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Andrew Stolbach, MD, MPH
5,545 posts
Andrew Stolbach, MD, MPH
@toxicologist12
Toxicologist. Emergency doctor. Teaching and learning about poisoning and overdose. Living in Baltimore City. @acmtmedtox Board of Directors @HopkinsMedicine
Baltimore
Joined September 2010
- Me: You don’t need to tip your head back when you have a nosebleed 10 yo daughter: My friends’s sister gets a lot of nosebleeds and she says that you should Me: I’m a doctor 10 yo: Do you specialize in nosebleeds? Me: [wtf]
- In medical school, they never teach you what to do when pizza delivery man arrives in ER waiting room with $200 of pizza ordered by a patient for an ER waiting room “pizza party.”
- When I was a medical student, another med student asked, “Why are we admitting this guy to psychiatry for hearing voices? Everyone hears voices all the time.” I think about this a lot.
- Dermatologists hate the sun. Pediatricians hate trampolines. ENTs hate Q-tips. What is the mortal enemy of other specialties?
- Patients, if your nurse: -introduces herself as your doctor -uses the word “doctor” before her name -has ID badge with MD or DO after her name -wears white coat -uses word “doctor” to describe herself one more time before leaving room She’s not your nurse. She’s your doctor.
- Replying to @toxicologist12If you have a nosebleed: 1: Pinch both nostrils together firmly (just enough to stop bleeding) 2: Keep your head neutral or slightly forward 3: Hold CONSTANTLY for 5 minutes. (No peaking) 4: It hasn’t been 5 minutes yet. 5: If that didn’t work, back to 1
- YOU CAN'T CATCH A COLD FROM GOING OUTSIDE IN THE COLD. YOU CAN'T CATCH A COLD FROM GETTING YOUR HEAD WET. YOU CAN'T CATCH A COLD FROM BEING COLD. YOU CATCH A COLD FROM A VIRUS. (Wash your hands.) Sincerely, Doctors
- I have two speeds of responding to your email: 1) Within 7 seconds 2) Never
- A graduating resident borrowed my pen on shift yesterday and didn’t return it. I’m so proud. She is ready to be an attending. I have nothing left to teach her.
- Guy at gym: Do you do keto? Me: Yes, my body makes ketones when ATP demand cannot be met by readily available carbohydrate and my NAD/NADH ratio shifts to favor production of ketone bodies. Guy at gym:
- Replying to @toxicologist12If you’re not on blood thinners, the above method almost always works. If you can’t stop it after 2 solid 5-minute tries, keep it pinched and call for medical help. (And yes, even though I’ll never convince my kids, I am an expert 😂)
- 14 yo: What is an “IV lounge?” Me: People pay for intravenous fluids 14 yo: Can’t they just drink water? Me: Yes
- Snowblower safety from your neighborhood ER doctor: NEVER try to unjam a snowblower with your hand. Even if it is turned off! The jammed blade may be under tension and have an extra turn left in it.
