Pinned
Donald Trump always looks like he's just opened a really hot oven.
sammy morris
7,982 posts
sammy morris
@themorris23
Im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 badass kids. I like Star Wars, corn dogs, I can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's. Guns Up Baby!!
dallas/boston
Joined May 2012
- Weird to think not one single person at Dove was like, "ya know what guys, maybe we should rethink this photo..."
- I'm black but not "talk loud all through your movie" black. HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M USING SIRI TO TYPE THIS TWEET DURING YOUR STUPID MOVIE!!
- I'm black, but not, "love fried chicken and kool-aid black." Haha just kidding. That shit is delicious.
- Octopus 1-you up for tennis? Octopus 2- I cant my tennis elbows are actin up again Octo1-..we dont have elb Octo2- I DONT WANNA PLAY CARL
- To all the "cougars" out there, shame on you for not calling yourselves "Thundercats" shame. on. you.
- In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says "everyone be cool! Act normal!" Expecting that Father of the Year award any day now
- Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies."
- On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
- Ive always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this: The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.
- If youve ever wondered what its like to be a parent: just go in ur kitchen, scatter cheetos and sugar. Then yell stop, no, & dont 500 times
- Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
- I refuse to pay for more followers. I have a wife and 3 kids so I already spend money on people who dont listen to me.
- Me- (holding up panties) you should wear these sexy panties tonight (winks) Wife- umm, those are your daughters. Me- *sets hand on fire*