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Sam Avery
34.7K posts
Sam Avery
@sam__avery
UK Tour right now!
- If you’re struggling to keep up with the news, let me summarise: 1. The world is burning 2. Our govt are crooks 3. Saudis own everything 4. There’s sewage in the water 5. The NHS has snapped 6. Brexit was shit 7. Billionaires run the world 8. Energy companies are Satan 9. Butter
- 5 things about the Huw Edwards story: 1. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 2. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 3. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 4. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 5. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps
- Dear British Gas, Fuck you. Love, everyone.
- All these rancid journalists now calling out Boris Johnson, yet who spent half the pandemic heralding what a ‘great job’ he was doing in an ‘unprecedented time’ can fuck ALL the way off. You’re not journalists. You’re glorified PR goons who spin shite into soundbites. Get in
- People talking about Russell Brand like he’s the ONLY person to ever question the establishment, big pharma, etc. Nah, mate. He’s just the one with good cheekbones who uses long words that make YOU feel intelligent. The dude’s less authentic than astroturf.
- EAMONN HOLMES: I knew about Schofield for years, glad it’s finally out. EVERYONE: Why didn’t YOU say something then? EAMONN: Erm? Shit.
- KEEP. OUR. NAME. OUT. OF. YOUR. MOUTH.
- My boys turned 3 today. In 3 years I’ve: 1. Aged a decade 2. Gained weight 3. Lost hair 4. Wrecked my back 5. Grieved for sleep 6. Vanished from society 7. Misplaced sanity 8. Watched our house become a farmyard 9. Worked bodily stains into fashion choices 10. Found true joy
