therapist: so whatโs troubling you?
me: my parents taught me to be so polite that now i have trouble taking up any emotional real estate
therapist: and how does that make you feel?
me: fine
true story:
my comedy career began when an acting teacher said to the class, "you should market yourself based on the first impression you give when you walk into a room. for instance, sam is short, so he should do comedy."
Allow me to translate the WHO:
"COVID fucked us. It fucked our health, and it fucked our culture. My colleagues are pressuring me to say it's over so it stops fucking our culture. But it's not, and it's still going to fuck our health. Great job, everyone."
"1221 days ago, WHO learned of a cluster of cases of pneumonia of unknown cause in Wuhan, China.
On the 30th January 2020, on the advice of an Emergency Committee convened under the International Health Regulations, I declared a public health emergency of international concern
before weighted blanket:
- gets up to pee twice
- wakes up at 8am sharp
- no dreams
after weighted blanket:
- poops bed
- hibernates through climate change
- dreams new "matrix" trilogy