xfamicomx

11:57 pm: sorry for being such a drama queen. I need to write songs, and I don't even know why. I have enough things to release and finish and promote. I want to play in your town. hook me up, and I'll love you forever... but you can't have my v-card.

07:19 pm: I hope I fucking die
<3

don't expect to ever see me again

02:10 am: thank you kelsey and brandon. you are amazing friends

02:35 pm: I like people who leave me comments, saying that I'm a whiney bitch when I always tell people that I'm the luckiest boy in the world. I don't deserve all of the love, friends, and attention that I get. I don't deserve any of it, and really the only thing I want to do is be able to express my love back to people and give some of it back... if I can't do that, then I'm probably kinda worthless. ya know? thanks for not knowing or understanding me, but pretending you do. I don't even try to act like I do.

right now I'm at the sherlock house in decatur, trying not to get sweaty already, after embarking on shower-world. somebody should give me a ride to kroger. my stomach is telling me to eat, which is rare.

02:34 pm: it is summer in central illinois, and love is in the air. so far this has been/will be the best summer ever.

02:10 pm: laugh it off, smiling the whole way
though can see the doubt in your face
How could you ever be so unsure
of something so positive, so beautiful
I beg of you, don't doubt yourself
I see more in you than i can tell

I've missed you so, but we've made plans
Someday, we'll start our grindcore band
Everything you wish for has to come true
Nobody deserves it more than you
I've felt something so big, within your heart
That I feel it when we're so far apart

Brother Dear, I pray that you'll understand
Everything about you that I can
Promise me tonight, you'll never change
Even if caring so much brings you pain
It's worth it, because I see more
In you than anyone I've known before

Plant your dreams, and let them grow
Into something bigger than we've ever known
Plant your love in everyone
And with some time and rain and sun
Someday a rainbow for us, will fall
From the sky, we'll climb, we'll climb, and crawl
To the top, and see our names
draping across the brilliant shades
This world doesn't have to hold us down
everybody will live in the same town
and it will be ours

05:27 pm: the new matty pop chart album
is one of the most lyrically moving things I've ever heard in my life...

oh we're going to laugh, yes we're going to laugh about
the things that no one else knows
the jokes that aren't even told
we'll wake up in the morning
I'll tell you about the dream I had
there was a really heavy bird
that rolled around and couldn't fly
maybe we'll eat cereal, but in your bowl I'll pour in water
and you will pin me to the ground
I'll fight back, we'll roll around
your belly moves me up and down
belly moves me up and down
laughing as you're laying down
laughing as we roll around

the thing about me loving you
is that I just can't seem to stop

it's been kind of hard; sometimes it's kind of hard
the things I want to say are often
muddled by a cloudy haze
and it comes out all wrong. can only get it right in song
we've made each other cry a hundred times
what can that mean
but that we really are in love?
I think we really are in love
how else could we be so affected
with every move we are connected
and even though we cry, at least we know we are alive
we are alive, we laugh, we cry
that's how it goes, no wonder why

the thing about my loving you
is that I just can't seem to stop
I just don't want to stop
I hope that we never stop

02:01 am: my pockets are lonely
bad habits need company. I will no longer surround myself with so much negativity. As a "christian" I need to start setting myself apart from the majority of people. I'm not saying that anyone's bad, but I know a lot of non-christians who are better people than christians that I know. I don't see why anybody would want to have a relationship with God, if they don't see it making a difference in anyone's life. I need to put all of the love in my heart, into something positive. I need to be more open and upfront with people.

I made it to sfield tonight and saw the lori ann crew (merch girls and all). It was really really nice to see all of those faces again. I love choco bob, chase, cj, christy, scotty, katie, and jarod for real. katie gave me my b-day present early, and it's the most amazing thing anyone's ever given me. she drew me a story book/b-day card, which I will keep forever. I don't know how I can possibly depressed, when I think about that. I love to hardcore dance so much, and I really felt like tonight, there was nothing to be ashamed of. No part of me, no secrets, no baggage... just PJ Famicom.

I miss you a lot, and I pray that you're still the same person that I used to know. My pockets are lonely.

02:47 am: Dreams are for people who like to be sad
How dare you let me feel a little good about myself
flaunting your "perfection" as I'm compared to someone else
I could never offer as much as he can
so don't look... cause you might see just how pathetic I am

How dare you let me know just how you truly feel?
that's right, I'm not okay, if anything is real
My bloodstained teeth can clench to say these words
but that's all they are to you, and whining to be heard

why can't you tell me what just seeing a friend means?
I should at least be worth that, if I'm worth anything
and when I play this song, you ask to leave the room
so you don't have to feel half of what I do

I'm sorry this song's about you
if someone else did it, you'd think it was sweet
and I'm sorry for caring about you
these hopeless efforts are my defeat
dreams are for people who like to be sad
and those dreams were all I had

01:55 am: 1. I want to finish school
2. I want to play super famicom
3. I want to be an elementary school teacher
4. I want to get married and be a good husband
5. I want to make babies, like woah (one named total jim)
6. I want to wake up early and make breakfast
7. I want to take my family on tour every summer
8. I want to write books
9. I want to teach sunday school and be a strong christian
10. I want to grow up for real
11. I want to do something positive
12. I want to be myself, even if I never think I'm hot
13. I want to do things right
14. I want my actions to reflect what's important to me
15. I want to hear you sing

do I want too much?