0x

0x @ 2011-09-03T04:32:00

2011-09-03T08:32:38Z

I've been feeling this way for a long damn time. But after reading http://turnaway.comicgenesis.com/ and http://ikuzeaibou.livejournal.com/tag/longfic%3A%20reach%20out

I don't want to be Adachi anymore. Goddamn those two are beautiful stories. Love is painful and it has hurt me so much, and yes, it's been my fault. I've given up. Seeing Yosuke not giving up is incredible. It's inspiring and ... Always I've played RPGs and scoffed at the unbreakable friendships, because mine have always fallen apart.

Do I want to live that way? It's misery and it's selfish. I want to give like Yosuke gives. This pairing didn't mean anything to me until now, but I'm certainly going to read this again.

Geez, I don't even have an icon of either Souji or Yosuke on this account. And Yu is a stupid name! Screw you, re-naming the character for the anime. I can't fathom why they didn't keep Seta Souji seeing as everyone calls him that.

Yosuke was knocked down again and again...but he kept getting up. I've been hit hard. There were so many nights when I was in terrible pain because of how badly I wanted to be with someone, but was rejected.

I'll be rejected again, and I'll be in pain again. But I'm in pain now - in this state of having given up. There has to be something more that I can do. I don't know where to start. I don't have a Souji to chase after. But I can't stand this stagnation anymore.

0x @ 2011-08-15T13:07:00

2011-08-15T17:08:00Z

I got the FanExpo booklet in the mail today. Slight kick in the teeth since I can't attend this year for the first time in like, 10 years. Don't have the money. Sure, I could fly there but I can't afford that, and a hotel, and admission, and food, and everything I would want to buy. YEP just keep looking at my bank statements.

0x @ 2011-08-12T17:41:00

2011-08-12T21:41:37Z

I've been back from Mississauga for a few days but I didn't feel like writing anything. The tumor is out of me. There's a noticeable difference in the size of my abdomen. The thing was as large as a basketball. They'd scheduled 12 hours of OR time but they only needed half of that. The scar is healing really well, according to all the professionals who've looked at it. The staples were taken out the other day. It still hurts every day but now all that's left is to allow my body to heal itself.

Sometimes I think I'm incredibly unlucky to have this happen, and other times I want to cry with how lucky I am that it didn't kill me and that I have my parents, who love me more than I was capable of understanding before this happened.

Today I've been watching No.6 and reading the translation of the novel it's based on. I agree that it shouldn't be put in the BL/yaoi category. It's a sci-fi/alt-future/distopia story that happens to have two main characters with strong feelings for each other who are both male. Nezumi is fairly different in the novel than the anime; they push his soft side in the anime and his hard side in the novel. There's a lot more of the city as a character in the novel, too, whereas the anime focuses on the bee mystery. I'm really interested in seeing if Nezumi or Sefu die, since the foreshadowing during the Ophelia scene seems to indicate one or both of them aren't going to make it. I don't mind Sefu as a character, but her attitude is still wrapped in No.6's brainwashing. Comparing her to Nezumi, who lifts Shion and dances a waltz with him, it's like she has no chance at all. But maybe that will change! Even hearing Shion say "you're the one person I couldn't live without" to Nezumi doesn't necessarily mean that Nezumi won't be killed and Shion ends up making lots of babies with Sefu after they take down No.6.

0x @ 2011-05-29T12:15:00

2011-05-29T16:15:27Z

Fuck, even Neko Ramen was published by Tokyopop. The two volumes of Darker Than Black that I just bought earlier this month was from Yen Press, so YEAH there are still other publishers but GODDAMN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HELL BISCUITS. This is awful and upsetting. The company didn't have to fold; Levy could have made better financial decisions instead of being all over the goddamn place with different projects. I never was active in the social aspects of the Tokyopop website but I always thought there was a lot of activity there. AAUIUUHGGGG All I want to do is tear my hair out.

I walked past an open box and saw the manga that I bought the last time I was at a convention. One was from Blu, and it was one that I really loved. Calling. Two were from Yen Press and one was from Deux.

Since I live in Sault Ste Marie now I wasn't going to pay the plane ticket and hotel so I could attend FanExpo. I've done that every year for so long...and it really hurt to think I couldn't do it anymore. But this year, I'm barely able to walk a block or two without feeling very sore. I want to go. I want to go to FanExpo but even if I get there, it's a lot of walking. I couldn't make it. And I don't know when my next surgery is, so I probably wouldn't even be recovered fully. AND I haven't had a job in nearly a year. I stopped working at the end of July, didn't I?

I should have DONE STUFF when I first moved here. But I have to recognize that I was depressed. I never wanted to move here.

Just as I was ready to get things going in my life, I got sick.

This whole year has been terrible... Darker Than Black really inspires me to get moving and see the world as a place where there are always influences on your life that can't be avoided, but you still have choices. I want to choose to support the publishing industry, I want to choose to be more active in fandom because I really, really would like some people to talk to. I wanted to go back to school just to make friends in this city. Nothing will happen unless I make it happen.

0x @ 2011-05-29T10:41:00

2011-05-29T14:41:06Z

Wow... I'm reading ANN and find out that Tokyopop is closing down. So this is the result of everyone reading manga for free online from scanlators. I feel awful about it. The first manga I ever bought was Sailor Moon, back when Tokyopop was called Mixx. Ugghh this means that all those amazing Blu titles will also not be published... SIGHING FOREVER. I haven't read manga for a while and I'm vastly behind but knowing there won't be any more of these books like the Junjo Romantica that I bought despite thinking I could read it online...

Is the reason really Borders closing and not being able to pay a debt to Tokyopop?

This is so awful... Even this icon, it's from Chibi Vampire, which was published by Tokyopop. I read it in the library after watching the anime.

I feel like such a huge part of my life and interest in the world has been stopped. I know there are other publishing companies but I've bought so many Blu books.

The best eulogy that I've read so far is this. The final comment that Tokyopop is dead but the creative spirit of interested people lives on is true. There are still people who want to write and make comics. I really hope that the publishing industry gets out of this dive downward in the near future.

All these things that I love fade away and I don't know how to cope with it.

0x @ 2011-05-29T09:10:00

2011-05-29T13:10:22Z

It hurts to move, so I overdid it yesterday. Better take it easy.

If the prophecy was that something terrible was going to happen when Izanami and Izanagi meet, Hei didn't save the world. A 3rd gate opened. Nevermind the boy-Yin, the prophecy came true in the disaster part. The OVA was an explanation of how they feel about each other. Yin has to be alive. Maybe it really was a happy ending. Hei chose to live quietly with Yin, achieving the paradise of no longer being used as killing tool like EPR wanted.

It would've been really better to show them walking hand in hand................

The sadness of the ending really stands out to me in that Suou-the-contractor died. Sure, the happy child version of her gets to live on the cloned planet, but the girl who felt confused and jealous over Hei calling her name and felt the pain of shooting those cranes... She's dead. Of course it's better that she live happily without having suffered the other memories, but she doesn't remember Shion, either.

What a painful show! I can't help but like something with a strong impact but the sadness of the 2nd season was more bitter and less sweet. Directly...maybe I should look at it as 'darker than black is always bittersweet, so they must have Yin and Hei living together at the end as the offset to all that bitterness of being apart'.

STILL CRYING -

Ooh there's another manga too, one more thing to look at. It takes place in the first season, though.

0x @ 2011-05-29T02:02:00

2011-05-29T06:02:21Z

I watched the end of s02 again noticed that Hei was touching Yin's real body, not her white/black spirit form. The "Goodbye!" message on the sketch at the end was really affecting... That's it for Darker Than Black. I'm still going to think about it, though. Should I just believe whatever I want to believe? Misaki saying she didn't hear of Hei after that makes a happy ending plausible. I liked how in the OVA the dog-woman asked what Hei was expecting...a peaceful life? It's a desire that is inside him, so maybe after all that he really is alive somewhere and won't lose any more important people. It would make sense for his star's brightness to signify the return of his powers. The light between the two of them... Doesn't it make sense that Hei separated Yin and Izanami, placing Yin in her body and Izanami in the boy-Yin that was a copy made by Shion?

Of course I don't like it when an ending isn't spelled out because I don't know if it's okay for me to believe this.

Still, Darker Than Black makes me appreciate my mundane life. It has never stopped doing that, weird 2nd season or not. My life isn't so mundane since I got sick, but like Suou said, it's easier to give birth than being anxious about it. Who knows about the future? I cry fairly often about not being married, but I want to change this attitude of not-having to holding the things that I do have. They won't last forever.

0x @ 2011-05-28T22:58:00

2011-05-29T02:58:27Z

OKAY the first episode of the OVA is making me feel better since it's Hei as he was in the first season. Watching Yin evolve does explain the ending a bit more. 'white darkness' is a good way to put it. Seeing the Li personality again was really nice. *_* I didn't realize how much I liked it? I know it's a facade to work with normal people in society without looking like a psychopath, but somehow I think of it as part of Hei, too. Like something he could have been if the Gates had never come to exist.

GODDAMN what am I going to do after this? There won't be any more of him. Falling in love is so hard. With every beginning, there's an end. I still have a lot of trouble coping with that.

Ep 2, done. I am happy to find the link to Random Curiosity again, which was a blog review site that I used to read but couldn't remember the name of. It says exactly what I'm thinking, that the OVA is what I wanted the 2nd season to be. SADFACE. It's only 4 episodes. From 26 to 12 to 4. Sigh...

Ep. 3 done! Hei, Hei, Hei. So conflicted. This doesn't make me feel any better about the actual ending of season 2. It's strange to think about what would have happened if choice B or C had been made instead of what happens. I really, really don't get why they made season 2 so weird. I guess I'm liking the OVA more since the focus is entirely on Hei and Yin instead of Suou and Misaki and everything else. Character driven instead of plot driven. These OVA came with the DVD of season 1, which was in 2010, so if they were thinking of a third season then wouldn't they have mentioned it? Ugh. It's so frustrating that the last five minutes of season 2 left so many things that could be worked with and developed, but weren't. Misaki saying "I haven't seen him but I'm sure he's still alive." would be a great reason to move the story away from her and the new organization and just follow what Hei is doing...

BUT YOU KNOW I'm still not sure if he killed Yin or not. The image of him walking with her body could just be Misaki's interpretation. It's not like he was in a particular place besides a starry sky. There's a big white glow when he faces her, not a knife and blood. I was thinking he used Pai's power and fused with her, again going with Option C. But maybe the boy at the end is a copy of Yin.

BACK TO EPISODE 3 - That was sad! Surprising and painful for Hei to experience. Am I some kind of sadist, watching this character that I love getting hurt all the time??

Episode 4 is downloading so sloowwwllllyyyy. The main writer of Random Curiosity retired in March 2010. Sometimes it doesn't feel like 2011. I forget that time has really passed. That while I do nothing, other people are getting their degree and finding they don't have time to blog anime anymore.

All I can think of is Hei's smile when Yin told him 'it's alright to kill me now'. The meaning I can accept is that he is smiling because he wouldn't do that. He's killed many people, but Yin is so close to his heart. I have to think that he somehow worked a third option. With the boy-Yin taking those CIA guys out, it makes me think that Izanami is there. The body that Hei was carrying...was it really empty or could he return Yin? They were inside The Gate, and the whole idea is that anything can happen there. AUGH I DON'T KNOW - oh it finished downloading.

OKAY so here goes. The last episode of Darker Than Black. It's past midnight and I've been watching this show since I woke up today. What am I going to do tomorrow? Hei, Hei... Are you alive? What are you feeling? I want to know what you feel, Hei.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

Yin. ;-; Wwwwaaa... That did answer a bit about what happened, but of course I was wondering that at the beginning of season 2, not at the end! Hnnnnggggg seeing Hei turn into the drunk again was painful, since I so enjoyed seeing him get out of it in ep.0209.

I'll probably have to watch season 2 again just to understand it... Maybe I'll just read the Random Curiosity reviews to save time. It would be nice if there was a third season. Hei... Why does every woman in your life get taken away?

It's a fantastic story that is so affecting.

The review of ep.4 from RC really points it all out. This would have been a much better experience as a viewer if we could have seen all of this FIRST. I'm disappointed the most in whoever thought it was necessary to cut it down to 12 episodes. dfjkdfhg;lfdjg';aljfd.

It's 1am and I should really just go to bed...

0x @ 2011-05-28T21:06:00

2011-05-29T01:06:47Z

I kind of feel like throwing up? That wasn't the ending I wanted! What the hell. Ugh...I feel like I want it to have not happened at all. The first season was wonderful and beautiful. The ending, I mean. What kind of ending is this?? I literally feel hot and physically affected! If I was completely objective and judging it as a critic maybe then it could be called a great ending, but seeing Hei and what they did to Yin, how they completely changed her from the first season. GAH.

/wiki

And no plans for a third season.

This is like, I don't know even know! If I was less sentimental would I appreciate it? Maybe that's the only way for Misaki to find happiness. But I feel like...I mean, WHAT.

Maybe I'll just pretend that the second season was all a bad dream. But I also want to watch it again? But I also really don't?

All I wanted to see was Hei achieve happiness. Is this adult happiness, that ending? Fulfilling his responsibilities... I don't even understand what the hell Yin was trying to do! They completely changed her. Why not just use a different character? Well I guess because then Hei wouldn't have a reason to be tied to her but GEEZ. My dedication is to the characters, but the writers were dedicated to telling a story.

Maybe if I was more mature I would understand this ending as a good one. But all I can think of is the unhappy acts that Hei had to do!

/watches it again

HHNNGGG. Misaki saying 'this isn't the end, it's the beginning' and then no more third season is like OH COME ON. rageface. I'm sure other people don't feel the same way but I'm so unsatisfied compared to the first season! I'm going to roll around on the floor now. =_=

OH there is an OVA why wasn't that included in the files that I downloaded!11 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-

and it doesn't even go after season 2. the timeline is between the two seasons. I want to know what happened with the thing that happened in the last five minutes of the end of season 2!!!!!!!! DOWNLOAD FASTER SO I CAN BE UNSATISFIED WITH YOU, TOO.

0x @ 2011-05-28T20:00:00

2011-05-29T00:00:53Z

STOP THE PRESSES I can't believe they showed that!! I thought they never would since it wasn't in the first season!! Wow, I'm surprised and elated, ehehe. There's only a few episodes left. I was thinking it was probably a good thing that there were less episodes this time, but now I don't. PLOT TWIST. I did catch the hint in the earlier episode but yeah, cool. I like that Misaki still has her blue car.

:D

aaah two more to go. This episode!! Cryyyying. Are there any other shows as good as this one? I always feel really fortunate when I find a series that I really enjoy. Heeeiiiii, Misakiiiiii.

0x @ 2011-05-28T17:05:00

2011-05-28T21:05:25Z

Hei, what did they do to you? Five episodes down, now. There is only 12, this time. Twenty-six in the first... I don't know why they would cut it down that much. I guess they didn't need the time to explain the setting and didn't want to pony up money for a show that isn't all that popular.

It's terrible to see Hei so heartbroken. To see him slap a child and watch her have to grow up into a Contractor. This show!!!! When people think anime is for kids it really upsets me because of shows like this one. Watching a girl have her first period and not know what it is, then a few hours later say 'I'm a woman now' isn't something you see a lot on television. It's treated like a joke. There are a lot of nuances to Darker Than Black.

He's the same as Phoenix Wright, now. Seeing Wright go from that blue suit and fresh face to a hobo alcoholic really was affecting. The same to see Hei go from someone who eats an impossible amount and never touched alcohol to someone who drinks straight from the bottle in every scene. He was right, in that last line to Misaki. AAh, so painful. Is she going to see him again? I can sympathize with a woman who chases an unavailable man instead of settling, because she sees his heart and can't let it go. It's not like they're going to get married! I really don't know what kind of ending is coming.

I'm surprised that character M and N were used like that but all I can do is respect the writers for moving the story forward instead of being sentimental. I'm hugely sentimental!! Hei, Hei, I just wanted you to have a happy ending.

OKAY time to watch more. Yes I will be writing more entries like this all day ha ha ha...

0x @ 2011-05-28T15:25:00

2011-05-28T19:25:32Z

uughh I'm not liking the 2nd season... What did you guys do to Hei? And having a kid be the main character instead... I'm going to watch this as fast as possible to get the explanation for what's happened to him in the two years since the first season ended but... I should give it a better shot since I've only seen two episodes as I write this, yeah? (Hei with his hair so long and unshaven is weird...)

0x @ 2011-05-28T11:19:00

2011-05-28T15:19:43Z

I finished watching Darker Than Black. What a satisfying ending! All the questions were answered. It was painful to see Hei's emotions as everything was brought to an end. But the line that was repeated in the series, that you can get back what you've lost inside The Gate, came true for him.

I'm really curious about how the 2nd season is going to go, since characters A, B and C died. As well as Hei no longer being part of The Syndicate.

The saddest part was Hei's last line to Misaki. When I first started watching this show I didn't like her, but she really grew on me. It was really a fantastic ending, so now I'm like "how do you go on in the story after that" but thankfully I have season 2 on my laptop already so I can find out. Although it will be weird to listen to them in Japanese since I've been watching it on Netflix.

The last episode was an omake, and oh my god it was hilarious. The fangirls going DOSE COLLARBONES *_* at Hei made me laugh. It's so very accurate. I think Hei is the only man I haven't wanted to slash with anyone! LOVE BETWEEN A MAN AND AN ELEPHANT-

Did I mention that this show is very bittersweet?! That's the word I've been looking for! That's it. The show is always bittersweet. The ending showed Hei's heart. How can I love a fictional character this much??

I'm playing the last episode in Japanese now, oh my god it's so different. :( I like them in English better!!

0x @ 2011-04-23T13:21:00

2011-04-23T17:21:34Z

I'm alive! I'm at home!
The surgery was a failure. Everything is still where it was, minus 2L of fluid. Back to Toronto.

0x @ 2011-04-19T16:45:00

2011-04-19T20:46:02Z

Surgery tomorrow. I'll be back in 3-5 days.

0x @ 2011-04-11T03:48:00

2011-04-11T07:48:18Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

PERSONA 4 ANIME.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

0x @ 2011-04-05T03:41:00

2011-04-05T07:41:12Z

If there's anything else in the universe that wants to punch me in the gut this month, it can fuck right off.

0x @ 2011-04-01T19:42:00

2011-04-01T23:42:29Z

ugh this deleted my text the first time i posted it...

WHERE IS RORY

YAY RIVER SONG

0x @ 2011-03-31T23:47:00

2011-04-01T03:47:07Z

THIS IS WHY EVERY SHOW NEEDS A "CONFIDENTIAL" LIKE DOCTOR WHO. FUCK. WHAT ELSE AM I MISSING? CAPSLOCK FOR FAN RAGE.

0x @ 2011-03-31T22:46:00

2011-04-01T02:46:11Z

AAAAAAHHH I just got back from watching Frankenstein, the new play, on a movie screen. How awesome is that??

It was good! Not mind blowing but really good. Obviously the only reason I was excited about this was BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH~~. I'm really glad they showed the version with him as Victor instead of him as the creature.

In my excitement at catching the last showing, I forgot that this is a horror story and I don't like horror. So I was genuinely aghast at some of the things done by both the creature and by Victor. Also, was it really necessary to show the bride's tits the whole time she was on stage? I guess Victor wanted to look at them? :|

Of course a lot has been said about Frankenstein, but I'm still say that what really hurts about the story was that every tragedy was avoidable. Everyone had a part to play. What if the old man hadn't forced the creature to meet other people? What if the graverobbers had refused to get corpses for Victor? What if Elizabeth had refused to marry Victor after he left her for science again?

I wish the Unexpected Steampunk Train had been on stage for more than a minute. XD

My rating is 4/5. It was good but some stuff, like five full minutes+ of watching the creature learn how to stand up at the beginning, was really boring. There could have been more...shouting? I'm so used to everyone EMOTING that watching Victor not fully express the WHAT HAVE I DONE of it was a bit weird.

Also I really, really hate watching people spit or drool so that takes some pointage away. Yeesh. But otherwise it was well done!! The scene in the Scotland lab was fantastic, as well as Victor explaining things to Elizabeth and then watching the creature do the same a minute later from his point of view. It's so weird to watch a story where nobody is the hero. It's just two villains. Different but good!

0x @ 2011-03-31T03:34:00

2011-03-31T07:34:21Z

0x @ 2011-03-30T04:58:00

2011-03-30T08:58:12Z

HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT

0x @ 2011-03-27T23:59:00

2011-03-28T04:00:02Z

Why do my oranges never look like this??

Janelle Monae is a fantastic singer.

Writer's Block: School days

2011-03-28T03:02:49Z

This is an interesting, complicated question which touches each person's experience as an individual. My answer is yes. A definitive yes, not 'maybe' or 'only if'.

My parents taught me nothing about sex. The only information I had came from the education I was given in a Catholic school. They told me what birth control was, and even more importantly, where to get it. They didn't treat me like a freak for having urges when I was a teenager. When I had a boyfriend, I told my mother very obviously that I wanted to have sex with him. She just told me not to. If it hadn't been for the things I'd learned at school...

Sex is part of life, even at an early age. Most boys start to masturbate when they're really young, and I've heard some find a way to lose their virginity as young as thirteen. Pretending this isn't true or closing your eyes to a kid's questions is negligent, irresponsible and harmful.

Also, I think it's hilarious that the title of this question is "School days" when that's the name of an anime in which a boy plays with the hearts of two girls and ends with one of them murdering the other two because of sex.

0x @ 2011-03-27T05:01:00

2011-03-27T09:01:14Z

Geez, why is the Spring 2011 anime line-up so full of garbage? I'm sick of all this moe CP. "Which of these underage girls will you fap to? /pantyshot". More than half the trailers were like that! Feh. =_=

Interested:
Abnormal
C
Showa
Steins;Gate
Sket Dance
Tiger & Bunny (for the lols??)
TWOGK (season 2 yay the trailer was awful so I'm glad I already know what it's like)
Lotte (panty garbage but with POINTY EARS I can't resist)

Also, what is with skull hairpins in three different shows? Trendy!

I could be horribly misjudging these shows but it's hard to get excited (see what I did there) when the first three seconds of a trailer includes a view of a middle-school age girl's underwear. ANYWAY Let's hope something on my list is good.