Huh, Part 2
So I've been going back and looking at the posts I made years ago.

I was a sick, sad bastard, wasn't I?

Glad that's all over with now. :D

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Huh.
Fish.

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Like an angel's song, I flow from the clouds of freedom.
It's been about a year since I last posted.

I should write more.

So, for an update in my life, I've made a few personal discoveries and have achieved a few goals that I am proud of.

First and foremost is that I have successfully moved out of my mother's home. I am now living in an apartment and I am extraordinarily happy. My apartment is amazing and affordable. I have a wonderful pair of roommate sand I am pleased with the overall decor of the place.

Secondly is that I have come to a firm and final realization. Perhaps I can pass it on to at least one of you, for it has changed my life forever.

It can be summed up in three words: I am happy. My happiness is not a byproduct of my freedom from my parents, nor is it caused by my friends, or even a girlfriend. Indeed, I have learned something of that, too, that I will share with you. The source of my happiness is me. I am my own destiny. I did not glean this knowledge from a motivational speaker or some self-help book. I came to this realization on my own. I have nothing to complain about. My life is amazing. I am astonished by how much easier life has become because of this realization. Your happiness an the lack thereof is not because of your situation or your surroundings, it is because of who and what you choose to be. Happiness is a choice. Sitting there and wishing for happiness will gather only depression over something you think you cannot have. The only one holding thy back, the only one who can truly stop you from attaining everything you want in life is yourself. Remember this. It may take some time to sink in, or you may need to realize it on your own.

Furthermore, I've realized that the old desire to find a mate, someone I can-no, that's not right...-MUST share my life with is gone. I still have my normal desire for women, but I no longer feel the oppressive urge to act like a total fool in front of them. I have become more calm, and I speak as if I were not myself. It is a liberating feeling, this feeling of "I don't care." I've realized that the premise behind the old high-school philosophy of "If you're gonna be anybody, you have to have a girlfriend all of the time! And she's gotta be good!" is so unbelievably juvenile that it's not worth my time. Maybe I will find someone to settle down with. Maybe I won't. I'm not nearly as concerned with it anymore. I could care less if I die alone. I'll still be happy and proud of my life, because I'll know that I made the right choices for ME, not anyone else.

Finally, I'm happy to say that I've forgiven Esther for all the happened. It's not worth the pain and turmoil it causes my mind. I've put it to rest, once and for all.

I'm rather proud of myself. For the first time in years, I am at peace with myself.

It's a wonderful feeling. I would suggest trying it.

Cheers!

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Dinner
So, we've divided up the week into days where each of us cooks a meal. Tonight was my night.

I cooked lamb chops.

I spent a bundle of money on food, and spent six and a half hours cooking the food.

I told everyone that dinner would be at six thirty.

Not only was nearly everyone an hour late for dinner, having left the house at four, but after serving everyone, my fat-ass step-father has the balls to ask if what I had prepared(Six orange-glazed lamb chops, honey-glazed carrots, and stuffing) was all that there was to be had. Apparently it was not enough.

He compared it to the huge stacks of lamb he made in the summer, when he was shopping on my mother's money. I don't rake in over a hundred thousand a year. I spent $20 and bought everything they had.

I'm still not sure how I managed not to tell him to shut his fat face and eat what I'd spent half the day on.

I could have done anything today.

I chose to cook.

Nice to see there's some fucking gratitude out there.

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The finality of finals!
Well, finals are next week. I'm busily studying away in hopes of getting the elusive A. After that, it's off to Virginia in August! Weee!

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From the horizon, dawn breaks.
All that matters is the Resistance.

Can you feel it?

Does it boil in your very blood?

Does it consume you with mindless rage?

Does it fill you with an agony that is beyond physical description?

I see it.

I feel it.

It is coming.

You will not enjoy it.

I laugh at your misfortune.

I pity your lack of vision.

I hate your ignorance.

I love your innocence.

I loathe your misguided passions.

It is almost time.

I will see you soon.

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What's gone on lately.
As some of you may know, a few weeks ago my uncle was in a horriffic car crash.

To define horriffic, he wrapped his car around a tree, and himself around the inside of his car. He has two broken legs, a cracked pelvis, four broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, a punctured diaphragm, vomit in his lungs, a cracked skull, blood in the brain, and extensive brain stem damage.

Things have been improving for the last couple of weeks. He's been responding to pain, touch, and voice via increased respiration. He's come out of the damage-induced coma and has been sedated ever since. They decided to do an EEG.

The lights are on, but nobody's home in there.

The doctors have advised that he be taken off the respirator, and to let nature take its course. My father's family refuses to do this.

So yeah. That's what's going on.

Oh yeah, we bought a house in Virginia.

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Let there be MOVEMENT!
Okay.

I said Scotland, and it turns out that I was, in fact, full of shit.

However, in two months(!) I will be moving to Virginia, more specifically, Virginia Beach.

This will interrupt my ability to go to Anime Central, at least for this year.

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I cry freedom.
Ahhhh, freedom.

Freedom from work.

Freedom from stress.

Freedom to do whatever the fuck it is I want.

Shame it's almost over.

For this entire week, I've been on vacation. Have I accomplished anything? Well...not really.

I got some laundry done. About half of it all. I still need to do my whites. I still need to finish rearranging my gaming system setup. I think I may need to build some shelving. Huh. I wish I'd thought of that three days ago. Alas, I was vegetating mindlessly. Floating across a sea of boredom on a ship named Meloncholy. Ahh, but by the grace of God I go forth, I AM NOT MAKING ANY SENSE ANY MORE HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?

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Holy crap. Valerie's getting married. Holy crap.

And I'm considering a move to Scotland.

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Okay, Con Report
Okay. I'm under control. Really.

Well, con report.

Thursday, we went to the Shedd Aquarium and got hungry. We hunted down a Chinese place and ate(EIGHTY-FOUR DOLLARS HOLY HOPPING CHRIST!). After this, we debated getting in line for registration, but after Tabyk called and said that the line was a two-hour wait and growing, I announced that I sure as hell wasn't going, and everyone else seemed to concur. We went to bed.

(At some point between Thursday and Friday, odin and Onigiri got into town, and came over to the Doubletree. Since they didn't know what room we were in, they had the receptionist call the room for him. When the phone rang, I lunged for it, picked it up, and went to say hello. However, the word, "Hello" wouldn't come out of my mouth for some reason, so I said the next thing on my mind.

"Room service!"

Odin was highly surprised to be reaching room service, as the RECEPTIONIST had DIALED the number. He replied, "Oh, er, I seem to have the wrong number." The receptionists was giving him a funny look at this, and in the room, people were either staring at me or laughing. I was making a valiant effort not to explode as I said, "No Dan, it's me." to which he replied, "Wha? Oh, hey Yuth." Then he laughed, and Onigiri laughed, and the receptionist laughed, and so did everyone else. It was funny. It was. Text kills the funny.)

Friday! Registration. Serena and I went and got in line for Prereg, which was super-duper fast. We laughed for a bit at the others who had to wait in line. Then I went home. No, really, I went home. I had forgotten my medications, so I went home and got them. Then I came back. Then we hit the DEALER'S ROOM. I blew through $300 in about thirty minutes. Less, really. I went back to the room, unloaded, and went wandering, making infrequent trips to the Artist's Alley and the Dealer's Room. I was looking for Esther's sister, Sarah, in the Artist's Alley, because I had commissioned some pictures from her. Alas, I found her not throughout the whole of the weekend. Friday night, Odin and Onigiri dragged me to a bar in Chicago, which had great food and even better beer. I got drunk off of a pint of the stuff, and I couldn't stand right for an hour. They laughed at me. The bathroom felt like it was on a ship at high seas.

Saturday consisted of me blowing another $250 at the Dealer's Room and futzing around with Onigiri as we waited for the Masquerade. We also went to a panel about RPGs. Everything BUT Final Fantasy. It was awesome, and the moderator was a redhead and HOT. I'll post pics sometime next week. After this, we went to the Masquerade, and hung out with Sailor Bubba while we watched the line trickle into the theater. Despite what you may think, he's not a bad guy. He and I talked about getting on staff and the like, which I may wind up doing next year. After that, Onigiri and I wormed our way into the Masquerade. I snapped a surprise shot of a security guard, which made her look at me REALLY, REALLY HARD. The Masquerade sucked. Compared to last year's, it was shit. Also, on Saturday, I sold all of my magic cards to CyMage.

Sunday consisted of me blowing the rest of my $700 in the Dealer's Room, and getting the hell out of the hotel. Me, odin, and onigiri went BACK to chicago, bought two gallons of beer, and schlepped it home after touring the downtown area. As we did last year, we decided to try to make a giant exploding snap.

You know those little paper balls with rocks inside that went POW when you threw them on the ground when you were a kid? Yeah, that's what we were trying to make. Only instead of one little one, we wanted to dismantle four hundred of them and pour them all into a large tissue. Needless to say, we're out of our goddamn minds. After odin nearly blew a hole in his face with the first batch, I sat down at the desk and got to work. After a full 30 minutes, I was carefully pouring the rocks into our chosen storage receptacle, a thin plastic HALLS cough drop bag. I had just about gotten them all in when I heard a pop! from in the bag, had just enough time to think 'o shit' before the bag exploded six inches from my face. I was deafened in my right ear, and my head hurt. They were laughing at me.

Eventually, we got a small snap together and dropped it in the parking lot while onigiri took photos. Then I left.

All in all, it was a good weekend.

Current Mood: bouncy

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After-Con Blues
Mmmmgh. I got home a little bit ago.

I'll throw some shit up here now, and update it in the morning. Check back for an update later today. Expect this to look better than what it is now, mostly random thoughts

Shit I bought:

Cthulhu Slippers
Secret Agent Cthulhu Plushie
Ikki Tousen Vols 1 and 2
You're Under Arrest Movie
Giant Robo Custom Box Set (insert story about discount)
Some coat patches from Full Metal Achemist
Visitor Q (Given away, I refuse to watch it)
Alucard's Ring from Hellsing (Given away as a gift)
Edward Elric's pocket watch from Full Metal Alchemist (IT WORKS!)
A bunch of hentai doujinshi
Some prints from Doug Smith, as well as a mousepad. (Rowr.)
A Disgaea art book
The first DVD of the new Star Ocean EX anime
A bunch of shirts.

Also, room service, snap explosion, wandering Chicago, attempting to take photos of a pathetic Masquerade, Assaulting a securitly guard with camera, talking to Sailor Bubba, magic cards, room arrangements, porn, multitudes of asian woman, camera angst, being drunk, moping about women, attempting and failing to find a certain artist

Current Mood: whuzza?

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Cell Phone Idiocy
At this moment, my stepfather is downstairs, talking into his cell phone. It's 12:21 am, and he's shouting, SHOUTING into his cell phone and laughing. I'm tired, and about to go to bed, and my MOTHER is ASLEEP.

He's being a CELL PHONE IDIOT.

Why the HELL do people shout into their cell phones? The microphone in your phone is designed to that it can pick up your voice at normal volume just fine. Stop being a god damn retard.

Blah blah blah at full-fucking-volume. What the hell.

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WTF?
I just got done talking to my mother. She just got done repeating back some of my LJ entries to me. Someone called her and read them to her over the phone. I could not pry out of her who had called her. Let's face it, I didn't try too hard.

I was too busy laughing, and trying not to make her cry.

Okay. I know you people care about me. I do.

But you just can't call my mother and READ my BLOG to her.

I know you care, and I know I can be kinda scary sometimes. But...this is where I vent out my anger and depression. Some people scream into pillows, others cry a lot, and others beat up punching bags.

I blog. I bitch, and I yell, and I swear, and I complain, etc, etc, etc. In a way, I'm all talk. I rather like it that way. That way, I'm not all action, and that could get kinda ugly.

It's all gotta go somewhere, people. I prefer to put it all here.

I appreciate the thought. I really, really do. But next time, come talk to ME first. Please note also that I'm not mad. How could I be mad that someone cares. I am feeling mildly violated, but..."If you don't want the whole world to know something, don't put it in writing."

Seriously, though, don't call my mom. Call me. Especially if you're a hot woman. *grin*

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When bacteria attacks!
I am ill. My doctor claims that it's not the flu, and this may be true.

I am not vomiting anymore, nor do I have a fever.

What I DO have is the coughing, the sneezing, the nose running, the phlegm, etc.

I'm getting tired of it. Really tired of it. Dammit.

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Fuck you. Fuck you. FUCK YOU!
Fuck you, you fucking bastard.

I know what you want from me, and I won't give it to you this time. Not ever again. I gave you what I had, and I saw what you did with it.

You nearly fucking killed me.

I will not let you have it ever again. If you want it, you'll have to take it from my dead, broken corpse. Won't be much good to you then, asshole. I'll fight you with everything I have.

Come get some.

I will not let you win again, you useless cocksucker.

I deny you. I deny you. I FUCKING DENY YOU. YOU WANT IT, COME AND GET IT!

I'm waiting for you, and I know you'll come. You'll come because you're an evil, bottom-feeding, life-stealing bastard. You'll come because you want what I have. You'll come because you can't help yourself.

I'm waiting.

Current Mood: enraged

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What the hell?
God dammit, why the hell do people bottle shit up, when all you want to do is help them?

Why the hell are humans so damn weird?

Why do people say one thing, then turn back and deny they said it to the same damn person?

Why the hell does this keep happening to ME?

I'm so tired of feeling out of place. Like a puzzle piece from the wrong box. Like I don't, can't, and won't fit in. I feel like I was destined for something, and then I was switched with someone else at birth. I feel like I don't belong here. This whole life seems to be doing its best to repulse me from it.

What the hell is the fucking point?



...fuck it.

I'm too tired to deal with it, and I don't want to think about it anymore.

Madness. Sheer, wild, unadulterated, unchecked, unmanageable, bat-fucking madness.

Current Mood: confused

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AAAAHAHAHAHA!

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

You are a four-sided die, a d4. Otherwise known as a tetrahedron, a "Caltrop", or (to a lesser degree) "Ol' Pointy". This crap bores you, so I'll get to the point. Others tend to see you as petty, conniving, manipulative, argumentative, defensive, greedy, and needlessly antagonistic. You see yourself as focused, effective, efficient, influencing, shrewd, tactical, and direct. Both points of view are in fact correct. You always know the best way to get things done, a fact that never wins sympathy with others. Whenever you manage to gain control of a situation, your solutions are swift and brutal. Unfortunately everyone else is convinced that granting you such power is, "a bad thing" and often conspire to keep it out of your hands. Such short-sighted fools!

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NO RITALIN HUALALRGHAL
No ritalin today! WOOOOOOOOOH! SOOOOOO HAPPY!

Back on it tomorrow though! WOOOOOOOOOH!

Okay. Calming down! Wooh. ADHD is fun. For a while. Then it's annoying as fuck. Not to say that fucking is annoying. It not. Really. Well, as long as you WANT to do it. If you're roped into it, I suppose it could be annoying. I suppose. COCOA PUFFS! I DIGRESS!

Um. Yeah. My day was as follows:

1. Talked to Cherri some, got happy.
2. Finished a download, got satisfied.
3. Went to work, remained happy in spite of all opposition.
4. Laughed at the moron with two blown out tires, who had obviously been driving on them for a while. HE WAS DRIVING ON HIS RIMS, PEOPLE. WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS DRIVES ON HIS FUCKING RIMS!? I laughed.
5. Came home, got some more happy.
6. Got made some dinner, very yum.
7. Wrote this entry.

There you go, people. Enjoy it. Oho! Teh people who live here are arguing! o_o

Yeah.

Current Mood: giddy

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Diet Day 1
Well...I've started my diet, officially. No more fried food, fast food, or...chocolate. God help me. I want to eat M&M's. Lots of them.

In other news, my printer is fried. My computer recognizes that it's there, and the printer turns on. However, the printer and the computer refuse to communicate, and the drivers are up to date. So...what the hell?

I need more superglue. I'm out.

It's too damn cold outside.

Katamari Damaci is addictive.

I can't talk to women. OKAY, this is my REAL problem here. Put me face to face with a beautiful woman, and I fall to pieces. Over the internet, I'm fine. Face to face, I either gibber aimlessly or flap my mouth silently like a fish. Christ. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean, compare me to my little brother, who, at one point, was dating every single girl in the seventh grade AT THE SAME TIME, to myself, who could barely do more than look at the girls in his class at the time. God DAMMIT. Where did I go wrong?

Current Mood: frustrated

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