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Jennifer Espinoza
@sadqueer4life
poet / lovergirl
Los Angeles, CA
Joined February 2014
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    from I DON’T WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD - out today via @AliceJamesBooks
    This isn't a poem. I don't write poems anymore. Poems are where I used to hide parts of myself I was afraid of, so they couldn't touch me, couldn't remind me that I am not a poem but a woman, not a woman but a victim, not a victim but a hummingbird, not a hummingbird but a nest, not a nest but a window reflection of a tree catching the last gasp of this afternoon's breeze. A long time ago I decided I'd let the wind take me wherever it wanted to take me even though I am surrounded on all four sides by concrete. This is how I became a living vortex of paper and pine needles outside your door. This is how I became a poem. I beat my body against the walls long enough that they began to give. And you heard my screaming. And you screamed back. And we were together. Once we finish rescuing me, I'll have nothing to say unless it is entirely clear and perfect and inseparable from my flesh. The poem the idea the self the poem the idea the self the poem the idea the self the poem the idea…
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    might fuck around and show myself the same compassion and understanding i’d instinctively have for a good friend or loved one
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    me: i'm a very private person someone: hi me: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff
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    man: i enjoy attaching fake testicles to my big dumb truck society: cool woman: i enjoy pumpkin spice & pop music society: kill yourself
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    “i don’t know enough to have an opinion about that” is the most underrated sentence in the world
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    i used to think there was a fiona apple song for every occasion but it turns out i just have clinical depression
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    transphobes love to be like ‘you can’t transition because your life will become too difficult due to the way i am going to treat you’
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    when i stop tweeting it’s because my mental health is bad and when i start tweeting again it’s also because my mental health is bad
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    me: self-care is way more complex than people think, it takes prolonged and uncomfortable emotional self-examination, plus a willingness to challenge one’s deeply ingrained perceptions also me: i bet if i drink this glass of water i won’t be mentally ill anymore
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    them: you’re an amazing writer imposter syndrome: they’re just being polite them: your work has literally changed my life imposter syndrome: so polite of them to say that them: i even got a tattoo of a line you wrote imposter syndrome: they’re very dedicated to being polite
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    hey, wanna come over? i live right at the intersection of desperate longing for human connection and unrelenting terror at the thought of getting too close to anyone