Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky (@watsoncomedian) / X

Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky

38.3K posts

Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky

@watsoncomedian

Personal messages: v.cameo.com/e/xC4wcSm9xNb YouTube channel: m.youtube.com/@watsoncomedian Also available as a human.

Touring. Google me.

markwatsonthecomedian.com

Born February 13, 1980

Joined March 2009

Pinned
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Oct 4, 2024
Hi! My memoir - largely a story of massive self-inflicted problems/partial redemption, etc - is on Kindle for 99p. I don't often push Amazon links because, you know. But with my last book, this was what took it from zero sales to minor success (THREAD)
Mortification: Eight Deaths and Life After Them
From amazon.co.uk
114K
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Oct 2, 2022
Haaland should go to the World Cup and every team is allowed to summon him once in the tournament for 30 minutes, he arrives by parachute, we’ll work on the logistics when we have this approved.
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Oct 17, 2022
Just at Tesco. There was a dispute over whether a guy had jumped the queue ahead of a woman. It escalated, the two of them yelling, security involved. The woman got her phone and said ‘I make one call, you will be killed’. Surely you’ve got to save that card for bigger stuff.
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Oct 20, 2024
This guy is called Martin. He was my German exchange partner in 1997. Twenty seven years later he’s just walked past my table, both of us on holiday. I like it when life does this sort of thing.
1.2M
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Nov 12, 2020
Overheard a mum at school: ‘I won’t get a vaccine; I think scientists mess about too much.’ Then back into her car which she presumably found growing in a field. I’m tired.
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Jul 14, 2024
Do the Spanish really need this? Already got Wimbledon today. Lovely old climate. All those cured meats and cheap good quality reds. Bars open late. Do they also need a 15 year football dynasty? Come on.
643K
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Mar 10, 2021
All these women tweeting angrily tonight about male violence are not personally attacking you; they’re talking about a massive longstanding societal issue which it is on all of us to solve. Bye!
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
May 8, 2020
Excuse me for asking: has social distancing been abandoned since 1pm or are people round where I live completely fucking nuts?
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Jun 2, 2022
Amused to see someone praise the Queen's 'commitment to the country', as if she might have come to the end of her contract and accepted a big-money offer to take over Hungary instead.
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Jun 7, 2024
Train is packed with Swifties chatting about tonight's show. Among them, a lady about 50 who doesn't know Swift's music but is going because 'I don't like to miss out on what everyone's doing'. She's in for quite a weird evening, I think.
590K
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Mar 2, 2020
I’m really fond of Americans in a lot of ways but when they committed to saying ‘I could care less’ for ‘I couldn’t care less’, it was inevitable their society would fall apart.
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Feb 20, 2023
Sorry for eavesdropping but there are two French guys chatting nearby; one of them said 'I have two brothers' and went on to family pets, and it's raised my hopes that maybe real French people do speak exclusively in the phrases you learn at GCSE level.
1M
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Dec 22, 2023
And quite rightly so, given how smoothly and reliably the whole network has run this year.
Sky News
@SkyNews
Dec 22, 2023
BREAKING: Rail fares to go up by nearly 5% next year, Department for Transport says Read more👇 news.sky.com/story/rail-far…
665K
Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky
@watsoncomedian
Mar 12, 2022
Another parental landmark as my kid tries on a pair of shoes and I press astutely on the toe area, with no real idea what I’m looking for.