that.
Yosuke was knocked down again and again...but he kept getting up. I've been hit hard. There were so many nights when I was in terrible pain because of how badly I wanted to be with someone, but was rejected.
I'll be rejected again, and I'll be in pain again. But I'm in pain now - in this state of having given up. There has to be something more that I can do. I don't know where to start. I don't have a Souji to chase after. But I can't stand this stagnation anymore.
I got the FanExpo booklet in the mail today. Slight kick in the teeth since I can't attend this year for the first time in like, 10 years. Don't have the money. Sure, I could fly there but I can't afford that, and a hotel, and admission, and food, and everything I would want to buy. YEP just keep looking at my bank statements.
I've been back from Mississauga for a few days but I didn't feel like writing anything. The tumor is out of me. There's a noticeable difference in the size of my abdomen. The thing was as large as a basketball. They'd scheduled 12 hours of OR time but they only needed half of that. The scar is healing really well, according to all the professionals who've looked at it. The staples were taken out the other day. It still hurts every day but now all that's left is to allow my body to heal itself.
Sometimes I think I'm incredibly unlucky to have this happen, and other times I want to cry with how lucky I am that it didn't kill me and that I have my parents, who love me more than I was capable of understanding before this happened.
Today I've been watching No.6 and reading the translation of the novel it's based on. I agree that it shouldn't be put in the BL/yaoi category. It's a sci-fi/alt-future/distopia story that happens to have two main characters with strong feelings for each other who are both male. Nezumi is fairly different in the novel than the anime; they push his soft side in the anime and his hard side in the novel. There's a lot more of the city as a character in the novel, too, whereas the anime focuses on the bee mystery. I'm really interested in seeing if Nezumi or Sefu die, since the foreshadowing during the Ophelia scene seems to indicate one or both of them aren't going to make it. I don't mind Sefu as a character, but her attitude is still wrapped in No.6's brainwashing. Comparing her to Nezumi, who lifts Shion and dances a waltz with him, it's like she has no chance at all. But maybe that will change! Even hearing Shion say "you're the one person I couldn't live without" to Nezumi doesn't necessarily mean that Nezumi won't be killed and Shion ends up making lots of babies with Sefu after they take down No.6.
Sometimes I think I'm incredibly unlucky to have this happen, and other times I want to cry with how lucky I am that it didn't kill me and that I have my parents, who love me more than I was capable of understanding before this happened.
Today I've been watching No.6 and reading the translation of the novel it's based on. I agree that it shouldn't be put in the BL/yaoi category. It's a sci-fi/alt-future/distopia story that happens to have two main characters with strong feelings for each other who are both male. Nezumi is fairly different in the novel than the anime; they push his soft side in the anime and his hard side in the novel. There's a lot more of the city as a character in the novel, too, whereas the anime focuses on the bee mystery. I'm really interested in seeing if Nezumi or Sefu die, since the foreshadowing during the Ophelia scene seems to indicate one or both of them aren't going to make it. I don't mind Sefu as a character, but her attitude is still wrapped in No.6's brainwashing. Comparing her to Nezumi, who lifts Shion and dances a waltz with him, it's like she has no chance at all. But maybe that will change! Even hearing Shion say "you're the one person I couldn't live without" to Nezumi doesn't necessarily mean that Nezumi won't be killed and Shion ends up making lots of babies with Sefu after they take down No.6.
Fuck, even Neko Ramen was published by Tokyopop. The two volumes of Darker Than Black that I just bought earlier this month was from Yen Press, so YEAH there are still other publishers but GODDAMN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HELL BISCUITS. This is awful and upsetting. The company didn't have to fold; Levy could have made better financial decisions instead of being all over the goddamn place with different projects. I never was active in the social aspects of the Tokyopop website but I always thought there was a lot of activity there. AAUIUUHGGGG All I want to do is tear my hair out.
I walked past an open box and saw the manga that I bought the last time I was at a convention. One was from Blu, and it was one that I really loved. Calling. Two were from Yen Press and one was from Deux.
Since I live in Sault Ste Marie now I wasn't going to pay the plane ticket and hotel so I could attend FanExpo. I've done that every year for so long...and it really hurt to think I couldn't do it anymore. But this year, I'm barely able to walk a block or two without feeling very sore. I want to go. I want to go to FanExpo but even if I get there, it's a lot of walking. I couldn't make it. And I don't know when my next surgery is, so I probably wouldn't even be recovered fully. AND I haven't had a job in nearly a year. I stopped working at the end of July, didn't I?
I should have DONE STUFF when I first moved here. But I have to recognize that I was depressed. I never wanted to move here.
Just as I was ready to get things going in my life, I got sick.
This whole year has been terrible... Darker Than Black really inspires me to get moving and see the world as a place where there are always influences on your life that can't be avoided, but you still have choices. I want to choose to support the publishing industry, I want to choose to be more active in fandom because I really, really would like some people to talk to. I wanted to go back to school just to make friends in this city. Nothing will happen unless I make it happen.
I walked past an open box and saw the manga that I bought the last time I was at a convention. One was from Blu, and it was one that I really loved. Calling. Two were from Yen Press and one was from Deux.
Since I live in Sault Ste Marie now I wasn't going to pay the plane ticket and hotel so I could attend FanExpo. I've done that every year for so long...and it really hurt to think I couldn't do it anymore. But this year, I'm barely able to walk a block or two without feeling very sore. I want to go. I want to go to FanExpo but even if I get there, it's a lot of walking. I couldn't make it. And I don't know when my next surgery is, so I probably wouldn't even be recovered fully. AND I haven't had a job in nearly a year. I stopped working at the end of July, didn't I?
I should have DONE STUFF when I first moved here. But I have to recognize that I was depressed. I never wanted to move here.
Just as I was ready to get things going in my life, I got sick.
This whole year has been terrible... Darker Than Black really inspires me to get moving and see the world as a place where there are always influences on your life that can't be avoided, but you still have choices. I want to choose to support the publishing industry, I want to choose to be more active in fandom because I really, really would like some people to talk to. I wanted to go back to school just to make friends in this city. Nothing will happen unless I make it happen.
Wow... I'm reading ANN and find out that Tokyopop is closing down. So this is the result of everyone reading manga for free online from scanlators. I feel awful about it. The first manga I ever bought was Sailor Moon, back when Tokyopop was called Mixx. Ugghh this means that all those amazing Blu titles will also not be published... SIGHING FOREVER. I haven't read manga for a while and I'm vastly behind but knowing there won't be any more of these books like the Junjo Romantica that I bought despite thinking I could read it online...
Is the reason really Borders closing and not being able to pay a debt to Tokyopop?
This is so awful... Even this icon, it's from Chibi Vampire, which was published by Tokyopop. I read it in the library after watching the anime.
I feel like such a huge part of my life and interest in the world has been stopped. I know there are other publishing companies but I've bought so many Blu books.
The best eulogy that I've read so far is this. The final comment that Tokyopop is dead but the creative spirit of interested people lives on is true. There are still people who want to write and make comics. I really hope that the publishing industry gets out of this dive downward in the near future.
All these things that I love fade away and I don't know how to cope with it.
Is the reason really Borders closing and not being able to pay a debt to Tokyopop?
This is so awful... Even this icon, it's from Chibi Vampire, which was published by Tokyopop. I read it in the library after watching the anime.
I feel like such a huge part of my life and interest in the world has been stopped. I know there are other publishing companies but I've bought so many Blu books.
The best eulogy that I've read so far is this. The final comment that Tokyopop is dead but the creative spirit of interested people lives on is true. There are still people who want to write and make comics. I really hope that the publishing industry gets out of this dive downward in the near future.
All these things that I love fade away and I don't know how to cope with it.
It hurts to move, so I overdid it yesterday. Better take it easy.
( I woke up thinking about the ending again.Collapse )
Ooh there's another manga too, one more thing to look at. It takes place in the first season, though.
( I woke up thinking about the ending again.Collapse )
Ooh there's another manga too, one more thing to look at. It takes place in the first season, though.
I watched the end of s02 again ( andCollapse )
Of course I don't like it when an ending isn't spelled out because I don't know if it's okay for me to believe this.
Still, Darker Than Black makes me appreciate my mundane life. It has never stopped doing that, weird 2nd season or not. My life isn't so mundane since I got sick, but like Suou said, it's easier to give birth than being anxious about it. Who knows about the future? I cry fairly often about not being married, but I want to change this attitude of not-having to holding the things that I do have. They won't last forever.
Of course I don't like it when an ending isn't spelled out because I don't know if it's okay for me to believe this.
Still, Darker Than Black makes me appreciate my mundane life. It has never stopped doing that, weird 2nd season or not. My life isn't so mundane since I got sick, but like Suou said, it's easier to give birth than being anxious about it. Who knows about the future? I cry fairly often about not being married, but I want to change this attitude of not-having to holding the things that I do have. They won't last forever.
OKAY the first episode of the OVA is making me feel better since it's Hei as he was in the first season. Watching Yin evolve does explain the ending a bit more. 'white darkness' is a good way to put it. Seeing the Li personality again was really nice. *_* I didn't realize how much I liked it? I know it's a facade to work with normal people in society without looking like a psychopath, but somehow I think of it as part of Hei, too. Like something he could have been if the Gates had never come to exist.
GODDAMN what am I going to do after this? There won't be any more of him. Falling in love is so hard. With every beginning, there's an end. I still have a lot of trouble coping with that.
Ep 2, done. I am happy to find the link to Random Curiosity again, which was a blog review site that I used to read but couldn't remember the name of. It says exactly what I'm thinking, that the OVA is what I wanted the 2nd season to be. SADFACE. It's only 4 episodes. From 26 to 12 to 4. Sigh...
( cutting for length and more discussion and spoilers although I'm sure the 5 active people on my flist aren't going to watch this showCollapse )
GODDAMN what am I going to do after this? There won't be any more of him. Falling in love is so hard. With every beginning, there's an end. I still have a lot of trouble coping with that.
Ep 2, done. I am happy to find the link to Random Curiosity again, which was a blog review site that I used to read but couldn't remember the name of. It says exactly what I'm thinking, that the OVA is what I wanted the 2nd season to be. SADFACE. It's only 4 episodes. From 26 to 12 to 4. Sigh...
( cutting for length and more discussion and spoilers although I'm sure the 5 active people on my flist aren't going to watch this showCollapse )
I kind of feel like throwing up? That wasn't the ending I wanted! What the hell. Ugh...I feel like I want it to have not happened at all. The first season was wonderful and beautiful. The ending, I mean. What kind of ending is this?? I literally feel hot and physically affected! If I was completely objective and judging it as a critic maybe then it could be called a great ending, but seeing Hei and what they did to Yin, how they completely changed her from the first season. GAH.
/wiki
And no plans for a third season.
This is like, I don't know even know! If I was less sentimental would I appreciate it? Maybe that's the only way for Misaki to find happiness. But I feel like...I mean, WHAT.
Maybe I'll just pretend that the second season was all a bad dream. But I also want to watch it again? But I also really don't?
All I wanted to see was Hei achieve happiness. Is this adult happiness, that ending? Fulfilling his responsibilities... I don't even understand what the hell Yin was trying to do! They completely changed her. Why not just use a different character? Well I guess because then Hei wouldn't have a reason to be tied to her but GEEZ. My dedication is to the characters, but the writers were dedicated to telling a story.
Maybe if I was more mature I would understand this ending as a good one. But all I can think of is the unhappy acts that Hei had to do!
/watches it again
HHNNGGG. Misaki saying 'this isn't the end, it's the beginning' and then no more third season is like OH COME ON. rageface. I'm sure other people don't feel the same way but I'm so unsatisfied compared to the first season! I'm going to roll around on the floor now. =_=
OH there is an OVA why wasn't that included in the files that I downloaded!11 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-
and it doesn't even go after season 2. the timeline is between the two seasons. I want to know what happened with the thing that happened in the last five minutes of the end of season 2!!!!!!!! DOWNLOAD FASTER SO I CAN BE UNSATISFIED WITH YOU, TOO.
/wiki
And no plans for a third season.
This is like, I don't know even know! If I was less sentimental would I appreciate it? Maybe that's the only way for Misaki to find happiness. But I feel like...I mean, WHAT.
Maybe I'll just pretend that the second season was all a bad dream. But I also want to watch it again? But I also really don't?
All I wanted to see was Hei achieve happiness. Is this adult happiness, that ending? Fulfilling his responsibilities... I don't even understand what the hell Yin was trying to do! They completely changed her. Why not just use a different character? Well I guess because then Hei wouldn't have a reason to be tied to her but GEEZ. My dedication is to the characters, but the writers were dedicated to telling a story.
Maybe if I was more mature I would understand this ending as a good one. But all I can think of is the unhappy acts that Hei had to do!
/watches it again
HHNNGGG. Misaki saying 'this isn't the end, it's the beginning' and then no more third season is like OH COME ON. rageface. I'm sure other people don't feel the same way but I'm so unsatisfied compared to the first season! I'm going to roll around on the floor now. =_=
OH there is an OVA why wasn't that included in the files that I downloaded!11 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-
and it doesn't even go after season 2. the timeline is between the two seasons. I want to know what happened with the thing that happened in the last five minutes of the end of season 2!!!!!!!! DOWNLOAD FASTER SO I CAN BE UNSATISFIED WITH YOU, TOO.
STOP THE PRESSES I can't believe they showed that!! I thought they never would since it wasn't in the first season!! Wow, I'm surprised and elated, ehehe. There's only a few episodes left. I was thinking it was probably a good thing that there were less episodes this time, but now I don't. PLOT TWIST. I did catch the hint in the earlier episode but yeah, cool. I like that Misaki still has her blue car.
:D
aaah two more to go. This episode!! Cryyyying. Are there any other shows as good as this one? I always feel really fortunate when I find a series that I really enjoy. Heeeiiiii, Misakiiiiii.
:D
aaah two more to go. This episode!! Cryyyying. Are there any other shows as good as this one? I always feel really fortunate when I find a series that I really enjoy. Heeeiiiii, Misakiiiiii.
Comments
There's always drama surrounding adaptations. Most of the time I stay out of fandom, too. It's worth watching the anime in the least.