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David Letterman called me on the air when I was 18.
Todd Barry
39K posts
Todd Barry
@toddbarry
YouTube: DOMESTIC SHORTHAIR Netflix: SPICY HONEY
Prime: THE CROWD WORK TOUR
Book: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO HATTIESBURG linktr.ee/toddbarry
- Ben Carson used to be my doctor. Stopped seeing him because he always shifted the conversation to housing and urban development.
- Just saw Rex Tillerson at Best Buy shopping for podcast equipment.
- Hey documentary filmmakers: you know the way you show a person's name and job when they first appear on screen? I need you to do that every time they appear on screen.
- "Enjoy" - Whole Foods cashier after ringing up my kitty litter
- Dude on my flight to Austin asked flight attendant for strawberry juice.
- My resolution for 2018 is the same one I had for 2017. Saying "you mean Whole Paycheck?" whenever anyone mentions Whole Foods.
- Chris Wallace is like a comedy club manager who shushes a bachelorette party ten times in 90 minutes but won't throw them out. #Debates2020
- Let me finish my coffee before you drop this bomb on me.Rob Kardashian adds new tattoos to arm sleeve after 'KUWTK' announcement trib.al/0JNyN1V
- "Testicles" (replacing "Jaws")
- Lyft is giving 50% off rides to the polls. Hopefully they'll believe I vote at 4am at the hottest dance club in the city.
- Keep a band's name the same by not changing the spelling. I'll go first: The Who.
